Unbearable Weight of Leaves

by andildraco

Part 2 of Unbearable Weight of Sand Fem Naruto * Naruto arrives in Suna, but he is hardly in the clear. His heath slowly regains, but he is faced with the hard truth of his situation. Gaara in turn must adjust to his new life, with the addition of Naruto and must deal with the possibility of a new family. Set after Boruto

25. Yumi

Author's Note

Something about the beginning of this chapter feels off to me, but I can't pinpoint what. Maybe you guys have an idea? Then again, it might just all be in my head lol.

This ended up a longer scene than I anticipated, so one more chapter before I dig in to the last four chapters of Inheritants again.

I hope you enjoy! As always comments/reviews serve to inspire.

Gaara

The foul smell of old rotten blood filled my nose as I worked my way to the stairs. There was a firm grip on my upper arm and I clenched my jaw. "I'm fine."

"You don't need to do this, I can get them out myself." Kankuro's voice was dark.

"I..." I trailed off. I couldn't burden him with this. This was my own past, my own terrible memories. This house, the rooms upstairs, my burden. My reality. The proof I really had been the monster they made me out to be. More of one. My stomach twisted. This place, it always made me remember. Remember what I've done, remember what I was still capable of.

I gripped the banister of the stairs and looked up. They seemed to stretch for an eternity.

I hate stairs.

I choked on the breath I took, the offensive odor draining my other senses. I trembled. Blood. So much blood. I could almost taste it. The blood made screams and pleas echo inside my mind. Forms of vermin cowered in the corner of the guest room. 'Please, let me go, I didn't mean to-' Always the same plea. Always the same result. The grip on my arm tightened.

"Gaara." He stressed my name.

I gritted my teeth and released the sand from the place he held, pushing his hand away from me. No. I could do this. I shouldn't have hid this part of me from my son in the first place. At least, not so well. I forced myself to climb. This was different than before. My brother knew what I had been like as a child. He had seen it firsthand and feared me. He hadn't known the extent I went to, and while it was nerveracking to bring him here, he at least had an idea it was likely bad.

Shinki was a different story. The boy idolized me for some incoherent reason. Today, it would all end. Nobody could look at what was in these walls and think anything beyond the horror which lay within. How many had I killed in this place? Boys, girls, adults, ninja. I had no real concept of the number.

I breached the top of the stairs and immediately came face to face with who I was looking for, along with... A girl? Shinki was slumped down on the floor of the hall, knees up, head hung low. The girl hovered over him, and was the first to notice me. She drew out a kunai, held it up and half fell over herself when she did.

"Where... Where is he? Do you even know?" She spoke in a frenzy, and I noticed Shinki didn't even flinch at the voice.

"We are leaving." I turned towards my room and the open window. Yes, leaving immediately.

"I'm not done, you have to explain-"

I turned and glared at her, effectively cutting off her words with the look. I was not going in that room. Not if I didn't have to. "Kankuro, grab the girl, I will take Shinki."

This seemed to finally garner a reaction from him. He looked up to me then, but I encased him with my sand before he could protest. I was not going to have this conversation here. Never. Not ever. I couldn't. I didn't even want to remember this part of me. I didn't want to remember how close I had come to fulfilling my childhood desire to flood the streets of Suna with blood. A cold shiver run down my back at the memory. No, it was best not to remember this either. I ignored the muffled protests of my son and looked back to Kankuro. "Tomorrow, this ends." There was something off about this. The council knew I kept my past from Shinki, yet someone had deliberately mentioned the demolition order to him. Why hadn't I destroyed this place the moment I realized they told him? "I want you to find the person who told my son about this place and bring them to me. The one really behind it. Someone must have decided to take advantage of my situation with Kimi and her mother."

He gave a quick nod. "And the girl?"

"Keep her quiet, and bring her to the house." I turned from him and jumped.

"Wait, Gaara!"

I didn't listen, just hurried home with the struggling boy, thankful my mind was blank.

.*. .*. .*.

I sat across from Shinki in my room, arms crossed, bearing his heated glare. He hadn't spoken a word since we returned home. I wanted to say something, but I had no idea where to start. Shikamaru vacated the room with Kimi the moment he had seen I brought Shinki back via sand. Now, we were waiting for Kankuro to come back with the mystery girl who had been inside my house with my son.

I sighed. The girl might be a good place to try and start a conversation. "Who is the girl?"

He didn't respond to me, and my stomach twisted. Nothing. He didn't even react in the slightest, had he heard me? Was he ignoring me? What could I do?

My door slammed open. "What is going on? Why does Shikamaru have Kimi, and will you just answer me for once?"

I shifted my eyes to Temari. She stood in the doorway, her hand still on the handle of the door. I looked back to Shinki. I wasn't in the mood to talk to her, but I didn't know how to handle this. She was better at these things, Kankuro was better at these things. Why did I ever think I would be a capable father? "He broke into the house." I didn't want to explain. I hoped she could understand why it would be bad without a full description of what was inside.

"Into... He went into..." She gasped. "Why? Didn't that thing get sealed up?"

I looked at her fully. Her brows furrowed with her words, a slight edge formed in her words. "You know about?" I didn't want to say the rest. If she didn't, it would be incriminating to me.

She turned her eyes to Shinki and sighed. "Yeah, I know. I thought it was odd you didn't want anything, so I went to get stuff from there myself and... Well, let's just say that place is better left to rot."

I stared at her. "You... You knew about it all this time?" Even though I felt a little relieved at this, I couldn't bury the additional feeling of betrayal at the knowledge.

She gave a nod, moved over to Shinki and knelt down next to him. "Hey, you alright?"

His eyes widened with the question. "How could I be?"

I looked away from him. Even I could discern the pain in his voice.

"Damn Gaara, you couldn't fucking carry us with you, this damn girl has been a freaking hassle to carry around you know."

A muffled sound came from the pack on his back and he gave a wince as he finished up the last of the stairs and tossed the pack in the middle of the room. It gave an 'oomph' and he opened it, revealing the girl inside.

"Who is she?" Temari pointed to the girl in the middle of the room who was scrambling to her feet.

The girl looked around her and froze when she her eyes met the figure of Naruto in the bed. "This is..." She trailed off and locked her eyes on me. "You." She stressed the word.

"Hey brat, that's the Kazekage, you should speak with-"

I held up my hand and Kankuro's voice was muffled with a small sand barrier. The girl squeaked. "Let the girl speak, Kankuro. There must be a reason she accompanied Shinki in..." I frowned. "That place." I studied her. She looked quite nervous in front of me, surrounded by my family. "Leave." I looked at my son who still was glaring at me. "You as well, Shinki. There is something I would like to know about this girl."

"Should you be alone in a room with her, Lord Kazekage?"

I cringed at the stiff formality Shinki spoke the title in. What little progress I had managed to achieve with him was gone in an instant.

"Shinki." Temari stressed his name, but he never broke his glare.

"Hey, listen, maybe I should be going now." The girl trailed off and slowly backed her way to the door, but was stopped by Kankuro.

"Nope, if he wants to talk, it's better to get it over with before he gets in a mood."

I groaned. Too much, too many people, too many emotions, too many thoughts to sort out. I was going with the easiest out of them all. "Out." I pointed to the door. "Everyone out." I shifted my eyes to Temari. "Bring me my Kimiko." I narrowed my eyes at her and she stiffened.

"Yeah, sure. Be right back." She grabbed Shinki by the collar and dragged him out of the room, closely followed by Kankuro who half tossed the girl into the room enough so she couldn't escape while they filed out of my room.

The door clicked shut and I let out a breath. All I could hear was the constant beep of my wife's monitor and the more obtuse sounds the girl was making as she likely planned some sort of escape route. "Your name." I wasn't in the mood to talk, but she was inside my house. I couldn't just let her go. Here, be free, tell the world of the horrors inside so everything I worked so hard for could be forfeit. She looked around, then kept her eyes on the door. She didn't say anything in response to my question. Was she trying to protect her family? Was she from my old neighborhood? Could this have been the reason she was there with Shinki? I motioned for the chair next to Naruto's bed and set it across from me. "Sit."

She teetered on her heels, but then followed my order. She sat on the chair and shifted. Even I could tell how anxious she was. She avoided looking at me, instead she kept her eyes fixated on the door.

"If you run, you wouldn't make it."

This brought her attention to me, a look much more readable and familiar to me ghosting her features. Fear. Horror. I studied her other features instead. Thin lips, ashen hair and over all a bit plain. Yet, there was a tenacity to her which reminded me of someone. A bright determination. "You're going to kill me." Her voice was slow, steady. This wasn't a question for her, but a truthful statement.

It wasn't, I wasn't going to do anything to this girl. I had no reason to, not which I knew of anyway. "You think I am such a monster?" I tilted my head at her.

She swallowed. "Aren't you?"

I pressed my finger to my forehead and pressed on the spot between my brows. When I was sure the spot was relaxed I returned to my former posture. I crossed my arms. "Yes." I would not lie to her. I was a monster. Still am. Will always be. I was just better in control of it.

She made an odd noise and I blinked at her reaction. "Can't you at least lie about it?"

Peculiar. "You understand why you are here?" I phrased my words carefully. Maybe if I had her explain it, I myself would better understand. I brought her here on a whim. I could have tossed her into a cell and figured out later how to deal with the exposure, or waited until the demolition was complete to remove any proof of what she had seen within the walls of the place.

She shifted again then cleared her throat. "I was inside that damned house of horrors you once called home."

My eyes widened a little before I caught the reaction and froze my face back to indifference. I hummed. The girl was brazen, I would give her this much. "Your name."

"It's not important."

"Isn't it? How do you know my son?" There, I said it. The one question which was on my mind since finding the girl inside my house, hovered over him.

"Your... Shinki is your son?"

The question was asked in such a tone I knew it had to be genuine. I stared at her.

She looked back to the door. "So, you do show emotion."

I brought my hand to my face and realized my shock at her statement showed. I sighed. "Yes."

There was a soft knock on the door and it swung open. Temari stood there, a small fussing bundle in her arms. I frowned and went to her. "I think she might be hungry. Has the nurse showed you how to use formula yet?"

"Formula?" I studied Temari a moment and then remembered today was the day I would have to use a different method for feeding her. I looked back at the girl and narrowed my eyes. "You. Stay." I pushed my sister out of the room, ignoring the slew of words coming out of her and then pushed the button near Naruto's bed.

"I'm not a dog."

I ignored the girl and waited for the nurse to come up. What was her name again? I couldn't remember. I really should make a point to ask. Maybe not today, I wasn't in the mood for more conversation than I was already stuck with.

"What is the button for?"

I continued to ignore the girl, who at least was still being somewhat obedient by staying in the chair. She seemed to be close to the same age as Shinki. Could this be his girlfriend? He never mentioned having one, or even being attracted to anyone, but then I wasn't too close to him in the first place. If this girl was his girlfriend, was he so ashamed of me he never mentioned his relation to me?

There was a groan from behind me. "Fine, if I tell you my name, will you tell me about what you are holding and why you need formula, and why you pushed some random button, and you actually do have a son?"

I turned and stared at the girl. She continued to ramble on and it reminded me... "You are just like her."

This made her stop. "Just like who?"

I tilted my head to Naruto. The number one most unpredictable... Person, I have ever had the fortune of meeting. I tried to ignore the sharp pang in my chest. No longer a ninja. What would she become? I had no idea. "Name, then answers." How did I manage to get her to this point? Her curiosity would save me from having to pry further, thank goodness.

"Yumi." She leaned forward in her chair. "So... The rumor is true then?"

"Rumor?" I sat back down in my chair, softly rocking Kimiko in my arms. Kimi. I groaned. Still not over it.

"I was outside the district and heard someone talk about the Kazekage... You... Presenting a baby. Are you married? Is Shinki your real son, did-"

"Hush." I frowned at the girl. One thing at a time. Yumi? A common name. She went from being petrified to curious in a matter of seconds. What happened to cause this? Maybe I could use this to my advantage when talking to my son. My son... What do I do to in order to fix this? How could I?

"I could help. I'm the oldest, have four siblings myself, and my brother is still a baby if you need help with mixing baby formula, I can help out. You know, if-"

"I said hush." Yes, reminds me too much of Naruto. A tiny cry came from my sweet little one. "Shh..." I glanced back up to the girl and groaned. "Fine, you can help. Quietly." I froze. What if this girl was one of the ones responsible for telling Shinki about my house? What if she was after revenge for whoever she was referring to in the house? I stiffened. I wouldn't let my little one get hurt just because I was too trusting of some girl I just met. Why did she make me feel so calm? "No, I will wait." Right, she reminds me of my wife. She is not Naruto, however. Fuu did the same to me. I frowned. It was no use remembering the dead. Not now.

Her eyes widened after studying me a minute. "Wait... Are you afraid of me?" She started to laugh and I shut her up with sand.

"Quiet." I narrowed my eyes at her.

Just then the door opened and the nurse came in. "You called... Um. Who is she?" The nurse eyed the girl who was pulling at the sand gag.

"No concern to you. Formula. How do I use it."

I ignored the muffled words coming from my 'guest' as the nurse complied. She took the powder out of a container and began to mix it with water. After this, she placed it on an odd looking contraption. She explained every step, and I did try to listen, but... Kimi was fussing. I shifted her in my arms as the nurse left after confirming I heard her and I blankly stared after her as she left the room. I could feel the panic rise in my chest. Why did I just agree I had heard and understood what to do? Did she honestly think I had any hope in comprehending this process? Did she not know I was a habitual liar when it came to glossing over my social pretenses. Do you understand? Well, of course. Why wouldn't I? Not like I holed myself in my house for six years while everyone else went to school so I could slowly kill and torture random people. I was better at taunting and causing pain than social graces, and sometimes, I just plain blanked while people talked to me. Auto response. It will one day be my undoing. I eyed the things housing the mixed formula, sitting on the odd shaped contraption. I frowned at it. What had she said to do at this point? I rubbed my Kimi's back as I tried to decipher her words. If only I could remember something beyond her confirmation about me hearing her. I groaned. I am useless.

The girl left her stationed post and touched the bottle. "You need to wait for it to warm up."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Don't touch it."

She raised her hands in the air. "Not touching, don't be weird. Just had a feeling you weren't listening at all when the nurse was talking."

"What changed?" It was something which confused me, and I wanted to know. Why had she so suddenly become so familiar with me? Hold on... When did I remove her gag?

"Changed?"

"You are not afraid."

"Oh, that's easy. Baby." She pointed at Kimi. "I can't help but think you wouldn't murder me in the presence of your baby."

I frowned. "You expect much from a monster." I felt my lips twitch upward when her eyes widened. Fear. I was better at dealing with people who held fear, even in smaller doses. Well, at least I knew the reason for her change in attitude, but this reason was not useable for Shinki. I sighed. "I do not know what to do with you, after what you have seen."

She stiffened. "About that, Lord Kazekage. The reason I wanted in, my uncle..." She trailed off.

My mouth felt dry. I wasn't sure I wanted to confront anyone who lost someone due to my actions when I was a child. I changed the subject before she could continue. "How do you know Shinki?"

Her brows furrowed, but the stiffness left her shoulders. Success. "I don't know him. I found him last night standing outside the place and struck up a conversation. He said he could get me in, so, I followed him."

She is an odd one. "Trusting."

She gave a small shrug. "Hey, got to meet the feared Kazekage though."

Feared. Yes, the district she came from knew me best as the murderous creature who plagued their streets. They set curfews, still in effect, because of my habits of roaming around at night. "For you, I doubt this was an honor."

She clenched her hands into fists. "I needed to know. I grew up hearing the horror stories of our Kazekage before he became Kazekage. Not a lot of people agree about having you in your position where I'm from. I wanted to see for myself. I wanted to understand what everyone feared, I wanted to see if there were any trace of... I don't think I was prepared for what was there though. I don't think he was either."

I couldn't bring myself to look at her. She must have spoken of her uncle. So she really was one of the ones left behind by my childhood... Indiscretions. "He never believed the rumors about me." Why was I confiding in this girl?

"Shinki?"

I didn't respond.

"How many people died in there?"

I didn't respond. This one thing always bothered me. I didn't know.

"Why."

I looked up to Naruto. "Monster." One word to explain. It was what they made me, it was what they wanted. A perfect weapon, a defective one.

"I'm Sixteen."

I looked back to her. I tilted my head, curious as to what she meant by it.

"You were fifteen, weren't you? When you became Kazekage?"

I looked back to Naruto. "Yes." Because of Naruto, I had managed to escape the lonely and maddening existence I wallowed in before.

"Why would they let you be?" Blunt.

"They felt guilty for my existence. My madness."

There was a moment of silence. "Because of that place?"

"Because the previous Kazekage actively tried to kill me since I was six. Because they continued with the order after he died. Because they agreed to have me paired with Shukaku." There were more reasons, more words, but none of them were more important than these. When my words were met with a long stretch of silence I looked over to her. The shock was still written on her face.

"You're lying."

I smiled then. The little known reason for my madness, the council knew, some of the more elite ninja. The general populous was blissfully unaware of my sire's actions toward me. It left my rampages seem more unwarranted, more madness driven. Not to say they weren't... I took a breath and decided to explain a little further. "I was a failed experiment which needed to be removed. Too dangerous. If you were witness to what I once was, you would understand why."

"The house?"

I didn't meet her eyes. "No." If they knew what was in there, I was sure they would have upped their attempts at assassination in my youth. I looked to my wife. If she wasn't there the day they attacked me full force, I may have let them end me. I was tired of fighting them, of constantly watching my back. I hadn't fought back until Naruto had come. Here to save you. Then, the men who I thought abandoned me returned. My first friends from my own nation. The first who helped me in my run for Kazekage. Back then, even with just two, it was overwhelming. The life I had now would have been a farfetched dream to this younger self. More than I ever deserved. More than I still deserve.

Yumi returned to the counter touched the container of formula. She took it out of what it was in, put some liquid on her wrist and neared me. This time, I didn't object to her interference. "Here, hold out your wrist."

I frowned, but complied before I thought better of it. Maybe it was because she reminded me of my wife? I still wasn't entirely sure. There was something more, something more familiar than I could quite pinpoint. She tipped the thing and some liquid fell from it and soaked into the sand on my wrist. I frowned at it. "Why did you do that?"

"What... What happened?" She held the bottle up and looked at it. "I was going to show you how to test it on your wrist, and what you want it to feel like, but it just disappeared..." She trailed off and looked at the bottle as though she did something wrong.

"Test it on my wrist?" I tilted my head and she hummed in agreement.

"The best way to find out if it's too hot. You want it just warm enough."

I concentrated on the sand surrounding my wrist and pulled it away. It might not have been a good idea, considering I probably murdered this girl's uncle in cold blood. However, I couldn't help the easy feeling I got from the girl to spite the logical part of my mind telling me to be weary of her.

"Whoa." Her eyes widened as the sand came away from my skin and hovered around me. "I mean, I know about you using sand and all, I mean you gagged me with it and I watched you fly off on the stuff, but you're covered in it too?"

I shrugged. For me, it was something quite common, easy and everyday. The people around me rarely reacted to it anymore. "It is part of me."

She looked at me for a minute, then cleared her throat. "Here, like this." She tipped it up once more and a few warm drops of liquid came into contact with my skin.

I hissed at the feel of it and drew my hand back out of reflex. The warm drops sent a shockwave of sensation up my arm and I shook my arm to clear the feel. The sand crashed back to my skin to protect me from the foreign feeling.

"I'm sorry! Is it too hot?" She squeezed a few more drips onto her own wrist and frowned.

I looked away from her. Another closely guarded secret. "It is fine." I cleared my own throat, feeling the heat grow in my face. After this, I wouldn't allow the girl ever speak to anyone again. I clenched my teeth again. I needed to do this, get used to this new, foreign touch. For Kimiko.

Kimi. Another thing I may never get used to. I sighed and pushed the sand away from my wrist again. I held it out. "Again."

"But-"

"Again."

She gave a curt nod. She held the bottle over my wrist, and when the drops hit, I concentrated on the feel of them. I winced at the contact, but I had become used to touching Naruto's hand and Kimi with my bear hands. What was one more much needed sensation? "The temperature should be warm but not hot. You should be able to feel the warmth, it shouldn't match your own body temp. A pleasant warm." We locked eyes and she frowned. "Or, an unpleasant warm, in your case."

I did my best to keep my face blank. "Then?"

"You need to shift the baby so it's nestled in your arm so you can properly feed it."

It. I narrowed my eyes. "Her, she, Kimi."

"Oh." A small smile formed on Yumi's lips. "All right then, you need to hold Kimi where you can feed her. The bottle needs to be at an angle. You don't want air getting through, and the tilt-"

I raised my brow at her as I moved my still fussing baby to her back, nestled in the crook of my arm. Holding her was second nature to me now, I rarely put her down or let anyone else touch her lest I needed to do something else.

She gave a half laugh. "Sorry, I got the lecture about proper feeding when my baby brother was born." She hovered over us and brought the bottle down to Kimi's lips.

Kimi pushed at it some with her tiny little hands. Little. It was amazing how tiny a person could be as a baby. Was I really once this small? Soon, the bulbous head of the bottle passed into her mouth and she calmed as she began to suck on the contents. I sighed in relief she took to the new source of food.

"Here, you try."

I stiffened and looked up the girl. "I... Yes." I grabbed hold of it. Awkward. Yet, I held it, careful to mimic what she had done.

She grabbed my hand and tilted the position some. "Like that."

Hand. Touch. Skin. Heat. It took everything I had not to jerk away from her, and a with a shaky inhalation I forced my nerves to calm before Kimi noticed and stopped eating. "Don't touch."

Her hand jerked back away from mine, leaving a ghost of itching sensation in their stead. I wanted to scrub it away, but I was feeding my little daughter, so I couldn't. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize your hands were bare."

"The sand might irritate her." It was the truth. I was afraid it would hurt her, and I couldn't have it.

She slumped into the chair across from me as Kimi sucked away at the bottle. "She is taking to it well."

I looked up to her and hummed. Would she feed for as long as she would the other way? I wanted to ask, but couldn't bring myself to. The girl started to look troubled.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"You were in my house."

She frowned. "It still doesn't explain why you brought me here. Why didn't you just kill me there? Why didn't you kill me here? Why are you letting me near someone obviously special to you?"

Good questions, all of them warranted, and only the last one I had asked myself. "I never had the intention of killing you."

Her face twisted in a way I assumed to mean she thought I was lying.

"I fight every day to keep this part of me in check. Kill only when necessary. Work at understanding how precious life is. Save more lives than I have taken. It is why I wanted this in the first place. To become something precious to another. It is an odd dream, is it not?" Again, I questioned myself for speaking to the girl. "Tomorrow, the reminder of what I once was will be destroyed. Removed from history. Do you understand?"

She didn't say another word. Not until I put Kimi down in her bassinet after patting her back after she finished eating. I placed my finger in her hand and she gripped onto it, even as she slept.

"You killed my uncle. Do you even remember him?" Yumi's voice was quiet, hesitant.

I removed my hand from Kimi's and looked over to her. There was still something oddly familiar about her. Something about her face. I frowned and pushed the idea from my mind. She seemed to be a nice girl and I didn't want to admit I only remembered the first. The first. My eyes widened. I had forgotten about him. The first one I brought home. The one who started my delusion playtime. My forced playmates. I swallowed. The things I had done to him were unthinkable for most, yet the proof of it would haunt me within the budgets. There was no fixing him. I had tried. I had so many people try to... My hand went to my mouth. One. Only one came out of that hell, and I had completely forgotten. How many years had passed since I seen him last? I stared at the girl. Familiar. It couldn't be. Is this why she seemed oddly familiar? Was it even possible? What would the odds be?

Impossible. "Well?"

"How can I remember someone when I have nothing to go by?" My voice became hoarse as I spoke. I stared at the girl, studying her features and began to compare my memory to her. Be wrong. Please, be wrong. Just because there was a similarity...

"I have a picture." She pulled something out of her pocket then. Folded in half. She held it out to me. "Please, if you even recognize him, tell me?"

I went to take it and realized my hand was shaking. I gripped the photo, but she held it tight.

She met my eyes. "Your past bothers you, doesn't it?"

I pulled the photograph from her hands and opened it. The face inside...

The face inside was...

Hey freak, how about you stop playing with that sand of yours...