25 - When We Trip And Fall
He could remember licking off the blood. How he took Yuu's hands tenderly in his own, then using his tongue, he slowly licked off the blood from his lover's fingers, working slowly and carefully. How he sucked each finger clean after licking them, and then moving on to Yuu's palm, lapping up the blood, cleaning his wrist afterwards. He moved to Yuu's lips next, licking the blood off too, down, down to the neck, only to end in a kiss, to take in every rattling cough into his own mouth, and with it the stream of blood that came soon after. Yuu's blood remained sweet, despite everything.
Kaname could remember drawing back, cupping Yuu's face and resting his forehead against his lover's.
"Yuu, it's the hourglass, isn't it?"
And then he woke up with a jolt.
--
The hourglass.
Kaname woke up seeing the familiar, round lights that were embedded into the ceiling of one of the many lounges in the Black Order headquarters. He was back in France. He was lying on the couch. Everything had been a bad dream…or was it? Kaname sat up immediately, eyes bright red, nose already sniffing the air for a trace of Yuu's blood.
There was nothing. Kaname raised a shaking hand to his face and remained sitting, quiet, for some time.
The door to the lounge creaked open. Kaname peeked from the gap between his fingers and watched as General Lavi entered, an empty tumbler in his hand. The Bookman stopped, sensing his presence, and turned to him, one emerald green eye looking at him. It struck Kaname how Lavi's eyes resembled Yuu's in a way – both devoid of thoughts, both empty, both having the capacity to conceal a million, million lies.
The Black Order was full of liars.
General Lavi gave him a small nod and went to refill his tumbler from the nearby water dispenser. Kaname could hear the flow of the water from the container and as it splashed into General Lavi's cup.
"In serving the Vatican," General Lavi began. "Meeting Arystar Krory was an astounding experience. Did you know that he almost bit me and Allen when we were trying to recruit him? His Innocence is a parasitic type, found, coincidentally, in his vampire fangs. Though a pureblood, from the tests conducted by the Science Department, we found out that his bite is actually very safe – it won't turn any human into a vampire. On Akuma, it's a different matter entirely."
Kaname did not know this. The details about Arystar's life as an Exorcist were something he was not aware of. He watched as General Lavi straightened up and faced him, one hand on his waist, the other holding his tumbler as he took small sips from it. Their eyes never left each other's.
"I must say that to meet another pureblood was something I wasn't counting on." General Lavi smiled, that smile that did not reach his eyes.
…
"Innocence is a bitch," General Lavi went on. "Most of the time, it takes us from the life we've known all our lives and pitches us in the middle of a never-ending war, it seems, against the cold virus. Akuma have been around since the Earl has been around, and even then, the Earl has been around since humans first knew the pain of losing a loved one to death.
"Akuma evolve. The greater Man's Greed gets, the stronger Akuma become. To counter this, Innocence evolves as well. The critical rate goes higher and higher. One hundred years ago, the critical rate was just 100. Now, it's close to 500. My rate is 520. Allen's rate is 525, and Yuu's rate is 528."
Kaname blinked his crimson eyes slowly. "I know all of this, General. I have had enough introduction and training in the Black Order."
But Lavi wagged a finger and sat down on the pouf directly across Kaname.
"Did you know that parasitic types take a higher toll on the wielder, the higher it's sync rate is?"
…
The hourglass.
"Did you ever wonder why Allen eats a lot? Did you know that Allen can eat for 20 people in just one sitting? And normally, Allen's meal equals three to five sittings." General Lavi grinned in a seemingly merry manner. "Parasitic types need all the energy they can get. These types of Innocence grant full immunity to blood bullets and an insane healing rate. Maybe even greater than you vampires' own rate."
Kaname remembered what Yuu told him about Bookmen – keepers of written and unwritten history.
"Parasitic types also have inhuman strength. Allen can carry a double-decker bus with one hand."
The pureblood leant forward, chin resting on his right palm. General Lavi sank into his pouf more, relaxing.
"Usually, a normal parasitic type only need worry about avoiding overuse of his Innocence. Know your limits, you keep a healthy life."
Not once did Kaname blink.
"But there are certain parasitic types that have evolved throughout the centuries. The Seven – you know them, right? The Seven most Powerful Innocence fragments that the Heart first created – are all special, highly-evolved parasitic Innocence. They take graver tolls on their wielders. Wielders of one of the Seven die young."
"What are you saying, General Lavi?" Kaname said, quietly.
The Bookman waved a hand, telling Kaname not to interrupt him – that questions should come later.
"It's the coldness that attracted you, didn't it?"
…
The other hand on Kaname's knee clenched. The small smile on General Lavi's lips did not go away.
"It's the distance and the sharpness that gets us." Lavi went on. "The need to discover why he's so aloof. Why he's so cold. Why he shuns everyone like they were shit. Why he looks at you like you're nothing but filth sticking to his shoe, filth he longs to rid the world of. Correct?"
Kaname found himself nodding. "Correct." He said, almost inaudibly.
"What would you do if you were a boy, nine years of age, and a doctor tells you that you only have a limited time to live? That you can't go beyond…say…thirty years of age? You grow up…you pass adolescence…the knowledge that you will die young forever hanging above your head? It's not even a terminal illness. You were born with it. You're timed. You're healthy. You're talented. You want to have friends, and people want to be friends with you, but the knowledge that you're timed prevents you from forming attachments and proper relationships." General Lavi said this blandly as he clasped his hands together on his middle. His expression had softened. His eyes a bit more tender. Tender and sad. "You're scared of having people too close. Because you know you'll never be able to know them in old age. You won't be able to grow with them fully. Yours will be a stunted growth. You will die even before your potentials are all discovered and honed."
Kaname was on his feet, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Blood was pounding in his ears. He could feel his fangs protruding from his lips, but they were not there because of his unending thirst. General Lavi looked at him, still with that bland expression on his face.
"You cannot tell the people around you that you are timed." The Bookman went on. "You can't. Because you don't want them to hurt. You love them so much, though you don't show it, and you don't want them to hurt. The last thing you'd ever want as you leave this world is to cause them to cry. But then there's no helping that. People will cry for you. Cry because they found out too late. Why you're distant. Why you're aloof. Why you've always held them at bay, when in truth they meant more to you than the whole world."
The hourglass was so beautiful in his eyes. The lotus, a pink and robust flower, was suspended by unknown means in its upper half. At the lower half were five pieces of brown sludge, but one glance was enough to tell him that they had once been pink too, part of the flower that floated above them. He could not explain how this soft white light emanated from the thing; as far as he knew it was not an electrical device. It was not made by human hands. No living mortal or vampire could possibly craft those intricate details. Those mysterious patterns – swirls, circles, characters of an alphabet of some long-lost civilization maybe. It was the only source of light in that familiar room which smelled of cold steel and lotus flowers.
Finally there was silence. Lavi was watching him, seated comfortably on that pouf, hands folded neatly on his abdomen.
You're so strong, Yuu…you were always so strong…
It's not true, isn't it?
But then…
"He's so kind, isn't he?" Lavi spoke again. "He always becomes sleepless whenever he hears the death of someone under his name, even though that person is just a Finder." He laughed softly. "But Allen is worse. That kid could bawl like a baby sometimes. And he calls himself an Exorcist."
"Then…" said Kaname.
"Yuu doesn't need this kind of burden." Lavi said, his voice gaining an edge. "I know you make him happy. Hell, I haven't seen him that happy before. He doesn't say anything, but damn, he's happy. You see it in his eyes, you know. He even cracks jokes now. Sometimes. And he even replies to sms messages now. You know when he replied to a spam of mine a month ago, I swear I very nearly threw my phone into the toilet and flushed it." Pause. "But Yuu doesn't need this. Nobody can do anything about Mugen, you know. Everyone's tried. We can't do anything about it. Don't make this any harder for him. He doesn't need this."
Kaname slowly unclenched his hands. He gave Lavi an empty smile. It did not reach his blood red eyes. "Will leaving him make him feel better? I don't care what you think. I will not leave his side, especially now, when he needs me the most. Now I know why he was so lonely. I will not leave him. Nobody can make me leave him. Not even you."
He left the room without another second glance. The moment he stepped out of the door, the tears came, hot and angry, down his eyes and cheeks.
--
Kanda was the woods, just finished his training routine after the ceremonial cleaning of his katana. He had left Kaname in one of the lounges after they teleported home from Six Flags, where the vampire fainted on him after riding Kingda Ka. Honestly. You'd think an immortal bloodsucker like the bastard would have more guts than that. It was amusing and annoying at the same time.
Like a fucking kid…
He made a lethal downward slash and sheathed his sword, afterwards removing his blindfold from his eyes. The training session had made him hot and sweaty. Kanda was only wearing a black hakama as he stood in the clearing, and sheen of perspiration coated his bare, perfect upper body. Mugen and its fire-tendrils gleamed oddly under the stars.
Movement behind him. Kanda whipped around, damp hair dancing. Crimson eyes were suddenly in front of him, and pain shot up from his shoulder and back as he was pushed into a tree, the trunk breaking with the impact, and pieces of bark digging into his back and drawing blood.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, YUU? WHY?"
The anguish in Kaname's voice jolted Kanda's senses. He felt his shoulder creak under the vampire's grip. Kaname's hand was shaking. His eyes were bright red in the semi-darkness, and Kanda could see the faint gleam of moonlight reflected on long, sharp fangs.
But what made him stare was the fact that tears – real, hot tears – were flowing down the vampire's eyes.
!
He knows.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? WHY? WHY? WHY?"
Kaname Kuran was crying. Kanda watched, unable to speak, as Kaname leant his forehead on his chest and let out everything. The grip on his shoulders did not falter.
…
That fucking son of a bitch, Lavi. What the fucking hell was he thinking?
Do you need this kind of burden, Yuu Kanda? What if he turns you into an Akuma? Can he truly bear it, once you're gone? How long before he calls the Earl to bring you back?
He remembered reading from a book that pureblooded vampires were not allowed to weep in public. Arystar Krory had always been an exception. He was too harmonious with his emotions, Lavi once said.
"I had all the right to know, Yuu – I had all the right to know --!"
…
He raised a hand to Kaname Kuran's cheek, and forced the vampire to look at him.
"I want you to swear that whatever happens, you will not summon the Earl." Kanda whispered. He would not falter. He would spare himself this kind of weakness at least.
"THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING EARL, YUU!" Kaname shouted.
"I want you to swear that whatever happens, you will not summon the Earl." Kanda repeated.
"THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING – WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME?!" Kaname Kuran pulled back and buried his face in his hands. A great blast of wind flattened every tree in a five hundred meter radius around them both. "Why--?"
"Because I do not need a reason to hate myself even more." Kanda replied.
…
Kaname was shaking his head. His tears did not want to stop.
…
"I want you to swear that you will not turn me." Kanda continued.
"No."
"I want you to swear that you will not turn me."
"No. No. No."
"I want you to swear that you will not turn me."
"NO! FUCK IT ALL, NO, I WILL NOT SURRENDER YOU TO DEATH, YUU KANDA! I WILL NOT! I WILL NOT!"
"YOU WILL SWEAR, FUCK YOU, BECAUSE IF YOU TURN ME, I WILL HATE YOU MORE THAN I EVER HATED THE AKUMA!"
Silence.
He watched as Kaname bowed his head and wiped his eyes. Kaname looked at him, smiling sadly, shook his head, and started retreating. He kept shaking his head until he turned on his heels and finally walked away.
The night breeze was cool against Kanda's body. He loved the way its icy fingers danced through the strands of his long, blue-black hair.
Yuu Kanda closed his eyes, took a great inhale, and fell to his knees. His fists shook. His chest heaved as he sought to keep everything inside. He would spare himself that kind of shame. He would not act like the stupid moyashi. He would not be able to live that down. He will not do it.
--
Takuma Ichijou winced and wrung his hands after reading the long, angry letter that he had just received from his grandfather of the Council of Ancients. As he sat in his own study, the council was already in uproar after having received official news and confirmation from the Vampire Hunter Society that Kaname Kuran could walk in daylight.
Impossible…
Only Yuki was supposed to be the exception. Was this because from Kaname's two-year absence previously? What had really happened? Either way, this was the end to all cover-ups. The council demanded that Kaname Kuran appear before them, and explain what had happened.
"Shit…"
Ichijou banged his head on the desk, but the poor desk did not stand a chance against his vampiric strength. It splintered neatly in half, and collapsed onto the floor. Ichijou groaned and reached for his phone, and speed dialed Kaname's new number.
Please, please, please, please pick up.
He redialed three times before Kaname answered with a thick "Hello?"
"Kaname," Ichijou said, choosing his words carefully. "You need to go home, as soon as possible. The council…demands an explanation for your ability to walk in daylight…"
Kaname was silent for a long time at the other end of the line. Ichijou waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
"It will have to wait." Kaname's voice was quiet, heavy. "I have bigger issues here."
"No, Kaname, I'm afraid it cannot wait." Ichijou sighed. "Not unless you want my grandfather appearing in France, you will go home this instant."
The next silence was longer than the first. At one point Senri Shiki stuck his head through the door and asked if Ichijou was coming to class. The Vice President shook his head, and Shiki understood. Still, Kaname was not speaking.
"Kaname," he said. "I cannot cover-up for you anymore. I have reached my limits."
Please.
We need you here.
"…Then I will come. I will come. Tell them," there was an unmistakable sob in Kaname's voice. Ichijou had to pull his phone away for a moment and stare at it. "Tell them…tell them I will be there."
And the call ended.
Was he…was he crying…?