The Proposal

Edward was pissed, but holy shit was it worth it.

We ate breakfast and Edward told Rose and Esme I would meet them at the mall in a little while.

Once his mother was gone and he was able to kick Emmett out with a to-go plate, he ripped into me.

"Isabella, what were you thinking?"

Oh, he used my given name…

"Well, I was thinking we would have a really nice breakfast, let me get to know these people in your life that well, I don't know, you never mentioned before. I didn't realize you would come outta the room in your birthday suit." I paused, batted my lashes. "I swear."

I would leave out the part where I figured he would, because when I woke, he was sporting a massive woodie again so it was almost a given that he would come looking for me to get it on again. I would also leave off the part where I may have moved his clothes from last night, in hopes he would be too confident in his ability to fuck me again this morning, as to not look for new ones.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up so I was sitting on the counter.

He licked his lips before bringing them to my neck.

"Isabella," he licked up my neck to my ear. "I know your tricks." He sucked my earlobe into his mouth. "I love your tricks," his hand ran up my inner thigh, causing me to moan, "but never do that again when my mother is here, deal?" He nibbled lightly on my ear causing my hips to thrust into his hand.

"Deal, Isabella?"

"Muh, yeah," I moaned, grinding myself into his hand.

"Good! Now, enjoy shopping with my mother." He pulled back from me, with a smile on his face.

Ass!

"Kinda shocked you are so smug. I wasn't the one who couldn't sleep last night because of my blue balls."

I jumped off the counter and kissed his jaw, which was now slack due to my comment.

"Guess you didn't think that one through, huh?"

After a quick stop in the bathroom at a seven-eleven, to take care of my raging girl hard on, I met Rose and Esme at the mall.

And let me tell you, fiddling your girlie bean on a nasty dirty toilet, was not an easy feat.

"Bella that wasn't something I really wanted to see this morning, but to know that you can make my son squirm and bring him to his knees is a good sign. He needs someone to level him and I think you do that."

"Well, why thank you, Esme."

Rose huffed and walked away.

What was that bitch's issue?

"Sorry about her, she has been a bit temper mental as of late," Esme said.

"Do we know why?"

"Not really…seems her and Emmett had a fight a while back. I only know because Emmett came knocking on our door half in the bag looking for a place to sleep for the night."

"Ahhh."

"Yeah, so ever since she has been testy. Just ignore her, I do." Esme smiled and skipped on to the next store.

She seriously skipped! I think she is like my long lost other half. No wonder I love her son so much.

"Aren't you like family to her? It's it mean to just ignore?"

"No, dear. She's my god son's wife. If she was to die, I would have no responsibility to her. You are far more family than she is." Esme picked up a scarf and tried it on, like we were having a normal every day 'what is someone died' conversation.

I loved this woman!

"Oh." Even though she did seem to make me speechless.

Rose ended up leaving the shopping trip early, stating she just wasn't feeling it.

As much as I wanted to know what her deal was, I was happy to have the Debbie Downer gone.

Esme and I sat at a small café and had lunch. The woman was nothing like her proper son or husband. She was no joke my kindred spirit.

We were half way done with the afternoon mojito's when my phone vibrated.

Missing you, baby – E

A smile graced my face as I texted him back the same.

"That my son you are talking to?" Esme asked.

"Yeah," I replied holding up the phone.

"You really care for him, huh?"

"Yeah, I do."

"So," she paused to take a drink, "do you think you and he will be making me a grandma anytime soon?"

Thank baby Jesus and all of the wise men that I hadn't taken a drink right then.

"Uh-"

"So you were there this morning, are you moving in? I know your father is ill, but he is getting better, right?"

"Uh, Esme-"

"Did you know that I got pregnant with Edward by standing on my head for three hours after we had sex? Every single time I did that. Let me tell you, not comfortable. Have you tried that? I bet it would work."

"Work?"

"Yes, standing on your head. I'm sure that would work. I would just love to be a grandma." She scooted her chair closer, and placed her hand on my belly.

"Aw, I can't wait until this houses my grandchild."

"Esme-"

"Oh, dear, call me mom. So, my son, I saw what he was sporting this morning. Have you ever thought of cock rings?"

Is she serious!

"Uh, he, he is just fine-"

"Oh, yes he is, but his father, oh damn. His package is like perfection. Nice to know that Edward got some of Carlisle's wonder below the belt."

As much as I wanted to know about Carlisle, I would have rather seen it for myself; maybe give it a little tug and swing.

"So back to what we were talking about before, when do you plan on getting my son's seed into you?"

I had never been so thankful for having alcohol as I did at that time. I took a big gulp, smiled and excused myself to the bathroom.

"Your mother is fucking crazy!" I screeched into the phone at Edward.

"What do you mean?" he asked back, seemingly confused.

"She keeps asking about our sex life and when we are going to make her a grandma. What the shit, Edward. She seemed so normal yesterday."

"Guess that's what you get for calling my mom up without consulting me first, my dear. Have fun. Tell my mom I say hi!"

"But, Edward-"

"Sorry, baby. I would have warned you but you didn't give me the chance."

"Edward, she was talking about cock rings and your dad's penis!"

Edward busted out in laughter.

"It's not funny," I yelled.

"Oh, baby, this is the funniest shit ever."

"She was comparing your dick to your dads."

His laughter stopped. "Okay, that's not cool."

"And now you feel my pain."

To say I was on edge while I was with Esme the rest of the day would have been a massive understatement.

She kept making subtle hints on ways to enhance my sex life, as we walked through the shopping center.

I thankfully had yet to buy anything she suggested and I was able to keep her from buying them as wedding gifts for me. At least for now.

She linked arms with me and started toward the door that would lead us out of the mall and this jacked up shopping trip.

Thank God! I may have been singing and doing a happy dance in my head.

But then she veered off to the right, dragging me into Fredrick's of Hollywood.

Mother…fucker… like literally.

"Oh, Bella, look at that!" Esme held up a handcuff set with a leather outfit and a whip. "I bet Edward would love this on you."

She threw it over her shoulder before quickly moving through the store. I left her to herself. I had a feeling there was no stopping her.

Sucked to be me…

I let her go and pick out whatever she thought would be just 'wonderful.'

Something about picking out lingerie with your boyfriend's mom killed the fun.

While walking away from her, in a feeble attempt to act like I didn't know her, I came across the clearance section.

There were holiday smut-fits on a rack in the corner where I was hiding. I was browsing through the rack of outfits looking to see if I could find something good.

I was almost all the way around the rack when I found by far the best smut-fit ever…for Edward!

It was a big yellow hat, a skimpy yellow pair of man undies that surrounded his penis, making it look like a banana, and a monkey bra and panty set for me.

We were so dressing up as Curious George and the Man in the Yellow Hat and fucking… I was sure this would be better than whatever his mom came up with.