Author's Note: This takes place during season three's Dead Irish Writers. It is a bit angst-ridden. I like humor, but I find that I grasp angst even better sometimes, so sorry this isn't as witty as other installments. A lot of this chapter was taken from another story I was working on that I just wasn't sure about. Hopefully it translates well into Gail's world.

"Alcohol"

CJ entered her office with a bit of a stumble. She was decked out in her evening gown, but I wasn't expecting her back in the office so early. Usually White House parties lasted a lot longer. She made her way slowly over to her desk and sat down in her chair. She was pressing her forehead with her fingertips. I wondered if she wasn't feeling well.

I had seen the party arrivals on television. Donna had been in earlier and for some reason, although she was in a ball gown, she wasn't at the party. She looked sad as she watched everyone arrive. CJ had been working to track something down and I knew she was late to the party. Therefore, I was slightly concerned that she was back in her office so early.

I saw her pull a bottle of pills out of her desk drawer. She fumbled around her desk for a bottle of water, but she ended up settling on a mug of morning coffee, which had long since been good to drink. She made a face as she gulped down the pills. Her nose wrinkled.

"Gail, if the First Lady ever asks you to get tipsy with her, decline," CJ informed me. "Or, at least don't gulp down five glasses of expensive wine in an hour."

Ah, so CJ had too much to drink. This ought to be slightly amusing. I'd seen CJ drink before, but I'd never seen her overhung, hung over? I couldn't remember what it was called when you'd had too much to drink. It wasn't something I'd ever have to worry about.

CJ rested her elbows on her desk and pushed her forehead with her fingers again.

"You know, applying pressure to a headache isn't helpful?" I heard Sam say from the doorway.

"Really? Because it feels pretty good Sam," she almost giggled before she repeated his name. "Sam. Sam, Sam, my sunshine man."

"You're not tipsy right now are you CJ?" he asked with a grin, entering her office.

"In fact I'm not," she said lifting her head up and looking him in the eye. "I am extremely drunk."

"Really?"

"Indubitably," she giggled.

"That explains the headache," he said.

"Did you give it to Nolan?" she asked casually. "I don't see any blood on your tuxedo. You wear a tux very nicely though. Did I ever tell you that?"

"Earlier today in fact," Sam pointed out.

"Right. It seemed familiar," CJ agreed leaning back. "So Nolan? Did you stick it to him just like I told you not to?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did," Sam said puffing out his chest a little.

"Is this going to be a national scandal I'll need to deal with tomorrow in my weakened state?"

"Not at all," Sam said. "I was articulate and tenacious and argued my point quite well."

"I'm glad," she grinned at him. "You deserve a win because you're a good person and good people deserve to win sometimes."

Sam suppressed a smile as did I. I'd never really seen CJ this way. From Sam's amused expression I wondered if maybe he hadn't ever seen her this way either. I always thought there was a part of CJ that she held back. There were times when I thought she might open up and show him her vulnerability, but she always seemed to reign it in before really opening up to anyone.

"Do you want some water?" Sam asked.

"Water would be great. Water and one of those crab puffs," she said as if the idea to eat and drink had just occurred to her.

"You sure you want to eat?"

"No," she replied. "You're right, that would probably be a bad idea."

Sam stood up and walked over to the small refrigerator in the hallway. He came back and handed CJ a bottle of cold water, which she gratefully accepted.

"You're a god among men Samuel, and not just because you can fill out a tuxedo."

Sam smiled as CJ took a long drink from the bottle. "So, what happened?"

"Hmm?" CJ mumbled as drank the water quickly.

"Well the last time I saw you, you hadn't even made it to the party yet. Now you're kind of drunk."

"Correction, I'm kind of drunk," she reminded him.

Sam and I suppressed chuckles over the fact that CJ had just repeated exactly what Sam had observed. Neither of us said anything though.

"Abbey, the First Lady, whoever the hell she is at this moment, she ordered me to go get drunk with her," CJ said.

"Is she feeling the way you are right now?" Sam asked. I thought it was a really good question. I imagined the First Lady should not be seen in the same state CJ was in. Then again, I figured CJ shouldn't be seen feeling drunk and so that must have been why she left the party early.

"No, she's great," CJ exclaimed. "She seemed a little tipsy when we went to the residence, but then she sobered up. She needed some girl time, some girl time in which Amy and Donna and I drank three bottles of wine to Abbey's one glass."

"Therein lies your problem," Sam commented.

"Tell me about it."

"Abbey wanted to get drunk?"

"Yeah," CJ babbled. "She's upset about her medical license being taken away. It makes her feel like less of a person."

"She shouldn't feel that way."

"I told her that," CJ said. "I told her, even if they take her license away forever she still has a husband and children and a life. If they took my job away from me I'd have nothing."

Sam looked at CJ as she drained the glass of water and suddenly it was clear that she was being brutally honest. She wasn't joking or giddy anymore. He recognized it about the same time that I did. It was one of those moments when I wished I could give her a hug.

"That's not true," Sam started to protest.

"No, it is true," CJ said. "I have no husband, no boyfriend, no kids and no cat. I can't even be one of those crazy cat ladies because a cat is a big commitment. I'd actually have to be home to refill the food bowl and clean out the litter box. I don't even have enough of a life to clean out the litter box Sam."

"You have a lot in your life," Sam said walking over to her side of the desk. "You have friends and family who care about you. You have Gail."

"Yeah, you have me!" I shouted. "I'm way better than a cat anyway."

CJ smirked. "Yeah, I have Gail. I have Gail, who I have to keep at work because I had this weird joint-custody thing with Danny. If they fired me tomorrow I'd probably have to leave her here because Danny gave her to me, they'd probably see it has some sort of kick-back if I took her."

"No," I shouted. "I'd want to go with you. They couldn't make me stay." Could they?

"They wouldn't," Sam said confidently. "And what's all this talk about being fired? You're not going anywhere."

"I know," CJ said with a shrug. "Abbey was talking about how she had nothing without her medical license, when in reality she has a hell of a lot more than me."

"Hey," Sam said rubbing her shoulder reassuringly. "Stop this. You're an amazing, beautiful, successful woman. You should never feel anything less than awed by your life."

"Awed?" CJ asked soberly. "That's a bit much."

"No, it's not," Sam insisted. Before he approached his next question he took a breath and waited a beat. "Is this about Danny? Did something happen with you two?"

CJ let out a loud laugh. "No Sam," she said calming down. "This isn't about Danny."

"Well you mentioned him so I thought maybe--"

"I haven't heard from Danny in months," CJ confided in him. It was the first time she'd acknowledged the fact out loud. It was the first time I realized that it bothered her. She used to receive the occasional phone call and a bi-weekly e-mail from him. He would tell her about his travels and how things were going. At first CJ responded immediately and she was always in her office to take his calls. But a few months ago she decided she needed to put a stop to it and she began ignoring his e-mailing and avoiding his phone calls until they stopped all together.

"It wasn't meant to be," she said simply.

"Because it wasn't meant to be or because you wouldn't let it be what it could have been?" Sam asked.

Wow. That was the question I'd always wanted to ask, but obviously I couldn't articulate it in a way that CJ would understand. 'Way to go Sam,' I thought.

CJ said nothing. She just looked at him. "I honestly don't know," she finally said taking another sip of water. "Maybe that's my problem."

"What's this really about?" Sam asked her.

"I don't know," CJ shook her head. "I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Self-pity never looks good on anyone but lately…god Sam, aren't there days when you go home and just wish there was someone there to hold you and tell you everything was going to be okay?"

Her eyes were practically pleading with him to agree with her. For a woman so tall and full of life she suddenly looked so small and vulnerable. I'd only ever seen her look that way once before and it was when Josh and the president had been shot.

"Yeah, there are definitely days when it would be nice to hear that," Sam agreed.

"Thanks," she said quietly. CJ leaned back in her chair and look came over her face that told me she was sorry she'd said so much to Sam tonight.

"So," CJ said looking to change the subject. "How long are you going to hold this little emotional thing over my head?"

"I wouldn't do that," Sam assured her.

"You're not calling up the men with the little white coats to come get me treated for depression?" CJ asked.

"Are you depressed?" Sam asked leaning back on desk where he was perched.

"No," CJ replied confidently. "I'm just a little tipsy with loose lips tonight."

"It's good to let things out you know," Sam said.

"I know," CJ said. "How does that usually work for you?"

I knew full well what CJ was getting at. No one in the West Wing talked about feelings and emotions. It just wasn't done. It wasn't done to the point that Josh had to talk to a therapist after he was shot. That didn't make anyone realize that talking about their feelings might not be a bad idea though.

Sam smiled. "Understood," he nodded as he stood up. "Tonight, this little sharing session, don't worry, it is just between us."

"Thanks Sam," she said with a small smile. "I really appreciate it."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just gonna hang with Gail for a while before I make my return to the party. Another bottle of water would also not kill me."

"Okay," Sam said making his way over to the door. "I hear cake is a good cure for too much wine."

"I'll keep that in mind," CJ said.

Sam left the office and CJ sat there for a moment. "It's good to have friends sometimes Gail," CJ told me. "Do you ever wish you had someone in there to swim around with you?"

"Nah, I'm good. I've got you, Sam, Josh, Toby, Donna, Carol…"

I was in the midst of my list when CJ's phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and smiled before hitting the speaker phone button. Man, I love speakerphone. There are no secrets on speakerphone.

"Sam?" CJ said as she picked up her phone.

"Hi," Sam said.

"Did you just deck Nolan in the dessert line?" she asked.

"No," Sam chuckled. "I wanted to tell you something, from a friend's perspective."

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to say that everything is going to be okay," Sam said finishing his thought.

I didn't know if the was the still-lingering affects of the wine or not, but I saw CJ's eyes well up just slightly. She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

"Thank you Sam," she said in a tone full of emotion.

"I'll see you at the party Claudia Jean," he said softly.

"Yeah, I'll be out there soon," she replied.

CJ hit the button on the phone and pressed her finger into her eyes to wipe away the small tears that had formed.

"I'm gonna look into getting you a friend Gail," CJ said. "It doesn't have to be love, but having friends around is a really great thing."

Of course CJ never did get me a companion fish. I was okay with that though. Sharing space was hard enough at the pet store. I liked having my own place. I was like CJ. I liked people around, but I didn't need them to know the intimate details of my life. Maybe one day CJ and I would change, but for now we were happy enough.

TBC