It's only been a week? It felt so much longer to me lol Well, I hope you guys are ready for chapter 25. EEEP maybe we'll make it to thirty. That's my goal. We'll just have to play it by ear I guess.

Song: Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Judai's POV

Seeing his flawless curves and loops to his signature the sheet made my heart squeeze.

All of the guilt and pain came back to me in one big wave of fatigue and nausea.

My head still hurt from all of the crying the night before. And my stomach hurt from hunger. I felt like if I didn't eat something, I'd have a fit of dry heaves.

I could have taken a seat halfway across the room from Johan but I decided to sit next to him like I always did. I didn't want him to think that I was angry at him.

He and I had been through a lot in these past thirteen days and I didn't want to add to it.

When I sat down in my seat, Johan smiled at me and I did my best to smile back.

He didn't say a word to me, respecting that I needed time. But now I wasn't sure what needed to be done.

I knew I loved Johan. My whole world revolved around him. But I couldn't forgive him so easily. He still had yet to explain to me why he did what he did. And also, there was some things I needed to tell him as well. Like my very short affair with Haou. So, what? I couldn't break it off because that'd only make both of us miserable. But I couldn't take him back either until I told him what I did with Haou. And I did that he'd hate me forever so it's a lose-lose situation.

By the time the bell rang, I was so lost in my thoughts, I hadn't even written down the notes. Midterms were coming up so a blank piece of paper wasn't really looked upon positively.

The next two classes were exactly the same. I'd promise myself I'd take notes and with one look at Johan, all my nerves and jitters came back. I couldn't even find the feeling in my hands to pick up the pencil and copy down the words that were being spoken by the professor.

Finally, lunch came around.

And just as I had predicted hours earlier, I was in the bathroom heaving.

There was nothing in my stomach which made it that much worse. If anything came up it was bile.

When I was finished, I forced myself to stand up and walk into the cafeteria.

I walked in just as Johan was walking away from the table that we usually sit at and he sat himself down at an empty table across the room.

After watching him leave, I walked to our table and sat down in my usual spot.

"Did you hear that the school's having another talent show?" Asuka asked, looking at the long sheet of paper that was hanging by the door.

I turned to look at it.

The list of names were longer when I last saw it this morning. But the one that stuck out the most was Johan's handwriting.

"Are you signing up?" Sho asked me.

I turned back to my small group of friends and shook my head as I took a bite of my burger.

"Why not, mate?" Jim pitched in. "You're such a good singer."

I shrugged even though I knew exactly why not.

"Is it because of Johan?" Asuka said with narrowed eyes.

I only stared at her, not wanting to answer that question. But somehow she managed to get the answer through my silence.

She sighed. "Judai-kun, just because Johan's signing up too shouldn't hold you back. I think you should go for it," she said. "Mostly because the whole school body will eat you alive and also because you love to do it, don't you?"

I smiled as I thought back to the party in the Blue Dorm. When I went up to the karaoke machine and sang along to my favorite songs. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"Then you should sign up!"

After looking at his name and back at him, I shook my head once more. "I can't."

Their eyes shifted from happiness to pity all at the same time.

"Don't look at me like that," I mumbled as I lowered my head and took another bite.

They didn't speak another word about it for the last fifteen minutes of the period.

Next period, Jim sat next to me as usual.

This time, I was bound and determined to pay attention to what the teacher said. But of course, that was ruined when Jim began whispering in my ear.

"You know," he said, "even though what Johan did was horribly wrong, you shouldn't let that stop you from doing the things you love. I think this is the perfect opportunity to show not only him but yourself that you're a lot stronger than you look."

Although, I was a bit annoyed that I was interrupted from my note-taking, what Jim said was true.

I should sign up for the talent show because I love it. Nothing is ever so bad, no good exists. And in my book, singing was a good.

I smiled at Jim. "Thanks," I whispered back.

So after the rest of my classes were over, I went to my locker to grab my stuff. But a stack of papers fell when I opened it.

They were the notes that I hadn't taken in class. Johan had recopied them and gave them to me.

I smiled slightly as I picked them up and I put them in my bag along with my other textbooks.

Then I went to the cafeteria and back to the signup sheet and wrote down my name in my own sloppy cursive.

Now that I was officially signing up, I knew I just took a step closer to my final decision.

Was I or was I not going to take Johan back?

I think I was leaning toward yes, despite my nervousness about telling him about Haou. And I figured, I might as well just get it off my chest before I chicken out. Plus, I really needed better than a two and a half minute explanation.

Once I left the building, I walked to Johan's dorm, my stomach stirring with butterflies.

I lifted my hand to knock on the door, but I froze.

Dropping my hand, I took a deep breath.

Just do it, I thought. You know you have to. The longer you wait, the longer you have to worry about it. Knock on the door and tell him. Do it.

I knocked. And once I did, I wanted to run away screaming. If anyone asked, I was playing Ding-Dong-Ditch.

But the door opened too soon for me to do the ditching part.

Johan opened the door with only a towel wrapped around his waist and hair dripping water onto his shoulders. "Judai?"

I swallowed and I was pretty sure he heard it. "Are you busy?"

"No, but you'll have to excuse my lack of clothing," he said with a short laugh. "I just came out of the shower."

My cheeks burned with slight embarrassment and…lust? I hoped he didn't see it but if he did, he didn't make any sign that told me he did.

I cleared my throat. "Um, I just wanted to talk to you."

Johan nodded and let me in. "I told you, you're always welcome here."

I frowned as I stepped inside.

He was treating me so nicely and he was probably expecting some good news coming from me. It made me feel guilty again and I briefly wondered if this was a good idea. I mean, after seeing Haou's reaction, I was scared that Johan would do the same, even though I knew I deserved it.

"I'm just gonna put on some clothes," Johan said.

I nodded and watched him walk into his room to change.

I plopped myself down on the couch, deciding to wait for him there. I bit on my nails as I tried to pull myself together. My stomach was still in knots. If I kept stressing over this, I'm pretty sure I'd hurl. Again.

When Johan came back out, he sat down next to me on the couch. "So, I'm guessing you came because you wanted a better explanation than what I gave you in the hospital."

I swallowed and decided to let him go first. "Yeah."

Johan nodded. "Ok, well, after the Halloween party, I woke up in the middle of the night. I'm not sure what time it was, but it was pretty late." He stopped and swallowed. "I woke up to Asuka yelling. So I stepped out to look. It was her, Jim and Sho standing there at the bottom of the steps. They were talking about…Yusei."

My eyes filled up with tears. This whole time I was thinking he was only playing with my emotions and it turned out he was only trying to get himself straight again.

"His parents had called Asuka, telling her that Yusei had a brain tumor."

I gasped.

"And when I found out, I ran out. I was scared and hurt and I just couldn't deal with it. So I ran back home.

"And then I went to see Yusei's parents. They had found his diary." His eyes filled up with tears and his voice cracked when he spoke again. "He wanted to commit suicide. He wrote about it in his diary and he wrote these letters…" he squeezed his eyes shut as a few tears escaped from them. He was trying to choke back the sob but it didn't work. "They were goodbye letters.

"He took me out on that bike ride on purpose." He stopped to sniff and wipe his face which was only stained with tears seconds afterwards. "Riding that bike was his favorite thing in the world. And he wanted to spend his last few minutes of his life with me. And then he said he would drown himself in a river or something.

"And every night after that, I would pick up my phone and I would run through my contact list until I found your name. My finger would linger on the call button but the last time I called, you sounded like you were in so much pain."

I wanted to interrupt him but I decided against it and let him finish.

"And I just couldn't bare making you feel worse. So I'd put it back down. But Judai, you need to know that ever second I was gone, the only thing I thought about was you." He sniffed again. "Even as I read Yusei's letters, I thought about how you would hold me, and try to comfort me. I missed you so much, Ju-chan."

A lump built itself up in my throat when he called me that.

"I've never stopped loving you," he said. "I never will."

I leaned forward and hugged him tight. "I am so sorry," I whispered. "I had no idea."

"It's not your fault," Johan replied. "What else were you supposed to think?"

I sighed. "Still, that sucks. I just wish you'd told me that in the first place."

He laughed a humorless laugh. "It would've made things a whole lot easier if I had, huh?"

I laughed too. Mostly because I felt like if I didn't, I'd cry. "Yeah, it would have."

I pulled away from him then. "Thank you for telling me," I said.

He nodded and smiled.

But I couldn't smile back. Now, it was my turn and I wasn't so sure Johan would feel as sympathetic for me as I did him.

"Judai, what's wrong?" he asked, noticing my nervousness.

I swallowed. "I have something I need to tell you too."

"Ok, what is it?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I expected some guy to narrate, "Need a moment? Have a Twix."

"Judai, you know you can tell me anything," he said with a line of worry creasing his forehead.

I nodded and took a deep breath. "Remember in the hospital, I told you that I still loved you? But I needed time?"

Johan nodded.

"Well…after that, Haou came back in and he…"

"Did he hurt you?" he growled.

"No," I answered quickly. "He didn't hurt me but…he told me how he felt for me." I looked up at Johan then but he was frozen. Emotionless. He was completely blank and it scared me. "And…I kissed him."

Still Johan had yet to make any sign of how he felt. It was like he turned himself to stone.

"And when I was able to leave, Haou took me to his place. We were watching a movie until things got…complicated." I played with my fingers, anything to keep me from looking into his eyes. "We got a little carried away. But then I thought about you. And I knew I couldn't do that after I told you that I'd think about our relationship. It was wrong and I'm so sorry."

Johan was still silent for a moment. "Do you love him?"

"No!" I said. "No, I do not love him."

He nodded. "And nothing happened?"

"Nothing."

Johan blinked a couple times before standing up from the couch.

"Johan, I'm sorry," I tried again.

He turned back around. "Don't be sorry," he said. "You didn't do anything wrong. We weren't together so it's not like you were cheating or anything. You had a right, Judai."

My eyes filled up with tears and I realized that him not being mad at me was the worst punishment. I wanted him to yell at me, tell me that I was the worst person the walk on this earth. "You're not mad?"

He shook his head. "Why would I be mad?"

Tears fell down my cheeks then. "Why?" I shouted. "You're supposed to yell at me!"

He walked up to me and wiped the tears from my face. "Don't cry," he said. But it wasn't comforting. There was still no emotion in his voice. "Don't be upset. It's all going to be alright."

I couldn't say anything or do anything.

"Go back to your dorm," he said, "and get some rest. It'll be better when you wake up."

I stepped away from him and left the dorm with more tears running down my face.

Before, I was sure that I was calling the shots. I was sure that once I was ready, I could take him back. But now, I wasn't even sure he wanted me back.

I ruined everything. All hopes were gone now. And it was all of my fault.

But I didn't go to my dorm. I hopped on my motorcycle and left.

I didn't have to drive long, since I was going nearly one hundred miles an hour.

But soon, I got to where I wanted to be and went down the row until I saw him, tears still falling down my cheeks.

"Yusei," I sobbed as I dropped down on my knees in front of him. "I need your help."

Uh-oh…more tension be the twin J's? Next chapter in exactly seven days just as always :)

l

l

v