I don't own The Vampire Diaries.
I don't own Damon and Elena or any other characters used.
I only take credit for the story line and plot.
It might start off slow but things will pick up. It won't be a happy story from the get go but it will be interesting.
If any of this is copyrighted or already written tell me and I'll take it down but I don't believe it is. The hallucinating that Elena is experiencing will be explained throughout the story.

Read and Review please.

First you will see Damon's POV and then Elena's.

Damon and Elena will both find their way back to each other. They will deal with their loss in different ways but it will bring them closer. Delena moments to come. I promise that it won't be sad much longer.

Next chapter is their wedding they were supposed to have in front of their friends and family. And then a surprise honeymoon.

Thank you for the feedback. I love reading all your thoughts.

Enjoy.

Chapter 25- How'd you get so far away?

On your side of the bed, there's a picture of our wedding day.
A clock that don't work and the bible your daddy gave.
It's on the window side where the moon creeps in at night.
Staring at the ceiling lying here all alone,
I said a prayer for you then I said one of my own.
But you don't reach for me when you lie down quietly.

I headed into the Grill and took my seat at the bar. Matt was working tonight so at least I wouldn't have a bartender who asked me about the troubles I was drowning. Every night was the same now. Every day was the same. 51 days. It had been 51 days since we were mourning and comforting each other in that hospital room. That had been the last time Elena had let me touch her. I didn't like it, in fact I hated it, but I respected it. I respected her so I let her have her space. Some days were better than others but every day was lonely and cold.

After 2 days we were able to come home, if you can call it that now. I had started planning the funeral and Elena didn't seem to want to help much. We argued about where Alex would be buried but I settled that argument by buying 5 plots of our own at the cemetery so that way, as Elena would say 'if God feels like taking any other of our loved ones from us suddenly we have enough room'. I had tried to get her to eat that night but she hadn't talked to me since the outburst about our loved ones. Stefan had come back from getting her things from her parents house, he tried to talk to her as well but all he got from her was a head nod to say hello. She had crawled in bed that night and cuddled one of my pillows, she hadn't let me hold her since that night in the hospital when I had told her what happened. I crawled in next to her and tried to hold her but she pushed the pillow into my chest and scooted away from me, she never reached for me that night.

On day 5 we had the funeral. Elena still hadn't talked to me or anyone else. Even Elizabeth had tried talking to her but she said Elena wouldn't even look at her. I assured her that she did nothing wrong and Elena was just still sad. I was still sad but as long as I had something to do it was easier not to think about the reasons why I was sad. No one talked to myself or Elena and I can't speak for Elena but I didn't really want to talk to anyone either. We said our goodbyes at the church and threw the dirt at the cemetery, it felt too familiar and for that reason felt terrifying and utterly depressing. I watched as person after person left and time started to pass. I hadn't moved from where I stood watching as they lowered the little casket. Elena had fallen to her knees and sobbed uncontrollably. I tried again to comfort her but she withdrew from me, my arms and my heart felt cold without her. I needed her but I knew she needed to grieve too. "Sir we need to close the gates now." We didn't acknowledge the man who spoke to us.I knew Elena wasn't ready to leave yet and I had tried politely asking the man to leave but he didn't. After he tried to make us leave 2 more times I lost it. I pushed him backwards and he landed on the ground. "GO THE FUCK AWAY AND LET US GRIEVE YOU ASS!" I had walked back to Elena and knelt down next to her, she stroked my hand and gave me a half smile. It was progress and I loved it, it gave me hope. Yet she didn't reach for me that night either.

The days got harder, there wasn't a lot to do. My mind wandered more and the pain seemed to intensify. Day 7 is when we took Ric's advice and went to see a shrink, I went just because I wanted him to shut up. Neither of us spoke, Elena still barely ate anything, we were lost inside of ourselves. I didn't talk to the shrink neither did Elena. Yet the man kept pushing and pushing, asking his questions, and making suggestions. Elena wasn't listening, I was watching her. I needed her. "Maybe you two should think about living separately and getting yourselves back individually and then come together as a couple." I saw Elena cringe and her hands made fists. The doc kept on and on about it, I had enough. "SHUT UP! You can't see that it's hurting her! We don't need to be alone, we need each other!" I stand up and she follows me as I hold the door open for her. She gives me a half smile and I smile at her the best I can, it's not a happy smile though it's a broken one. Like clockwork we get in bed and neither of us reach for each other, I'm not expecting her to reach for me tonight or anytime soon.

Day 10 is when Stefan moved out and my new DRY cell phone had arrived. It hadn't been much of a conversation. "I can't stay here Damon. You and Elena need a place to yourselves and I'm not helping. I'll stay with Caroline until you guys figure things out." I scoffed at him. I didn't want him to leave. I may not talk to him but having him in the house was keeping me from turning into our father. I grab the bag he had set down and threw it back into his room. "See ya later Damon." He grabs the bag and walks out the door. I don't say anything, part of me doesn't know what to say. I watch him drive off and the last sane part of me breaks, I toss the cell phone aside no way am I going to need that any time soon and I pick up the bourbon that I'd promised myself I wouldn't drink. I hated drinking. The last time I had turned to drinking I was 17 and I drank straight through 18, 19, 20, and part of 21. I had been lonely and hurt...I needed something to dull the pain, drinking worked. I drank until I passed out on the couch in the parlor. I had woken up early the next morning with a blanket over me and a glass of water on the table. Did Elena put it there and cover me up? I made my way to our room and found aspirin on my bedside table, she cared. I crawled in the bed but she still didn't touch me. I miss my wife, my best friend.

I drank from day 11 straight through to the present. No words from my wife, no touch, not a single thing let me know that she cared...except for the aspirin, water and blanket but that wasn't enough. So here I sat on my stool at the Grill on day 51, still not talking to anyone and the cell phone still laid in the box on mt bedside table. I didn't have to tell Matt what I wanted, he just brought the bottle of bourbon over and left it. I fiddled with the wedding band on my finger, we never got our proper wedding yet. Would we ever? I doubted it at this point.

"Hey there handsome. What are you doing at the bar all by yourself?"

I barely acknowledged the blonde. I nodded my head towards the bottle and didn't say a word. I had no desire to talk to anyone let alone a woman who was not my wife. If it had been Elena I would have talked.

"Maybe I can help you if you tell me what's wrong."

She places her hand on my thigh. "My wife is gonna kill you." The words tumble out and Matt drops the towel he was holding. Obviously he heard me talk and was very bad at hiding his shock. "New bottle Matty." I set the empty one behind the bar and wait as he hands me the second one.

"Take it easy Damon. And he's taken so stop trying because his wife will kill you."

I smirk as he gives the blonde the evil eye. She rolls her eyes but doesn't move her hand. I move it for her. I take a long drink out of the bottle and try to imagine that Elena is here with me. I feel the woman's hand on my thigh again and this time she moves it closer to her destination. I laugh as my body doesn't respond to her at all. You'd think after 51 days of not having hot, passionate, love making with my wife I'd be aroused but this woman does nothing for me. I take her hand pin it behind her and pull her close to me. "Go. Away." I speak slowly and then release her hand. I grab the bottle and head for the door.

"DAMON!" I barely turn when I hear Matt calling my name. He jumps over the bar and comes to stand next to me. "Since I don't want Elena to kill me, you aren't driving or walking. I'm taking you home."

I roll my eyes. "Home? You think that place is home, definitely not. Plus, my wife doesn't love me." That was the first time I'd said the words out loud but they had to be true. She walked around like she wanted nothing to do with me.

"She loves you Damon. Why would you think otherwise?"

Easy. "She doesn't talk to me, smile at me, touch me, hug me, not even look at me. That's not love Matty."

It's quiet for the rest of the ride home. Matt's hands seemed to grip the steering wheel tighter after I told him why Elena can't possibly be in love with me anymore. He had tried to put on music but I turned it off. Music was for happy people who liked their life, I hated mine. I lost my family and had nothing except this bottle of bourbon. He turned off the car and walked with me to the door. I'm a big boy I don't need a babysitter, but it was company so I ddin't say anything.

"Where have you been?"

I hear the words leave her mouth and gape at her. Is she fucking serious? I scoff and turn to Matt. "51 days of fucking silence and nothing...now she demands to know where I've been. Not love Matt. That is more like obligation." I stomp off towards the stairs and stop when I get around the corner. I heard Matt slam the door.

"Elena. Living room. NOW." He had enunciated the last word and I heard them walk to the living room. I was still close enough I could hear what they were saying, Matt was laying into her. I wanted to go stop it but maybe, maybe she needed it. "What is wrong with you Elena?" I don't hear a reply. "Damon's drinking now, a lot. He says he needs it." He says the last sentence in disbelief. What the fuck does he know, I do need the alcohol. It numbs the pain, or at least I want it to.

"You don't believe him?" I hear her again. 4 words. What's with the 4 word sentences and why the hell is she talking now.

"No Elena. I know what he needs, or rather WHO he needs." I hear him take a step towards her. "He needs his WIFE Elena, not a ghost of her who can't love him. He needs to know that being here with you even though you both lost your son that this place is still your HOME! Your HUSBAND needs YOU Elena. You aren't the only one hurting and I think it's time you realize that before you lose him for good. You know how easy it would be for him to drown himself in the damn bottle, you saw Giuseppe's downfall." I hear him walk off and slam the front door behind him.

I walk to our room and bury my face in my pillow. Matt is right. I need my wife, I'm not healing myself or dealing with the pain...I'm making it worse. I sigh and try to think of something to do. I grab the new cellphone out of it's box and turn it on. My address book is gone but I memorized most of the numbers so it's not important. Something catches my eye though. I have voice mails. I click the missed calls list and scroll through them. Stefan, Ric, Caroline, Hayley, Elena. I count and recount the number of times Elena's name shows up. She's the only one who has called since the incident. "50." I say the number out loud. She's called my cell phone 50 times, why she lives with me? I click the voice mail button and listen as it rings.

You have 50 new voice messages. Did she leave me messages? First voice message.

It says it's from the day after the miscarriage and it's from 3am. I was asleep, so was Elena right? "Damon. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I know I can't give him back to you and I know you're hurt. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you again. It seems that's all I ever did. I love you." I click the number for save and shake my head.

"It was harder today Damon. I miss him and I hate myself for pushing you away but I don't want to hurt you anymore..." I listen to a few more.

"Thank you for what you said at the shrinks office. I don't want to be without you Damon. I know I'm being distant but I do love you..."

"You were drinking tonight. It's my fault. I hope the aspirin and water helps, you looked cold so I got you a blanket. I love you Damon..."

"Today was hard. I went into the nursery. You put the purple ball in there. Alex would have loved it..."

"Stefan came by today. I can't talk to him because I'm afraid he'll be mad that I wasn't strong enough to protect his nephew. I hurt him too Damon. I'm sorry. I love you..."

"You look peaceful tonight. Your hair is getting longer and it looks nice. I need you Damon but I'm scared. Please don't give up on me. I love you..."

I listen to all 50 messages. Every day. She has called me everyday and just talked to my voice mail. Every message said that she loves me, misses me, needs me. She watches me. I grasp the phone tighter and go to stand up.

RING!

RING!

I look at the screen, Elena. I hit the ignore button and let it go to voice mail. I walk down the stairs quietly and listen for her voice. I can hear her talking in the parlor so I crack the door open and look at her. She has no clue I'm here, she's just sitting at the piano looking at a picture of her and I holding the ultrasound picture. I focus in on her voice.

"I can't be what you need Damon. I mean I can I'm sure but I'm scared. I want so bad to be your wife, your Elena, your home but what if we lose someone else? We've already lost so much, we lost our son. What if next time an accident happens and it's Stefan? Or Caroline? Or you? I couldn't live with myself. You were gone all day. I missed you and I worried for you. I thought you had left me." I shake my head. She's hurting worse than I ever thought. I can hear the tears in her voice. "I'm so sorry Damon. I never meant for us to end up like this. I wish I could talk to you but...I'm afraid that Matt is right. I'm afraid it's too late. I never told you something and I know I have to but you won't like it. I love you and I won't ever give up on us Damon. I'll always come back to you. Remember that please?"

I watch her hang up and put her head in her hands. I want so much to comfort her but something tells me not to right now. I close the door quietly and start heading back upstairs. I stop when I hear the piano music and realize she's playing a song. I won't give up by Jason Mraz. I run up the stairs with an idea already forming in my head. I know how to comfort her. I walk back into our room and write a quick note to her and place it on her pillow. I crawl underneath the covers and close my eyes. Maybe tonight will be different. Maybe my note will help.

Tell me how, how'd you get so far away?
All we have left are the memories of the love we made.
Are you sleeping with your own regret?
On your own side of the bed.
Are you still awake on your side of the bed?

Matt's words had hit me hard, so had Damon's. He had it wrong, he was never an obligation I love him. I worry about him. I need him. Yet, I'm scared to be close to him. I know he's hurting and I am too but he doesn't know the extent of it. He was sleeping when the doctor came in and told me more about why we lost Alex. He told me every pregnancy would have this risk, I nodded knowing that I didn't ever want to hurt Damon like that again. He was so shattered and I didn't know how to fix him, I still don't. I hadn't thought I'd been so far away. I watched him all the time. It had been 51 days and I couldn't find the strength to talk to him face to face.

I knew I had pushed everyone away. I had to protect them from hurting, especially Damon. I called him every night to let him know everything that I couldn't tell him, except the part about every potential child we could try and have might meet the same fate as Alex. I always came down here at night to call him and play his mom's piano. She had been teaching me to play before she died...I kept it up because it was actually very calming and a great way to let your emotions out. For the last 51 days my emotions have been horribly depressed. It was all my fault. It was my body that wasn't able to carry Alex. I had caused this by not eating and sleeping enough in the month I spent away from Damon. I started playing the Jason Mraz song and thought back on the last 51 days.

The funeral was hard and saying goodbye to our little man was even harder. It was damn near impossible. Damon had stuck up for me and I was able to stay next to Alex with my hand laying on top of Damon's. I felt so close to him and it scared me so I started to pull back. I remember his sigh and the look in his eyes when I pulled. He was breaking even more but I always thought it would help him in the long run. I was so, so, so wrong.

Ric had been insistent that maybe counseling would help us get back to ourselves. I just wanted him to shut up so I agreed to go. I hated it because I remembered that I had gone to a shrink after my parents and Jenna died. I was resigned to sit there quietly and just watch the clock until the time was up. That plan was working up until the stupid shrink suggested that Damon and I spend time apart, he is fucking stupid if he thinks that'll happen. Damon stuck up for me again. I smiled at him as I left the room with him. I felt him put his arm on my waist, I stiffened and then got up to come down to call his cell phone.

Stefan had moved out and I knew it was hard on Damon. He needed his family but I also saw the reasons why Stefan left. He had been trying to help us and it was making no progress at all...he hated to see us hurt. That was the first night Damon started drinking, that's what scared me the most. I remember when his father started drinking and that's when he got violent. He never hit Damon or Stefan or even his wife but he said things to him that he couldn't take back once he sobered up. I hoped and prayed Damon wouldn't be like him. Once Damon had passed out I covered him with a blanket because he had goosebumps and he looked cold. "Elena...love...me...please." I heard him mumble the words in his sleep and my heart broke. He was begging me to love him in his dream. I gave him some water and put some more by his side of the bed along with some aspirin. He doesn't try to reach out to me nor do I feel his body turn towards me at all. I felt a pang of pain because part of me thought maybe he was giving up on us.

I watched him drink and drink until soon all the alcohol in the house was gone. Every night I picked up after him and tucked him into either the bed or whatever couch he passed out on. I watched him sleep and saw the little changes in him. There were bags under his eyes and he seemed to never smile anymore, not even in his sleep. His hair was longer and I gently brushed it off his forehead, I liked it like this. There was a little stubble on his jaw and I ran my fingers over it careful never to wake him. I missed being with him so much that it hurt. He always mumbled a few words in his sleep and they were mostly always about me. I still called him every night and told him about what I did that day or just how much I missed him and love him. I hoped he wouldn't give up on us.

I sighed as I finished the Jason Mraz song and headed up to bed. I went to climb in bed when I saw the note on my pillow.

'I won't give up on us. Even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love. I'm still looking up. When you're needing your space, to do some navigating. I'll be here patiently waiting.' Jason Mraz said it better than I can but when ever you are ready I'm here. I love you Elena and I won't give up on us, or you baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams. -your hubbie

He heard me. I hold the note and read it over and over. I looked over at him and instantly knew he wasn't asleep. His eyes were closed but his breathing wasn't even but he wasn't pushing me either. I crawled in the bed and wrapped my arms around his waist while resting my head on his chest. I felt his breathing pick up a little and his arm started rubbing my back soothingly. He started humming some random song as his breath evened back out. Tentatively I ran my hand up and down his chest.

"I'm sorry Damon. I'm ready to talk now." I move my head and rest my chin on his chest.

He looks down at me. "I'm here. You know if it makes it easier you could call me on my phone and we could talk that way."

I half laugh and bury my head in his chest. I shake my head and look back at him. "No. This I need to tell you, face to face. Please don't be mad." He motions for me to continue. "I'm sorry for pushing you away but I was doing it because I didn't want to hurt you. After you told me about Alex the doctor came back in to talk to us but you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you so I talked to him alone." I hesitated and he tensed up.

"You don't have to tell me Elena. I can wait...I'm just happy your letting me hold you. I missed you."

I shake my head. "I can't wait anymore. I need to tell you now. He said that what happened was...He said that I could...I'm afraid to get pregnant again." I sit up and lean against the headboard. I watch him take it the words and then he scoots up next to me and pulls me to him.

"Elena. Why are you afraid? I mean maybe it was just too soon for Alex but that doesn't mean that one day we can't try again."

"But it does Damon!" He pulls back when I shout at him. "I'm sorry. I just...the doctor said that it could happen again. He said it was a real possibility and that there were precautions we could take but nothing would be certain. I don't want to hurt you again if something goes wrong. I love you too much to see that look of hurt in your eyes."

"I understand that and I love you for wanting to protect me but if you want kids and after we try again or you want to explore more options we can. I mean there surrogacy, adoption, or we could just keep trying and pray that you don't have any complications. We don't have to try again soon but one day I'd like to try again Elena. I love you Elena and I understand why you pushed me away but I wished you hadn't. It was killing me not being able to comfort you baby. I watched you cry and mourn but you wouldn't let me close to you and all I wanted to do was hold you."

I was shocked. He was taking it a lot better than I thought he would. "I'm sorry. I wanted to hold you too. I actually watched you sleep, you talk." He raises his eyebrow at me. "It was about me. You asked me to love you. You didn't have to you know...I've always loved you."

He sighs and pulls me down to the bed with him. He is chuckling and pulls the covers over our heads. "I've always loved you too Elena. Oh and I kept all your messages. I liked them."

I smile at him and start to relax in his arms. "I'm tired babe. I love you."

"I love you too." He kisses my forehead and then pecks me on the lips.

"Goodnight Damon."

"Goodnight Elena."

I close my eyes. Home. This is home, being in Damon's arms. I don't have to push him away anymore. I fall into a restful sleep.

The next morning I wake up and feel Damon kissing my stomach and my neck and then waking me up with a very passionate kiss.

"Mmm good morning Mrs. Salvatore. I should warn you that it's 11am and Caroline is downstairs waiting for you. She called and I told her we talked and now she showed up with breakfast. Waffles and eggs and bacon."

I smile and give him one more kiss. "I want to get married Damon. In front of our friends and family like we should have. Can we?"

He nods. "If it's what you want. We can talk more later. We have time love don't rush into anything. We still need to work through the last 51 days. But now, lets start number 52 off different and go downstairs together."

I smile and nod my head. Day 52 would be the beginning of a whole new journey. We still had a lot to talk about and problems to work through but now they all seemed so small. I had Damon and he had me. Little did I know that it wasn't just Caroline downstairs and I was about to walk into the reunion that has been 51 days in the waiting. My family was waiting downstairs.