I'm sorry for the wait, but as I've always said I will never rush an update. I wouldn't want to subject you to the rubbish I write when I rush myself, it's not pretty. This, I hope, is better! I hope you can forgive me and find it in your kind hearts to leave me some love! :)

As always, I don't own anything recognisable. SM does. Enjoy!

Alice

I was tired. No, scratch that – I was exhausted. I'd done nothing but sleep whenever I wasn't throwing up, but it didn't seem to help. I could barely stay awake when Bella, Rose or Jasper came to visit and it made me feel awful. I know they weren't expecting me to be overly chatty, but I'm sure they didn't have much fun watching me sleep.

My throat had started to hurt over the weekend and mom was terrified that I'd somehow contracted another infection. As Dr. Young explained however, it was another side effect of the chemotherapy; making swallowing very painful and eating impossible.

Mom sat on the chair, pulling it as close to the bed as possible.
"Darling…please try to eat something?" She implored, pushing the tray of food closer to me. For once I could actually stomach it, but the raw agony each time I swallowed was painful enough.
"I can't, mom. It hurts."
"I know, darling, but you need to eat something."

I knew she was right. Thankfully Dad was down in the cafeteria getting me some ice cream and a smoothie – things that hopefully wouldn't hurt too much to swallow. I'd finished the new round of chemotherapy for the time being, but because of the change in meds and my increased risk of infection I was currently on lock down in the adolescent cancer wing of the hospital. I hated it. I suppose the same was true of everyone here. Edward had gotten all philosophical on me; talking about how at our age we should be just starting out in life; not having to worry about anything as horrible as cancer. To see an entire wing of kids my age was depressing. Some of them had a much better shot than me at beating this thing, but some wouldn't make it no matter what the doctors tried.

Like I said, I hated it.

"One chocolate smoothie and some vanilla ice-cream that I managed to sneak past Emmett." My Dad chuckled as he entered the room. I smiled at the image of Emmett noticing he'd been denied food.
"Thank you, darling." My mom spoke, taking the food from my dad's hands and setting it on the tray in front of me. I reached for the smoothie first.
"They didn't have strawberry?"

"They did actually, but strawberries contain higher amounts of acid that could further irritate your throat, so I chose chocolate. If you want I could swap it for vanilla?" Dad went to get up.
"No, no…I just like pink is all." I smiled softly, taking a sip. The cool temperature felt soothing as I swallowed.
"How are you feeling?"

My dad had taken to asking me this question about every half hour. It was endearing, but somewhat annoying. He looked so hopeful though so I always answered.
"Tired, sore, but not as sick. I think I'll keep these down."

He seemed content with my assessment, smiling gently and nodding as he wrapped his arm around my mom's shoulder.
"Are you hungry, Es?"
"Not really, honey."

My dad glared playfully at my mom.
"Esme I'm sure Alice can survive on her own for a half hour. There are many, many nurses on the ward. Right, babygirl?"

I nodded.
"Definitely. Go eat, Mom."

She sighed in resignation, glancing from my father to myself before nodding. As she stood she planted a kiss on my head.
"We'll not be long."

The door closed quietly, pulling me from sleep. The footsteps slowed as I opened my eyes.

Jasper.

"Hey…" My throat throbbed.

He suddenly looked nervous, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

He shrugged, his feet planted firmly at the foot of my bed.
"Waking you up, I guess." His face flushed a little as he mumbled.

He was feeling guilty for waking me up? Like I needed any more sleep. I felt like I hadn't seen him in days.
"Don't. I've missed you."

He smiled, his hands coming out of his pockets. He ran one hand through that messy hair of his as he looked at me. I sat up a little, patting the side of the bed for him to sit. He looked hesitant so I patted the bed again.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, taking my hand as he sat.
"I've definitely felt better." His face fell.
"Then again I've definitely felt worse too." I winced, reaching for my smoothie. Jasper gently squeezed my hand as he collected it from the cabinet beside the bed.
"Your mom told me about your throat. I'm sorry."
"S'ok. I mean as long as I don't talk, swallow, or eat I mean." I joked, rolling my eyes. Jasper got that sad look on his face again as I sipped slowly on the chocolatey goodness.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, squeezing my hand again gently.

"Everyone's sorry…" I sighed, setting the smoothie down.
"There's something wrong with that?" He asked, gently brushing his fingers along my arm.
"It's not anyone's fault…"

He sighed softly, taking my hand in his again.
"Can't we just be sympathetic?"

"I guess." I conceded. I'd realised a while ago that there was nothing I could do to stop my family worrying. I only now realised that I didn't want Jasper to feel like that.
"Is that why you're here?"
"What do you mean? Because I feel bad for you?" He frowned, but what I noticed immediately was his hand moving from mine. I suddenly felt cold. Lonely.
"Jasper I didn't mean it like that."
"Like what? Don't you want me to care?" He wasn't angry, just hurt. I could see it in his eyes.

I sighed, closing my eyes over. This wasn't coming out like I'd wanted.
"That's not what I meant, Jasper."
"Well what, then? What did you mean?"

I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment as my eyes pricked with tears. I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't want to ask him what I was about to ask him, but at the same time I didn't think I could cope with not knowing the answer.

Suddenly, his hand reached out to mine again, our fingers lacing together.
"Alice…please talk to me."

I sucked in a breath, willing my voice to remain as strong as possible.
"Is the leukaemia the only reason that you care?" I winced, my voice cracking on the final word, but not because of my throat. I was terrified that he would nod.

He didn't. He simply stared into my eyes, disbelieving.
"Wh…what?"

"Just answer the question Jasper, please." I was surprised at the conviction in my voice now. He merely shook his head, squeezing my hand tightly.
"No. No it's not. Why would you think that?"

He'd been there. He'd been understanding. He'd been perfect. Now he sighed.
"You're so good to me…" It was my turn to squeeze his hand.
"I'm just scared that it's because I'm sick."

He smiled softly, his eyes glancing at our laced fingers.

"The timing's crappy, I'll admit it. But you being sick is not why I'm around. I'm around because I want to be. I'm around because I miss you like hell when I'm not around. I don't care about the leukaemia. Well I mean I do, I care about how you feel, but I don't stick around just to ask you. I could just ask Rosalie if that's all I wanted to know."

He faltered, only momentarily.
"Alice I'm here because I love you. I want nothing more than for you to feel better, but that's not out of pity. I love you."

He gently brushed his fingers across my cheek. His beautiful, expressive eyes looked into mine. He was so close I could feel his breath on my nose. I could feel my eyelids flutter closed as I smiled.
"I love you too, Jasper."

His lips fused to mine, his touch warm and gentle. It ignited a spark deep inside of me, and I let my fingers grasp through his hair with whatever strength my weak body could muster. Kissing Jasper was unlike kissing anyone else. I could feel everything melt away until nothing was left but us. Nothing else mattered.

I could defeat this monster for us.