-25-
Like any other weekday morning, an annoying, high-pitched beeping drifted down from the upper area. Inside the master bedroom, a hand reached out from under the covers of a queen-sized bed and turned off the offending alarm clock, which sat upon a small bedside table with two drawers. Gone was the TV tray that once served that purpose for so long. It was relegated to a corner in the dining room with its siblings, ready and waiting to be used for their intended purpose.
It had been over a month since a pair of goddesses came to live with Keiichi, and much had changed in that time. The biggest was the simple fact that his humble abode had become a home more than a place to shack up in. Real, actual furniture had replaced the folding chairs and TV trays that had sat around the sparsely furnished house. Even pictures had started to pop up, with several art pieces hanging in various places around his room and down the hall. His personal favorite was the wall of pictures he was accumulating that highlighted the memories he was making with Belldandy and Urd.
While it had been hectic and chaotic in the first few weeks, everyone had fallen into a comfortable routine. Keiichi would get up, shower and get dressed. There was no more traipsing through the house in nothing but a towel anymore. Too many other eyes could see. After putting on the uniform of the day, he would make his appearance in the dining room where Belldandy would greet him with a smile and a nicely prepared breakfast. They would dine together, chatting about the day and sometimes being joined by Urd who did not adhere as closely to 'the schedule' as he and the blue-eyed goddess did.
As Keiichi buttoned up the blouse of his desert camo working uniform, he thought of the interloper who had appeared the evening before. Peorth had Belldandy all out of sorts due to her getting the idea that she needed to fulfill his 'carnal needs'. He stopped to think about that for a moment. Sure, he would love to get it on with Belldandy, but it had to be the right time and under the right circumstances and certainly not forced like Peorth was keen on doing. There was a time and place for everything, afterall. Just not right now. Not like that.
After he and Belldandy had discussed it, they returned to find Urd and Peorth in a staring contest. Neither one seemed ready to tell him what they had been discussing, so he let it drop and told everyone to go to bed. Peorth had taken that opportunity to invite herself into his bed, but Belldandy was having none of it. She insisted that the new goddess would sleep with her so that she could 'keep an eye on her.' A small part of Keiichi was actually grateful for that. He'd had his fair share of 'pushy' women in the past, and though he didn't want to make the comparison, there was something a teeny-tiny bit... rapey about Peorth.
Satisfied that he had everything squared away, Keiichi stepped out into the hall and headed towards the lower areas. The pleasant smells of someone cooking tickled his nose, and he stepped down off the last step, eager to see what Belldandy had cooked for him today.
"Ooh la la, Monsieur Keiichi, you are looking quite sexy in that uniform of yours."
Not Belldandy, he thought to himself. Fool me once... Something deep inside of him had known this was coming. "Thank you, Peorth," he said in exasperation as he turned to the dining room. Where's B-" The name was caught in his throat when he saw what was on the table. All manner of breakfast foods were laid out in front of him. There were pancakes and waffles and sausages and muffins and-was that miso soup? Why the fuck-what the fuck-fuck!
"Where's Belldandy?" repeated Peorth. "Oh, she's still asleep. She had this odd impression that if she did not watch me all night, that I might sneak away and get in your bed." Keiichi could not yet see the black haired goddess because the spread of food on the table was so massive. "She never could last all night like I can."
When the black haired goddess finally stepped out, Keiichi's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. Instead of the outfit she was wearing last night, she was wearing nothing more than a cooking apron. It was just barely long enough to not expose her womanhood for all to see. The same could not be said about the top, which was straining to contain Peorth's busty chest. He thought he caught a touch of nipple, bit that could have been his mind playing tricks on him. Keiichi felt his arousal start to come up, so he turned to remove himself from the situation, preparing to head back upstairs.
Unfortunately, he seemed to be rooted in his spot. "Non non non, you will not escape me, Monsieur Keiichi. Not when you have a true love goddess here to satisfy your every need!" The goddess sauntered towards him, hips swaying with every slow, sensual step. The apron danced and swayed across her waist, teasing quick glances of her vulva.
Keiichi immediately averted his eyes, focusing on the woman's face. "Let me go, Peorth," he said, and once more tried to move. His feet remained rooted to the spot as though someone had dropped a pallet on them, but he was at least able to maintain movement from his waist up. "I have work and I don't have time to deal with your shit."
The woman laughed. "Non non." She wagged a finger at him. "There is no reason to rush! Americans are always rushing back and forth as though there are so few hours in the day. You must relax, Monsieur. Take some time for yourself." A red flower appeared in her hand. "Stop and smell the roses."
"Peorth, I will give you one warning," Keiichi said. "Don't fucking touch me or I will throw you out of this house so fucking fast your head will spin," he growled. Peorth was making him uncomfortable, but he hid it behind is rising anger.
"Oh?" The goddess paused and looked at him in surprise. "Whatever am I doing to you though?" She asked. "I am merely providing you a nice filling breakfast, since you seem in such a rush to run off to your work. Breakfast with a view, if you will," she said with a wiggle of her chest, causing her breasts to jiggle back and forth. Peorth beckoned him forward with the hand not holding the rose, and his feet moved with a will of their own towards the chair she pulled out for him. His knees folded beneath him, and he plopped heavily into the chair.
"There we are. Comfortable, non?" Peorth leaned forward over the table, grabbing a plate and loading it with a stack of pancakes. The angle provided Keiichi an unrestricted view of her apple shaped bottom and the valley between the cheeks, and gritting his teeth the SEAL looked to the ceiling, trying to contain his temper. Humming to herself, the goddess placed the stack of pancakes in front of him, and the woman's face appeared over Keiichi. She leered at him. "Would you like me to butter you up?" She asked, smiling suggestively. Keiichi bit back a groan. "... Or, if you like mon cher, I can add something oozy and sticky."
"I would like," Keiichi said through grit teeth, "for you to let me go so I can get ready for work."
"But you cannot leave for work on an empty stomach!" Peorth scolded. "You should at least suckle my melons before you depart." Keiichi's eyes boggled, and flew to the woman's chest, only to find Peorth grabbing a plate with several slices of honeydew melon instead. She leaned down and placed it in front of him, this time giving him a grand view of the mounds hanging tantalizingly from her chest. She stood back up and planted her hands on her hips, one hip protruding out just enough to send him a generous glance of the land down under. "Hmph." Keiichi leaned away from her. "Will you at least let me stuff your sausage in my buns?"
Keiichi twitched.
Peorth grabbed a sausage-something that looked closer to a large bratwurst than a typical breakfast sausage link, and held it up by one end. "Hmm... Perhaps a flavor test... I should ensure these are still hot and juicy... wouldn't want to stuff a bun with a cold and floppy wiener now, would we?" She winked at him, then tipped her head back with a toss of her hair, and put the tip into her mouth after tickling it with her tongue first. He watched her slip the entire breakfast sausage into her mouth and down her throat without chewing, and as the end vanished from sight, she glanced down at him and winked as she swallowed and smiled. "Tasty," Peorth said as she licked her fingers. "Hot and meaty, just as I like them." She paused for a moment, her gaze moving to something behind him before returning her attention to the SEAL.
"I bet Belldandy has to cut hers."
I'm trapped in a porno. Keiichi thought to himself. Oh god someone help me. And so of course his prayers were answered as Belldandy stalked up behind the man absolutely livid.
"Peorth, you... you..." Keiichi could feel the rage radiating off the goddess, bright and hot like a furnace, and instinctively balled himself up into as small a ball as his frame would allow. "You &#$%!" The curse came out in that strange language Keiichi could never understand, and then a roar-not a scream but a goddamned roar, like a fucking lion, arose from the Norn at his back. Peorth's eyes widened, first in a shock-did she just insult me? Then in terror-oh shit. With a yelp the woman cantered away from Keiichi, and as she wheeled to run off Keiichi caught another flash of creamy buttocks.
Belldandy stormed forward with a growl, "You scurvy shit stack!" she snarled. "You cock spunk bubble! You lascivious, dog-fucking whore!" She grabbed a knife from the table-not a butter knife, but one of the large steak knives that rested near the plate of sausages and other assorted breakfast meats. "I'm going to shove my fist up your ass to the elbow, and then I'm going to abort your intestines!" Knife in hand, she began to chase Peorth around the living room and through the kitchen, leaving Keiichi, whose legs still refused to obey him, to sit and stare in horror.
Keiichi moaned and let his head crash against the table next to his stack of pancakes. "The woman I'm in love with is going to murder her high school BFF right in front of me, and I'm going to be late for work with no alibi," he sighed. "God damn, if I don't find fucking ad hoc deployment orders on my desk when I go to work, I'm gonna say 'fuck it' and shoot myself in the foot." He paused and thought about that course of action, then grimaced. "No, that means I won't be able to run away anymore. I'll just go AWOL instead." He wondered if McGuinness would let him sleep over at his place like his Commander had when Keiichi was going through his divorce. Let's see a bunch of goddesses try and pull this shit in front of his boss. Yeah, that'd probably go about as well as he'd expect; like a turd in a punch bowl.
"What the fuck?!" A new voice had joined the fray. Keiichi craned his neck around to see Urd standing in the doorway. Her disheveled state was a clear indicate that she had not come down to join them for breakfast, but instead had been woken up and came to investigate the ruckus caused by Peorth's screams of terror and Belldandy's vehement cursing.
Keiichi's pleading eyes met those of the silver haired goddess. "Urd, help me! Make them stop!" he begged. "I just want to go to work!"
"Streuth!" Urd yelped, stumbling away from the Tom and Jerry-esque scene as Peorth ran by screaming, Belldandy slashing the air like Norman Bates after Marion Crane. "Son of a bitch, Belldandy is that a fucking knife?" Her accent was out in full force this morning, and the words came out as "Son ova bitch, izzat a fuckin' knife?" The woman raced after her younger sister, joining the madness, becoming Spike the bulldog chasing Tom as he pursued Jerry around the house.
"God. Fucking. Damn it," Keiichi bit out, bobbing his head in frustration with each word. Experimentally, he put his hands on the edge of the table and pushed. To his surprise, the chair moved slightly on the hardwood floor. He looked up and watched as the train of madness circled the table once more, then shoved himself out and into their path at just the correct moment. Peorth barreled into him, then Belldandy, who lost control of the knife, sending it skittering across the floor.
When the last goddess slammed into the group, Peorth was vaulted over Keiichi as he fell backwards, landing on her head against the wall. Her apron, due to gravity, fell down and exposed her womanhood to the world. Urd ended up with her head resting between Keiichi's legs. Belldandy ended up pancaked on top of her, pushing her sister's head into his crotch. Keiichi did not have the ability to call out in pain as he was being smothered between Belldandy's breasts.
For the second time in as many days, the Navy SEAL tapped out.
XXX
"Welp... tha could'a gone bettah'." Urd breathed through clenched teeth. "Ya both're flippin Munchs.
Belldandy grunted. Peorth said nothing.
The three of them sat on the wooden stairs of the back porch. Keiichi, fed up, had kicked all three of them out of the house following Belldandy's stunt with a knife, to include Peorth, whom at the time had still been dressed in nothing aside from a short apron. She'd had the sense to change her outfit after the cool, early morning dew had met her bare feet, and was now dressed in a similar outfit from the night prior. The main change had been the addition of longer shorts to account for Virginia's moist climate.
"Tha wazza bitch move, Peorth."
"If I wanted your opinion Urd, I would have asked for it," Peorth snapped.
"Fair." Urd nodded and fell silent for another moment, then spoke again. "Tha' wazza bitch move, Belldandy."
"Don't start, Urd."
"Ya' came at 'er with a knife."
"It wouldn't have hurt her. It was made of weak Midgard Steel. That material can't even saw through paper."
"That's not how I saw it," Peorth muttered. She glared at Belldandy from where she sat on the other side of Urd, using the older woman as a barrier between herself and the middle Norn.
Belldandy scowled. "It wouldn't have hurt you," she repeated. "Trust me. I know."
The others lapsed into silence.
"Ya' could'a hurt Keiichi though." Urd tried again. She stopped herself and frowned, then spoke again in slow and deliberate manner. The accent that was so prominent began to die down. "Yah saw 'im-mate could barely move. Human flesh is weak. It's why they wear so much armor when entering a combat zone." She sighed. "Hell, one of his old diggers lost 'is toes because he stepped on an IED, and those are composed of nothing but that 'weak, Midgard Steel' ya' ragging on."
Belldandy flinched and fell silent.
The sunrise came earlier with each passing day now, and with it the sky was already showing a bright pink in the sky. Birds began their early morning songs, and from inside the trio of goddesses listened as Keiichi clattered and clanged around the house. Belldandy winced. The anger radiating off the man inside was something all three of them could feel. Though she was loathe to admit it, she was glad to be outside with Urd and Peorth, even if Peorth had been the one to start the fiasco.
Urd tipped her head back and sighed. A small flock of sparrows flitted overhead, and nearby a crow cawed. "We'll go and get the truck out of the swamp today," she said. "Clean it up, maybe make a few additional repairs, change the oil, all that jazz."
"A peace offering?" Belldandy looked at her sister queerly.
Urd shrugged. "Can't hurt," she said. "Yestahday ended in a clusterfuck and today stahted as one. Poor cunt's spewen cat piss ovah what's happened past twelve hoah's."
"What?" Peorth stared at Urd in confusion.
"She mean's Keiichi is upset," Belldandy translated, then buried her face in her hands with a groan.
"Oi, I was speaking English!" Urd cried.
"Then it is of no English I am familiar with," Peorth muttered under her breath.
"What's that Swaggie?" Urd growled.
Belldandy sighed. "Annunciate, Urd," she said. Urd cast the glare she'd been holding with Peorth to Belldandy, only for it deflate as she saw how withdrawn the younger woman was.
The older Norn sighed. "Right, right," she grumbled and tried again. "We'll try and make it up to him regardless. That means all of us are on our best behavior." She sent a glare to Peorth. "All of us."
Peorth huffed. "I don't need to listen to a second class goddess," she reminded.
"You wanna have a blue?" Urd threatened. "We can go at it-soon as Keiichi leaves. You and me and Bell, and we can send you back to Asgard looking like a bushy dog that got her face rooted by a 'roo."
"I don't even know what that means," Peorth said, though she edged away from the goddess a tad, perhaps a bit more hesitant after Belldandy's wilder threats that morning.
"Stop, Urd," Belldandy muttered. "I'm tired of all this fighting. I just want things to calm down again and go back to the way they were." She listened as the garage door groaned open, then sighed with something akin to relief as the Harley's engines revved, roared, then began to fade away. "We'll get the truck later today and clean up the mess in the dining room," she decided. "Peorth, I'm going to warn you once: Unless it's to help, stay out of our way."
"And what should I do in the mean time?" Peorth demanded. "I am here to grant Monsieur Keiichi's wish, not lie about like a derelict."
"I don't care, to be perfectly honest," Belldandy replied. "So long as you do not harass me, Keiichi, or Urd."
"And just where has Monsieur Keiichi departed to?"
"Work," Belldandy replied. "Where he will be unavailable until he returns toni-"
"Shh." Urd hissed. "Neither of you fucking move." The woman's voice had dropped to a low octave, and Belldandy froze, staring at her sister with wide eyes. Peorth, whom Belldandy saw on the edge of her peripheral vision, was doing the same, but her gaze was cast outwards, dark eyes wide and nervous.
"What is that?" Peorth breathed, and Belldandy slowly turned her head to observe what had so caught the other deity's attention. Her eyes saw nothing at first, and at a second glance she understood why; the puma's tawny coat blended in well with the ground and its scattered shadows, and if not for its slow creep through the trees, Belldandy would have missed it entirely.
"Cougar," Urd muttered. "Think it might be one of the locals."
"A spirit?" Peorth asked.
"Higher spirit-one elevated to a position of godhood," Urd replied. "It's been snooping around a lot lately."
"What's it doing?" Peorth asked. The puma was stalking towards them, its belly low to the ground.
Belldandy recognized the body language at once. "Urd, it's going to-"
"Don't move, Belldandy," Urd repeated. "Neither of you fucking move." In a louder voice she addressed mountain lion. "Don't do it!" she snapped. "We see you in our territory. You'll regret it if you follow through!"
"Why?" Peorth was getting nervous. "Belldandy, what's it going to-"
The cougar breeched the treeline, then charged towards the trio in a bolt. Without even realizing what she was doing, Belldandy was on her feet, right next to Urd, and the two sisters released shrieks like banshees, auras flaring up around them.
The puma skidded to a halt ten feet in front of them and screamed. It sounded like a woman's scream. "Leave this place!" Belldandy shouted.
Urd joined her. "This is our territory!"
The cougar growled and screamed again, ears flat against its head and fur bristled. It had to have been the size of a black bear, it was so large. The creature snarled and paced to Belldandy's left, trying to get past Urd and towards the house. Its eyes were set on Peorth.
"Don't do it!" Urd yelled, and as the beast tried to slip past her she rushed it, forcing the creature to retreat. "You best be leaving if you know what's good for you!
"We come from a long line of warriors and hunters." Belldandy joined her. "Don't think we won't steal your coat and make it ours!"
"You'll run around naked and all the deer will laugh at you," Urd taunted. The puma growled again, tail large and wagging with anger. "The bears will mock you and let their cubs eat you because you have no coat to protect you. Now leave."
The puma hissed at the duo, yet both sisters stood their ground, eyeing the large creature with a heated gaze of such a close resemblance that there left little doubt to their kinship. It growled once more, tail lashing, and then with a final hiss turned and stalked back into the woods. Neither goddess moved until the creature was well out of sight, and even then the sisters weren't foolish enough to turn their backs to the tree line. Instead, they backed up, eyeing their surroundings and only relaxing when the early morning birdsong began anew, signaling the danger had passed.
"Douce mère miséricordieuse," Peorth breathed. Her eyes never left Belldandy. "The last time I have seen a beast of such size, it was feasting on the remains of a client whom I was late to meet due to a blocked medium." She was trembling. "It was a spirit that had grown large and evil off the blood of man and wanted to sup on the flesh of a god to acquire an elevated position amongst demons."
"I remember that," Belldandy said quietly. She narrowed her eyes at the trees. "We were both young then, too. That had been before we'd acquired our first-class license."
"You accompanied me down to mentor me on linguistics amongst humanity," Peorth said. "I was failing in the subject and you were assigned to aid me." She paused. "You scared the beast away then, too."
"The puma was charging at you, Peorth." Belldandy said.
"It was," Peorth agreed. "And I do not know why. But this time, just as then, you scared it away without a single act of violence against it." She couldn't hide the envy in her voice. "I never had the opportunity to thank you for that time," she said. "Thank you. From the depths of my heart, thank you. For that time and this time."
Belldandy stared at her, then nodded. "Does this mean you'll leave Keiichi alone?" she asked tentatively.
"Not unless his heart's desire is fulfilled," Peorth replied. "You know a wish granter cannot leave until the wish is attained and viewed as complete by the System Force."
The Norn visibly drooped, discouraged. She sighed, and frustrated, turned and headed inside, the glass door slamming shut behind her.
Urd and Peorth winced, and then Peorth looked to Urd. The dark haired goddess let out a frustrated sigh of her own. "Mon dieu, do they not understand that he merely need speak the words and this will all be over?"
"You wanna have a naughty with him and that just won't fly," replied Urd as she crossed her arms, fixing Peorth with a level gaze.
Peorth rolled her eyes, for once catching the jist of what Urd was saying. "What, are you telling me the man is monogamous?" She scoffed at the idea, but Urd's gaze never wavered. "Es-tu sérieux?"
Urd nodded. "An' you'll be in the shit with both of 'em if you keep on like this."
Peorth tittered. "C'est dommage. What of you?" she asked.
"What about me?" The Norn retorted. "Me getting involved would be as useless as tits on bull," Urd said. "And now Bell's cross as a frog in a sock and I'm the blue-arsed fly that's got to deal with it, you wombat." Shaking her head, she too retreated inside, leaving Peorth to stand and stare blankly at the woman's retreating form.
"Elle parle anglais mais je ne comprends toujours pas?!" she cried, then yelped as a woman's scream, a puma's scream, echoed through the surrounding forest. Then she too rushed inside, locking the glass door behind her and dropping the blinds. "Au diable cette terre!" she cried.
XXX
In the end it was Urd who retrieved the truck from the swamp. She left Belldandy to cool down and was pleasantly surprised when the goddess appeared not even five minutes after she returned to help wash out the inside of the vehicle and clean the gunk that had clogged the engine. Though the goddess was quiet, she was thorough and invested in whatever task Urd directed her towards. Recognizing the need for silence, Urd kept her own peace, giving her sister the time she needed. Peorth was a surprise as well, heeding the advice of both Norns and keeping quiet and out of sight, though her aura's signature permeated the house at their backs. The task of cleaning and repairing the truck-something so simple it could have been done in five minutes-instead took up most of their day at Belldandy's request. She needed to keep her mind busy. She needed to keep her hands busy, and if that meant gutting an engine from the truck, disassembling it piece by piece, and running a hose through every miniscule component to get the swamp out, then so be it. The distraction was welcome, and it kept her from dwelling on what Peorth had said.
Around two in the afternoon the goddess had worked up enough of a sweat that she felt like talking again. Urd took advantage of it and used it as an opportunity to speak on lighter subjects, and even managed to get a laugh or two out of the Middle Norn. A text from Skuld gave them a reason to break for lunch, and Peorth remained conspicuously absent as the two of them dined on the leftover pizza that had been shoved in the fridge by Keiichi last night. Belldandy took a hearty bite of microwaved Hawaiian pizza and chewed it slowly, then swallowed and looked at the luke-warm pizza in appraisal. "That is," she said, "by far, one of the strangest foods I've ever eaten." She paused, then took another bite. "I like it."
"That says a lot coming from someone who lived in the same country that invented natto and enjoys fish guts," Urd commented, shoving her own piece of Hawaiian pizza towards her sister. "Pineapple belongs in margaritas, not pizza."
Belldandy sent her a look as she accepted the offered slice. "Natto isn't too bad after you adjust to the texture," she replied. "And there's a reason innards are usually drowned in different sauces."
"You've got a stronger stomach than me, Bell."
"What did Skuld have to say?"
Urd shrugged, snagging Belldandy's spare slice of vegetarian pizza and nibbling at the crust. "She's putting in leave to come back and visit." The Norn said. "Mentioned something about a task you gave her before she left being completed."
"Ah." She'd forgotten about her parting request to her sister in the month that had passed since Skuld had left. The Norn frowned. "The house will get crowded again," she grumbled. "Did she mention when she'd be arriving?"
"Soon." Urd looked at her phone. "...No date yet, just 'soon'." She looked back at Belldandy. "It's all good. Skuld can shack up with me again. I think I'm the only person who can sleep through her snoring."
"Are you sure it's not the other way around?" Belldandy muttered under her breath, then took a large bite of the pizza as Urd shot her a glare.
"What was that?"
"Hmm?" She looked at Urd innocently, making a show of chewing her way through the pizza for a long minute.
Urd stared at her shrewdly, then shrugged. "For a moment I thought I heard something. Oh well, it's not like I have to shack up with you and your sleepwalking." She leaned back in her chair and sent her sister a smug look. "The shit you say in your sleep creeps me out."
Belldandy almost chocked. "I do not talk in my sleep!" She cried.
Urd raised an eyebrow and raised a hand. A book manifested in her fingers, and the woman pulled it open to a random page as she adjusted reading glasses that had not been there before. "You're fat like a narwal," she read, then looked up at Belldandy, lowering her head to see over the rim of the glasses. Belldandy stared back, eyes wide, and grinning, Urd continued. "Somebody took a shit on the floor. It's alive... The apples tell me things, we need to save the king... How many times do I have to tell you? I'm speaking to the little people." She paused there and looked back at Belldandy. "That freaked me the fuck out when I was ten. You stormed right into my room, pointed at a corner filled with shadows, and then stood there and stared at it like Ansuz had put you in time out for like, five minutes."
"Are you serious?" Belldandy stared at her in disbelief. "And you-you've been recording this?!"
"Since you were five." Urd nodded. "The best one I remember was when you were thirteen. I was sound asleep and you just slammed into my door. Face first and everything, and it scared the shit out of me. I went to see if you were okay and opened the door, and you just reached up and grabbed my chin and said, 'I like you.' Then you went into my room, grabbed two left shoes-my boot and a slipper-then turned and ran off." She shook her head. "You woke up the next morning with the shoes right next to your face, then you accused me of pulling a prank on you. Ansuz gave me additional chores for a week after that because she didn't believe anything I said."
"Oh Yggdrasil." Belldandy held out a hand, and Urd passed her the book, allowing the younger Norn to flip through the pages. "I can't believe I-oh goodness..."
"Keiichi's in for a treat when you two finally hook up."
Belldandy's face grew red. "Not funny Urd."
XXX
Keiichi didn't get home until much later that evening. The base had just moved into an exercise, and with it the standard eight hour work day had increased to a twelve hour shift. The SEAL, for one, was grateful of the increase. He needed the time away from the house, time away from the drama, and had even considered toying with the idea of prolonging the inevitable return home by stopping for groceries. The fact that he'd come to work on his Harley had thrown that idea out the window, and with it came the realization he was looking for excuses to return to his own home. But the man couldn't help it. Keiichi didn't want to deal with Peorth's attempts at seductions when he was clearly uninterested in her or Belldandy's strange new 'crazy girlfriend' streak.
It'd been a topic he'd been avoiding all day, even when Sanchez was making friendly talk on asking how Belldandy and Urd were doing. The last thing he needed was his unit getting involved; McGuinness would shit bricks if Keiichi let anything other than 'the girls are fine' drop from his mouth. And why not? From an outsider's perspective, Keiichi had fallen into some deep shit: in the past twenty-four hours he'd been molested by a woman who'd forced herself into his house. Belldandy had demanded sex from him because of said woman and had then assaulted that same woman with a knife, and this after an incident that would have accounted for involuntary manslaughter and reckless driving had Urd been a human.
McGuinness, who knew his men almost inside and out after so many deployments together, knew something was up, but thankfully the exercise's demands had kept him busy enough that Keiichi didn't see him much in the office. A relief. Last thing he needed was his boss heckling the shit out of him and then harassing Urd to try and figure out what the fuck was going on back home. On the plus side, the exercise had kept Keiichi busy and distracted enough that he didn't have time to dwell on what was happening back home as well. Which was fine, up until it was time to call it quits for the day.
Had I been a woman and Peorth been a man, they'd say I'd need to consult SAPR. Keiichi thought, then groaned. No, the gender doesn't matter. McGuinness would fucking escort me to their doors himself whether I was a man or a woman. Then he'd probably call the police on Peorth. Talk about a shit-covered clusterfuck.
No, the shit-covered clusterfuck is you returning to that environment where you know Peorth's getting ready to pounce on you. A little voice in his head told him. He didn't like the fact that it sounded like Deb. If these women were humans, you know what you'd have done? Kicked them all out of the house and called the cops on them if they kept harassing you. This is bullshit, Kei.
The situation isn't the same. He told her.
Why? Deb persisted. Because they're 'gods'? Does that make it excusable? So they can play at being Zeus and you can play as Antiope, and everything is fine and dandy because you have the 'privilege' of fucking one of them? You know what that really sounds like? It sounds like-
"Oh shit, is that my truck?" The man took off his helmet, staring at the vehicle parked in the driveway and trying to figure out if the truck sitting there was actually his or not. Though night had long since fallen, it still gleamed a bright silver in the glow of the porch lights, and to Keiichi perhaps it looked a bit ethereal as well. The license plate matched his Silverado, but it looked... newer. Not so much cleaner after the power washing Belldandy and Urd had run it through earlier that day, but... polished. Buffed. The paint looked fresh. The wheels looked new. The dent in his bumper from where some asshole had rammed him two years ago was missing.
The SEAL stared at it for a long moment, cutting the Harley's engine in favor of inspecting the vehicle. The lights flashed when he pressed the unlock button on his key ring, and he pulled the door open to inspect the inside. It smelled like flowers. He couldn't smell any swamp, and when he touched the upholstery it felt dry and somehow warm to his fingers. The inside looked new too; as though the entire dash had been retrofitted with a new electronics system, as though someone had gutted and replaced the seats with new ones straight off the production line, as though the overhead lights-one of which had flickered since he'd first bought the truck-had been replaced with brighter, warmer bulbs. "Jeez, guys..." He removed himself from the truck and locked it once more, staring at first the Silverado, then the front porch, with mixed feelings. On one hand it was nice to know Urd and Belldandy had gone and taken care of the truck like Urd promised she would. But on the other hand...
It didn't feel like 'his' truck anymore.
Sighing to himself, the man returned to his Harley and guided it into the garage, then reluctantly headed inside. Time to face the inquisition. The thought brought to mind all three of the deities dressed in red robes and broad red hats. "Nobody expects the Asgardian Inquisition!" Peorth, leading the entourage, would proclaim, and he'd just make it back to the front door before one of them, hell, all of them, grabbed him and dragged him off to a bedroom.
So perhaps it came as no surprise to the man when, as soon as the door opened and he'd stepped inside, Peorth was in his face and snaking an arm around his waist. "Bienvenue à la maison mon amour," she purred, leaning in close as Keiichi leaned away.
She was then roughly torn from his person by Urd.
"Cunt, I told ya' to leave 'im be." Urd had the woman in a headlock, and Keiichi, in all his years of knowing Urd, was never more relived that his Team had taken to teaching her BJJ. "Welcome home, Mate," she said to Keiichi, and with Peorth still in a headlock, guided the goddess away, whistling a little tune that Keiichi thought he recognized from the movie Kill Bill.
Keiichi watched the Norn drag Peorth off to the couch where she sat down, Peorth still stuck in a headlock. "You talking to my mom again?" He asked, referring to Urd's 'special friend' he sometimes caught her talking to on the phone.
"All day," Urd replied. "Gotta bitch to someone 'bout these two loons. They'ah driving me apeshit."
"Urd, let me go, libérez-moi cet instant!" Peorth cried, her arms flopping uselessly above her head.
"Yeh wanna dip in a dunny?" Urd looked down at her captive.
"What are you saying?!" Peorth wailed. "All day with these strange words, and I understand none of it!"
Keiichi raised an eyebrow. "... you're doing this on purpose, aren't you Urd."
"Nah yeah."
"What does that even mean?!" Peorth cried.
"Where's Belldandy?" Keiichi asked.
"Upstairs working up the balls to face you," Urd said bluntly. "She thinks you coming back late in the evo' is you avoiding her from this morning."
"We're in an exercise."
"Tried explaining that to her. She don't get it." The goddess leaned back to get a better look at him and winked. "Might as well let her know you're back, eh? I'll make sure the tossah 'ere don't bug ya' none."
"Let me go!" Peorth sang into the night like a coyote baying at the moon. Keiichi made a gratifying motion with his hand, then raced up the stairs as Urd returned her attention back to her hostage.
"Yeah nah." She said.
As predicted, Peorth screamed.
Urd smiled.
XXX
Let's just hurry up and get this out of the way. Keiichi thought to himself. I don't want to spend the rest of the evening with the two of us dancing and Peorth looking to jump the gun on both of us. He sighed to himself and walked past his bedroom and to the next room over, still dressed in hid DCUs. The man rapped loudly on Belldandy's door with a knuckle, and listened for the response inside.
"Urd, please not right now." The voice on the other end proclaimed. She sounded antsy.
"It's me, Belldandy," he announced, and heard a heavy thump from inside. Maybe even a soft curse, unless his ears were playing tricks on him. Pounding feet. A lock disengaging. And then a blue eye framed with almond hair peered out at him.
"...Hello Keiichi." God damn, she sounded like that same quiet and reserved stranger that had first come home with him over two months ago. His stare lingered, and the Norn withdrew further inside a bit, biting her lip as she looked at him. "I-I'm sor-"
"I forgive you." Keiichi beat her to it, causing the Norn to jump. He sent her a small half-smile. "I forgive you, okay? No more apologies, I'm getting sick of them. You were jumping to my defense. I get that. Maybe in a murdery-I don't know, Yakuza-y kind of way? But you were still trying to save me from Peorth." He took a deep breath, swallowing some of his own troubles in favor of easing some of Bell's. "I can't stand seeing you like this, so... I'll cut you a deal."
"A deal?" Belldandy's face went a careful neutral. Keiichi wasn't certain if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
"Yeah." He pressed on regardless. "A deal. Keep a lid on your temper." He said. "And if you can do it the rest of the time Peorth is here, we'll..." They'd what? Go on another ride with the Harley? No, that sounded too cheap. It had to be something else. Something that would mean a lot to her. Something not too flashy or expensive or anything that reminded her of Aoshima. Something she'd never done before and could make some fresh memories of. "We'll go to the Chincoteague Pony Swim together." It was a topic Braxton had brought up earlier that day. "It'll be fun-I'll take leave and we'll head east to Chincoteague Island. Every July they have a huge, weeklong event where a bunch of cowboys round up wild horses. It's huge, and from what I've heard, real fun. We can do it together-just you and me, away from the house, and leave Urd to keep watch over it in case Lind needs to hunt her down."
Are you fucking nuts?" A little voice of reason-this one blissfully empty of Deb's voice-rose in his mind. You went on one fucking date with her and now you want to rent a proverbial cabin in the woods for a week?
"Are... are you certain?" Belldandy asked. "That is to say, I don't mean-"
"Yep!" Keiichi said. "But you have got to reign in that temper, Bell. At least until we find a way to get rid of Peorth. I know she gets under your skin, but you've got to ignore her, okay?" He paused and fidgeted, rubbing the back of his neck. "...At least so long as it's just words. If she's trying to rape me or something, then fuck yes step in, just... could you at least try not to murder her?"
It took Belldandy a moment to realize he was teasing her. "Ah... um... oh!" Her face began to light up. "Oh-oh yes! Yes, I-I think I can do that." She nodded. "Just-just the two of us. That'd be... that'd be nice."
The conversation died off into an awkward silence, and Keiichi let his eyes roam, feeling the air growing tense. "So... were you serious when you said you were going to tear Peorth a new one like that?"
The goddess flushed. "I was-my temper got the best of me."
"I could have told you that." Keiichi tried a smile, and saw a ghost of one flit across Belldandy's face as well. "Who'd you learn that from?" He asked. "'I'm going to abort your intestines', isn't that what you said?"
The Norn's flush deepened. "Yes," she said. "I uh... my mother had a... creative vocabulary when she thought Skuld and I were out of earshot." She paused. "The guards too. From... back then. They were good people, despite their... employment. They, um... they enjoyed sharing their extensive range of phrases with me. I think it amused them to hear such profanity uttered from the lips of a goddess."
Keiichi's smile grew larger. "'I'm going to shove my fist up your ass to the elbow, and then I'm going to abort your intestines.' Gonna dedicate that one to memory," he claimed, and chuckled as the woman before him moaned and let her head thunk against the wall in embarrassment. "Aww, come on, it's not that bad. Think of how much richer your vocabulary is because of it! Cursing spans across cultures and brings people of all shapes and sizes and colors together!"
Belldandy stared at him with a look that couldn't decide if it was amused or exasperated. "Are you..." She stopped herself and shook her head. "No. I have decided I'm not going to bother even asking you," she announced. "Childhood with Urd has taught me that some things are better left untouched."
"You wanna 'ave a go, Mate?" Keiichi asked in a poor mimicry of Urd's accent. "Crickey, I could smash a piss pahty in the avro and into the evo, what d'ya say, Cunt?"
Belldandy stared at Keiichi with wide eyes for a long, distressing moment. When close to thirty seconds passed with nothing from the goddess, Keiichi began to sweat, wondering if perhaps he'd crossed a line by picking on Bell's older sister. Downstairs they could still hear Urd counseling Peorth. "I'll tell ya' mate, yeh gottah stop being a cunt! Ya acten like a right wombat gone crackers, ya?"
"Speak English!" Peorth wailed.
"I am, Mate!" Urd wailed back. "I am!"
"...Crikey," Belldandy whispered. Her fake accent was even worse than Keiichi's, and all it once it set him over the edge, howling with deep, roaring laughter. He was joined by Belldandy not a moment later, her laughter equally uproarious, and they stopped only when a heart-felt scream rose from the unofficial Fifth Goddess below.
"Ya acten' like an ankle biter that dropped her icy-pole!"
"Ain't she a yobbo?" Keiichi whispered, and as if on que, Peorth's voice rose to meet them again.
"What does that even mean?!" She screamed, and with her timing the duo were sent over the edge into laughter all over again. Keiichi fell to his knees, clutching his side and red in the face. Belldandy dug her fingers into the door frame to keep herself from falling over. They were both in tears before the fit finally passed, and with it, her spirits lifted, Belldandy looked at Keiichi.
"Do you think this is how we get her out?" she asked. "With Austrailian?" Her eyes sparkled in the light of the room, and Keiichi smiled so brightly he felt his face might split in half.
"Want to find out?" he asked.
"Urd will kill us in our sleep."
"Totally worth it."
Belldandy thought on that for a moment, and then nodded in agreement, an ear-splitting smile of her own branching across her lips. "Yes," she decided. "Yes indeed." They stared at each other, one weak in the knees from laughter and the other already collapsed, both wearing smiles that, under the right amount of light, might have looked a bit mad. Together they hobbled up to their feet, and together they ran to the stairs, still laughing with each other, at each other, and to each other.
"Time for a Macca's run and then off tah the Bottle-O!" Keiichi roared, and as they thundered down the stairs the two women beneath them grew quiet.
"Oi, yah Cunts want anything?" Belldandy shouted. "Sheila, I know ya'll be wanten' ya' piss, but what a' the Lush? You want a long-neck?"
"We'll just grab something off the barbie and calll it good," Keiichi cried, and still laughing, the two of them ran for the front door and out, leaving behind a fuming goddess and the poor woman who was stuck with her.
"I'm going to skin the both of 'em like a damned Wilder." Urd growled.
XXX
There were issues with sleeping arrangements that night. This after the two runaways returned with a bottle of sake to win Urd over and stop her from murdering them.
"No. Non. Pas la chance d'un porc à la boucherie," Peorth proclaimed. "I refuse. I will not spend another minute sharing Belldandy's room."
Belldandy narrowed her eyes. "I need to watch you," she said. "How do I know you won't sneak off in the middle of the night?"
The goddess crossed her arms. "I did not harass Monseiur Keiichi last night, did I? What would make you believe I would do so this time?"
"Do you really need us to answer that?" Urd asked.
The goddess sighed. "Fine, fine. What about Urd then? I shall simply use her room instead."
"The fuck you will," Urd retorted. "You're a love goddess, Peorth. You think I want your business in my room?"
"Are you implying that I cannot control myself?!" Peorth demanded.
"That's enough!" Keiichi snapped. "No more arguments. It's late and I need to leave for work early tomorrow. Peorth, you can use my room if it's such a big d-"
"No she won't." Belldandy stepped in. "I don't want your room smelling like her."
"Oh for fuck's sake," Keiichi muttered harshly under his breath.
"Well, I'm not sleeping on the couch." Peorth huffed, indignant. "I am no lowly savage. I will have a proper bed or no one shall rest tonight."
"Okay, how about this," the man said, exasperated. "Bell, do you mind if Peorth uses your bedroom?"
"I would prefer it," she replied. "That way I can keep an eye on her."
"And did I not just say that I refuse to share a room with you?"
"Stop!" Keiichi cried again. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. Belldandy, you take my room. Peorth, you take Bell's room. I'll sleep on the couch." Belldandy opened her mouth to argue and Keiichi cut her off. "This way you can keep the bedroom door open. If you hear Peorth moving around and coming down the stairs, you can catch her, or if she uses whatever magic, I can give a shout to wake you up. Okay?"
The middle Norn pursed her lips. "I still do not like it."
"We can wash the sheets after she leaves," Keiichi said.
"Hey!" Peorth cried.
"That is not what concerns me," Belldandy grumbled. "I've slept in worse." Both Keiichi and Urd looked at her sharply. The goddess didn't notice. "What concerns me is her attempts at taking advantage of you when no one else is available to aid you." She glared at Peorth. "She is a goddess first-class, Keiichi. If she wants to take you, she will, and you would be none the wiser until it was too late."
Peorth went rigid, a combination of disbelief and fury dancing across her face. "You would dare insinuate I would stoop to such methods?" Her voice was quiet and level, but the air around her was pulsing. Keiichi stepped back, unsure of what he was feeling but recognizing it as dangerous. Urd bristled, and she slowly edged out of the goddess's line of sight, drifting closer to Peorth's back and dropping into an aggressive BJJ form. If Peorth decided to get violent, Urd was ready to take her out.
Belldandy held the woman's gaze, eyes level and unflustered. It was almost an eerie sight after how she'd reacted earlier that morning, and if anything it put Keiichi on edge. "You claim word of my situation has reached your ears, has it not?" she asked. "Then tell me, based off what you know of my experiences these past ten years and the behavior I have seen directed towards the man whom I care so much for, what is it that you think I see, First-Class, Second-category, Unlimited, Peorth?"
The tension in the room began to rise. The air grew heated, and Keiichi could feel himself sweating through his shirt and into his blouse. Beads of sweat began to form on his brow, and Urd, the closest next to him, appeared to be suffering a similar state. Yet the eldest Norn didn't move. A trickle of sweat dripped into her eye. She didn't so much as blink. Didn't so much as breathe. Like Keiichi she waited for the inevitable pop, the upcoming explosion of fire and brimstone that would destroy the house as Peorth and Belldandy went for each other's throats.
It held for a long minute. Belldandy, cool and unflustered; cold even.
Peorth stood heated and agitated, her face set alight by some strange, ethereal, internal light that made her eyes glow and her cheeks bright. The strange sigil in her forehead burned like a small star, one that pulsed and thrummed to some unknown heartbeat, and Keiichi wondered if it was her own or perhaps something else; something older, something deep beneath the earth's crust and to the very core of the earth itself.
It's happening again! That little voice of insanity, the one he recalled from the crazy link-up with Yggdrasil, rose in a fresh chorus. It's happening again, Janky-boy, and oh, baby, I hope you're ready to dance with the heart of the earth, 'cause she's about to rumble like no other, Bub! His mouth felt dry, his tongue like sandpaper in his mouth. His nose began to bleed and the blood crusted and flaked before it touched his upper lip. It's that time! Gather round all ye' chillens, gather round all ye' ken! It's that magical time of the month! The moon sets and rises and sets again! First black and empty and then large and pregnant! And the world moves on... oh how the world moves on!
And then it was over.
The magic, horrible, heated though it was, winked out like a burst bulb, and with it Keiichi's knees gave out beneath him. He hadn't realized that same alien presence that so filled the room had also been holding him up. He even saw Urd take a knee, panting from either exertion or relief, the SEAL couldn't tell.
The only ones left standing were Belldandy and Peorth.
Peorth took a long, deep breath. "I am a goddess of love." Her voice was trembling with suppressed rage. "Not lust."
"Then you best start acting like it," Belldandy said flatly.
For a moment Peorth flickered. She-it-flickered for not even half a second, and what Keiichi saw in its place his mind could make no sense of. It was a sight that hurt to see; like several images overlayed on top of each other all at the same time and all in one instant, like the compound eyes of a dragonfly. He perceived it not with his eyes, but with his mind: a creature of a near unending scale, small and large all at once, looming and cowering before Belldandy with arms that jutted like sleek crystal and jagged rose branches, short and long, small and tall, sleek and bulky all at the same time. It rushed towards Belldandy on claws like jagged roots and with teeth like shattered tree trunks, and then it was gone once more, leaving Peorth in its place.
The sight left the man, the mortal, shaking where he kneeled, and his nose, his ears began to bleed anew. No one noticed.
The woman grit her teeth, her hands curling into fists. "I see," she hissed. "I see. I understand." She breathed deeply through her nose, a vein pulsing in her forehead. Her lip quivered with unspent rage. "It seems my actions here have fallen under poor lighting. I see," she repeated. "I see. I see," she murmured. "And I shall promise." Her gaze never left Belldandy's. "And my promise shall stand: I shall attempt nothing on his person this night. Tomorrow is another day, and there is still a wish to fulfill, however as you would so dare compare me to something so lowly, I shall not lay a finger on Keiichi unless it is by his own choice-his own will-without the use of magic or potions or anything else that might alter his mind."
She stepped up close to Belldandy, leaving the two deities with their noses almost touching. "I am not some common filth that forces a man-or a woman-to lay with her. And if you ever accuse me of such deplorable actions again... then by Yggdrasil, we will duel, Belldandy. And when we do... I will leave you so broken, so in pieces, that it will take the effort of one hundred gods to piece you back together."
The goddess wheeled, hair flying, yet did not once did a single strand so much as touch Belldandy. The woman departed the dining room where they'd been having their discussion and stormed up the stairs, a tempest of the earth's fury; the earth beneath their feet seemed to tremble with her steps.
Keiichi, for the first time feeling a strange trickle run down his nose, took a swipe at his upper lip and stared at the blood that stained the sleeve of his uniform in silence. Urd released the breath she was holding, running her hands through her hairs as she looked to the ceiling. And Belldandy leaned back against the wall behind her and buried her face in her hands, the stoic look dissolving into one of vulnerability once more.
"I'm a horrible woman," she moaned.
XXX
It was close to one in the morning when Belldandy, wide awake after a restless night, finally pried herself out of Keiichi's bed and left for the hallway. She hadn't gotten a wink of sleep after the fight with Peorth, and something told her that until she reconciled with her old friend and rival, she wouldn't be getting any rest in the future, either.
She stared at the door to Peorth's room-her room-for close to five minutes before gathering the courage to knock. The door opened before her third knock, and Peorth, dressed in a thin sleeping gown and little else, stared out at Belldandy in suspicion. "Have you come to finish this feud you've started?" the woman demanded. "Or is it that I have a caller of a different sort this early morning? Could it be the pot calling the kettle black?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm.
Belldandy flinched. "I came to apologize," she said. "That was... that was uncalled for."
"Apology accepted," Peorth snapped. "I'm still upset with you, though. You insulted my honor and my standing as a goddess First-Class."
Belldandy was contrite in her response. "I know, and I regret that."
Peorth relaxed a little as she watched the almond haired goddess. After a few moments of awkward silence, Belldandy turned to leave.
"Why haven't you moved forward with your relationship with Keiichi?"
The question caught Belldandy off guard. "It's… complicated," she grumbled without turning to face her companion.
"C'est le plus gros morceau de merde que j'ai entendu," Peorth growled. "Explain yourself. I will not leave until the heart's desire of Keiichi Morisato is fulfilled, and I cannot help but feel that you are somehow involved in that. As such, I believe your participation in this escapade is required in some way. You wish for my departure, Keiichi wishes for my departure, Urd wishes for my departure and even I tire of this farce. Although it permeates this house, there is no love here for me, and I would sooner see myself out the door as well, but I cannot proceed until I know why you dally."
Belldandy fell silent.
"Will you continue to skirt this issue?" Peorth demanded. Her eyes flashed in the darkness. A disturbing sight without a source of light in the bedroom or hallway. "For we shall go around and around in an endless cycle until this matter is addressed, and this home shall be torn apart and left to crumble in its aftermath."
"I don't know," Belldandy replied. She turned her head towards Peorth, but she stared at the floor. "It's-Yggdrasil, it's so many things that I don't know where to even start!" Her voice began to rise, and the Norn grit her teeth, lowering it into a heated whisper. "I am afraid, Peorth. For the past ten years I have be abused in every sense of the word, and the pain that accompanied it still dominates my psyche." She wanted to say more but stopped herself, biting back the words and swallowing them like a bitter pill.
"So you are filled with doubt, is that it?" Peorth asked. "Doubt of Keiichi's true heart? Do you fear he would harm you as those in the past had?"
"No," Belldandy replied. She bit her lip hard enough to taste blood. "No, I know his heart already, and it is good, if a little scarred. I do not fear him."
"Then what do you fear?"
Yet Belldandy was already turning, already ending the conversation before Peorth could pry further. By the time her question was spoken aloud the door to Keiichi's room was already closing, leaving Peorth and her unanswered question lingering in the hallways.
"Merde," Peorth cursed, and slammed the door behind her.
A/N: Wild start to this chapter! More shenanigans to come, for sure. On a side not, I was doing some research for the story and realized I have made a pretty stupid mistake considering how easy it was to find. Keiichi's Navy rate should be "Special Warfare Operator", not Gunner's Mate. When he graduated BUDs, he would have crossed over from GM to SO. This is something that does not really effect the story, but being a Navy man, its embarrassing. In my defense, when I was in the Navy, SEALs were GMs and any one of a couple of other rates. Apparently they changed that in 2006 which is many years after I was discharged from the service. Anyway, I will be going back and changing this in the previous chapters so that we are consistent and accurate.
Comments of a Madwoman: To any Aussies out there, thanks for putting up with my terrible attempts at writing an accent. Get ready for more madness from another perspective in the next chapter, you're in for a treat.