Karkat stood in darkness again, paralyzed. The darkness was somehow fuller, more intimidating than before. A figure appeared out of the shadows, born from them yet not one of them itself. In its hand, it carried a very familiar silver knife. It smiled, and its smile was familiar too. It was not the shadow of his father though. Its build was shorter and slimmer. With a jolt of fear, Karkat realized that the shadow was him. With this realization, the shadow's eyes came into view, glittering darkly like crystallized blood.

It stopped walking toward him when it was ten feet away, and instead turned, walking in a circle clockwise. Karkat could not turn his head, or even move his eyes, so when the figure got to the edge of his peripheral vision, Karkat began to be afraid. What if it attacks from behind? As his shadow vanished at the three o'clock position, another figure appeared at the nine o'clock position. It too was a shadow, of sorts. Instead of being formed of darkness though, it was formed of light. It held a golden shield in its hand, and its eyes shone like rubies, their sanguine color dazzling.

The two shadows circled him three times before stopping at the edges of his vision. The dark one stepped forward, its knife growing into a sword. "You know me," it spoke, its voice a deep rumble and a sibilant hiss at the same time, "I know you. I have been you. I know your heart, and it is as dark as I."

Simultaneously, the light shadow stepped forward, though it spoke after the dark shadow. "I am a stranger," it intoned, its voice powerful and clear, "Yet I am growing. The dark one speaks lies. I am light, and I live within your heart. As long as I am there, darkness shall never overtake you."

At this, the dark shadow laughed, another familiar sound, "You fool!" he shouted at the light, "He has no light within him. There is light around him, but the brightest light casts the darkest shadow. He cannot accept love, or kindness, or joy," it spat, "It's not in his nature. I am all he knows, and all he can know."

The white wraith shone brighter now, seemingly determined to prove its dark counterpart wrong. "You lie! He already has begun to accept me; otherwise I would not even exist within him."

The two stopped just on each side of Karkat. The dark shadow raised its sword and brought it down, attempting to cleave Karkat's head in two, but the light was faster. Sparks flew across the shield as the blow was blocked, and a horrible sound ensued, the sound of antitheses clashing. The malevolent spirit rained blows on Karkat, but somehow his benefactor blocked all of them. After a while, both sides slowed from exhaustion. The golden shield lowered, and in the brief moment his enemy's guard was down, the black shadow struck.

The silver blade laid open Karkat's stomach, but the white defender placed its hand on him, removing the pain. Slowly, the attacker wore down the white's defenses, until the shield was bent and ruined and its bearer kneeling on the ground. Chuckling, the swordsman once again raised its sword, this time to decapitate its white counterpart. Time seemed to slow as the shining blade made its descent.

Karkat opened his eyes, his pulse throbbing in his ears. His head pounded and he felt the latest cuts he had made, this time on the soft skin of his belly. It was early December now, and his room was cold in the early morning hours. Glancing over, his clock read 4:46 A.M. He rolled over carelessly and then flinched at the pain of twisting his stomach. Try as he might, he could not go back to sleep. All he wanted to do was sleep. Quietly, he got out of bed and slipped on a jacket. His door used to creak until he had oiled the hinges, thus eliminating that factor.

He crept down the hallway, heart racing. Every shadow seemed to be the dark victor of the night's battle. He had been having that same dream every night for a week now; though this was the first time he had seen the outcome. Making sure that he had a key in his pocket, he slipped out of the front door, squinting in the soft golden light in the hall. Once inside the elevator, he allowed himself a deep breath to try to calm his nerves in anticipation of his decision. The ride to the roof was short, and the blast of frigid air soothed his frantic body.

He sighed in relief, his breath freezing in the air in a white cloud. The benches were far too cold to sit on, so he stood facing east at the dark horizon. Below him, the city slept, except for a small few cars navigating the steel and glass jungle floor, far below. In the canopy far above, Karkat stood anxious, contemplating his final choice.

Karkat, now's the time! Do it! You do know that they only love you out of pity, right? Once that goes away, they'll turn you out. Oh sure, they say they love you, but it's really because you're so pathetic! Karkat stepped closer to the edge, peering over the side of the building. A sheer cliff made of ice and metal was below him, and under that, the hard, unforgiving ground. The only thing between Karkat and the ground was a three-foot high concrete barrier. He put his weight on it, leaning out over oblivion.

Well, I guess this is it… He stepped up onto the ledge and spread his arms, like a young child pretending to be an airplane. Memories of his last few months flashed before his eyes, the first few months of his life. I'm sorry… but I don't deserve to live this well. I don't deserve to live at all. He closed his eyes and tipped forward, Kanaya's face fixed firmly in his mind. His ears were filled with the cold wind as he began his descent, until his face smacked into a window.

"KARKAT! WHAT THE… WHAT'S GOING ON?" Kanaya's voice seemed to catch him, or maybe it was her hand on his ankle. "WHAT THE HELL?"

Karkat was dragged up and unceremoniously thrown back on the roof of the building. He sat up, rubbing his face, utterly consumed by dread. His stomach tied itself in a knot, and his throat constricted.

"KARKAT, WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST TRY TO KILL YOURSELF? WHAT DID WE DO TO MAKE YOU WANT TO JUST END IT ALL?" Kanaya's voice was already going hoarse, she was yelling so loudly.

Karkat couldn't speak, his terror suddenly melted into grief and he started wailing. This time though, Kanaya was too angry and terrified to comfort him, and he was glad for that. He was sick of wearing a mask. He sobbed on the roof, curled into a little ball. Eventually, Karkat felt Kanaya sit down next to him, her very presence calming him. "Y-you should get up, K-K-Kanaya. The roof's cold." He choked on his tongue, but Kanaya seemed to get the message, judging from her reply.

"And what about you, huh? You don't even think about yourself. You need help, Karkat. We're trying to help you, but you have to accept it. We thought you were fine. Where did this come from?"

Karkat curled into a tighter ball with every word she said, her sharp tone hurting worse than anything he'd ever felt. Kanaya continued to question him, her tone becoming frantic when she realized he wasn't responding. Eventually, she ran out of things to say and just sat there with him, rubbing his shoulder. He flinched away from her at first, shaking in self-loathing.

"Stupid… can't even kill yourself right…" Karkat's thoughts spilled out into his voice, shocking Kanaya. "They've given you everything you could want… still can't accept it… get over yourself, Karkat." He stopped, realizing that he was verbalizing his thoughts. He uncurled then, his jacket riding up his body to expose the fresh cuts on his stomach.

"Karkat?" Kanaya's voice sounded faint, "How did you get those?"

Karkat glanced down and saw what she was looking at. Face paling, he pulled his jacket down over them again. The silence grew, until he finally snapped. "I put them there." He answered in a quiet voice.

"But… why? I thought that you were fine. Why have you been…" realization suddenly dawned on her, "You were lying? This whole time?"

Karkat nodded, his worst nightmare about to come true. "I didn't know how to deal with all of this… new stuff. And I realized that I didn't truly want to. I'd gotten so used to living as I had that this change was so… drastic that I would rather… go back to how it was before."

Kanaya as dumbfounded. Karkat looked at her like she was about to attack him or something, but then she remembered one of his nightmares. He said that he thought I was going to kick him out or something, in his dream. Now I know why. "Look, Karkat. I'm not going to kick you out. You live with us, and we'll get through this together, alright?"

Karkat nodded miserably, not trusting himself to speak. Kanaya stood up and pulled him to his feet, then embraced him. He just stood there, not returning the hug or even acknowledging he was being embraced. He's so cold… both physically and emotionally. Why didn't I see it before? Eventually, she released him, and he still just stood there, tears running down his face.

"How?" he asked, his voice raspy, "How can you still love me after this? I don't understand."

"Karkat, I love you no matter what. You don't seem to realize that though, do you?"

"I know you do… it's just-"

"No Karkat, you may know it, but you don't believe it. There's a huge difference between them." She grabbed his hand and started pulling him towards the elevators. He did not resist, letting himself get pulled along like a small child. And yet, emotionally, he is a child still. I can't believe I didn't realize that sooner. He doesn't believe me because he has no real experience with love. The only constant in his life up until three months ago was pain. Now that that's been removed, he has no idea how to cope, so he'd rather go back… "Karkat? How long have you been… well, you know… cutting?"

He seemed resigned to answering that question, "About a month now. I hated lying to you about it, so I just did it more and more as a punishment."

"Karkat! That's just awful! Why did you think that was a reasonable idea?"

He shrugged, "That's how dad used to punish me. I thought that it was the only way to make up for lying to you. It just got so bad that I… well, tonight happened. I-I'm sorry." His voice trailed off into a whisper. "But how did you know I was up there?"

"I saw you go down the hallway and followed you up to the roof. If I hadn't… well I'd be a whole lot sadder."

Karkat accepted her answer, and did not ask why she had been up at 5:00 in the morning on Saturday. They rode the elevator together, Kanaya holding Karkat's hand like a vice, afraid to let him go.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yep, I'm evil. Enjoy and review!-Manic-Catastrophe