Warning, Nate has a tantrum and Raylan responds.

Nighttime Stroll

Nate opened his eyes and tried to rub the fatigue out of them. He had fallen asleep on the couch while he watched TV. He looked over at the coffee table where is open math book was. He had gotten half of it done then decided to take a break, but he fell asleep and his break had begun over two hours ago. It was nearly seven and his dad still hadn't come home yet. He knew the man was devastated by Winona leaving and it had reflected in his mood, despite the fact that he and Art seemed to be getting along better. Some case or problem had apparently been resolved. Nate had overheard something about serial numbers popping up near Mexico, but that relief was short-lived and Raylan returned to being impatient and it seemed to Nate that nothing he could do was right. Raylan would come home late and then often leave again coming home well after Nate had gone to bed. Nate had tried to talk to him about everything but his attempts were often rebuffed. He had been calling his uncle Cade frequently and that helped. But he just wished his dad would ease up.

Cade had been wanting to come up for a visit but his unit had been involved in a lot of training exercises that had mandatory attendance for all personnel, so his trip had been put off again and again. The two desperately wanted to get meet again, but the phone calls had been a blessing for both, reuniting them and helping to ease anxieties for each side. Nate had e-mailed some pictures of himself earlier that night and Cade had called to say he had seen them and that led to a heart to heart about Raylan's changed behavior.

"I know it's hard, but you have to give him some space. He's hurting, and has such a stressful job that he can't let much out there, so unfortunately it falls on you. We do that do those we love the most because we know we can." Cade explained that night.

"I know, but he comes home, gets mad at me and then goes back out," Nate replied.

"Where does he go?"

"I don't know but he comes home really late and I'm sure he has been drinking."

"It's Kentucky Nate, everybody drinks all day long."

"I know but he's drinking for the wrong reasons."

"Is there ever a good reason?"

"I don't know, I just wish I could help him."

"Just be there for him, behave and don't give him any problems. He'll get through this and eventually apologize for being such an ass."

"I can only hope I make it," Nate said with exasperation.

"Oh you are too tough not to."

After the conversation Nate worked on his homework until he had closed his eyes and fallen asleep. Now he looked bleary-eyed at his math book and realized he hadn't done any of his chores. Both were supposed to be done before his father got home. He stood up and stretched just as the front door opened and Raylan walked in.

"Hey Dad," Nate said wondering what kind of mood the man was in.

"Hey, still working on homework?" Raylan asked, distracted.

"Yeah, fell asleep," Nate admitted.

"How much do you have left?" he asked as he moved into the kitchen.

"Not much," Nate lied, still having to finish his math as well as complete an essay on Kentucky's role in the Civil War.

Raylan reached up into the cabinet causing Nate to grimace at the realization that he hadn't unloaded the dishwasher yet. "Where's my coffee cup?"

"Still in the dishwasher," Nate admitted.

Nadine had always assigned the boy chores as an effort to teach hard work and responsibility as well as help that any single parent needs. Raylan had continued her efforts, trying to keep Nate on track with some of things his mother had instilled.

Raylan sighed opened up the appliance and pulled out his favorite coffee mug. "So your homework isn't done and you haven't done any of your chores," he said noticing the floor still needed to be swept. "What time did you get home?"

"Usual time."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I just played on the computer for a while…"

"And watched TV and fell asleep before doing what you are supposed to get done first."

"I guess." Nate admitted smelling the alcohol on his father's breath.

"You guess, no guessing about it son. The rules are pretty clear, you get your work done and you get your chores done first. I have no problems with breaks and exceptions but I'm not happy Nate." Raylan said looking down at the counter trying to regain some composure and control of the situation.

"You're never happy anymore," Nate said under his breath.

"What did you say?" he asked his attempt now lost.

"Nothing."

"No, tell me," Raylan said crossing his arms and staring at his son.

"I said you're never happy anymore and I can't do anything right. Dude she left and I'm sorry, but it's not my fault."

Raylan's eyebrows rose at his son's comment. "First of all, you do not now, or ever, call me dude and second of all this has nothing to do with Winona."

Nate shook his head and tried to leave the kitchen before he said something that would get him in big trouble.

"Where are you going?" Raylan asked.

"To finish my homework," Nate said trying to skirt around his father.

"Get your chores done first," he ordered.

"What does it matter, you're leaving anyway, maybe I won't do any of it," Nate snapped realizing that was not his best move.

Raylan just stood there chewing on his cheek. His first instinct was to do just what Arlo would have which would have been to slap his son across his face, but he was not Arlo and Raylan did his very best every day to remind himself of that, and not give in to his past. "First of all you do not talk to me like that," Raylan began, grabbing Nate's arm. "Second of all it's not optional, and will be done whether I stay or go which by the way is none of your business. And if you don't shape up you will not be liking the consequences," he finished dropping Nate's arm. "Get started, because I'll be checking when I get home."

"You're leaving again? You just got home," Nate said, his voice nearly pleading as he realized his earlier statement about Raylan leaving was now fact.

"I have things to do, I'm a busy man," he finished walking towards the front door. "Nate," he said pausing at the door, "get everything done."

Raylan looked at his son with a no nonsense look as his phone rang. He looked down and quickly answered as Nate stomped off into the garage, slamming the door behind him. He just needed a few minutes to get his bearings before going back into the house. He could hear his father's voice through the door and decided to get a little closer to eavesdrop.

"I'm sorry, but it's my job and it's a big part of who I am. Sure I can help with the co-payments, if you need another sonogram, I'll go with you." Nate leaned into the door, his ear pressed against the steel. "I did commit to you and this relationship; I gave up the opportunity to return to Miami to stay here, how could you think I wasn't serious."

Nate felt light headed, did he hear his father right? Did he pass up an opportunity to go back to his last job? He had told Nate he would make every attempt to get back to Florida, even if it was to a different region, and now he was saying he declined an offer to the very same office he was so upset at being banished by. His mind was spinning and suddenly before he even knew it, his body burst through the door and into the kitchen where Raylan was standing.

"How could you?" Nate screamed charging his father. "How could you do that to me? You're my father, you're supposed to love me, you're supposed to want to help me, do things for me. You promised!" He yelled shoving Raylan in the chest.

Raylan suddenly realized Nate had overheard the conversation. He had never told him about the offer to return to Miami knowing Nate wouldn't take the news well. "I have to go," Raylan announced into the phone, hanging up before Winona could respond. "Look son, things are complicated. I wanted to go back, I really did, but things here are a mess and it's only right that I stay and help out."

"Bullshit, they did fine before you got here, they would survive without you. You just wanted to stay because you were with Winona again; you cared more about her than me."

"That's not fair Nate, its more complex than that."

"No it's not, it's just that simple. You said you never wanted to come back here, that you would do everything you could to get back to Florida," Nate said continuing to shout. The bourbon that Raylan had imbibed earlier was sloshing around in his brain screaming out different commands to his system. He couldn't seem to think straight as his son continued his barrage.

"You stayed, because Winona was with you, but guess what Dad, she left, she left you just like Mom left and like Winona left you before. You threw it away for nothing. Nobody stays with you!" Nate cried hitting Raylan with his fists using more force than Raylan thought possible.

"Stop it son, let's talk about this."

"No, you had your chance. I'm tired of hearing your lies. I'm leaving too…screw you!" Nate said slugging Raylan again.

Whether it was the stress of the day, the stress of the evening, Nate threatening to leave, the bourbon or perhaps all of it rolled up together; as if acting on its own accord Raylan's palm shot out and caught his son flush on the cheek, the sound of flesh hitting flesh resonated around the room. What he had contained earlier had been loosed and Raylan instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but you can't talk to me like that," he said his voice suddenly thick with emotion and alcohol. Nate just shook his head, his cheek already fiery red.

"Whatever Dad, do and say what you want, you always do," Nate said walking towards the door.

"Don't you go anywhere, we need to talk," Raylan said as his phone rang again. He looked down and saw he needed to answer it. As he pushed the button to answer he heard the front door close. He ran in Nate's footsteps and by the time he opened the door Nate was halfway down the block pedaling his bike as fast as his legs could go.

He ended his call abruptly, and tried Nate's number hoping he could talk the boy down a bit. But was frustrated when he heard music coming from the coffee table where Nate had left his phone. He not only wouldn't be able to talk to him, he also couldn't track the phone when Nate ignored him. He grabbed his keys and jogged to the car looking down the street for his wayward son, but Nate was nowhere to be seen.

Nate had taken the first turn and turned down an alley and doubled back to Tommy's backyard where he waited, knowing Tommy and his mom weren't at home. He climbed up into the treehouse that they had spent many a day in and tried to gather his thoughts. He was so angry at his father he could hardly think. He just couldn't believe he had been disregarded so easily. It was as simple as he had said; Raylan had chosen a possible relationship with Winona over him, and had done so easily. He had kept it a secret knowing he had no good motive in which to win an argument if the truth had been found out. Nate felt so betrayed, he felt as if he didn't have a friend in the world.

Raylan drove around for over an hour looking for Nate. He had debated about calling Tim but wasn't in the mood to explain everything. He went back to the house hoping the boy had gone back home, but discovered he hadn't. As he stood contemplating what he should do when Lindsey called him proclaiming impending chaos was brewing and she needed him immediately. He sighed and headed to the bar; figuring Nate would be home at some point soon. He wrote a note apologizing and asking Nate to call him so they could talk and then he left.

Nate saw the Lincoln creep back down the street and decided to go back home for a while. He could get his phone and decide what to do from there. He stepped into the house and walked over to the table, seeing the note tucked under his phone.

Nate-

I surely hope you are home safe. I went out looking for you, but had no luck. I will be home later and we can talk. I am sorry for what happened, please let me explain.

Love,

Dad

Nate read the note and felt some satisfaction but was still seething and figured he might as well direct his energy towards something, so he finished his math and then did his chores and finished his evening by doing his history paper. By ten o'clock he was usually exhausted but his nap had given him enough rest to keep wide awake at bedtime. Raylan still wasn't home and Nate had his suspicions as to where he was. He found his coat and put his house key in his pocket as he locked the door behind him, as he began an evening stroll.

Nate had walked several blocks to a neighborhood bar that seemed to have a regular clientele that kept the place hopping. It was a pretty good size and had constant traffic going in and out. The parking lot was overflowing and it was there that he spotted the Lincoln. He figured his father wasn't far but for whatever reason felt the need to relieve his stress by drinking and being away from his son. Perhaps it was the only way he could deal with the blows that had been dealt him. Nate just wished he would hurry up and manage these demons before they consumed the both of them.

Raylan had been in the middle of a game of pool when an argument escalated to the point where he had to break it up. He separated the men and escorted the aggressor to the front door. He tossed the man towards the parking lot and told him not to come back that night. But as he turned to walk back inside he swore he had seen a kid duck behind a car. He stepped outside and walked through the lot but didn't see anybody out of place. He chalked it up to too much bourbon along with an emotional evening.

Nate had watched his father's feet go by from his spot under the car. Apparently he hadn't ducked quite fast enough. He could only imagine what his father would do to him if he caught him out here. He had no regrets about his outburst, but he had probably crossed a line and didn't need to give Raylan any ammunition in which to lessen his side of the argument. He waited a few more minutes then walked back home.

He picked up the note and read it once again. Part of him had wanted to stay out, to get back at his father, but he really had nowhere to go. He had thought of going to Tim's but even if he was home he would just call Raylan, so he decided despite his best efforts he should just go back home. The note made him feel a little better but he feared what retribution might be in store. After all he did say some pretty hurtful things and had used a few unacceptable words not to mention the physicality of the whole ordeal. He turned the TV on and yawned as it flickered to life. He then kicked off his shoes and stretched out on the couch.

Nate had been unsure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't this. Raylan, intoxicated just short of staggering had the belt, folded in half and hanging from his right hand. His words were no longer crisp and his eyes held nothing but anger. Nate felt his body being lifted up and turned over on his stomach, a position that was never comfortable for him; suddenly the belt made contact sending a sharp pain through his body. There had only been one other time he had felt the sting of leather and it was becoming apparent that his father had been holding quite a bit back. Each time the belt came down he heard his name; Nate…Nate…Nate.

"Nate, Nate, wake up son," Raylan said shaking his son's shoulder. Nate opened his eyes and blinked several times. "You were dreaming son. Look, I know it's late, but I really want to talk to you tonight."

"What time is it?" Nate asked rubbing his eyes.

"Midnight," Raylan answered looking at his son.

Nate had been on his side, nearly over on his stomach and he could practically feel the sting from his dream. It had seemed so real, felt so real, the belt cutting through the air, biting into him as it landed, but as he sat up and looked over at his father who was crouching down next to the couch he realized it had never happened. His father hadn't done that to him, he had just gotten home and merely wanted to talk, his belt securely in its loops.

"Look, I'm sorry that I slapped you and that you found out about Miami the way you did." Raylan began, getting up and sitting on the coffee table across from Nate, his long legs cramped in the small space.

"Well I was yelling and hitting you," Nate admitted. "But I'm still pissed that you did that. You said we would go back to Miami but you lied."

"Well it wasn't exactly a lie. I really had wanted to go back, but like I said it's complicated."

"It's all because you killed that guy isn't it? Why did you have to do that?"

"He was a bad guy, who had done bad things. I just wanted him to leave town, but he didn't," Raylan said recalling the scene.

"Did he kill Mom?" Nate asked earnestly. He knew she had been killed in a crossfire incident but the rest had been rumors and innuendos and no one had been arrested or charged for her death.

Raylan should have known his son was astute enough to put it all together. "Yes, I believe he was."

"Why do you believe it, why didn't he get arrested?"

"He was part of the cartel and they can be very tough to prosecute and keep behind bars. Witnesses are scarce or nonexistent while high priced lawyers and bribes are abundant. I needed him gone, but he just wouldn't go. I had more to lose and wasn't going to take the risk."

"Me?" Nate whispered.

"Yes," Raylan answered looking Nate in the eye.

"You did it for me and out of revenge didn't you?"

"I suppose vengeance did have something to do with it. Those who feel life is so cheap don't deserve a place in this world. But the cartel has a long reach and even though I didn't want to leave, Miami was no longer safe," he explained. He left out the part where the cartel came looking for him, but he was sure Nate would put it together some day, but hopefully not anytime soon.

"But didn't they come here looking for you? Isn't that why you went back to Miami that day? "

Raylan's head dropped, realizing that once again, he hadn't given Nate enough credit. "Yes, there was a few that came here looking for their own reprisal. But it is much easier to see them coming from here."

"Did you get the job offer when you went back?"

"Yeah, yes I did. To tell you the truth I was kind of surprised I turned it down. But it just doesn't feel right anymore. I didn't keep it from you to hurt you; there was just no good way to tell you."

Nate just sat trying to absorb it all. He began to chew on his lip as his eyes began to well with tears. "It's just that I miss her so much," he said the tears now falling. "I feel so far away from her here."

Raylan leaned forward and cupped Nate's chin in his hand. "She is always with you, no matter where you are; after all, this is the place where it all began, where we began, where you began."

"I guess so," Nate admitted.

"I am sorry about how you found out, but we need to deal with things a little better than we did. I am sorry I hit you, but you need to understand that I can't allow you to talk to me like that. Like it or not I am your father, and the head of this family and will make decisions you don't like or understand but you will have to accept them. Is that clear?"

Nate nodded silently. Raylan tilted his head looking for more. "Yeah I guess so," Nate said looking up at his dad.

"You guess so, is that the best you can do?"

"Yes sir, it's clear," Nate finally said.

"I'm not perfect, I admit that, but I am trying, and I love you son. I will screw up and I just ask you to bear with me when I do. Can you do that?"

"I'll try, but you have to the same for me."

"Done," Raylan said sticking his hand out for Nate to shake. Nate responded and yawned again. "Now get your butt to bed."

"Okay." Nate said getting up heading to his room.

"Hey," Raylan called out, "what were you dreaming about?"

"All I remember is that it wasn't good." Nate said, happy that his dream had been simply that.

Raylan remained sitting on the coffee table after his son departed. If he wasn't mistaken, he had had very similar dreams to the one that Nate had just had, leaving him jerking and crying out in his sleep in anticipation for the wrath that was to come. But unlike Nate who would suffer no such penalty, Raylan always did.