Author's Note – There are so many Konoha-bashing/Council bashing/whatever bashing fics out there that I just had to do a short skit based on the more common ideas…
I have absolutely no idea where this could go, though.
.
The Konoha Council Bashing Fic
.
"…so, before we continue, does anyone wish to leave. The teamwork portion is over, your team-mates will not be penalised should you choose…"
"Oh, hell yeah!" A voice shouted and Hiruzen's eyes widened in shock. "I'm so out!"
Every single Konoha ninja stared in shock at the blond who had spoken and Naruto rubbed the back of his head.
"What?"
"You… are… quitting?" The Hokage asked and Naruto shrugged.
"Well, yeah. Ever since the Council got the Daimyo to sign that damned set of laws, my career's pretty much dead."
Hiruzen stared at his favourite orphan in confusion. "…laws?"
Naruto nodded and rummaged around insde his orange jacket, finally pulling out a scroll. Unrolling it, he unsealed a large stack of paper and started passing the sheets round.
"I had my clones copy it after one of them found it while setting up a prank on the old biddy who tries to tell you what to do."
Hiruzen managed to choke back a chuckle at the description of Ututane Koharu, then he looked down at the sheet that he had been given and instantly felt his temper straining against the controls he had spent decades perfecting.
"As you can see," Naruto said once the last of the sheets had been passed round, "It is illegal for any Jinchuuriki, that's what I am by the way, to be promoted in the Land of Fire or for any Jinchuuriki aligned with Konoha to receive a promotion. Furthermore, should a Jinchuuriki knowingly hold back any member of a clan, said Jinchuuriki will be charged with treason and imprisoned under full body restraint until said time as their Biju can be transferred to a more obedient host. That meant I had to go through all those team stages, since if I cause the Teme to fail…"
The silence in the arena was so profound that Hiruzen would later swear that he had been able to hear the heartbeat of Mitarashi Anko who had been standing barely ten feet away from him, her body trembling in suppressed rage.
"Should I resign, I will also be charged with treason, blah blah blah and should I father any child, they shall be instantly removed in order to be raised in secret by a specially-selected tutor as a weapon and possible Kekkei Genkai source since Bloodlimits are the result of a Jinchuuriki having a child. So, I can't quit and I can't have a family. But the last bit is the kicker. No Jinchuuriki shall, under any circumstances, be allowed any rank other than Genin and shall not be placed in charge of any group of ninja. Should a rank higher than genin be achieved by a Jinchuuriki, said Jinchuuriki shall be charged with treason and blah bah blah. Means I can't even hope to become Hokage any more.
"Anyway, since there's no point in me continuing since I can't be promoted, I'm out of here. Teme, if you quit because of this, I'll kill you myself before they come for me."
No-one moved as Naruto vanished out of the door, then one of the other ninja raised his hand.
"Yes…?"
"I, Yakushi Kabuto, hereby remove myself from the chunin exams in protest at the treatment of our strongest asset." The silver-haired medic-nin said. As if his speech was a trigger, others quickly joined in.
"I, Hyuuga Hinata… will not compete because of what the Council did to Naruto-kun."
"I, Aburame Shino, wish to remove myself from the Chunin Exams and ask that it be noted that I am seriously reconsidering my future with the Konohagure Shinobi forces."
A brief discussion sounded, then Ino spoke up. "Team Ten removes itself from the Chunin Exams in protest at the unfair laws regarding Uzumaki."
"Those laws are most unyouthful! I shall not seek promotion whilst those laws remain in force!"
"I'm with Lee on this one. Lee, you hug me and I'll stab you!"
Soon, Hiruzen found himself staring at only six ninja, the Sand trio, Hyuuga Neji and the remaining two members of Team 7.
"Well." Kakashi said, his orange book nowhere in sight, "This is… unfortunate."
Hiruzen seemed to sag. "Very well. Anko, get their match-ups sorted. This is going to destroy Konoha's reputation. I need to get back to my office and find out what else my former advisors have been doing behind my back."
.
"…and as of right now, all three of you are demoted to Genin!" Hiruzen yelled at Shimura Danzo, Ututane Koharu and Mitokado Homura. "Congratulations, you are now Team Four! I am certain that I can find some suicide missions for you if you even think about protesting!"
The three elders stared at him, unable to move in the face of not only his Killing Intent but also that of the Monkey-King Emna who Hiruzen had summoned just prior to the meeting.
"Your first mission is to empty the cesspits near the tanneries." The Hokage growled, flinging the scroll at Koharu. "Now, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
The trio almost seemed to Shunshin out of the room and Hiruzen sagged back into his chair.
"All I wanted was to keep things nice and quiet until I could hand the Hat over to someone." He moaned and Emna placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"There is no way that you can counter the laws?"
"Not without sparking a civil war between the ninja and the Daimyo's Samurai. I feel certain that the other Hidden Villages would be oly too happy to pile in and spark the Fourth Shinobi War if I did that."
"Sir!" The secretary shouted as she burst into the office. "The Kazekage's pulled the Suna Team out of the finals! His message said that the rules that Naruto showed his team meant that he refused to risk having his son thrown into jail by us!"
Hiruzen sagged so that his forehead rested on his desk.
"…can this day get any worse?"
"I'm afraid it can." Kakashi said from the window. "I just found out that Orochimaru managed to place one of his Curse Seals on Sasuke and a five-point seal on Naruto. I need Jiraya here as fast as possible. Oh, and Sakura's pulled out of the finals, she said she couldn't possible fight Sasuke. Looks like it's a straight-up Sasuke versus Neji fight."
A long moan was his only answer.