A/N: The song quoted in this chapter is "Somewhere" by Within Temptation'. Incarnate Firefly did me the enormous favor of introducing me to it and it really fits this story, especially this chapter in particular. Anyway, the song will be inserted in italic. This is the first time I'm using a song in a story so I hope you'll find its implementation to be effective. I highly recommend listening to the song, by the way. It's really good.
"Patience, my dear prince." -Eisha
Chapter 24 - Somewhere
The wedding ceremony was carried out on schedule and according to plan (or tradition, in other words). Kopa had no idea whether the customs the Tazua Pride liked to follow when it came to mating ceremonies were anything like the ones that were common in the Pride Lands, having never had the chance to witness a wedding there. Yes, just that small detail was enough to remind him of Pride Rock. He's been comparing the home he'd been born into and the home he grew up in quite frequently for the past few days, be it tradition-wise or even the differences between the Tazua Pride's territory and the Pride Lands in terms of landscape.
The mood was great, though, the happy couple seemed happy and content and Kopa even found himself easily forgetting his worries and inner conflicts as his attention was focused on the special occasion. After the ceremony, once he and Hiari survived all the light teases shot in their direction by Malia and the occasional stare a pride member would give them whenever they were next to each other, the two of them went aside with the newly wedded Kato and Desta as well as Hatari. Just their little group. The pridelander prince and his love interest were more than used to it. Hearing that everybody were wondering whether they were going to get married as well, that is. It was to be expected, seeing how Hiari's brother was no longer engaged - but married.
Kopa and Hiari were not betrothed, that was true, but nobody could ignore the affection and closeness that the two of them have shared ever since their adolescence. Anyone would have probably wondered the exact same thing. After all, the princess and her love interest were already young adults - definitely old enough to get married and even start their own family if they chose to. Their feelings for each other were undeniable, and one of the reasons the pride members were so curious was because they wanted the match to become official. The queen was the most approving (she'd practically forced her daughter into confessing her feelings), which was obviously the reason why she hinted at the subject of marriage every once in a while.
While they were more than aware of the gossip, the two young adults never spoke of it themselves. Kopa was more than certain that it crossed Hiari's mind every once in a while. Heck, it was the central point of his own thoughts and daydreams so often that he couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with knowing that the love of his life was probably also wondering about when it would happen. He so badly wanted to propose. Sometimes, when the two of them were spending some time for themselves, the young lion found it incredibly difficult to shake off the ever growing yearning for the lioness. He was a male at the end of the day; it was impossible for him to not want to pursue her further.
But he didn't. He never dared to even think of it whenever the temptation arose. He didn't allow himself to do or say anything that might make his love interest suspicious or aware of what was going through his head. The reason Kopa hasn't proposed yet (there were times where he seriously doubted he ever would) was because of his dilemma - whether he should leave in search of the Pride Lands or not. Well, there was no doubt that his parents needed and deserved to know he was still alive. In a way, he did want and didn't want to leave. His main reason for not going just temporarily (as in seeing his parents and then coming back) was the risk that would come with the journey itself. He didn't know the way to his birthplace. What if he never found it and then became unable to find his way back to the Tazua Pride's territory? What if he got lost? And, even if he did find the Pride Lands, he could always get hurt on the way there or back...
There was just the possibility that, if he left, he would end with nothing. Without the Pride Lands and without the pride he grew up in. It wasn't death itself (assuming he got hurt while making the journey in either direction). It was the mere thought of losing everything he had a second time which terrified him. As a cub, after Zira's attack, he'd felt as if his life was over upon realizing that he might never see his parents again. Now his biggest fear was losing the family that took him in and helped him grow into the lion he was. He didn't want to be alone. Sometimes his nightmares were about Zira's attack and sometimes... They were just him. No sand or grass, no water, no living creatures, no sounds, no sky, no stars, no sun... Just darkness as his only and eternal companion.
Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign
Instead there's only silence,
Can't you hear my screams?
Never stop hoping,
Need to know where you are
But one thing's for sure,
You're always in my heart
He knew that he needed to leave. In a way, he was only delaying the inevitable. He'd promised himself he'd see his parents again. Eventually, no matter how long he delayed, he would set out and take the risks of never coming back, even if his fears were justified. If he didn't, he doubted he would ever find peace. It was why he still hasn't proposed to Hiari. Kopa didn't believe he had the right. Assuming they got married and then he somehow ended up never seeing her again? It was also why he never allowed himself to consider taking things between them to the next level. Cubs deserved to grow up with a father at their side... Parenthood was a commitment he didn't allow himself to make. Not until he'd managed to discover the way to travel between his current home and the Pride Lands. Only then, the young adult believed he would finally be free.
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul
Later that night, after he somehow managed to hide his constantly growing uneasiness, Kopa went off to be on his own. It was usually around this time of day that the pride was already fast asleep. At least the majority of them were. It was just about a perfect time for stargazing, too, for the stars were shining brilliantly with all of their beauty and there wasn't a single cloud that could obscure them. But the pridelander prince wasn't outside and away from the den in order to stare at the sky; he was there to get his head clear (or at least try to). As he grew up he'd become sick of looking at the stars. He despised doing that - sitting there like an idiot in the cold and talking to himself; asking for some help or guidance he still hasn't and wasn't going to receive...
Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home
I want to embrace you and never let you go
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul
Living in agony 'cause I just do not know
Where you are
If only Kopa could avoid the huge risk of never seeing his friends and loved ones again... If only he could ask them to come with him... They'd all be safer going in a group, which would minimize the risk of injury of any sort. It would also increase the chances of them not getting lost - seeing how there would be more of them that could remember the paths they've taken. But the dangers would still exist... He just couldn't allow anyone to come with him. If something happened to them he would never forgive himself... This was something which, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed to do alone.
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened
The truth will free my soul
His father had once told him that the great kings and queens of the past were up there, in the stars. Or perhaps they were the stars? Eh, what did it even matter? They were there alright (that Kopa was very certain of, seeing how Mufasa had appeared before Simba in the past). But if they were there, why weren't they helping him? This whole situation would have been easily resolved a long time ago if they would have just guided him and shown him the way. Why haven't they? Why have they abandoned him like this?
The young lion let out a sigh that sounded too tired to have any hint of frustration in it. He stood up and was about to turn around and head back to the den for another sleepless night. That was when the he saw him. A lion he's never seen before in his life, clearly older, sitting on another hill, in front of the one Kopa was standing on. It was rather dark, but Kopa was able to notice his distinctive features; a bright brown fur, creamy paws and underbelly and a somewhat darker brown colored mane. A rogue, no doubt. Having visited Eisha's pride a few times after Mutahi's attempt to conquer the mountain, Kopa knew that this male didn't belong to the Milma Pride. But what if he was a member of Mutahi's pride and not a rogue?
The pridelander prince got a very uneasy feeling in his stomach as he tried to think of what to do. The stranger remained where he was, not moving, constantly staring at the younger lion. Kopa didn't know whether he should approach or just walk away and alert the pride of the intruder's presence. Approaching could be dangerous. So, basically, the wisest option was to leave... But something inside Kopa made him stay put, even when this lion stood up and began to slowly walk in his direction, causing him to tense up the closer he came. Just when Kopa was about to decide that the rogue was too close for comfort, though, the older male suddenly stopped. He sat down, causing the young adult in front of him to become even more confused than he already was.
Wherever you are, I won't stop searching
Whatever it takes, I need to know
Something about the rogue's eyes almost felt... piercing. It was almost like he was looking right through him. "Who are you?" asked Kopa eventually, managing to speak normally and fluently despite being rather uncomfortable with the situation he was in. "This land belongs to another pride and we don't want any trouble." Random males suddenly appearing in the middle of the place, especially not so far away from the den where all the cubs were, was never a welcome thing. The pridelander prince didn't want to sound unfriendly, but that was the case. This lion's presence could end up not being taken well and, if the stranger wasn't looking to cause any trouble, he'd probably just do the smart thing and leave.
"Does my name matter?" asked the older lion, causing Kopa's ears to twitch ever so slightly in confusion. "A lion or a lioness can have the name of someone you despise, but does that really say anything about them?"
"You speak as if your name would mean anything to me but I very seriously doubt we've met before." Then why did it feel otherwise?
"Well..." The stranger smiled. "There's always a first time for everything." He chuckled. "My, you sure do look tense. Why don't you sit down? There's nothing for you to worry about, I assure you. Let's talk."
Kopa stayed still and took a few seconds to carefully listen out and take in the scents around them. From the sound of it, there wasn't anybody else in the area, and he definitely couldn't smell any other lion but himself. Strange... His expression staying pretty much the same, the pridelander prince sat down, eyeing the older individual in front of him carefully as he did. It was then that he became aware of another, much more shocking detail. "Are you here to talk to me?" The young adult asked. The question was quite weird and unexpected, but the rogue made no answer. "It's kinda chilly tonight..." he remarked. "The wind isn't helping much either and yet you don't seem to acknowledge the cold at all. As a matter of fact, your mane isn't swaying in the wind. There's clearly wind around us." How was that possible? Was Kopa actually asleep inside the den, having another unusual dream? "You also carry no scent whatsoever."
The stranger simply smiled. "What's going on here?" asked Kopa. "Am I dreaming?" This was too unusual to be a dream of his. In his nightmares he was either being mauled by Zira, as a cub, or lost inside total blackness. "What are you? Some trick?" And why did this lion say he wanted to talk? Why would anyone come there just to talk to him?
"I always thought you were clever." replied the older lion eventually, still smiling. After a short hesitation, Kopa stood up and slowly walked over to the rogue, who remained where he was. He simply blinked a few times as he stared at the brown furred lion before reaching over with his paw to touch him, to verify that he was real. His paw went right through him, causing him to recoil back in shock. Yes, it was official. He was going crazy. "I wish it were possible, Kopa." said the lion with a sigh, not looking too surprised. "Now... Shall we talk? I only have as much time as is allowed, you know."
The young adult's eyes widened even more. "H-how do you know my name?"
"Come now, my dear lad." said the lion, his warm smile still there. "Didn't we just agree that the name isn't what's important?"
Kopa blinked a few times as he continued trying to recollect himself. "Okay..." He said, thinking for a very brief moment. "How do you know who I am?" The older male seemed pleased to hear that. That was when the realization finally hit the pridelander. "Are you..." The 'stranger' nodded. "You're one of my..." For some reason it was incredibly difficult for him to find the right words.
"Correct." Well, this lion certainly couldn't be Mufasa (or an image of Mufasa, that is). He didn't look like Simba at all. "Hello, Kopa." he said softly. "I've been waiting to meet you for a very long time now."
And that was when Kopa's expression of sheer astonishment changed completely. "You waited?" he asked, his voice a very low growl. He was- no, not angry- he was furious. "You waited?!" All of his built up frustration came out in full force as he stood right in the other lion's face, their noses barely an inch apart. "How dare you?!" The older male didn't even flinch. "All my life I've been waiting, begging like some helpless freak and this is what you say to me?!"
"I understand you're upset, but let me explain-" Kopa cut him short by growling again, but he said nothing, allowing him to continue. "This... What I'm doing right now... It's more complicated than it seems... And everything we do happens for a reason."
"If you're doing it now," yelled Kopa angrily, clearly not convinced, "then you could have done it sooner! You could have come to me a few months ago when I became old enough to leave but instead you waited while I started feeling miserable and helpless because I didn't know what to do! Heck, you could have shown up after I ended up here and at least tried to reassure me that everything was going to be alright! You should have cared!" A short silence followed. "But all of you never did, did you?"
"Kopa..."
"How hard was it?" asked the pridelander prince quietly, looking down at the floor "One word. That's all I would have needed. One word to let me know that you were there, that one of you guys would show eventually... But instead you just let me slowly lose hope... You made me feel... alone..." He slowly raised his gaze until his eyes met with those of his ancestor. "How could you?" His voice was no longer angry as he spoke. It was shaky. It sounded hurt and betrayed.
"I wish I could explain, my dear child..." said the deceased lion with a heavy sigh. "I came here to tell you that you can find the Pride Lands."
Kopa managed to calm down a little more. "You're going to help me?"
"This is something you have to find out by yourself. I cannot interfere." Kopa could once again feel his anger boil within him. "Nothing can stop you from achieving what your heart desires if you listen to it." said his ancestor.
"That's it?" asked Kopa, growling again. "That's how you're going to help me?"
"I can't interfere any further."
"Is that your excuse for everything?!" yelled the younger male. "That you can't interfere and that everything you do is for a reason?! Is that why my grandfather couldn't tell my father that his own uncle was the one who was really responsible for grandfather's death?! Dad went back home still believing it was his fault! He grew up thinking he'd killed his own father!" This was, without a doubt, the angriest Kopa has ever been in his entire life. "He almost died because Scar used that against him, manipulated him a-a-and feasted on his guilt for his own twisted sense of pleasure! The Pride Lands and the rest of the pride would have been lost if Scar had won and all of you are to blame just because you couldn't have said a few words to let my father know he was innocent! What reason could there have possibly been for that?!"
The older lion was about to say something, but he never got the chance to. "You could have even warned Mufasa before the stampede but you didn't do that either, did you?! You could have warned my father about what Zira was about to do to me but you didn't! Don't you think he's gone through enough hardship in his life?! And what about my mother?!" Kopa then took a few seconds to catch his breath. "Let me guess... You didn't bother to tell my parents I'm alive, did you?" His ancestor shook his head, causing him to sigh. "If you had I wouldn't need to worry so badly over not knowing my way home, something you're not really helping me with either..." he said, this time more calmly.
"Kind heart, Kopa." said the older lion after a short silence. "That's all you need to know. And I'm sorry you and your parents have suffered like this, it's all for a reason, as horrible as it sounds now. You'll understand in due time. Like all, you will find your place in the great circle one day." Kopa looked a little shocked. The great kings and queens had chosen to not warn his parents about Zira? He didn't know what to think or say anymore. "I apologize, but my time is up. I must leave you now, but don't worry. You're never alone... Remember that." With that, the deceased king vanished into thin air, leaving his descendant alone on the hill.
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul.
A/N: Wow, I think this is one of my favorite chapters so far! But I won't say much about it. You'll find out how Kopa got home soon. Let me assure you, you'll be surprised! It will be nice to get more reviews from you. I want to know what you think!
ThoughtsOfAReader: I'm glad the fact that Kopa's conflicted was easy to notice. As you've seen in this chapter, it really is going to be hard for him to say goodbye, even if not forever. Vitani will appear again, obviously. :)
Mpira: Thank you!
almondbutter: All I'm willing to say is that you're right in saying that it's something big.