Animal Crossing: The Series

Episode 13: Flu Bear

"From The Marquee in downtown Mallsville," announced the Emcee, "It's the Dr. Shrunk Show! Give a big hand for your host, Dr. Shrunk!"

The camera panned over a studio audience that was applauding and cheering before stopping to focus on a large stage. A pink axolotl wearing a polka dot suit and a large blue bow tie stepped onto the stage and walked towards a pair of couches in center. He bowed and waved at the Audience.

"Welcome to the show, everyone," said Dr. Shrunk, "The doctor is in! I thought for sure I would have to cancel today's show because I thought I left my notebook on the bus! Thankfully, it was right here, in my pocket, the whole…"

Shrunk began frantically searching his pockets.

"Uh-oh!" said Shrunk, "Where did I put it?"

After searching his pockets for a while, Dr. Shrunk began to laugh.

"Just kidding, folks!" said Shrunk, "It's at home, in my desk drawer."

Shrunk then sat down on one of the couches.

"My first guests," began Shrunk, "Are a couple who have been experiencing some problems in their relationship. Please welcome Whitney and Apollo!"

Just then, an eagle and a white wolf walked onto the stage and sat on the adjacent couch.

"Welcome," said Shrunk, "Now, Apollo, you think that Whitney is having an affair, correct?"

"I sure do," said Apollo, "She keeps going out late, she hardly ever looks me in the eye, and the other day, I found a condom under our bed. How did that get there?"

"That's bull(bleep!)" snapped Whitney, "If anyone's having an affair it's you!"

"Language, please," said Dr. Shrunk.

"You don't satisfy me as much as you used to," continued Whitney, "It's like you don't have time for me anymore!"

"Not true," said Apollo.

"The closest I've gotten to being intimate with a guy in the last three weeks is hugging my brother!"

The audience booed.

"How do you explain the condom?" asked Apollo.

"It's ours!" said Whitney, "From whenever it was we last had sex, which I can't remember because it was so (bleep!) long ago!"

Whitney then shoved her face into her hands and began sobbing as the audience said "Awwww…"

"Well," said Shrunk, "It seems we have a problem here. Apollo, you need to stop putting all of your eggs in one basket, unless you're planning on making an omelet!"

"Huh?" asked Apollo.

"And Whitney," continued Shrunk, "Don't go searching for that needle in the haystack, because you'll only get pricked!"

"What?" asked Whitney, "That doesn't make any sense!"

"Glad I could be of service!" said Shrunk, "When we come back, my friends and I will be holding an intervention for a five year-old who's addicted to bubblegum! Stay tuned!"

CJ grabbed the remote and changed the channel. CJ, who was still on vacation, was at home watching television on his couch. It was a weekday afternoon and there was not much on. Suddenly, Curt entered the front door and walked into the living room.

"Curt?" said CJ, "Yo, can't you at least knock?"

"What's the point of us having the keys to each other's houses if we can't fuckin' use them?" asked Curt.

"I'm just saying," said CJ, "Give me a warning before you come in."

"Why?" asked Curt, "You watching porn or something?"

CJ sighed and stood up. He headed for the kitchen.

"Want something?" asked CJ, "Soda? Beer?"

"Nah," said Curt, "I'm good."

"So, what have you been up to lately?" asked CJ.

"Training," said Curt, "It's June and I need to prepare for this year's fishing tourney. They do them every Sunday in June and this Sunday is the last one for this year! Poncho and I are entering. It'll be our first ever! I'm so excited!"

"Training for what? To catch fish? Please! You train for an actual sport like soccer or tennis…Not fishing!"

"Fishing is a legitimate sport. They play it on ESPN!"

"You know what else they play on ESPN? Darts, billiards…Oh, and Spelling Bees."

CJ grabbed himself a bottle of water from the fridge and drank from it.

"I should invite Poncho over here," said Curt, "Maybe him and I could use your weight set in the basement! We need to toughen up our arms to catch the really big bass!"

"Don't think so," said CJ, "Unless you want to hurt yourself."

Curt pulled out his phone and called up Poncho.

"Yo," said Curt, "I…Dude, are you okay? You don't sound too hot."

"What are you talking about?" said Poncho, over the phone, "Of course I'm hot! I'm boiling! And my nose is stuffed and I have a headache! I think I might be sick!"

"That sucks man," said Curt, "Want us to call a doctor for you?"

"Sure," said Poncho, who was lying in bed with balled-up tissues everywhere, "I hope it's nothing. I don't wanna miss my first ever fishing tourney!"

"Don't worry, man," said Curt, "A fishing tourney is nowhere near as important as my friend's health!"

"Aw, thanks man," said Poncho, "When are you gonna call the doctor?"

"Soon," replied Curt, "Right after I head home to clean my fishing rod!"

CJ rolled his eyes as Curt hung up the phone.

Later, the duo headed to Poncho's house to check on their sick buddy. There, Dr. Aly Gator, the town physician, was in Poncho's room performing a check-up.

"Now breathe," said Dr. Gator, holding a stethoscope to Poncho's chest, "Deep breaths…Breathe…Hehe, I like that sound!"

"Is he gonna be okay?" asked CJ.

"I'm afraid he's got the flu," replied Dr. Gator, "He may need to rest for a few days and take some medication. Have you received all your flu shots?"

"Let's see," said Poncho, "I've received the swine flu shot, the bird flu shot, the cow flu shot…Is there an antelope flu shot?"

"No," replied Dr. Gator, "But there is a deer flu shot."

"Ah," said Poncho, "Then I'm missing that one."

"Doc," began Curt, "Will my friend be fine in time for this Sunday?"

"I'm afraid not," replied Dr. Gator, "Unless you believe in miracles. Hey, shit happens sometimes. There was this one patient…"

"Thanks Doc," interrupted Poncho.

"Hmph," said Dr. Aly Gator, as he left Poncho's house.

"Fuck," sighed Poncho, "I feel like I let you down!"

"It's not your fault," assured CJ, "Besides, with less people, Curt here has a better chance of winning! Ha!"

"Very funny," said Poncho, "God, I feel terrible."

"I'll manage without you," assured Curt, "Don't worry. For now, I'm gonna head to Nook's to buy some gear. Is there anything you would like from there?"

"I'd like an ice cold beer," said Poncho.

"Um," said CJ, "We'll be back with some tea and juice."

"Aww," said Poncho, "Hey, can you buy me one of those hospital pans so I don't have to leave my bedroom when I wanna take a leak?"

"Just use a bucket," said Curt.

The two left. Poncho grabbed the remote and turned on his bedroom television:

"Hey everybody," said the very enthusiastic cabbie, "It's time again for the Animalese version of Ca$h Cab!"

The cabbie then got into his taxi and began driving around the city.

"For those of you just tuning in," began the cabbie, "Our job on Ca$h Cab is to drive around Mallsville, picking up random strangers. However, unlike a regular taxi, you don't pay a fare…Instead, we pay you! Of course, only if you answer all questions correctly."

The cabbie drove around the city for a while. Eventually, he spotted a couple waving him down at an intersection. They were both kangaroos and the woman appeared heavily pregnant.

"Thank God!" said the man, "My wife is going into labour and we need to get to a hospital fast!"

"AARRRGH!" screamed the woman as she clutched her swollen belly.

"Surprise!" shouted the cabbie, "You're in the Ca$h Cab!"

"The what?" asked the man.

"The Ca$h Cab," repeated the cabbie, "I will be giving you a series of questions and you gotta answer them correctly to win some money!"

"What?" said the man, "We don't have time for this! This woman is about to give birth!"

"First question," began the cabbie, "Who was Animalia's first president?"

"Deep breaths, honey," said the man, "Deep breaths!"

"OH GOD!" yelled the woman, "THE PAIN! THE PAAAAIN!"

"Wrong answer, I'm afraid," said the cabbie, "You have earned 0 dollars so far!"

"I'm not playing your stupid game!" snapped the man.

"Next question," said the man, "Who won the World Series in 1942?"

"How the hell should I know?" said the man, "And this isn't even the way to the hospital! Where are you taking us?"

"Wrong again!" said the cabbie, "Would you like to use one of your life-lines? We can stop to ask random passerby's!"

"Just take us to the goddamn hospital!" yelled the man.

"Not until you finish the quiz," said the cabbie.

"AAAARRRGH!"

"Oh, God!" said the man, "I think it's crowning!"

Later, at Nookington's:

"You want me to do what?" asked CJ.

"Well," said Curt, "Since Poncho is ill, I figured you can fill in for him."

"I told you, I hate fishing!"

"You don't actually have to fish," said Curt, "Just keep the other competitors distracted so I can catch the big stuff myself."

"That's cheating," said CJ.

"Just think about it," said Curt, as he examined the aisles,"Now, let's see…Ah!"

Curt grabbed a tackle box from the supplies section and brought it to the cash.

"Good afternoon," muttered Nook, "This month we're having a huge sale on…"

"Yeah, yeah," said Curt, "Can it, Nook! I need to know if this brand is any good."

"Do I look like a fishing expert to you, hm?" asked Nook, "Ask someone from the supplies section. Or better yet, go online and look it up!"

"That was helpful," said Curt sarcastically.

"Fine," said Nook, "If you want a good fishing supplies, I suggest Requin brand hooks, lines, sinkers, lures, tackle boxes…You name it! It's what Pascal apparently uses."

"Who's Pascal?" asked Curt.

"Only one of the greatest outdoorsmen the western county has ever seen!"

Nook then pulled a sports magazine from under the counter. On the cover was a red otter with a knit cap and seashell around his neck holding a fishing rod.

"He's won the fishing tournament five years in a row," added Nook, "He's got quite a talent, yes? I believe he will be entering this year's tourney."

"Damn," said Curt, "Now I really need to practice! I'll come back for the shit later!"

"I know you're excited about participating," began CJ, "But I'm not gonna enter some boring fishing tourney just because you don't wanna go alone!"

"Some friend you are," said Curt.

"You're accusing me of being a bad friend? Ha! You're the one who's more concerned about winning a dumb tournament than of your buddy's well-being!"

"Not true!"

"Poncho is sick and all you can think about is who can replace him!"

"So?" said Curt, "Fishing is a ruthless, competitive sport. I won't let anything get in the way of winning! You couldn't possibly understand!"

"You just started fishing yesterday!"

"Whatever! I gotta go practice my technique. Give Poncho the stuff we bought; I'll go check on him later!"

That night, Curt tossed and turned in his bed.

"Ugh," he moaned, "Must…win…trophy! Stupid…flu…"

Curt then dreamt that he was at the tournament, fishing:

"Nyuk, Nyuk!" laughed Chip, the host, "Only 10 more minutes, guys, until we declare the winner!"

From his spot near the river, Curt watched as Pascal the Otter approached Chip and handed him a huge bass and smiled. Curt gave Pascal the evil eye and focused on the water below him.

"Come on," said Curt, "Bite already!"

Just then, Curt saw a shadow approaching his bait. It was huge! Within seconds, there was tugging.

"I got one!" yelled Curt, "And it's a big one!"

Curt pulled tirelessly on the line as the fish tried desperately to swim away with bait. Curt stood up and planted both feet into the ground as he continued to pull the line. As the fish began to wear out, Curt reeled it in. Everyone in the background cheered as Curt held up the monstrous bass.

"Woah-oh!" yelled Chip, as he measured the beast, "A whopping 28½ inches! No contest here, people! The winner is Curt Townshend!"

"YEAH!" yelled Curt in excitement, "In yo face, fuckas!"

Chip then handed Curt a large trophy. Curt held the trophy high over his head as several local reporters took photos.

Just then, Poncho's physician, Dr. Aly Gator, came running up from behind the crowd.

"Mr. Townshend," said Dr. Gator, "I've been looking all over town for you! Your friend is gone!"

"Gone?" asked Curt, "As in 'missing'?"

"No," replied the doctor, "He passed away three hours ago! His symptoms were too severe!"

"I had no idea!" said Curt, horror-stricken, "I was here all day…Fishing."

Curt then stared at his trophy in disappointment. It no longer meant anything to him knowing that his good friend was dead.

"I should have been there," said Curt, "Those were his final moments and I missed them! WHYYYYYY?"

Curt suddenly woke up, covered in sweat.

"Just a dream," said Curt, breathing heavily.

Curt then lay back down and stared up at the ceiling.

To be Continued...