*SUICIDE TRIGGER*

"Again, I'm glad that you're here, Hannah. So tell me, when you leave this office, how do you want things to be different for you?

You mean how you can help?

Yes.

I guess I… I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm expecting.

Well, what do you need right now that you're not getting? Let's start there.

I need it to stop.

You need what to stop?

I need everything to stop. People. Life.

Hannah, do you know what you just said?

You said you wanted life to stop, Hannah. Your life?

Is that what you meant to say, Hannah? Those are very serious words, you know.

I know they are. I'm sorry. I don't want my life to end. That's why I'm here.

So what happened, Hannah? How did you get to this point? I know you can't sum it all up. It's the snowball effect, am I right? It's one thing on top of another. It's too much isn't it?

It's too hard.

Life?

Here take this. An entire box of tissues just for you. Never been used.

Thank you.

Let's talk about school, Hannah. So I can get some idea how we-I'm sorry- how you got to this point.

Okay.

When you think of school what's the first thing that comes to mind?

Learning I guess.

Well, that's good to hear.

I'm kidding. I do learn here, but that's not what school is for me.

Then what is it for you?

A place. Just a place filled with people that I'm required to be with.

And that's hard for you?

At times.

With certain people, or people in general?

With certain people. But also… everyone.

Can you be a little more specific?

It's hard because I don't know who's going to… you know… get me next. Or how.

What do you mean, "get you"?

Not like a conspiracy or anything. But it feels like I never know when something's going to pop out of the woodwork."

-Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why

November 10, 2010

"Mr. Schue?"

"Yes Kurt, how can I help you?"

Kurt walks into Mr. Schue's office and practically collapses in his chair, then winces.

"Kurt are you okay? You look sick?"

Kurt doesn't respond. He's staring at the intently at the floor, not meeting his teacher's eyes.

"Kurt?"

"I don't know how to begin." He says, still looking down. It's out of character for him not to look someone directly in the eyes.

"It's okay. You don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to. I'm here to listen if you need me."

Kurt nods.

"I can't tell you what, but something has changed. I can't be here anymore."

Mr. Schue opens his mouth then closes it, not sure how to respond.

"Can't be in glee club…school…?" he asks, leaving the question open for Kurt to reiterate his response with.

"Yes, but also no…"

He trails off, something that's also unusual for him.

"I can't say I understand your response, Kurt."

Kurt laughs hollowly. "Neither do I."

Mr. Schue stares at him, getting nervous.

"Do you want to talk to Mrs. Pillsbury, she might be a more qualified person to go to… about whatever… changed."

He's trying to get rid of me

He can't handle my problems

Neither can I

I'm not me anymore

I should be able to handle this

I should

I can't

"Kurt?" Mr. Schue holds out a box of tissues and a cup of water for Kurt. It's all he has to offer. The boy hadn't even noticed he was crying.

He takes them, giving a halfhearted smile.

"Thanks." He delicately wipes the tears from his face. "It's very sunny out today." He comments, still a little teary, but looking less lost.

Mr. Schue sighs in relief on the inside. He was worried something might be seriously wrong with Kurt, but maybe he just needed to cry it out.

"Yeah, it's been unseasonably warm, but this nice spell is sure to pass quickly.

Kurt smiles and nods in agreement.