Okay, so I know many of you were angry about the last update. What can I say? I have a penchant for tragedy. Now… I will make you a promise. This story will have a happily ever after ending, but the road to the happily ever after ending will be bumpy (that's standard in any story I write… there must be equal parts tragedy and sappiness). I thank you all for still reading, especially when I was gone for so long before.
Alice
This is like déjà vu all over again, except I'm the one with crutches and Jasper's bringing me the food from the Hut. My sprain was worse than we thought, so when we got back Carlisle wrapped it up properly and he fussed on me for letting Edward treat me.
I can't say that I'm happy to see Jasper, it was only five days ago that he dropped that bomb on me. I ended up avoiding him and shutting him out the rest of the time in the mountains, pretending to be okay so that Rose and Bella wouldn't panic, but I'm not. I want to talk to him but I don't know what to say. A sick and comical side of me thought about sending a box of pampers to him, but I knew that'd just be cruel. Now he's in my living room and I can't exactly run away from him this time.
"Your usual… barbecued bologna, baked beans… a coke," he said clearing his throat.
"Well, might as well bring it on in," I said.
He sat it down on the table in front of me and then stood there.
"Expecting a tip," I asked.
"Can we talk?"
"…fine. Take a seat."
He sat on the couch across from the loveseat I was on and I could tell that he was thinking of the perfect thing to say as twiddled his thumbs and looked down at the ground.
"Okay, here goes. I made a huge mistake. You have to believe me though, Bobby and I aren't together and we never were. This could have just as easily been you in this position."
"Excuse me?"
"Yup, you dated Alec, if you two had had sex you could have gotten pregnant. Bobby and I weren't dating but we did have sex and she's pregnant."
"I can't believe you compared it to that."
"Well I was right, wasn't I?"
"Why did you tell me? Why did I have to be the one you poured your heart out to?"
"Because you're the only person I've ever poured my heart out to Alice! Don't you get it? I have nobody else to talk to. My mother doesn't get it, my father's disowned me, and Tanya only wants to cuss out the world on my behalf and well… Alice, you're all I've got."
"So, what are you going to do about this baby?"
"Be a better father than my dad was…"
"What did you expect to happen when you told me?"
"I didn't expect you to explode and go running into the mountains."
"Look. I won't lie to you… I'm hurt Jasper. My heart is broken into a million pieces and my ankle hurts, but I don't know. What is it that you want from me?"
"The chance to be friends. To get to know each other again. Even if I'm not with you Alice, I need you in my life."
"How will we be friends again? You're too far away."
"We'll talk every day. I'll make it a priority."
"… I don't want to just be your friend. Whenever I think about standing by while we talk and you date other people it makes me want to vomit, Jasper."
"Then let's not be friends. Let's get back together."
"You have perfect timing," I said with a sarcastic chuckle.
"I mean it. I'm having a baby but I love you and I need you."
"Yeah, those are two things, but do you want me?"
"More than you can imagine."
"What about your baby mama?"
"Don't call it that… Bobby won't be a problem. You could meet her if you'd like."
"Meet her?"
"Well… yeah, I've told her about you. Not that she didn't know about you before. She's willing to confirm the fact that we aren't together."
"This is a bad idea," I said. "I shouldn't want you back, I shouldn't want to get to know you again so we can be together. Dammit Jasper, I hate you so much right now but the idea of pushing you away again, of losing you crushes me. My gosh you'd think being older would make me less gullible and stupid when it comes to you but it doesn't and I still want you because I'm a damn idiot! I hate myself right now... Don't look at me."
I could hear him get up from the couch and then I felt his arms around me.
"You're right, this is a horrible idea but sometimes bad ideas have good results."
"So you never loved her?"
"I never did."
"Then why'd you have sex with her?"
"Well, you obviously know I drink a little again…"
"Yeah… so do I."
"Well, a few months ago I got a letter from my daddy asking me to cease writing to him and not to come to his funeral in the event of his death. I'm out of the will, I've only still got my trust fund because my grandparents left them for me and not him. That didn't matter to me though I was just so hurt."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I tried. When I called the house Rose said you were working. It was a Saturday, I knew Demetri's would be too crowded. I was going to go out drinking alone but Bobby called and said she was in town. She asked if I wanted to hang out and I just went. I used my fake ID to drown my pain. Before I knew it I was drunk, we were in her hotel room, and the next morning we both woke up ashamed and we agreed to part ways. Then she called me some time later telling me she was pregnant and that she wanted to keep it. I went to see her and I heard that heartbeat and I knew she wasn't lying. The dates matched up and everything."
"I'm sorry about your father. That's no excuse to go out drinking and fucking, but dammit Jasper, I'm glad he's taken himself out of your life."
"Why would you say something like that," he said, moving away from me and looking angry.
"Because you can be free! Do you think you'd have gone to Vanderbilt or chosen to go into Obstetrics and Gynecology if you two hadn't fallen out on the day he reported to prison? You're be in college at Texas, living his life and becoming a carbon copy of him. I'm sad that you're hurting… I know you love your daddy and you want him to love you, but at least this way you can be yourself Jasper… you can live for yourself."
He didn't say anything, and though I meant what I said the thought of him walking out that door made me stir with panic inside. Maybe I shouldn't have just laid all the cards on the table like that, he needed to know, but maybe I was too rough with the way I told him. After a few more seconds of silence he cleared his throat.
"So… are we back together," he asked.
He was changing the subject, I knew that but I also know that somewhere down the like Harold Whitlock would rear his ugly head again.
"Maybe. We have a lot of work to do… It's gonna be hard when we go back to school next week."
"You're right about that, but we can do this."
"When do I meet your baby mama?"
"You can meet Bobby during Spring Break."
"Okay. You know what, though?"
"What," asked Jasper as he hopped over the couch in a way that Esme has fussed at Edward for a million times.
"You're not getting a tip. You're a lousy delivery boy. My food's probably cold by now. I'll have to report you."
"Well it's a good thing this was my first and last delivery. Can I kiss you," he asked.
"You're asking me permission?"
"We are starting over… right?"
"Well if you put it that way, yes… you can."
He kissed me and it wasn't nearly as sweet as the first time but it wasn't as empty either. I somehow have a feeling that I will never again have a kiss that incites only joy and excitement. Those are still present, but in the fiber of those emotions hide the pain, the worry, the disappointment, and the longing that we share.
XXX
"Come on Demetri, I'm injured… I think you might need to send me home. I'll just slow things down," I said.
"Nice try, you can be on bathroom duty."
"What? Anything but bathroom duty! I hate sitting in the bathroom waiting for people to pee so I can offer them perfume."
"It's either that or hostess."
"Hostess… why didn't you say so?"
"Well, Kate won't be happy about having to wait, but she owes you one anyway, if I recall correctly."
"Owes me one?"
"Yes. I know you worked for her because she was too drunk to come in last year. I see all that happens in my establishment whether I'm here or not… ice cream thief. If you weren't practically family…"
"I know, I know… I'd be on probation."
I sat at the front, greeting people, handing off carryout orders, taking calls, and seating people. I won't make as much as I would had I been waiting tables, but I don't think my ankle would be up to the hustle and bustle of waiting. At least things went as quickly as they usually do. I mean, before I knew it I was sanitizing menus, changing the special of the day sign, and restocking the complimentary mints and toothpicks.
I got to leave before everybody else, I usually do, though. I got into my pink bug and took the ride home with the heat blasting, making my eye lids heavy. I was fit to be beat by the time I made it home from work. When I unlocked the door Masen was standing there, smiling up at me wearing the striped pajamas that make him look like a prisoner. He smiled at me, looking like a perfect combination of Edward and Bella. I picked him up and put him on my hip.
"Hi Masen… what are you doing? Are you running away?"
He smiled at me with the few teeth he had in his head.
"Oh thank goodness you're home! Let's dish. How was class," asked Rosalie.
"My sociology teacher scares me. I'll be cheating my way through Spanish 1020, fashion merch should be interesting, history teacher rambles... You?"
"Education is gonna kill me! I've got this one teacher… ugh, she's such a bitch! I can tell! I heard nobody makes about a B- in her class!"
"And, the others?"
"Well… my lit teacher reminds me of Melissa Mc Carthy. She's kinda funny too. That walk is gonna kill me though, it's across campus. Literally from one corner to the other!"
"Rosalie I don't wanna hear it! I go across campus long ways! Where are Bella and Edward?"
"Hopefully not making another baby. I'm watching Masen while they have couple time."
"Gross… Masen doesn't want a brother, do you Masen? Say I don't want a brother…"
He smiled at my baby talk and grabbed a piece of my hair in an attempt to eat it. I eased it from him and gave him a teething ring instead.
"I'll take him," said Rosalie. "Jasper's been calling all night, wants you to call him back."
"Okay."
I went into my room and got my sleeping clothes with my iPod dock and my phone. I ran the tub full of water and soap and stepped in. I dialed Jasper up.
"Finally," he said.
"Some of us had to work," I said. "Your future brother in law is a slave driver."
"Can't help you there. How was school?"
"Good. History will be a challenge, the teacher rambles. Oh and I'll be cheating through Spanish."
"You're so bad. This semester is going to be challenging. Lots of body parts and chemicals, and role playing. Is that splashing water I hear?"
"Yes… I'm in the tub soaking. What are you doing?"
"Waiting on Emmett to finish making us dinner on his George Foreman grill. He just got it and he's excited about it."
"Sounds about right. Talk to Bobby?"
"Yeah. She said she felt flutters or something."
"Sounds normal…"
I don't like the fact that I have to bring her name up but the truth is that she's going to be a part of our lives, so I can't pretend she doesn't exist.
"I just wanted to talk to you, hear you voice… see how your day was."
"Well, I'm glad you called," I said. "Maybe tomorrow night we can video chat?"
"Of course," he said. I could hear a smile in his voice.
"Good. Bye."
"I love you Mary Alice," he said.
"I love you too Jaz. Bye."
Jasper
"Look, I could be at home studying… I have tests this week but I'm here because you didn't want to come alone," fussed Emmett. "Now, if you're done with your temper tantrum of slapping around baby dolls… I'd like you to focus and swaddle this pretend baby."
"Okay… I'm sorry. It's just that the arms are sticking out in a weird way and they won't lie flat."
"Real baby arms don't lie flat, Jaz. They flap em and kick and squirm. You gotta work around that."
"Okay… okay. Don't pressure me."
"Pressure is on! Your baby is freezing Jasper. You're taking too long to swaddle him after his bath and he is gonna catch a chill and get sick! Hurry up Jasper! Waaa waaa waaah!"
People were looking on, some laughing and some just to see what I'd do. So I tried again with Emmett instructing me on which flap to put down first and how tight to wrap. By the time I was done the fake baby was properly swaddled. The couple at the tables beside ours applauded.
"Thanks everyone," I said.
After going through the humiliation of learning how to diaper a baby, complete with fake poop that got everywhere, the class was over. Luckily, there will only be four more. I think during the last class there will be food.
"Maybe you should practice on Henry…go down one weekend and just take him," said Emmett, as he searched for mints in my glove compartment.
"Henry doesn't like me," I said.
"He's your baby brother... Emphasis on baby."
"He doesn't like me."
"I think you just don't like him."
"Why would you say that," I asked.
"You're jealous."
"That's stupid. I'm a man. Why would I be jealous of a little baby?"
"You were used to being the little golden boy… the baby and now you're not. Plus that issue with your dad."
"Okay, maybe I'm a little jealous, but that's no reason for him to act the way he does."
"He feels your negative energy."
"Ugh."
"Ugh yourself… I still have to work out, and study, and write a three page paper. How is Bobby and the baby? How many months is she again?"
"Five and a half," I said. "She's fine, I guess. I think she's hiding something, but she said everything's going great."
"When are you gonna visit her?"
"Spring break in two weeks when she and Alice meet."
"Nervous? Your girlfriend meeting your baby mama?"
"Not as nervous as I was about it before. Alice doesn't sound so angry when she mentions the baby and she said she even got something for it."
"Well this is fucked up and it's damn weird, but I think you two will make it. I can't wait to see Rose."
"You two chat enough. Either you're studying, working out, eating, practicing, or talking to Rose…"
"Don't be a hater! You're just jealous because this will be the second break where you go without getting any."
"Don't remind me, please… don't fucking remind me. Know where Alice was the last time we video chatted?"
"No. Where?"
"In the tub. I could see everything… then she was just chill about it."
"It's because you've seen everything already… then again, you haven't seen it for a while. That's probably why you were so excited about it."
"Ugggh…. This sucks," I yelled… smacking the steering wheel.
"A, don't kill us please. B, don't do anything stupid."
"I won't. I will never make that mistake again. I don't think I'll survive another chat session with Alice. I bet she's doing this on purpose."
Alice
"So you've been doing that… on purpose… and you're not gonna sleep with him still," asked Rosalie.
"That's mean," said Bella.
"Its genius," said Rose.
"You're not going to do it again, right," asked Bella. Looking concerned.
"Of course I'm gonna do it again. I told him it wouldn't be easy… this is just part of what he'll have to go through. I can see on his face how uncomfortable he is and it gives me a little bit of joy."
"Who are you and what have you done with sweet little Mary Alice," asked Rosalie with a wink.
"She's still in here, she's just being a bitch right now… sometimes I just sit back and wonder about the way this baby will change everything. No doubt, it will… I just wonder in what days."
"Every way," said Bella.
"Sometimes I get a little excited about it, I mean. Who doesn't like babies, right? I think…oh, a baby! Then I fucking remember that it's not mine. It's Jasper's and Bobby's. It's just awkward as fuck. It's like… I'm not the mother or even the stepmother. I'm the baby's father's girlfriend. What if I get attached to it and Jasper and I break up?"
"Look. Honey… don't sabotage this in your mind. Feel what you wanna feel and just prepare to meet Bobby," said Bella.
"I know. I wanted to kill her for a while. I haven't completely made peace with it or anything, but I'm not all that pissed anymore."
"Then why not fuck Jasper," asked Bella, with a raised brow.
"Because," I said. "I wanna see him sweat a little more."
"That's evil," said Edward, strolling into the kitchen with Masen on his hip.
"How much did you hear," asked Bella.
"Enough to know that Alice is being evil. Poor Jasper."
"I'm not being evil. Maybe a little. It's not like he's gonna die because he hasn't had sex."
"He won't," said Edward "but you being devious won't help him any, either. You should be ashamed."
"Yeah yeah yeah… It is almost time for our daily chat, better go run some bath water."
"Alice," said Bella… calling me down.
"Go Alice," said Rosalie.
"I was just kidding," I said. "I'll just talk to him on the phone, since Edward's panties are in a bunch over the state of his best friend's penis."
Our relationship is slowly mending. We've actually managed to keep it up and talk almost every night. Usually it's only for a few minutes, I mean… we have shit to do. Like now, I have a paper to edit that's due tomorrow night. However, I'm not gonna do it right now. College has definitely pushed me into procrastination station.
Still, we talk. I think we can make it, but then sometimes I have doubts that creep into my mind and tell me that we won't make it and that I'm just wasting my time… kidding myself. I'm just worried.
I went into my room, pushing textbooks and my work uniform from my bed before I plopped down on it. I dialed Jasper up and my throat tightened as the phone rang… he answered on the third.
"Hello?"
"Hey, how was the class?"
"Well… Mama Bird Emmett had to give me a pep talk after I almost murdered one of the little pretend babies."
"Practice with Henry. Or are you too jealous?"
"What is with people saying that?"
"It's true."
"Maybe a little… but that doesn't matter right now. I did okay."
"Well… good. How do you… how do you feel about me?"
I didn't know why I asked that. It's not what I'd planned to ask him but it slipped out and there was no way I could turn back time.
"What made you ask that?"
"I don't know… I just wanna know. Do you feel the same about me?"
"No. Not really… not the way it was when we were sixteen, but I love you."
"Good. Besides baby classes, how was your day? What did you do?"
"Got into an argument with my philosophy teacher."
I laughed at the idea of Jasper face to face with some skinny bald guy in coke bottle glasses.
"I send you off for two semesters and you've become a complete and total delinquent. What was this grand battle about?"
"It was logic. He got the answer wrong and I corrected him. He tried to say that I was wrong and I had to bring out the big guns… well, the answer was in the back of the book. Now I'm probably gonna fail."
"Probably. I have a paper to edit, but I don't feel like it. I'm just too tired. I'm thinking about going in to work to try and scare up some dessert."
"Now you know if you go you'll end up waiting tables."
"I know! Ugh. It's sick, it's my off day and I'm thinking of going to work. I'll just edit my paper. What are you gonna do tonight? For the rest of the night?"
"I'm gonna cook myself some noodles…"
"You're gonna get fat."
"Hey, freshman fifteen is part of the college experience. You've put on yours."
"What?!"
"Shit… I didn't mean..."
"You think I've gotten fat?!"
"No, not fat. You've gotten a little bigger though. I like it."
"Don't try to smooth it over now. Might as well call me Alice the Elephant."
I heard him chuckle.
"Stop laughing, it's not funny!"
"I'm sorry…imagine that, though. An elephant in a fashionable dress and a messy bun."
"I'm hanging up," I threatened.
The idea of an elephant dressed up like me was funny, but I couldn't let him know that.
"Don't hang up. I've put on some weight too."
"Yeah, muscle."
"That's not my fault. I do like with Emmett, remember?"
"I live with Bella who can cook her ass off, Rosalie who is the queen of pies, and Edward… who recently split a pack of cigarettes with me."
"You're smoking again?"
"I'm sorry."
"You better have stopped by spring break."
"Or else what?"
"Or else everything! I'll tell Carlisle. I'll… I don't know what I'll do but I refuse to watch you die coughing up blood and wasting away because you were puffing on cancer sticks. Promise me you'll quit again?"
"I can't."
"Promise me or I'll come to Memphis tonight. I'll miss my test tomorrow and I'll probably flunk out."
"We both know that won't happen, but I'll quit. They're all gone anyway and since I'm not going out for dessert I won't have a reason to stop by and get any."
"Even when you do have a reason to stop by and get cigarettes, promise me you won't… please? I'm serious Alice."
"Fine fine fine… okay. I'll stop smoking again. If it gets too bad I'll get some patches. Talk to Bobby today?"
"Changing the subject, I see. I have."
"How is the baby?"
"She said everything was fine, but I don't believe her."
"Well, why not?"
"I just don't."
"Maybe you're just being overly cautious. I'm sure you can see for yourself during Spring Break. She picked out a name for him yet? Jasper Junior perhaps?"
Saying that made my chest tighten, my heart race, and my breath hitch in my throat. This situation is happening, but I can only hope and pray that she doesn't give the baby his name. It's a little sentimental and maybe a little selfish, but I want that for our baby's name if we ever have a marriage, children, and a son. Am I really jealous of a child that's still in the womb? No… I'm not… am I?
"Nope… William."
"Hmmm… Billy. I like it."
"You sound relieved to hear that."
"I am."
"Me too. Well, I'm gonna go study. You edit your paper and don't you dare go get cigarettes."
"I'll try," I said, clearing my throat from nervousness as the next words gathered in it. "Love you."
He chuckled, "I love you too… chat with you tomorrow?"
"Of course…"
We hung up the phone and I lay on the bed, looking up at the ceiling in the silence until my door flew open and Rosalie jumped on my bed.
"So?"
"So…"
"How are things?"
"Still mending, to be honest. The baby's not gonna be named after him. Well, least not his first name."
"You don't have to be completely okay with this, ya know? Nobody's expecting you to act like a Stepford wife. This is a crazy situation. I said I thought you two could make it through, and I do, but you'll have to do a lot of hard work."
"Right about that. Why couldn't I have just fallen for somebody else?"
"Because it wasn't in the cards. Sometimes I wonder when Emmett and I will hit our big snag."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean… no relationship stays perfect forever. People make mistakes. Either I'll hurt Emmett badly, or he'll hurt me badly. It's bound to happen, but I wish it wouldn't."
"Don't think about it, crazy."
"So, are you really not going to give Jasper any during spring break?"
"You heard right. I want to, but I need to know that he won't go off and do that again. I don't know. We weren't together Rose, but I feel like he cheated. I honestly do and it hurts so bad because I always thought he would and then when I started to think he wouldn't he did… I don't wanna talk about this. I'm getting sad. He called me fat."
"Did he really?"
"He said he could tell I put on freshman fifteen."
"Well you have, but it suits you. You're bootylicious."
"So it all went to my ass, then? Thanks Rose!"
"Bitch you better get on board. It's not like it went to your stomach. You got more booty, and you got more boobs, and hips.
"You didn't gain freshman fifteen."
"Well… Emmett and I work out at the same time every morning."
"How many times a day does he work out?"
"Multiple. Anyway… We both wake up at six and though we don't talk on the phone or chat during, I know he's up at six sweating his ass off just like me and it makes me feel close to him."
"That's nice Rose."
Sometimes I look at my friends' relationships and I get jealous. More so of Rose and Em, they make long distance love look effortless. I mean, I'm sure they work hard to make sure they talk enough and stay connected but from the outside looking in, they make it look like there's nothing to it.
"Where are Bella, Edward, and Masen," I asked. Masen wasn't squealing and stomping around the house so I knew they had to be gone.
"They went out for ice cream."
"Oh."
We lay there until neither of us could procrastinate any longer. She did her homework and I edited my essay. I miss the days of high school where the teacher made up the work as you went on. There was more room for laziness then. Now, thanks to this horrible monster called the syllabus, there is no excuse for an idle moment, ever!
When my essay was flawless, I printed it and put it in my bag. I went to turn on my alarm clock on my phone and saw that Jasper had sent me a message… it was a picture of him using one of those camera filters that distorts your face. With it was a message that said I was beautiful. I laughed because it was clear that he was procrastinating now and because… well, it was just funny. I went to sleep chuckling at the funny face.