...

~Sum-Won~

CHAPTER 25: WITHOUT FILTERS

"Gorgeous! Gorgeous stallions!" sang Sir Won as he almost danced through the horse stalls.

The sun was already setting with little specks of stars in the sky. Levi said nothing as he waited for the fat stubby noble to finish inspecting the numerous stallions at their disposal outside of the barn. Levi could have came to the conclusion that the man was a farmer or something with how excited Sir Won seemed to be. The Captain turned and looked up at the sky, watching the sketchy clouds drift slowly.

Peaceful.

The world seemed to be so peaceful.

Sadly, within the walls of the Legion Scouts' headquarters, it was not. Because even though the titans were gone, monsters weren't. Levi gritted his teeth in thought. Monsters were everywhere and they were living, breathing humans.

And they were tearing down innocent...

Weak smiles.

Beautiful...

Green eyes.

Wonderful...

Stubborn remarks.

Human beings.

Levi's eyes drifted to the ground as a scowl painted his face.

"That was magnificent!" spoke the noble as he came out of the barn with a smirk on his face, "Wonderfully so. I will make sure that these beauties do not ever suffer in these conditions ever again. You have my word, Captain."

The head soldier gave a firm nod at the man who was miraculously shorter than Levi.

"Was there anything else you needed before I see you to your room?" responded Humanity's Strongest, expressionless.

"No, nothing more at all," laughed the noble as he fanned his fat hand about next to his face, "We can be off."

The dying light of the sun reflected off Sir Won's gaudy rings. The jewels were stunning, housed in gold and silver lining that wrapped his fingers. Before Levi could stop himself, the words slipped from his tongue.

"Emeralds."

Sir Won blinked as they began to travel down the small hill, not having been paying too much attention to the taller man, but immediately answered, "Are you referring to my rings, Captain?"

"Do you have emeralds?" repeated Levi, wondering if the introduction of such a topic seemed off.

The noble laughed out loud and hardy, not seemingly suspicious of the sudden question.

"Why of course, Captain. Though not with me. Why do you ask?"

The two could see the entrance of Headquarters as they continued to stroll through the grass field slowly. The noble's strides were the cause of it.

"I've often wondered how they look like," responded Levi quietly in thought, "People say they are green. Beautiful. I wonder about that."

"They are," insisted Sir Won dramatically, "Green, luscious jewels! I have a thing for gems you know. If you ever want to see my collection, send word through the Commander and we can have our own little tour of my personal gallery. Most definitely not a waste of time, I'd say."

Levi gave a grunt of acknowledgement though he knew that he would never go to a noble's house just to waste time staring at rocks. He had way too much to do. However, Sir Won continued to yap on and on about his collection and the rare unseen gems he had found on his own personal expeditions and treasure hunts now that the walls were down. When the two finally made it into base, the noble's ranting seemed to have died down. The hallways were already lit and many soldiers were already going to bed. Dinner was finished after all. Only a few soldiers were left to diddle daddle in the halls in order to converse with their friends. They all seemed to be whispering to each other in haste as if their little gossips would be heard any moment now. Levi internally rolled his eyes and lead Sir Won down the quiet corridors passing a few soldiers here and there. As they approached the entrance of Sir Won's sleeping quarter, the French man turned around to bid the noble a good night. However, Sir Won raised a hand to stop Humanity's Strongest from speaking.

"Listen, Captain," spoke Sir Won with a somber tone, "Although I have promised to support your stallions, I have to say that I am greatly worried for your Commander's support."

Levi's eyebrows slowly crinkled though the rest of his face stayed empty of emotion.

"What do you mean?" questioned the taller man, sensing a sudden stiffness in his posture.

"Haven't you heard the rumors?" chuckled Sir Won.

Levi frowned at the man.

The noble dramatically sighed as he opened the door to his room.

"You witnessed the events of his interests today, didn't you?" whispered the noble in a hushed tone, "Surely you know what I mean by this. The Commander is completely head over heels for that young boy of yours. And that Jaeger boy, in turn as well. I, by no means, am trying to disrespect the Commander and his interest. However, as a good long time friend of the Commander, I have to say this to you. Please, keep out an eye for him and your subordinate. The Commander is a man of his words, and I worry what hurdles may come his way."

Levi was completely unsure of how to respond to this. Unfortunately, the Captain did not know if the man was lying through his teeth about being a long time friend of Erwin. This was because, although Levi had known Erwin for quite some time- he never got involved in the intricate and numerous political ties of the Commander's work. The only names that he kept up with were those that had majorly gotten in their way during the war. However, since Levi hadn't heard of Sir Won- it probably meant that Sir Won was not an enemy. But on the other hand, how was it that Sir Won had been a 'good long time friend' of Erwin? And yet, when it came down to funding, Sir Won had only started thinking about funding for the Scouts only recently.

Unless, Sir Won was an underground funding pool that Erwin had just simply kept secret until now?

So was this Sir Won's way of publicly announcing to those in the inner walls that he was now a supporter of the scouts?

Levi didn't know.

And now the French man realized who it was that had been cursing from behind him when Hange had appeared to dissolve the scuffle that Armin, Erwin, and Mikasa had wound up in. Luckily, Sir Won seemed to be taking in witnessing the scene alright at face value.

"I can't control another person," responded Levi with a grimace, "And I definitely can't control someone of higher rank than me."

Levi contemplated correcting the noble over his statement of Eren and Erwin being a couple. However, from the evidence and little that Sir Won had seen- it was just too convincing of an argument to be torn down by the Captain. And the thing was, Levi also didn't want to get involved in an argument with the person that had just agreed to fund the Legion Scout's in their horse and care budget. So instead, the Captain stayed quiet and let Sir Won say whatever he wanted.

"Oh, I know!" insisted Sir Won with a strong shake of his head, "But the thing is, I'm sure you wouldn't want for tragedy to strike the two now, would you? Think about it? Star crossed lovers- the Commander and Humanity's Hope. Their romance, torn by the very friends that they trusted. I wouldn't want that! Men and men or not, surely you must support the two in some way? Because from what I witnessed, that Mikasa Ackerman girl seemed to be quite keen on breaking them up. Protect them, that's all I ask for!"

Levi squinted at the shorter man. He was not too keen on randomly agreeing to promises that had no true base in their soup. But Levi was tired from today's whirlwind of emotions and drama. And so, Humanity's Strongest gave a grunt in response to the noble before leaving the man alone. When the French man had finally returned to his own quarters, he opted to ignore the stacking pile of papers on his desk. He was much too behind in work, and already knew that tomorrow he had to get those damn assignments done. But tonight, the Captain was going to take his fill of rest.

Before he had made it to Sir Won, who had actually been preoccupied by Erwin- lord knows what they were talking about- Levi had made sure to quickly wash his face of the smudges of blood on his brow from his injured hand. Strangely enough, when water had came in contact with Eren's golden spittle on the French man's knuckles, the material had completely dissolved and flowed into the drain. Amazed, Levi had noticed that his hand had completely healed. It had made the Captain recall of Hange's little spiel about Eren's powers after he had awoken during the expedition.

"From the way you're wounds healed, I'd say that what Eren did was most definitely effective enough to save you albeit drain him of his strength a good amount."

Levi laid in his bed, pondering about the implications of what Eren had just told him before Hange had turned up in the cell...

"Are you good?"

Eren looked up as he put on his uniform jacket.

"Yep. Good as I'll ever be. Thanks for doing this for me," responded the brunet with a silly grin, "Didn't think I'd ever be able to step out again with the way Captain Levi's been on me lately. And with everyone afraid of my homo-erotic tendencies, you were my last resort."

The guard with no name chuckled, "Don't be like that. Just ignore the youngsters. They'll get over it soon enough."

"I hope so," responded Eren as they both began to leave the cell and travel up the stairs.

Levi had instructed for all guards to watch his tail like a hawk after the shower incident. And then, Hange, from last night, had instructed the new guards at his door to make sure he was chaperoned should he go anywhere out of his cell. So now, Eren felt like a big baby...

As they made it out into the hallway, bright streaks of morning sunlight broke through the glass panes. Giving the two new guards at the entrance and exit of the door a small nod of acknowledgement, Eren and the nameless guard paced through the quiet halls. Most of the soldiers were still just barely waking up. However, breakfast was already starting with cooking staff running back and forth in the kitchen. The two turned the corner and began to proceed to the higher up's line of offices. As the duo came to approach the small staircase that led to Erwin's room, the guard behind Eren paused.

"I'll wait here," he quietly stated.

Eren turned around to glance at him with a smile, "Thank you, but don't wait for me. It might be a while before we're finished talking. I'm sure Hange or someone will show up to take me elsewhere at some point, so you're free."

The soldier inhaled deeply before giving Eren a solid nod. The brunet turned away from the nameless guard and began the trek up the stairs. Every step brought him back into memories that reminded him of how he got into this whole mess. Again, he reached the top of the corridor like that night of the legion scout celebrations. Eren approached Erwin's office and knocked on the door firmly.

"Come in."

Eren entered quietly, closing the door behind himself before turning to face Erwin's desk. He wasn't there.

"I thought it might be you," spoke the blond Commander in a scratchy baritone.

Eren turned to the side to see Erwin, having just gotten out of bed and sitting on the edge of the mattress. Erwin's posture was slumped, his eyes dull and worn out.

"I didn't want to wait...," responded Eren solemnly, "I'm sorry to approach you like this, sir."

Erwin looked up at Eren with half open eyes as he rubbed his face slowly, considering the situation.

"Don't be...," sighed Erwin, "We all just have to adapt as best as we can. Everything you have done. It's all understandable."

"And you," responded Eren with a sad smile as he approached the older man.

Erwin laughed dryly, the echo of his voice hollow. The brunet felt something inside himself chipping, but he did his best to hold himself together.

"Sir...," spoke Eren in a hush tone as he reached out to the older man.

Erwin stared down at the floor unresponsive to where Eren's fingers wrapped around his own. It was as if just that small touch seemed to bring Erwin out of his lifeless stupor, but the blond just simply refused to acknowledge it.

"It wasn't a lie?" questioned the blond man hesitantly.

Although Erwin's posture did not change, the ex-shifter could tell just how hopeful Erwin felt from the way his hand squeezed Eren's own. The brunet had a feeling that the Commander would doubt him too. Like Levi.

"No," whispered Eren gently as he kneeled down.

"I thought..."

"It was a fluke?" questioned the brunet as he brought Erwin's hand away from the blond's lap and closer to himself, "Well, it's not, sir."

Erwin's lids opened as his eyes lighted up into bright hues of saturated blue. The Commander reached forward to take hold of the younger man in a full blown embrace, burying his face into Eren's nape with a trembling inhale. Even though Erwin's blond hair was still a mess from bed and his pajamas in disarray from the night's hopeless insomnia, Eren wrapped his arms around the blond gently. The two stayed there like that, surrounded by the sound of each other's inhales and exhales. When Erwin finally pulled away from Eren, the Commander took hold of Eren's face in his hands tenderly. However, Erwin's eyes reflected nothing but pain and regret.

Because now, Erwin realized where he had gone wrong... Even way before he had met Eren. Before he even met Marie...

He let himself fall into a swirling vortex of shadows and became swallowed by Humanity.

He lost himself in the game of winning through the pain of loss.

He let himself discard his everything...

He drowned in the papers of tomorrow that painted an endless path which seemed to guide him towards a known destination...

He let Humanity become his life.

Only to become lost on the roadside.

Even when his own unconscious thoughts held onto precious gems of the world that made him more than a mere puppet, he had instinctively ignored it.

Until when finally, Humanity conquered and the walls began to tumble...

The shards of himself, pieces of his carefree joy and selfish desires that had been present in his childhood, had been hushed into a corner of his mind. They had been told time and time again that they needed to go into a slumber, a sleep that would leave the blond man free to roam as Humanity's puppet as effectively as possible. But because his resolve for Humanity had begun to accomplish itself and thus diminish, those broken shards had begun to reawaken. They had begun to resurface, painting his unconscious thoughts with emotions that were so foreign and isolated- even Erwin himself couldn't recognize them until it had been too late.

And now Erwin wish he would go back.

He wished that he could go back and reconquer himself. He wished that he could rearrange the past in his mind, the thoughts that led him to become so hopelessly numb that even with his intelligence he could not recognize his own feelings and emotions. But it was too late, too late to try and retract what had been done.

And it hurt.

It hurt so deeply...

A searing pain that stung for days on end even after the cut had been made.

"Sir...," whimpered Eren, bringing Erwin out of his thoughts.

Tears were pooling in Eren's eyes, making those beautiful jewels transform into puddles of an even deeper shade of blue and green. The vision of the window's light from behind Erwin reflected off the growing lump of tears laying atop the ex-shifter's trembling bottom lid. Golden specks of amber showing off Eren's eyes and seemed to blur to the Commander.

"I'm sorry," gasped Eren as the tears spilled forth and down the brunet's cheeks in a gush.

Erwin was at first confused by why Eren looked so hurt. But upon feeling the brunet's fingers touch his wet cheek, the blond realized that he had been the one to introduce tears into their conversation. A cracking sob suddenly escaped from the back of Erwin's throat.

Eren bit on his bottom lip.

The German male didn't want to do this.

He didn't want to say it.

He didn't want to hurt Erwin... Bruise the man, or scar his heart. Because throughout the decade that Eren had spent with Erwin, Eren had never once heard of the blond man having any interest in romantic affairs. So to suddenly be put into the spotlight of such affection was very foreign to the ex-shifter. But none the less, Eren knew that if he withheld his answer it would only cause more turmoil. The brunet, upon answering Levi's inquiry from last night, had realized the stupidity of all he had done. Secrecy. Deception. Lies. This wasn't a battle strategy that they were working on in the making. No. These were feelings, tender and fragile emotions that could at any point break even if handled with the utmost care. But at the time of all that had happened already between the Commander and his subordinate, Eren hadn't seen that. No. He COULDN'T see that.

Why was that?

Why was it that Eren had been so blind?

Why had Eren been so buried in this concept of debt?

Why had he allow himself to believe that everything was stocks and trade?

Eren didn't know.

He didn't know.

Could it be that he had allowed the concept of Humanity to swallow him whole? Could it be that he had truly lost his own Humanity in trying to save others?

Perhaps.

But perhaps, for the sake of saving the human race- he hadn't necessarily forfeit his heart in whole. Perhaps, Eren had forfeit the part of himself that was meant to conserve his own mental well-being... Perhaps the German had, out of all the endless fragments of his "heart" that had been held within his hands, unconsciously offered up the one piece that would have made Eren not blind to his own decisions.

Endless scratchy repeats of 'sorries' were whispered from Eren's lips as he closed his eyes and allowed for his sobs to be heard through the tears that trickled down.

"I-I...," hiccuped Eren as he tried to hold back the sobs, "I do love you."

The brunet tried to breathe in between his sobs.

"I love you, very much."

The German male had to say this. He had to set this straight.

"But not... Not like how you probably love me," wept the younger man, shaking in the older man's arms.

Eren wept even harder upon hearing the words he uttered from his own lips. The German male knew he would never be able to give the blond man what he truly wanted. And it felt like a stab to the ex-shifter's heart.

The ex-shifter had been trying to appease everyone... Protect everyone. But in the end of it all, it was Eren- himself, that hurt all of his long time comrades the most. How could Eren become so selfless that in the end...

He had become selfish?

Erwin smiled brokenly as another bitter tear of regret trickled down his face.

"I know...," he responded in a hush tone.

The blond man gritted his teeth as he pulled Eren into his arms again.

Who's heart was truly breaking?

If not one of them, then surely both.

"Oh god...," groaned Erwin upon letting Eren's words sink in, "I know. I know."

Erwin's voice cracked as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stop more tears from falling forth.

"Don't say that. Don't say that you're sorry. Don't be sorry," repeated the blond Commander.

The whole night, the thought of Eren's feelings were what Erwin had been pondering about. That was what his brain, turning and tossing, had been unable to ignore. Everything that Erwin felt, it must have seemed so sudden to Eren. So raw but sprung out of the blue. But now that Erwin realized the major flaw within himself pertaining to his past dedication to Humanity, it was apparent that his feelings for Eren weren't new. They had been present within his heart from day one of their meeting. They had gnawed and chewed on anything pertaining to Eren that they could feed on. They had grown enormously like a vine weed breaking through the cracks and surfaces of his heart. But it had never been expressed nor acknowledged by the Commander himself and those around him. Erwin's feelings were real, raw and pungent in their presence... Sadly, they were only in such a state within Erwin's unconsciousness and that made the Commander creditless in his confession... So unconvincing and scattered... Young and unstable.

If only Erwin had acknowledged his feelings sooner. If only he had aimed to be with Eren more often, built their relationship on physical trust and emotional affection. Strengthened the strings that held them together through braided threads made from his own hands... Then maybe. Just maybe, the two being a romantic couple could have been. Just maybe their love could have sprung forth. Maybe...

Just maybe.

But maybe's in this world meant nothing.

And so that was what Erwin would get.

Nothing.

This, in itself, was Erwin's repent.

Losing the one chance that he would never get.

And Eren knew that by answering the older man's feelings, this was perhaps an unintentional punishment that Erwin would serve for the rest of his life.

CHAPTER 26 PREVIEW:

"I. WILL. NOT," snarled Levi, punctuating each word with bone grinding intensity, "FORGIVE!"

Eren could only look on at Humanity's Strongest with a broken smile.