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Sophie scowls out of her bedroom window, resenting the rain.
She'd wanted to go back to the swimming hole today.
"C'mon Soph. I'll make snickerdoodles…"
"No," she snaps, folding her arms.
Trying to be patient, I fold my own arms and hover in the doorway, catching a faint glimpse of her reflection in the glass: girl on one side, raindrops on the other.
"Chocolate chip?"
"I hate the stupid rain," she mutters.
"Sorry, baby, but you're gonna have to get over it. It's rain. Nothing you can do about it – "
"I don't care!" she shrieks, her face mottled red, more ogre than fairy.
"Hey." I step into her room, having had enough. "You're being bratty. I'm sorry the weather's crappy but there is nothing you can do about it. Cool down. I mean it, Sophie."
She half turns toward me, glowering at the floor.
"And fix your face," I add.
"Okaaay," she whines somewhat contritely. "But I'm bored."
"Then go watch TV. I have to write for awhile."
"Why can't Jaime come over?"
"Because he's spending the day with his dad." I'm with her on that one. I wish Edward could come over, too. "I'll call Leah, see if Nat's back from her cousin's house."
Sophie brightens, a hint of sun on a cloudy day.
I'm in the produce section, contemplating whether I want Rainier cherries or Bing, when I run into a girl I've known since the ninth grade.
"Hi Bella." She smiles warmly, adjusting the baby sling in front of her.
"Jessica!" I give her a quick kiss on the cheek, careful not to jostle the sleeping child. "I didn't know you'd had another one; I haven't seen you since…"
"Since Pumpkin Patch two years ago," she finishes, nodding. "I know." She turns so I can better see her baby. "His name's Riley."
"He's so cute," I breathe, fascinated by his tiny perfection.
"Thanks. How've you been? "
"I've been… great, actually. Really good."
"I'm so glad," she says sincerely, and I know she's thinking of Jacob.
We're quiet for a beat.
She shifts, looking intently at the marked down strawberries beside us. "Actually I… I think I may have seen you recently? Picking up pizza from Home Slice a couple of nights ago?"
My heart skips a beat, goes a little faster. "Yeah, that was me."
"Oh okay. I mean, I was in the car but I thought I saw you…and Edward. Are you guys back together?"
And there it is.
"Yes."
"Wow." She laughs quietly. "That's amazing… after all this time, huh?"
I watch her carefully, wondering what she really thinks, but she doesn't seem to think anything. Her eyes are kind.
"You have no idea," I admit, shaking my head.
Reaching forward suddenly, she squeezes my free hand. "I think it's really cool you've reconnected."
I'm a little speechless. I haven't seen this girl in years but she knows; she knows what I'm afraid of and she knows just what to say. I squeeze her hand back: thank you.
Her baby stirs, and she strokes his fist with her finger. "Well, I should go. It was good seeing you. Maybe I'll see you at Pumpkin Patch this year."
"I hope so. Take care, Jessica."
I watch her walk away, one hand on her cart and the other on her sling.
I think I'll get the Rainier. They're a pretty color.
It's been raining steadily for three days now, and it doesn't look like it's stopping anytime soon. The back yard is swamped and the street out front has become a shallow river.
Around the time This Great Monsoon began, one of the doctors Edward works with went out of state for a family emergency, leaving the others scrambling to pick up the slack. I've seen Edward once since this happened and that was just today, when he dropped Jaime off so I could babysit.
The children have erected a fort of chairs, sheets and blankets in the living room and they've been in it all afternoon, coloring, snacking, plotting, imagining. I am in the kitchen with coffee and my laptop, answering emails and writing bits and pieces of my story, when the lights flicker and then go out.
Sophie and Jaime shriek bloody murder, one voice in two bodies, and if I hadn't been so spooked myself I'd have laughed at how silly it sounded.
"Mom!" Sophie calls, her voice shaky.
"It's okay, stay put so I can light some candles…"
"Can you come here first?" It's Jaime this time, and he sounds genuinely freaked out.
Holding my cell phone out in front of me to provide a tiny light, I make my way down the hall to the children, who are huddled beneath the fort like twin ghosts.
"Come on you guys," I laugh, nudging someone's toe with my own.
They follow me back down the hall, and I have to admit I'm glad they are with me. It's been a while since I was afraid of the dark, but I wouldn't want to be alone right now, not in a raging storm, and not when there's no electricity.
Soon we are surrounded by candles, and with nothing else to do I resort to making shadow animals.
My phone rings; Leah.
"Bella?"
"Hey, girl. Is – "
"Is your power out?" she blurts.
"Yeah, it is. Why, is yours?"
"Ugh, yeah, this sucks. I have like, one candle," she complains.
"Well… hopefully it'll come back on soon."
"Hopefully. Anyway, I was just checking on you… " She trails off, and I hear another voice, muffled.
"Collin's there, isn't he?" I ask dryly.
"Mm, yeah… he didn't like me being alone," she says, her voice suddenly higher.
"I'm glad. Anyway, gotta go. Call me tomorrow."
It's good she's not by herself. And even though I do wish I wasn't alone with two small children, I know that it's okay. This aloneness I can handle. It's temporary.
Eventually I fall asleep to the sound of wind and rain, cuddling the kids beneath the soft, warm blankets in my bed.
It is still pitch-black when Edward wakes me up.
"Hey," I whisper, groggy and disoriented.
He starts to whisper but I quiet him, easing out of the bed. I train the beam of a flashlight along the floor and we follow it back downstairs, our footsteps drowned out by the storm.
"I didn't realize the power was out," he said, his hand wrapping around my hip. "You should have called."
"I didn't want you to worry. We were okay."
We feel our way to the kitchen, where I set the flashlight down on the counter so its light faces up. "Are you hungry? What time is it?"
"Too late to be eating."
"I have cherries."
"Okay."
I grab the bowl and motion for him to follow me to the living room.
"They made a blanket fort," I point with the flashlight, "and stayed in it all day."
"Those two are something else." Edward laughs lowly, taking the bowl from me and collapsing onto the couch. I sit beside him, tucking into his side.
"You could have stayed in bed, Bella."
"I know. I wasn't expecting you by the way."
"Isn't that why you gave me a key?"
"Yes, but I meant tonight in particular. I just assumed Jaime would sleep over."
"I miss you," he says simply.
I lean up and kiss his cheek. "I miss you too."
Soon he's tired and we curl up on the couch, spooning. It's romantic and sweet and totally uncomfortable.
"Let's sleep in the fort," I suggest, only half kidding. "I have extra comforters in the linen closet."
So we set up a makeshift bed on the floor and are asleep in minutes, lulled by the weather and exhaustion.
And yet I'm not surprised when we wake up tangled, his hand between my legs, his mouth on the back of my neck.
I cannot see a thing but I can feel everything. There's something really sexy about loving in the dark like this, with no sight, just taste and touch. He drags my panties off and curves around me, opening my legs a little and entering me from behind.
We slide together slow, and it feels like we are moving in waves.
In the morning we wake up to Jaime and Sophie's giggly accusations that we have stolen their fort. The power is back on so I make pancakes while Edward brews coffee. My stomach aches with how sweet it can be, with how completed I feel. Maybe it shouldn't take a man, maybe I should be happy just because, but I don't want to analyze it or intellectualize it.
Just feel it.
I peek over to where he leans against the counter, reading the paper.
This feels permanent to me.