For Siff, whose birthday it is today. Happy birthday, darling!
And for the love of little Oakenshields, which is the real reason that I cannot stop writing this world. Thank you all for indulging me for so long! I hope you all enjoy!
When Fíli is twelve and Kíli is just barely ten, they miscalculate badly. Thorin leaves them with Ori and Dori for a week, hidden away in a small and boring English town called Ormskirk, far away from London or anywhere interesting. The trouble is that Kíli hates it, and says (loudly and often) that he can't breathe right there, and since Ori still isn't speaking to them after the minor incident with the Queen two years earlier, and Dori keeps running long and mysterious errands without telling them where he's going - well, the long and short of it is that they get terribly bored, and Kíli wants to go home.
So they do.
They know how to ride the trains without being caught, of course, and getting back to Edinburgh is the simplest journey Fíli's ever planned. They're back outside the little house in Morningside without breaking a sweat, and Kíli sniffs the air gratefully and says it smells like home. There's no arguing with that, so Fíli just nudges him with a shoulder and marches up to the door, pushing it open easily.
"We're home!" Kíli calls - and it echoes in the empty front room. Empty - because all of their furniture and things are gone, leaving the place the way they found it four months earlier, when they first moved in.
"Something's wrong," Fíli says. Thorin always says act first and think later, so he grabs Kíli's shoulder and forces him out the door just as a shout comes from inside.
"Wait!"
It is only years of practiced obedience to gruff shouts that stops them, even for an instant, and Fíli feels his knees go shaky as he sees the uniforms of the officers who are on them in an instant. They don't grab him or Kíli, but there are four officers around them in an instant, and his head feels like it's spinning around wildly as he struggles to stay calm. Kíli presses back against him, tense and ready to dart, and Fíli wraps his arms around him from behind, locking his fingers together. No-one is taking Kíli away from him.
"You're the Oakenshield boys, aren't you?" The officer's voice is kind and level, and she offers them a sympathetic smile. "Wondering where your family's got to, I suppose?"
Kíli shifts as if to speak, and Fíli steps carefully on his foot. They can't afford a mistake. Kíli glances back at him for a millisecond, and Fíli recognises the woebegone orphan expression he's adopted. Good call, and Fíli shifts his features to match, as best he can. Kíli is far better at it. They blink up at the officer silently, and she shakes her head, still looking sympathetic.
"Don't worry. We'll get you all sorted, and I'm sure you'll be back with your uncle in no time. I'll just need you to come with me."
"Are we arrested?" Kíli asks. He uses his very clearest, youngest voice, and Fíli is sometimes glad he's so small and runty for his age. He sounds utterly pathetic, and Fíli watches the officers melt a little. "We didn't mean to do anything wrong!"
"No, you haven't!" Another officer steps forward to kneel down, putting one of his big hands kindly on Kíli's shoulder. "It's your family that's in a wee bit of trouble, lad - but you needn't worry yourself."
Kíli glances back at him, and they share a quick glance. The gullible officer has left them an opening. Fíli flickers his eyes to the gap.
Go now?
Kíli widens his eyes a bit, giving a microscopic nod back to their would-be captors.
Just a minute. Let me get what I can.
Fíli agrees with a blink, and Kíli whips back around to stare at them with wide, innocent eyes.
"Why did they leave without us?" he asks piteously. Fíli knows there are fat tears starting in his eyes now, and that his lower lip will be quivering. Bofur has a great deal to answer for in teaching him this, but it may save them today. "Don't they want us any more?"
Now all the officers are exchanging worried glances, dropping their wary stances to hover anxiously over the two of them. Fíli hopes they don't offer to buy Kíli a sweet if he won't cry. Sometimes he still bites people who patronise them.
"No fear, lad." The gruff voice of the officer directly behind them makes Fíli's heart leap, and they turn quickly to stare at him with wide eyes. It's Gloin, who they see infrequently, but enough to be sure that he knows them. His face is still stern and professional, but his eyes twinkle kindly at them, and Fíli knows they're going to have to hear about their dramatics later. "We'll find them for you. They can't have gotten far."
Fíli gives a silent sigh of relief. Not arrested, then, no matter what the other officers would like them to believe. He nudges Kíli's foot with his own, gives a silent three-count, and they take off in unison, darting through the opening left by unwary officers and making for a narrow passage between two houses. Behind them, Gloin is clumsily getting in the way of their pursuit, and Fíli knows they will have no trouble losing their pursuers. They have learnt Morningside like the backs of their hands in the months they lived there, and they can find a hundred ways out without batting an eye.
"So that's why Uncle Thorin left us there," Fíli says glumly as they run. "Wanted to move house without us in the way."
"Where did they go this time?" Kíli pants. He looks frantically from side to side as he runs, as though Thorin might have left them a sign, and Fíli rolls his eyes. For all that he can talk them out of anything, he is still such a baby sometimes.
Fíli sighs, thinking hard. "We'd better go back to Ori. At least then Uncle will know where to find us."
Kíli shakes his head stubbornly. "I hate it there, and Ori's still mad. Let's go to Skye instead!"
"And how do we know they'll even be there?" Fíli argues. "Balin and the rest might have come to help them move!"
Kíli turns on him, eyes wide and pleading, and Fíli holds out for six whole seconds before he sighs and shakes his head, giving in.
"Fine. But you're faking sick on the ferry this time!"
It takes them a day and a half to get to isolated Waternish, where Balin and Bofur and Bifur live most of the time now, and Fíli spends the whole time looking over their shoulders nervously. If the police were so hot on their trail that Thorin had pulled them out of Morningside with no warning, there was no certainty that Waternish would be safe. His fears subside when they get close enough to see the lights glowing gently at the windows, and Bifur pacing outside, arms folded thoughtfully across his chest.
Kíli takes off with a shout, and Fíli is just behind him, feeling fear bleed away into the surety of family.
Bifur hugs them both, checking them over to be sure they are unhurt, then pushes them back far enough to be sure they can both see his hands. He signs quickly and sharply, anger flowing off his movements, and they both shrink. They have been missed, of course, and Thorin is furious. They slink inside the little cottage, and Balin and Bofur fuss over them and offer them the first decent food they've had in days. Fíli eats pointedly, while Kíli pushes the food around his plate and scowls.
"We knew we were going to about hear it," Fíli whispers in a hushed tone. Kíli glares down at his mash and stabs his fork indignantly into it.
"It's not fair, though. He shouldn't have left without telling us."
Kíli's unhappiness with their uncle has been building for a while, and Fíli has been watching it nervously. When Kíli is unhappy, they all wind up hearing about it. He nudges his brother's leg with a foot, trying to make a connection, but Kíli keeps stabbing at the poor abused potatoes. He doesn't look up.
Thorin arrives early the next morning, storming in all righteous fury, his face like thunderclouds. Fíli lifts his chin and locks his knees. No matter what, he will take the rebuke that is coming. They've earned it, after all. Kíli, by his side, is scowling at the floor.
"Would either of you," Thorin begins in a dangerously careful tone, "care to tell me why you ran away from Ori? Again?" He stares at them for a good long while, letting the silence build uncomfortably. "I see. Would you care to tell me why you ignored all the rules we have agreed upon, and wound up nearly getting arrested?" More silence. Balin clears his throat loudly, and Thorin shoots him a quelling glare. "Very well. Would you like to tell me why on earth you snuck all the way up here instead of going back to Dori and Ori, where you knew we would be looking for you?"
Kíli is growing tenser and twitchier at his side, giving off all the non-verbal signals that Fíli understands clearer than words. He's about to explode, and then nothing good will come of it. They'll be washing Minty for WEEKS.
Fíli gives a little cough, and straightens his shoulders. "It was my fault, Uncle. We were bored in Ormskirk, and we didn't think there would be any harm in coming home early. We didn't know you were moving us out of Morningside."
Thorin stands even taller, frowning down at Fíli with such strong disapproval that he wants to melt into the carpet. He does not always agree with his uncle, but the look of disappointment on his face is the worst thing Fíli knows. He cannot hold Thorin's gaze for long.
"I expected better of you, Fíli," Thorin says after a moment. It is terribly gentle, and that makes it so much worse. Fíli swallows hard, and promises himself he will not cry. "When I leave Kíli in your care, it is because I trust you to follow the rules and keep both of you safe. You let us both down."
"He did not!" Kíli steps forward, in front of Fíli, hands in tight little fists and chin high, glaring at his uncle. "It wasn't either his fault. I made him come home with me, and I talked him into coming here because I didn't want to go back to stupid Ormskirk. Ori won't even speak to us, and the rest of the family are all scattered and it's awful and it's all your fault!"
To say Kíli is disenchanted would be underselling it rather, and Fíli steps up to grab his shoulder, intent on stopping him from making things worse. Kíli doesn't even look at him; his eyes are locked with Thorin's.
"Fíli is older than you, and supposedly wiser," Thorin snaps. "I left him in charge, and he should have known better than to let you pester him into foolishness." He shakes his head, breaking eye contact with both of them to pace the small room, lost in thought. "I always thought I was doing right by you two to keep you together, to let you have what freedom we could. But every time I leave you unsupervised, you bring disaster down on your heads, and on all of us!" Fíli sucks in a shocked breath, eyes going wide. Thorin can't mean what it sounds like he's threatening.
"So don't send us away!" Kíli shouts, voice high and sharp. "Let us stay with you! We can be helpful, you know!"
Thorin ignores him and continues to pace, looking torn. Fíli's fingers tighten on Kíli's shoulder.
"I am afraid this is not working," Thorin finally says, sinking down into a chair and putting his head on one hand. He looks worn out, and Fíli notices with a shock that he is going grey - silver strands appearing in his hair and beard as if by magic. "You push one another on to your worst, and think you can escape all consequences because you are clever. It cannot continue."
"It won't, Uncle," Fíli says quickly. He knows he is half begging, and he doesn't care. "We'll do whatever you say."
"Fíli," Thorin sighs. He looks up and makes eye contact, and Fíli swallows hard. "You'll be going to stay with Oin in Edinburgh for a few months. He's in a quiet location, and has offered to help you catch up on your studies."
It feels like the breath has been knocked from his body, and he just gapes at Thorin, speechless.
"Kíli, you will stay here with Balin and the rest. The isolation will give you a bit of freedom, I think."
"You can't," Fíli whispers, feeling the words ripped from him without his intent. "Please, Uncle, don't do this! You can't split us up!" His breathing is rapid and shallow, and he doesn't know how his arms went around Kíli's shoulders again, fingers locked so tight. No-one, not even Thorin, is taking Kíli away from him.
"I don't have a choice!" Thorin's voice rises quickly to a shout, and they step back, shocked. "You were almost arrested! If Gloin hadn't been there, you could be in prison now! How can you think we can just move on as if nothing has changed?"
Fíli's arms are so tight around his brother that he's a little worried about Kíli's ability to breathe. Kíli's hands have come up to clutch his wrists just as tightly, though, and Fíli's not quite sure either of them are breathing right.
"We can change," Fíli breathes tightly. "We'll do whatever you want, just please, please!"
"It's already decided," Thorin says tiredly. He rubs at his eyebrows. "We'll try this for a year or two, and then reconsider."
"We won't," Kíli says. The anger is gone now, and he looks up at Fíli, comforting certainty in his eyes. "We aren't going to do it, Uncle."
"Yes, you are. We have a job to do, if you have forgotten! I cannot be chasing you two all around the country because you get it in your heads to wander off!"
Kíli shrugs, and pats Fíli's wrists comfortingly as he pulls away to stand on his own. "Uncle, you don't understand. We just aren't going to do it." He steps forward, and Fíli stares at him, surprised. He looks so much like Thorin in miniature, all of a sudden. "We'll run away, if we have to. We'll go to the police ourselves. We'll hide where you won't find us, if you make us."
Fíli blinks once, and then finds himself in the middle of a war. Thorin and Kíli are shouting at one another, voices pitched and faces equally intent. Kíli is half Thorin's size, but twice as fierce, and he fights without mercy. Every trick of rhetoric and argument they have ever taught him is fair game, it seems, and Fíli watches in astonishment as Kíli tears through Thorin's arguments.
He's doing it for me, Fíli realises after a moment, and he exhales slowly. Kíli gets angry with Thorin, sometimes, but Fíli has never seen anything like this from his little brother. Kíli's first priority has always been the family, and it is all he wants - but now he has put everything aside to fight for this, and tells Thorin in word and stance and certainty that this will not happen.
It takes forever, it seems, and Fíli is half-certain that Kíli will not get the full use of his voice back for a week - but Thorin breathes a heavy sigh, and backs down.
"One more chance," he says quietly, looking a little shaken. "One more. Pull a stunt like this again, and you'll be in different parts of the country before you can draw a breath."
Fíli breathes out, slow and steady, and nods quickly. "Yes, Uncle. Thank you." Kíli darts over to his side again, grabbing his shoulder in delight, and Fíli wraps an arm around his shoulders, holding him close. There had been a moment when he thought he would not be able to do that again, and it burned in his chest. Kíli grins at him, and Fíli shakes his head. Thorin had never really stood a chance, after all.
Thorin shakes his head and stands up like an old man, walking off to speak to Balin and the others. Fíli gives a long, low whistle, and ruffles Kíli's hair proudly.
"If you can talk him around, I don't think there's anything you can't do."
"I didn't think it was going to work!" Kíli sounds astounded, but his eyes are bright and joyful. "I couldn't let him do that, though. Even if he doesn't speak to me for a year, I don't care!"
Fíli laughs at that, because it is so patently ridiculous, and Kíli darts off to find a drink of water. Fíli whistles again, soft and low.
It's a question that he has never dared to let himself ask, because he was so afraid of the answer. All Kíli wanted was to be with the family, safe and sound together - and he had not been sure. If it came down to it, in the end, did the family mean more to Kíli than Fíli did?
He had his answer now.