Draco was livid. He had told Hermione that she was to spend the evening with him in his study, it was now going on eight and she had yet to show. Frustrated, Draco stalked out of the room and down the hall, violently throwing open the doors to their bedroom. Unfortunately his dramatics was wasted, seeing she was currently not in the room. Still, he was undeterred and spent the next quarter of an hour searching the manor for her.
He stood in the house library, his temper now elevated from mildly irritated to bleeding furious. Where had Hermione gone off to and why did she always have to be so difficult? Deciding it was important for him to calm his anger before finding said girl, Draco put into practice the calming techniques taught to him since infancy.
Crack!
The sound vibrated off the walls, pulling Draco from his deep concentration. He opened his eyes to find a small floppy-eared house elf staring expectantly at him.
"What?" He barked, surely whatever the elf wanted could wait until he was in balance.
Faye did not flinch in reaction to her master's harsh tone, she was use to the curt manners of the Malfoy men. "Young miss was worried, she is wanting to know if master is okays and if he is still wanting to spend the evening with hers?" Faye dutifully replied.
"Where is she?" Draco asked through clenched teeth. He hadn't thought about using an elf earlier to locate Hermione, and now felt somewhat foolish for the oversight.
"She is in master's study as he wished." the elf informed him. Draco cursed. Of course she was. Here he was, spending all this time searching for her only to find she had been where he had ask her to be. It was annoying to know that since he hadn't given her a time, and though she had caused him a fair amount of trouble, Hermione hadn't done anything wrong, so he really didn't have a reason to be as upset as he was.
"Tell her I'm on my way." Draco ordered.
The elf's eyes lit up and she smiled in anticipation as she disappeared to where Hermione was. Draco couldn't help but wonder what that was about, he had never seen any of the house elves smile before, it was weird. He was immediately suspicious.
The imagine of a fourteen-year old Hermione- self proclaimed house elf libertarian - surfaced in his mind and Draco's legs propelled him forward as he raced to his study.
"Hermione! Don't you dare free my elf!" He yelled when he came within view of his destination's door.
He could hear Hermione snort in response and was immediately relived. "Please Malfoy, she's not mine. Even if I wanted to free her I couldn't."
"Good. I like Faye, I've had her since I was a baby." He eyed Hermione cautiously as he strolled into the study, judging if she would, in fact, leave S.P.E.W. out of his home.
Hermione smiled slyly in response to his scrutiny. "I promise not to free your elf, Malfoy."
"Where have you been?" He asked petulantly, taking the chair to her right.
Hermione shifted self-consciously in her seat, Draco's eyes were drawn to the green journal on her lap.
It was closed and unmarked, apart from the single finger Hermione had placed between the pages.
"I was in the main library, reading. I lost track of time and when I realized how late it was I came up here to find you." She explained hesitantly, not understanding the source of his peevish mood.
"I was just there, I didn't see you." He pointed out.
Hermione rolled her eyes, she really did not want to argue. "You must have missed me then, because that was were I was." She replied calmly.
The irritation he had felt moments before melted away at the look of sincerity on Hermione's face. It was apparent that she was telling the truth, she seemed almost regretful over the inconvenience she had caused him.
That was when he realized that something had changed since this morning. Something profound, and now both could feel the effect.
"What year are you in?" He asked in a soothing tone motioning to the journal.
"Third year, you just got back from Christmas break." She told him, her attention focused on the green book in her lap.
Neither spoke. Neither knew what to say.
Draco reached over, his fingers grazing hers. Hermione didn't pull away but looked up at him, as he gently lifted the journal out of her hands while retaining the marked pages.
Hermione watched him curiously, as his eyes surveyed the page of the entry she left off on. Then he looked up, his eyes meeting hers and he smirked, before he began to read aloud.
" January 7, 1993
Sometimes Potter and Weasley make it almost impossible for me to completely despise them. In fact, tomorrow I will make the effort of going out of my way to throw an insult or two at the pair, simply out of appreciation for their stupidity.
It seems Granger has been banned from the charming trio.
And all because she happens to have a brain behind that pretty face of hers.." Draco looked up and noticed Hermione's blush before continuing.
"I do believe I have mentioned how 'fun' Potter has been this year…dementors…Sirius Black's escape…and let's not forget my personal favorite, the grounds keeper's professional demise." Draco had paused, expecting a comment, but when Hermione didn't respond he once more pressed on.
"But this beats all: Potter being an idiot because Hermione Granger truly cares if he lives or dies. If only I could be so lucky. As it is, Granger confuses and worries me on a daily basis.
It is presumed, however, that the youngest Weasley boy has his own reasons for ignoring her -Pansy is currently investigating- though I think it has something to do with that hideous rat of his and Granger's new mangy feline friend.
I hope Granger's cat ate Weasley's rat! That would be delicious!"
At this Hermione burst out in laughter. A delightful and contagious sound that Draco couldn't help but smile in response. His heart constricting, appreciating her genuine delight over something that he had said.
When she calmed down, Hermione pulled her legs up to her chest and gestured for him to continue.
"Apart from the entertainment, I, as a third party observer, find amusing, I can't help but be outraged on Granger's behalf. It is as my father always told me, 'Heart has no purpose in the throes of war.' Granger cares too much about Potter and the red-headed freckled freak. She is blind when it comes to the pair, allowing them to exploit not only her brain but her heart for their own purposes. The two gits' shortcomings hardly register with her good sense, leaving her open for continued hurt.
She needs a keeper, someone to protect her from the self-interest of others.
It is too late, however, for that someone to be me. No matter how much I want her. Not for the first time, I regret the decisions I made in regards to her. And I know from 'Granger-watching'…"
"That's so creepy." Hermione pointed out in references to his last commentary.
"What? 'Granger- watching' was, and still is, my favorite past time." Draco defended, slightly embarrassed by her response.
"I know. I've read all about it. It is creepy." She declared.
"Most girls would be flattered." He arrogantly pointed out.
Hermione let out a heavy sigh, "I'm not most girls. I find it creepy and distracting."
"Bollocks to the first and good to the second." He commented.
Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "Go on then." She commanded with a graceful wave of her hand.
"As you wish, your highness." Draco replied with mock humility, scanning the text for where he left off.
"And I know from Granger-watching (Hermione shuddered) , that given time and the appropriate apology, she would have forgiven every crime I ever commit against herself. That's who she is, tender-hearted and ignorant of her self-worth.
But crimes against Potter, Weasley, Hagrid, the Hippogriff, not to mention others, would persuade her to stubbornly maintain her intolerable judgments against myself. Therefore ultimately blinding her to any sincerity or regret I might show regarding her."
Draco watched as Hermione blushed once more, this time pulling the collar of her shirt up to cover half her face. She never was good at taking compliments. He thought she looked adorable huddled up in the chair, her knees now bent up against her chest as she tried to hide from his observations.
Tearing his eyes away from Hermione he once more picked up his commentary. "I continuously remind myself that it has been my own actions that have built her prejudices against the real me. The man who does posses emotions, even if said emotions are not expressed openly in a sickening manner like a bleeding Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. Malfoys have standards.
I had decided at the beginning of this year that avoidance was the wise course of action, that I would avoid Granger at all cost. I Refuse to let her get to me again. I had swore that this year I would forget her name, her face and her heritage. I had been decisive and indomitable, putting the mudblood out of my mind and as far from my heart as I could manage, but Hermione Granger was not suppose to let go of me. She was not suppose to ignore me, to be too distracted to even take the time in acknowledging where I sat in classes." Draco looked up from the pages, his eyes locking with Hermione's as he read out the next part.
"In all honesty I hadn't even realized the implications of my actions until the bird had attacked. And as I was being hauled up to the hospital wing, it all clicked into place. The anger and resentment I had once felt evaporated and shifted, making all points of evasion moot . I had noticed she had held the gate open and that day, and in that instant, I knew Hermione Granger cared about me." Hermione couldn't help but smile slightly, remembering that day. In the moment of witnessing the attack, she hadn't seen the arrogant git who hated and belittled her, in that moment it had been Draco, the boy she had met on that first train ride, a boy who, for five stolen minutes, had been her friend.
He had been right, she had cared, painfully so.
Draco's voice sunk back into her conscious thought as he continued. It was odd to hear the journal be read aloud, and in his voice, it made the words so much more real, "She still drives me insane, I'm not suppose to want her to care. Let alone allow the fact that she does, matter in the slightest. But instead of feeling the mania of last year, I in turn feel protective of her.
I am not blinded by my own trivial plights, like her two 'best friends'. I see the exhaustion and stress in her face, the full weight of the year's events catching up with her. No matter how much time she may have, it apparently is not enough, and I can do nothing to help. Instead I had to foolishly become part of that problem. She will never forgive me for the bird, not if the trial goes in the direction father wishes to take it.
Writing father at this point and asking for the whole case to be dropped would only result in a howler that would humiliate me and raise questions better left unanswered.
Acknowledging my weakness to myself is on a different plane from acknowledging that weakness to others. The variables of such a public discovery are too vast and incalculable.
I would rather keep personal thoughts private as Merlin intended. I need to keep her safe from forces I could not shield her from, and to keep my heart intact from the rejection I know such weak emotions would result in.
I have run away with myself.
Until Tomorrow."
Draco finished the entry, now fully closing the journal and once more eying Hermione, who was still curled up in her chair.
"I'm sorry." She blurted out, knowing this wasn't perhaps the most opportune moment. She had meant to apologize before he had started reading, only the time, like now, hadn't seemed right.
"For what?" Draco asked, not sure if she was apologizing for one particular thing or everything.
Hermione shifted once more in her seat, stretching her legs out in front of her body before leaning slightly towards him.
"I'm sorry for earlier today"… "I'm sorry for not trying to get along with you"… "and your family"… "I'm sorry for last night and you not getting any sleep"… " And I'm sorry for being difficult." She whispered without looking at him.
"Look, Hermione, we have both wronged one another, I more so than you, but I'm willing to spend the rest of my life making it all up to you." Draco told her, watching as she nervously threaded her fingers together.
"Well that's the problem isn't it? I know what you want from me. I know that you see an 'us' where as I don't. I can't give that to you." She explained earnestly. "I don't want it to be misunderstood and be blamed later for any difference in opinions. My heart is not up for grabs, its mine to give and I'm sorry, but I can not give it to you."
Draco watched her intensely, listening to what she was telling him. He would not let the finality in her tone concern him, she needed time, eventually she would come around.
"Alright. You won't love me, but can't we at least be friends?" He suggested, hoping she would agree.
Hermione knew what he was doing, he wasn't being fair to himself or her, he was avoiding the problem, hoping she would come around in the end. "I want to be your friend, Draco, but I also know that being friends won't be enough for you." She told him honestly. He needed one. A friend whom he could fully and completely trust, everyone deserved such a person.
"Good, then we're friends." Draco concluded, ignoring the last of what she just said. The hope in his eyes made Hermione's brain scream, she was unsatisfied with such a reply, knowing that he was not taking her words seriously.
"I don't trust you Draco. It's important that you know that. I know you won't let this go. That you can't, but for now I need this problem to be identified and for you to know it matters a great deal to me, so it should matter to you." she explained again, practically begging for his cooperation.
"And I can honestly promise you that you're right, I will be using every advantage I have to win your heart. But I swear to do so with extreme caution and care. I want you to trust me, Hermione, I will be on my best behavior. We can start by being friends." Draco conceded, wondering if his blunt approach had been the right choice, or if he should have just kept his mouth shut.
Hermione eyed him closely, "I appreciate honesty. Thank your for the truth. Now, please don't try to manipulate me again. I won't forgive so easily next time."
"That was easy? Blimey, Granger, I think I would have preferred a quick crucio, to being attacked with a spoon, tortured into honesty, ignored for weeks, attacked physically on more than one occasion, and being forced to miss work all because of your stubbornness." Draco pointed out, only partly serious.
"Yes well I'm sure the honesty part was the worst of it all, the rest you survived seemingly unscratched." Hermione countered, a teasing smile pulling at the corner of her lips, before continuing very seriously, all traces of humor gone from her tone. "Now, I suggest not crossing me again, then we won't have to worry about that crucio," She finished, standing to leave.
" Where are you going?" Draco demanded with a frown, clearly annoyed she was leaving him.
"Bed. Aren't you coming?" Hermione replied, brushing past a dumfounded Draco and walking out the door.
Draco was left wondering whether Hermione's comment was an invitation or not.
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* A.N.- Sorry to say but this story will not be updated for the next couple of weeks. My beta is going on holiday. I will however aim to write a couple of chapters while she is gone so that the next time I update it hopefully make up for the long wait. Thank you for all the support and love this story has received!