A/N: Longest chapter ever.. Once again, I apologize for the wait but school and etc etc life is busy. Also... This story is now over 100k words! I've never written anything even close to this long before.
Hope you enjoy, this was definitely the hardest chapter for me to write. As always please read and review :D!
"I'm ready."
The words rang out in my head like it was echoing off the inside of my skull, a CD skipping on the same part of a song over and over again, and somewhere far away, I heard someone with a voice remarkably similar to mine ask, "What?"
My eyes were focused outside the front window of the car, but I couldn't tell you what I was actually looking at. My eyes may have been open but they weren't seeing anything. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was so dry I actually choked and ended up in a coughing fit. I was almost positive Rachel was speaking to me, a jumble of words that all ran together until they sounded like one long syllable, and my mind was not at the capacity to keep up.
It wasn't until I felt the soft fingers graze over the back of my hand and then squeeze it tentatively, that I finally broke out of my stupor and was brought back to the here and now. I turned back towards her and my eyes caught on my name sitting so boldly around her neck for a moment before dazedly trailing up to her eyes.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, my voice raspy from my dry throat, "I'm having some trouble with-you're going to have to repeat that."
"I'm ready," Rachel said again, her eyebrows knitting together in such a way to tell me that it wasn't the first time she's repeated it.
"To give Fondue for Two another chance," I asked, spitting out words that were in no way connected to my thought process. I knew what she was talking about, but it was so far from what I was expecting, the exact opposite in fact, that I couldn't seem to wrap my brain around the concept.
Rachel was ready to have sex.
But when did that happen? Wasn't she just pushing me away a half an hour ago?
"I'm ready to be intimate with you," Rachel said softly, and at some point in time she had moved my hand with hers into her lap, but I couldn't recall when that motion happened, "Unless you're not ready?"
"I'm not ready," I said immediately, meaning for it to come out as an absurd sounding question, because of course I was ready, but I was still having such trouble getting a handle on my shocked state that it instead came out as more of a statement. I saw Rachel's eyes disappointedly turn to her lap as she muttered a quiet 'oh' and I realized that I was really going to have to get a grip on myself if I didn't want to ruin everything.
"No, that's not what I meant," I said, my voice steady as I concentrated on keeping the excitement that was starting to build in my veins at a minimum, "I'm ready as long as you're sure, but I'm just wondering what made you change your mind?"
She let in a long breath and let it out slowly, her eyes never leaving mine as the hints of a smile twitched at the corners of her mouth and she whispered, "Before, when you were- when we were in the backseat, I realized that the only thing stopping me from letting you go further, was the fact that we were in the backseat of a car. I wanted to wait until I found someone that I could trust enough to give myself to and I found that person. Maybe I'm just being naive, I know sometimes I want to believe in fairy tales, but I feel like I can trust you with anything."
"So you're ready," I replied, because I felt like I needed repeated confirmation, over and over again to let it sink into my mind.
She sat up straight in her seat, lifting her chin with a firm nod as she gave me a definite, "Yes."
"Right now," I asked, because I wanted to be sure we were on the same page, even though I knew she had invited me inside, I just needed to be absolutely sure.
"Right now," she nodded, squeezing my hand again as her smile grew.
My eyes fell back to the front window and stared up at the garage to the Berry's house that I was parked in front of.
"What about your dads," I asked, realizing that they would likely be asleep in the next room, definitely at home.
"Well, we'll have to be quiet on our way to my room," Rachel answered thoughtfully, "But after the numerous complaints my dads have received from our neighbours about the noise coming from my room, my dads decided it would be best if they had it sound proofed. So, once inside, we could set off fireworks and they wouldn't have any idea."
"That's the plan," I mumbled before I even realized I had said it out loud and I quickly looked back at Rachel to gauge her reaction and found her blushing as she chewed on her bottom lip, trying to hide a smile.
"Are you nervous," I whispered, brushing a hand through her long brown locks.
Her lips twitched before she shook her head and whispered back, "No."
I smiled a little at her blatant lie and rested my hand at the back of her neck, kneading the tense flesh there before leaning over and pressing my lips to her cheek.
"It's me, Rach, you don't have to pretend," I sighed against her skin, closing my eyes as I pressed my nose against her cheek.
She let out a breath she seemed to have been holding and cupped the side of my face, closing her eyes as she leant in to me, "I am nervous. I've never been with anyone like this before. I'm not just going to be naked, but I'm going to be baring my soul to you and showing you all my secrets. I'm going to be trusting you with everything I have."
"No pressure," I sighed, for once actually realizing what having sex meant to her, and it was a little scary. I was ready for sex, no question about that, but sex with Rachel wasn't sex. It was a full body, mind, and soul experience that maybe I wasn't ready for. I wasn't sure if I was ready to completely bare my soul to her, just as she was willing to do for me. I was so sure about everything, so sure that I trusted her with everything, but everyone had their secrets and even though I had divulged most of mine to Rachel, there was still one big one that I hadn't told her about. Was I allowed to be intimate with her like that if I knew I was hiding this secret? Would it feel like a betrayal to her?
"Am I scaring you," she asked softly, as I continued to brush my nose back and forth across her cheek.
"I have secrets," I sighed, giving her cheek a kiss before pulling away from her, "Secrets I'm not ready to talk about."
"That's acceptable," Rachel replied slowly, after a moment's pause, "There are things about me I haven't told you either, but I plan to, one day when I'm ready."
"Me too," I agreed, "It's not about not trusting you with it, I know I can trust you, but it's things I've never told anyone and it's-it's mine."
"It's okay," Rachel said, her eyes watching me for a long while before she added, "Is this your way of telling me you're not ready?"
"I'm ready to give you all I can, but somethings I can't give you," I explained, turning her hand over and planting a kiss on her palm, "If we go upstairs right now, I need you to understand that I will be there with you, all of me; mind, body, soul, spirit, everything, but I can't give you all my secrets. Not yet. If you're alright with that, then I'm more than ready, but I wanted you to know, before anything happened so that you could decide for yourself."
"Does this secret affect us," Rachel asked, her free hand returning to play with her necklace, thoughtfully.
"No," I said with certainty, "It's not about us at all."
"Then it doesn't matter," Rachel nodded, "You can tell me when you're ready. But as for tonight, I've made up my mind about what I want."
I closed my eyes with a sigh of relief, allowing a small smile to tingle on my lips before I snapped back to reality, leaned over the centre console and kissed her. The swiftness of the movement surprised her, but within seconds she was kissing me back with as much intensity.
"I can't believe it," she said, her voice filled with awe when the kiss broke.
"What," I asked as I undid the clasp on my seat belt, preparing to exit my car.
"I'm," she said, then paused, her eyes focusing somewhere outside the front of the car, "I'm about to lose my virginity."
Her eyes were on mine as she said the last word, her cheeks blushing as if it was the first time she had used the word, and searching my eyes for my true response, my true feelings towards the matter.
"Me too," I whispered, "In a different way, but me too. I wish so much that it had been you."
"It is me," she smiled, let go of my hand and within seconds the passenger door was open and she was almost running to the front of the car to wait for me. I watched her for a moment through the front windshield, looking in at me while rocking back and forth on her heels as she impatiently waited for me. I closed my eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply and giving myself one last short moment to reflect on what I was about to do. It was possible that I was more nervous about it than Rachel was, silly as that may have sounded.
When I finally met her at the front of the car, for a moment she just stared up at me with her eyes shining in the moonlight and her lips curled into a blissful smile. I didn't dare to speak, not wanting to break the night's silence in case I somehow woke someone up and ended our plans before we could even begin them. I wasn't entirely sure what she was doing, just standing there and staring at me, but I assumed it had something to do with savouring the moment, or maybe giving herself extra time to make sure it was what she wanted. Either way, after a few minutes, she finally took my hand in hers, entwining our fingers as she turned around and led me up the steps to her front door.
"Wait," I whispered, quickly running down the steps (on my toes as to make as little noise as possible) and opened my car door. I pulled my iPod from the car docking station and shoved it in the pocket of my jeans, before closing the door again and hurrying back to where she still stood on the porch. I locked our fingers back together, giving her an assuring smile to let her know I was ready and had what I needed and she turned back to the door. She pushed her key into the lock and turned it, silently pushing the door open as she turned back to me and pressed a finger to her lips in a muted 'shhh' motion. I gave her a nod back in understanding and she led me into her house.
Her hand stayed locked in mine as she blindly led me through the dark house, not taking a risk in turning on a light. It was her house though, and I assumed she knew it well enough to walk through it with her eyes closed, but luckily enough for me, the moon was casting enough light through the windows to allow me to see my way around the major pieces of furniture. We made our way up the staircase that she always made her grand entrances on and I stumbled into her once, missing a step in the darkness. Her hand caught my elbow, keeping me steady and preventing me from falling down the stairs, and she had to bite back a giggle as I righted myself, before we continued on our silent path to her room.
The stairs led to a very dark windowless hallway and all I could see was the flicker of a blue light, coming from beneath the door at one end of the hall. She turned the other way down the hall, leading me to the room at the opposite end and pushed open the door to her room. Just as she was taking a step inside, I gave her hand a tug backwards, forcing her to turn and press against me. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she silently mouthed the word 'what?'
I was going to do it right. There may not have been time for preparation, but I was going to do the best I could with what I had. I wrapped my good arm underneath her butt while holding my cast against her back to brace her, and then bent my knees as I lifted her against me. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her legs around my hips as I carried her into her room. I gently pushed the door closed with my heel, careful not to make any sounds, and once it was closed, she reached behind me and turned the lock.
"This is the best I can do with my broken arm," I said, apologetically, shifting her weight slightly against my good arm.
She smiled as her eyes glistened, looking like she was near tears, and it was an odd change to be looking up at her for once, as the way she sat in my arms gave her about an inch above me.
"I like this," she whispered, brushing her nose against mine and crossing her ankles above my butt.
I glanced around her room, the moon shining so bright through her large window that I could see everything clearly with a blue hue, and realized that I had never actually been in her room before. It was just about everything I was expecting, however, with an ample amount of pink, enough to make Barbie jealous, and it more resembled the room of a six year old rather than a sixteen year old.
She had a white bookshelf with a few trophies on one of the shelves but all the others were lined with colourful books of all sorts and the odd stuffed animal propped up against them. Her desk matched the bookshelf and held her pink laptop and portable stereo, along with a few pencils, pens and a working pink lava lamp, and there was an elliptical machine in one corner of her room. There wasn't much else except for her rather large bed, dressed in hot pink sheets and covered in fuzzy pink and green pillows and several stuffed animals.
I shuffled her towards the bed and sat her down gently at the edge, where she looked back up at me and silently waited for my next move.
"I like your room," I whispered, not because I did but because I felt I should say it. She saw through me instantly though and smirked.
"No you don't," she said, but the news didn't seem to affect her one way or another, "You think it's immature."
"I think we both have some issues that we're going to have to deal with at some point," I shrugged, running my hands through her hair and pushing her bangs back.
"I already have a therapist, what about you," she answered, playfully.
"Not what I want to talk about right now," I whispered, bending down and closing the distance between us as my lips met hers. I sucked in her bottom lip and let it go with a 'pop' as my hands found the bottom of her red shirt and I pulled it up with me as I straightened back up, pulling it over her head and dropping it on the carpet. I watched her hair fall around her shoulders, the soft curls bouncing as they tickled her bare skin and I had to shake my head for a moment as I twisted my finger around a lock.
"I wish I could read your mind," she breathed and my eyes finally broke away from her hair to notice that her hands were tightly gripping the edge of the bed and the expression on her face was all nervous. "You always get so quiet when you look at me and I don't know what to think. Is it good or bad?"
"It's always good," I assured her stroking her cheek with my knuckles, "I just have trouble getting over how beautiful you are."
She scoffed at that as her eyes turned downwards, "I'm not beautiful."
"Do you know what makes you more beautiful than anyone in the world," I asked, tilting her head back up and forcing her to look me in the eyes. She rolled her eyes at the question and shrugged as I answered, "Because you don't even know how beautiful you are.
"I'm standing here, staring at you, trying to figure out how you could possibly be real and what did I do to deserve you and you don't even know. You have no idea how special you are. Not really. You know you can sing, but in your head, you think that's all you are. You think that without it, you would be nothing, but you're so much more than just your voice, Rachel. You're so smart, sometimes scary-smart, the way you can make plans in your head, and you're an amazing writer and I'm not talking about your songs, although they are really good. I've read that blog you write."
"You did," Rachel asked, startled, her eyes darting from side to side as if she was embarrassed, "That's kind of personal."
"You wrote it on the internet for the world to see," I laughed.
"Yeah," she shrugged, "But I figured it would be like my Youtube channel, where it's mostly just ignored except for hateful comments."
"Well, in the beginning we did go on it to just find new ways to torture you," I admitted, my fingers stroking her bare shoulders as she slumped forward, miserably, "But when I started actually reading it, the way you describe things, I always felt like I was right there with you, everyday."
"How long have you liked me for," she said suddenly and the question completely threw me off guard.
I stared down at her for a while, feeling my mouth fall open but not being able to do anything about it as I mulled over the question, "I don't really know. I guess longer than I thought."
She was on her feet so fast I almost fell backwards as her hands locked around my neck and pulled me down into a kiss. My hands scraped up and down her bare back, enjoying the feel of her soft, smooth skin beneath my fingertips as I dragged my tongue across her bottom lip, waiting for her to open herself to me. She did in an instant and her back arched as our kiss deepened, attempting to hold me against her closer than physically possible and I wanted it just as bad. I fisted the clasp of her bra, tugging the elastic material away from her skin, but not yet making an attempt to take it off as she moaned into my mouth and inhaled sharply through her nose.
I felt like I was losing my mind. I was so lost in the feel and the smell of her, all of her surrounding me and I needed more. I broke the kiss and my teeth immediately found her neck, sinking down into her flesh rougher and hungrier than I usually did, inciting a cry from her lips that was a mixture of pain and pleasure. Her fingers found the bottom of my t-shirt and she pulled away from me just enough to yank the shirt over my head and toss it aside.
Her eyes fell to my breasts and her hands followed after, roughly grabbing them through my bra as I kissed her again. Her hands tried to pull my bra down, but I stopped her, pressing my hands to the tops of her shoulders and guiding her back down to sit on the bed.
"We have all night," I explained, spotting her iPod docking station on her desk, "I want this to be all that you've wanted."
I pulled the iPod from my pocket and she stayed quiet, watching me as I moved to her desk and sat it down in the station. I scrolled down to the playlist I had created after she had spoken of how she wanted her first time, just in case I found myself in this situation, and pressed play. Soft piano music began to fill the air as I turned back around to face her. She smiled, chewing on her lip as she closed her eyes and listened to the music.
"I wasn't sure what kind of music you wanted, so I picked some softer instrumentals. Mostly piano, violin, some saxophone, I think," I said, thoughtfully, trying to recall all the songs that I had put in the list.
"You're amazing," she sighed, watching me as I walked back towards her and kneeled at her feet, "I couldn't ask for anything more."
My eyes fell to her chest and for the first time, I noticed the black marker still on her breast, from where I had signed my name earlier that day. It was faded, but still quite legible and I gently traced the signature with my fingers.
"I washed around it," Rachel admitted, blushing slightly when I laughed, "I don't want it to ever go away."
I kissed the mark lightly, "I guess I'm going to have to learn my way around a tattoo gun so I can put it there permanently."
"Maybe I wouldn't mind that," she whispered, her hands combing through my blond locks.
"Really," I asked playfully, my attention turning to the strappy sandals still on her feet. I picked up her right foot, slowly unbuckling the strap and slipping it off her foot. She wiggled her toes, likely an unconscious move, and I took a moment to massage her small foot. I started with her heel, kneading my thumbs into the thick flesh before smoothing out her arch. She moaned as I pressed my thumbs into the skin there, her hands leaving my hair to lean back on them and support herself. I continued to the pad of her foot, taking the time to massage the flesh there before moving to each toe and rubbing them individually. Her eyes closed and her head fell back as my fingers moved higher, to massage the delicate bones in her ankle and then even higher to the firm muscle in her calf. I placed an open mouthed kiss to the inside of her knee when I was done with her tanned calf, and lowered her barefoot back down to the carpet before doing the same to her left foot.
She was biting her lip, her eyes squeezed shut tightly, by the time I had finished the massage, and the emotion on her face was a mixture of arousal and nerves. I could feel her legs quiver as I ran my hands up the outside of her thighs, not yet dipping my hands under her skirt. I wanted this to last forever and I was planning on drawing it out all night. It was going to be slow and perfect and everything Rachel could have ever possibly wanted in a first time. Everything I could've ever wanted in a first time.
"Don't be scared," I whispered in her ear, my hands moving up and down her bare sides to soothe her as I leaned into her body, doing my best to not scratch her skin with my rough cast. I could feel the tension in her muscles, beneath my touch, and more than anything I wanted her to be relaxed with me.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, but her body still didn't relax so I moved my lips to her neck, kissing her there to distract her, while keeping my hands busy at her sides. She let out a shaky breath and said, "I just can't stop shaking."
I pressed my hand to her chest, pushing her back until she was lying down on the bed, keeping my lips on her neck as I laid my body down against hers while putting a good amount of weight on my thick cast. I felt her thighs lock against my hips as she lifted her feet from the floor, digging her heels into the edge of her bed, and I began to slowly rock my hips against hers. Between the biting I was doing on her neck, the fingers tickling her side and my hips grinding against her centre, it didn't take long for her soft whimpers to brush my ear as her nails dug into my back.
My own arousal was beginning to turn unbearable after a few minutes of grinding and my hands drifted lower down her sides until they reached the waistband of her skirt. I tried to wait longer, tease her sensitive skin with feather-light strokes, but with a grunt that I had never meant to utter, I pushed myself off her. I slowly unzipped the zipper on the side of her skirt and her hips lifted off the bed as I pulled it down her legs and let it drop to the ground. She looked up at me nervously and I could tell she was fighting to cover herself, even though she was still wearing her matching pink and black starred bra and panties.
"You have nothing to be nervous about," I soothed, running my hands up and down her stomach, "Like I said, you're beautiful."
She licked her lips as she grabbed on to the waistband of my jeans, using it to pull herself into a sitting position. She looked up at me as her fingers unbuckled my belt and then popped open the button on my jeans. It was probably the hottest look I had ever seen. Her bottom lip caught between her teeth as her dark eyes watched me. It was innocent and sexy all wrapped together and I couldn't help but tangle my hands in her hair as she slowly dragged down the zipper on my fly. Her eyes finally drifted down my body as she pushed my jeans down my hips, all the way down my legs and I toed off my shoes and socks as I stepped out of them. Her hands trailed back up my bare legs, to my hips and over my abs and then back down, alternating between using her whole hand and just the tips of her fingers.
I let her explore because she seemed content in doing it, learning my body, and it was sending shivers all through me. I could feel my heartbeat increasing each time her fingers drifted over the hem of my panties, or crept a little higher on the insides of my thighs, but she skipped over the parts I wanted her most and I was almost certain it was because she was afraid to touch me there. She wanted me to touch her first and show her how it was done.
"You're wet," she whispered after a while, her eyes focused on the front of my panties.
I looked down at my green panties that had a growing darker patch as I got more aroused, and I leaned down to her, biting her earlobe for a quick second before whispering back, "I've been wet since we started dating."
I heard her soft giggle as she buried her face into my shoulder for a moment before admitting, "Me too."
I pinched the clasp on her bra and it fell to her lap as I planted kisses down her neck to her shoulder, stopping every once in awhile to gently nip at the flesh with my teeth. She gasped as the material fell away and I pushed it aside as I gripped her underneath her arms, ignoring my broken arm, and lifted her to the top of the bed, so that she was lying back against the pillows.
She reached up, near the top of the bed, and pulled back the covers, lifting her hips until they were pushed all the way to the bottom, and then she laid back against the pillows. I sat on my knees, between her legs, my eyes finally able to take in the skin that I had, so far, been forbidden to see and I let out a soft moan at the sight. Her skin looked so smooth and glowed in the moonlight, and her dark nipples were already hard from our foreplay.
I dragged my fingers lightly down her chest, starting at her collarbones to the hem of her panties, drifting around to the edges of her breasts as she shivered and whined quietly as I teased her. I leaned towards her, about to follow the same path with my lips when I noticed two pairs of eyes staring back at me.
"Do you want them to join in or...," I asked, smirking as I lifted two stuffed monkeys off her bed and waved them at her.
"No," she laughed, her smile wide as she watched me rock them in my arms.
"How about they just watch then," I said, carrying them to her bookshelf and sitting them up against the books beside a purple elephant and teddy bear with a bow tie.
"You're going to corrupt their innocence," she teased and I glanced back at her as she watched me, resting back on her elbows.
"Should I turn them around," I asked, trying to keep as much seriousness in my face as I could muster, but her giggles broke me and I couldn't contain my smile.
"Would you just get back here," she demanded, her voice low and husky and within seconds I was back, kneeling on her bed and kissing her lips. I kissed down her chin and neck, pausing to nip at her collarbone before continuing down to her breasts. My good hand covered one breast while my tongue traced a circle around the nipple of her other, before I sealed my lips around it and sucked. Her back arched off the bed as a cry passed her lips and the sound went straight to my core, increasing my arousal, and I bit down on the sensitive peak while my fingers pinched the other. Her hips thrust up against my stomach as the sensations overwhelmed her and I moaned against her skin as I felt how wet she was through her panties.
I raised myself off her enough to hook my fingers into her panties and slowly pulled them down her hips as she brought both her knees to her chest so I could remove them from her completely. I sat back on my heels, once her panties were lying somewhere in the bed beside me, and she stretched out her legs, her thighs resting on top of mine, as I looked down at her bare sex.
"You're-," I started, my fingers trailing over the smooth skin of her mound, but realized that any way I could finish that sentence would sound entirely inappropriate for the moment.
She was blushing when I looked back up at her, deep and red, and a hand went down to cover herself from my view, signifying she knew what I was going to say. She bit her lip and whispered, "After getting the nickname 'Treasure Trail' I may have gotten a little paranoid."
"Sorry," I said and meant it, but I pushed her hand away as I added, with a small blush of my own, "I like it, though."
I spread her lips and it was probably the first time I had really taken the time to look at a girl that way. I trailed my finger around her clit, purposely avoiding it, and then circled her entrance, hearing Rachel's sharp intake of breath and biting down on her lip to stifle any noise. It was dark, but I could still see it, the sliver of white skin amongst the pink and a sense of panic began to wash over me knowing what I was about to do. I was literally going to break her.
I had been with so many guys and some of them were virgins, but being with a girl who was a virgin, who had never touched herself before, that was something else entirely.
Would there be blood? I couldn't remember bleeding my first time, but my first time happened so fast it was all a blur now. I knew some girls bled.
Would that freak me out? I wasn't sure.
No.
No, because it was with Rachel and honestly nothing about her could scare me. I didn't want to hurt her, though. She was trusting me with so much and I was still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that it was me in Rachel's bed. She wanted me to be her first time, not Finn or Puck or Jesse St. James. She picked me. I didn't even feel worthy of it.
"What's wrong," she asked in a small voice, and I realized that I had been staring down at her most intimate parts, spread open by my fingers, for far too long. Her face was filled with worry, her brow furrowed and looking like she was on the verge of tears, "Is there something wrong with me? Take off your panties."
My head was swimming with so many thoughts and insecurities that it took me a moment to understand what she wanted. She wanted to see me, to see how we were different, and I shook my head, pushing away all the thoughts that were ruining my moment with my girlfriend.
"No, Rach," I soothed, reaching up and rustling her bangs, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're perfect."
She didn't quite look convinced and instead, she sat up, kissing me ferociously while her hands wrapped around to my back and fumbled with the clasp of my bra. After a few tries she finally succeeded in unhooking it and I shrugged it off, letting it fall to the floor with my other discarded clothing. Her lips never left mine, biting and sucking, as her hands trailed down from my shoulders to cup my breasts and I moaned into our kiss, which only seemed to fuel her further. She dragged her thumbnails over my hardened nipples and the sensation was too much for me to handle, as I broke away from her breathlessly and pushed her back down onto the bed. My body followed with hers, locking in another heated kiss as she somehow used the insides of her feet to roll my panties down my hips, all the while whimpering frustratedly into our kiss at the effort it was taking. Once they had reached my thighs I pushed them down further and kicked them off, into the bed, before retaking my position on top of her.
My confidence had returned, no longer plagued with the thoughts of being unworthy of her, because I couldn't possibly imagine loving someone more. Every little sound she was making and every place her hand touched was setting me on fire and in such a way that I had never felt before. We'd barely started and I already knew that this was going to be the best sexual experience of my life. It may have had its awkward points, but all first times did, right?
It didn't matter, because right then, while resting my weight on my cast underneath her and shifting my body to allow a small amount of space between us, my right hand was slipping down between our bodies. With her hands fisting my hair and her teeth tugging on my bottom lip, my hand reached her centre and I delicately traced her wet slit, partially to tease her and the other part to give her one last chance to turn back before I made her mine.
Her hips bucked up against my hand and her teeth released my lip as she let out a high keening noise. I bit my lip as I watched her face, softly smiling as I watched all that control that Rachel loved having so dearly, melting away without a care for it. As my fingers slipped between her folds and circled her entrance again, gathering the wetness there before finding her clit, the fingers in my hair tightened and her eyes closed, her body convulsing at the first touch of my fingers to her sensitive bundle of nerves.
"Don't close your eyes," I whispered to her, as my fingers massaged her with tight circles.
I watched as she forced her eyes open, unfocused at first, and black with arousal, and everything about that moment was perfect. Her breath was coming in sharp gasps and every few strokes she would let a short moan slip, and I knew she was getting close. With a final stroke, my fingers left her clit, causing Rachel to whimper in disapproval, but then my fingers were at her entrance and her body tensed in reaction.
I stretched my thumb up to her clit, continuing the circles until she was relaxing again, and brushed my nose against hers, giving her one final chance to tell me she wasn't ready. Her eyes were determined, though, and lacking any real bit of doubt, so I gently rubbed my fingers at her opening for a moment before sliding two fingers into her in one swift motion and breaking through her barrier.
Her eyes went wide and her fingers left my hair to dig into my shoulders, painfully, as a cry that she couldn't keep in, filled the room. She squeezed her eyes shut as I kept my fingers still, continuing my strokes on her clit, and lowering my lips to her neck to kiss away some of the pain.
"You alright," I mumbled against her neck, giving it a final lick before raising my head so that I could look at her again. Her face was still slightly contorted in a pained expression, but her grip on my shoulders lessened and, after awhile she opened her eyes again.
"Yes," she breathed, low and entirely filled with lust, "You can-I'm alright now."
I ran my tongue along her lips as I gently pulled my fingers out before thrusting them back inside her and her thighs clenched around me. She was unbelievably tight around my fingers and every time I pushed back inside her, I felt her walls somehow clench even further around me. After a few more careful thrusts, she was back to her soft whimpers, only this time my name would fall from her lips every so often, and then as her nails dragged down my back she moaned, "Harder."
I thought I might come, just from hearing her say it, but the sounds she began to make when I complied and began to thrust into her with more strength kept me on the edge, watching her and never wanting it to end. She was trying her best to keep her eyes open and locked on mine, but I could tell it was getting harder as my pace picked up because her lids began to droop and her blinks lasted longer. Her mouth hung open and her head pressed back into the pillow, as her hands roamed all over my body, gripping my neck, my shoulders, my arms until they finally found their place on my back, scratching into my skin and kneading with her palms.
I could feel my own arousal dripping down the insides of my thighs as I rocked my hips against her with each thrust, wanting some kind of friction to get myself off, but also knowing that right now it was all about Rachel. I kissed her chin as she threw her head even further back, pressing my thumb harder to her clit as she moaned my name for the millionth time and I loved every second of it.
"I love you," I whispered into her ear, licking the shell before continuing a hot path of kisses down her neck.
She tried to respond, started the short sentence several times, before she finally gave up and lowered her head back down to kiss me. Our lips met for only a second before her mouth was falling open again and her soft grunts were in my ear.
"I think-," she whispered against my ear, her heels pressing into my butt as her hips began to buck up against my hand inside her, "I think..."
The whimpers, the cries and the moans were all escalating, drowning out the music playing from my iPod and I knew she was close. I curled my fingers inside her with each thrust, making sure to find that spot inside her as my thumb managed to keep her clit stimulated and with a sudden high pitched squeak, I felt her entire body tense. She held on to me tightly, thighs squeezing around me, hands gripping at whatever skin she could find, and her face burying in my neck as I felt her walls begin to spasm around my fingers. I slowed my pace to ride out her orgasm and didn't still until her legs finally dropped back to the bed, followed by her head on the pillow, then her arms, looking entirely spent.
She swallowed, her breathing slowing as she stared back at me through half lidded eyes, and a lazy smile began to play across her lips.
"That felt," she breathed, licking her lips before continuing, "just as good as singing at the Gershwin."
I raised an eyebrow at her comment, feeling a small pang of disappointment that I wasn't better, but she let out a short laugh and said, "It might've been better, but I feel like I would betraying my Broadway dreams if I say that I enjoy intercourse more than it out loud."
"It'll be our secret," I smiled back at her, slowly withdrawing my fingers from inside her and feeling her shiver against me from the feeling. I brought my fingers up to my lips, sucking each digit clean as Rachel watched curiously with eyes still dark, finally getting my first taste of her and enjoying every bit. I had wanted to go down on her so badly, but by the way she held on to my body throughout, I knew that for her first time she wanted a body on top of her, surrounding her, being all over her and everywhere at once. There would be other times.
I soon realized that the pain in my broken arm, which I was still leaning on, was increasingly becoming unbearable and with great reluctance, I gave her a final kiss on her lips before rolling over her and onto my back.
My arousal was also refusing to decrease, no matter how many times I told myself it had been all about Rachel, and I found myself squeezing my thighs together in an attempt to relieve some of the tension. Less than a second later, Rachel was straddling me, sitting on my hips with her hands pressed to my ribs.
"I don't really know what I'm doing," she admitted as her thumbs began to stroke the undersides of my breasts, "so if I'm doing it wrong, please feel free to instruct me on the correct procedures."
"You don't have to," I said, surprised that she was willing to return the favour, but impossibly turned on by seeing her straddling me naked, hair wild and still looking like she had thoroughly been... well... fucked.
"I want to," she almost purred, her hands dropping from my ribs to the bed to support herself as she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to one of my nipples. My hips bucked up against her at just the slightest touch, because I was really that turned on, and I knew that it really wasn't going to take much to send me over the edge.
She smiled at my response, her eyes turning up to watch me as her tongue slid out and flicked the bud. I groaned, my hands gripping into her thighs as the sensation sent little shocks throughout my body.
"I'm too close for you to tease," I whined, the neediness in my voice even surprising myself. Rachel's smile grew for a moment before she suppressed it by pressing her lips together and nodding her understanding.
When she finally took my hard peak into her hot mouth while using her hand to pinch the other, I thought I was going to lose it. Between the feeling and the actual sight of her doing it, I suddenly understood the problem boys had with stamina. When I suddenly felt her tongue flicking it inside her mouth while she sucked I had to push her away with a desperate, "I need you now."
I watched her nervousness begin to return as she chewed on her lower lip and shifted above me, pushing my legs open with her knee and moving in between them. She sat back on her knees, her hands resting on the insides of my thighs as she stared down at me as if she was contemplating something. I watched, wondering what she was thinking about and was about to ask her, when she suddenly gave herself a nod and slid down so that she was laying on her stomach with her head between my legs. I would have to remember to pick my jaw up off the floor in the morning, because of all the things I was expecting, that was not one of them.
"Rach," I swallowed, not really wanting to stop her, but it seemed like a big step for her first time. The only response I got was a shushing noise and the fingers spreading my folds eliminated any thoughts I had.
All I could do was watch as her eyes closed and I felt the slightest touch of her tongue on my clit, forcing me to fist the sheets so that I didn't grab at her head and pull her against me. Her tongue returned a second later with more pressure, becoming bolder after her first taste, and as hard as I tried, I couldn't watch her anymore as my head fell back against the pillow. Her tongue circled my entrance, before dipping in with her nose bumping my clit, then dragged back up to suck on the bundle of nerves. My hand flew to her head, tangling in the masses of brown hair, having enough restraint to not actually put pressure on her, but lightly fisting the tangled locks.
I was so close. I could feel it building inside me and I knew that it was going to be intense, but I was not quite there. I was trying not to be loud, not entirely trusting the sound proofed room, but with Rachel Berry's lips wrapped around my clit, it was proving to be impossible, along with the ability to control my cursing.
Suddenly, Rachel's mouth disappeared completely from me and my eyes shot open, head snapping up to protest, even beg for her to continue. She was watching me and slowly she sucked her index finger into her mouth and then her middle finger, swirling her tongue around each one and capturing me in a trance. Then she lowered her fingers until they disappeared from my view between my legs and I felt them press against my entrance. My head fell back against the pillow again when her tongue returned to my clit and she thrust her fingers inside me, causing my hips to thrust back against her.
I was a complete wreck as her fingers kept up their pace inside me and her marvellous tongue worked my clit. The moans and whimpers were uncontainable and I couldn't have been quieter if I wanted to. I was so close, so so close. The tremors were beginning to build in all of my nerve endings but I needed her to hit that spot and she wasn't quite getting it.
"Curl your fingers," I groaned, as my hips bucked up against her again, involuntarily.
"Like-," she started, but she didn't get to finish because as soon as her fingers curled and hit the spot, my back was arching off the bed and I was falling over the edge. Her lips returned to my clit as the most intense orgasm coursed through my body, sending wave after wave of pleasure to every part of me and making me shake all over.
Once the feeling had subsided, I collapsed back onto the bed with no ounce of energy left in me. I felt Rachel's fingers slide out of me and then she was lying with her chin pressed to my chest and the biggest Rachel Berry grin she could possibly muster.
"Just another thing I am absolutely exceptional at," she said, matter-of-factly, licking her fingers as if they were covered in chocolate instead of me.
"Better add it to your college application," I joked, feeling my eyes begin to close and fighting off the overwhelming need to sleep.
"I'm not sure that's something colleges would be too interested in," she sighed, wiping her wet fingers on the sheets.
"I thought colleges were all about your extracurricular activities," I yawned and wrapped my arms around her.
"Will you write a letter of recommendation for me," she asked, pulling the blankets up from the bottom of the bed and sliding onto the space beside me. She reached back and pulled my arm around her, tucking it against her stomach so that I was pressed against her back.
"After that," I whispered in her ear, "I'll buy you the college."
"You can't buy the college," she scoffed, then after a short pause she twisted in my arms with excitement, "Could you buy the college?"
I chuckled lightly, holding her closer as I pressed a kiss to her shoulder, "Probably not. But it would be a waste anyway. You're going to get in because of your talent."
She was quiet for awhile and I closed my eyes, snuggling further into the pillow and enjoying every minute of lying naked with Rachel. Naked Rachel.
While I was already replaying everything that had just happened in my mind and beginning to doze I heard Rachel ask in the softest of voices, "Do you still love me?"
I opened one eye, but all I could see was a mass of dark hair, "Of course I still love you, why wouldn't I?"
She shrugged, but didn't say anything and I leaned up on my elbow, rolling her back so that I could see her face.
"Hey," I said with concern, as her eyes turned to stare out her bedroom window, "What's wrong? Did I do something?"
"No," she answered softly, her eyes returning to meet mine and I could see she was trying to hold back tears.
"Then what," I asked, wiping the tears as they began to fall, urgently needing to know the cause of them.
"I'm scared," she said, with a short embarrassed chuckle as her eyes flashed back to the window.
"Of what," I whispered, my fingers stroking her wet cheek as I tried to get the information out of her.
She rolled her eyes and looked back at me, holding her breath as she tried to keep it under control but finally lost it with a hiccup and it was the first time I had ever seen her cry like that. Everyone had seen her cry, while she performed or when she got bullied particularly harshly, Rachel was a crier, but this was entirely different and I didn't know what to do. Her whole body was shaking and all I could do was hold her tighter against me.
"Rach," I said, kissing the side of her head as she clung on to me, "Tell me what you're scared of."
"You're going to think it's silly," she hiccuped again, trying to take in a breath.
"I'm not going to think anything that is affecting you this much is silly," I said, truthfully. Whatever was making her this upset was obviously nothing to shrug off.
"I-," she started, sighing and then sniffling, "I love you too much and I don't think you love me as much as I love you. Perhaps it is because I spend my time buying into musicals about love that lasts forever and believing that when you find that person you will live happily ever after, but I keep thinking that I've found that person and then it never works out and they end up being very mean to me. I really love you, I mean more than I've ever loved anyone and I'm scared that you're- you're going to be the same. You've had so many partners and-and do I really mean enough to you for you to only be with me. Now that we've- are you going to lose interest now? Should I have waited longer, it just felt so right, but-"
I broke her rant by gently kissing her lips and when I pulled back I smiled down at her, "I love you just as much. The forever kind."
"Are you sure," she asked, but most of her crying had ceased except for the occasional tear that would slip out.
"I'm sure," I nodded, laying my head on the pillow next to her and pressing my nose to her cheek, "You're the only one I want, Rachel."
We had to have fallen asleep soon after the conversation, because the next time I opened my eyes, Rachel's alarm clock read five AM and her body was tangled with mine with her lips pressed against my shoulder. The moon had moved past the window and the room was much darker than before and I could only just make out Rachel's face, inches from mine.
I knew I had to go, before her dads woke up and discovered my car in the driveway, and there was no way I was going to let Rachel wake up to find me gone, so I nudged her gently until she made a soft, "Hmmm."
"I have to go before your dads wake up," I whispered, watching her face, but when her eyes didn't open and she responded with the same noise, I knew she would not remember this. I shook her harder until she groaned and then repeated myself.
Her eyes opened slowly and there was a pout on her lips as her arms tightened their hold on me, "I don't want you to go."
"How do you feel about me getting murdered by your dads for taking their daughter's innocence," I asked and her pout turned into a sigh and her arms loosened around me.
"I don't like that more," she agreed as I slipped from the bed, trying to locate my clothes.
It took me a while of searching the floor to remember that my panties had never actually made it off the bed and I pushed my arms under the blankets, blindly trying to feel for them.
"What are you doing," Rachel whispered as my hand bumped her knee.
"I'm trying to find my panties," I whispered back, continuing my search.
She began to stretch her legs out, using them to feel around in the bed, then finally she reached under the covers and pulled out a pair of panties, tossing them at me as she snuggled back into her pillow.
I quickly stepped into the panties, noticing they didn't quite feel right, but not realizing there were stars on them until I was fastening the button on my jeans. I looked over at Rachel, deciding whether I should find my own, but seeing that she was once again fast asleep, I decided to just get home as quickly as possible.
Within a minute I was dressed and tip-toeing out of her room, racking my brain trying to remember the layout of the house as I made my way in the darkness. I found the stairs, carefully feeling out each step as I safely made it down and turned towards the front door, almost ready to celebrate my success. Almost.
The kitchen light switched on behind me, making me freeze mid step as fear washed over my entire body and I wondered if I could just run. If I just ran out of the house and into my car and sped away, would they be able to catch me?
But my body wouldn't move. It was completely frozen on the spot and I cringed as I heard Rachel's dad say, "Brittany?"