Chapter 23: Romalia
"Arthur, it's been two weeks since you've held a council, I really think you should just clear the air!" Merlin told him.
"And what if I don't want to? What if I just want to sit here and mope?" Merlin sighed, knowing one of Arthur's moods when he saw one, and decided not to press the subject further, even though both of them knew he was right.
Despite Arthur constantly reminding him that the warlock was now technically a 'Lord' and had no business cleaning up after him, Merlin had always found it hard to get rid of old habits, and soon found himself picking up Arthur's dirty washing off the floor while he sat, brooding in his chair.
He found it ironic that an activity he would have done anything not to have to perform before was something he didn't at all mind doing now. It was almost like going back to the way things were. But he much preferred his life with Arthur now- safer and free of lies, even if they both knew they couldn't be intimate with each other in the public eye. Merlin knew that Arthur was deeply hurt by this obvious fact, but Merlin tried his best to more than make up for it behind closed doors.
Arthur looked up for the first time in a few minutes, not only because he was making a rather unattractive mark on his hand from where he had been leaning, but also, he noticed that Merlin seemed rather hurt by his outburst.
"Sorry," he mumbled, but with true sincerity. Merlin turned around to smile at him.
"It's all right," he said sweetly. But, being Merlin, he couldn't resist a continuation. "You're just stressed," he commented, continuing with cleaning up. "You're overtired. Feeling a little sensitive."
Now he was just being patronising, thought Arthur, but he actually laughed out loud when Merlin said, "Nothing that a good wank won't sort out."
"You know for an advisor, you're full of pretty crappy advise," Arthur told him with a smile. "Come here, I need cheering up." He held out his arms to encourage Merlin to him. The young warlock rolled his eyes.
"Arthur, I'm not really in the mood, and anyway, but knees ache," he wined, causing Arthur to roll his own eyes.
"Always a dirty mind, Merlin, honestly!" He rebuked him. "I just want to sit with you."
Merlin smiled at that, and came over, preparing to pull up a chair next to Arthur, but the King was having none of it, and grabbed Merlin by the waist as he walked passed him, hurling him (quite elegantly actually) into his lap, receiving a startled laugh from Merlin as he kissed his forehead.
He manoeuvred Merlin so his head was tucked under his chin, trying to get as close to him as possible.
"Now you're going to stay like this," Arthur told him, insisting rather, like a small child would insist on something they wanted. Merlin laughed, and tried to free himself, just to see how Arthur would react, and he pulled him closer, saying, "Stay."
"Arthur, I can't stay like this all morning, we have work to do," he tried.
"Don't care," Arthur muttered into Merlin's hair. He smiled, but poked the arm that was holding him, looking up to realise that Arthur had closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the top of Merlin's head.
"Arthur..." he began, but Arthur soon stopped him by placing a hand gently over his mouth without opening his eyes and muttered.
"Shush. We're sleeping." Merlin tried to fight the urge to giggle like a little girl, because that's how Arthur made him feel sometimes. They had to remind themselves that they were adults- on a daily basis, and not only adults, but a King and a Lord, instead of wrestling buddies. Arthur always won, of course, unless Merlin used his magic, but he hardly ever did.
"We're not sleeping, we're working," he corrected him, even though he was no nearer to freeing himself from Arthur's arms, which had no intention of letting him go any time soon. He felt Arthur relax his arms, and he really believed that any longer, and Arthur may actually go to sleep in the chair!
And then Merlin had the greatest idea ever! So great, in fact, that he even commended himself inwardly for the thought, before clearing his throat and calling loudly, "Lucky! Here girl, come to Daddy!"
Arthur groaned loudly as Lucky came running in from where she had been playing in the antechamber. Arthur had banished her to sleep there ever since she had taken to snuggling next to him in bed, and only let her sleep in bed with them when he was in a very good mood.
The moment her yelps could be heard in the room, Arthur stood up, almost knocking Merlin onto the floor, laughing. He welcomed Lucky into his arms, still lying on the floor and slowly sat up, scratching her.
"You did that on purpose," Arthur accused him with an exaggerated scowl. Merlin tried to look as innocent as possible.
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean My Lord," he said, trying not to laugh. Lucky, although enjoying Merlin's attentions, seemed to want to play with Arthur soon after, trying to wriggle out of Merlin's arms.
"Stay, Lu," he told her. "I don't think Daddy wants to play right now." This seemed to calm her for the time being, and she relaxed again in his lap.
"Why so glum then, darling?" Merlin asked, still sitting cross legged on the floor while Arthur paced.
"I just have a lot on my mind," he said.
"Is this about the trial?" Merlin asked hesitantly. He didn't want to upset Arthur any more. "Because for what it's worth, I think you were amazing," he admitted.
"What does that matter?" Arthur said lowly. "When half the people in my Kingdom don't even want to see change?"
And then the penny dropped and everything became perfectly clear.
"Arthur..." he started, but Arthur started talking again, and Merlin realised that he didn't actually want advice. This was one of those moments when someone just wanted to be listened to. To monologue and get all their emotions out all at once. So Merlin just sat with Lucky and they both listened patiently.
"I mean, how can I change the way things are done around here, when half the people in the Kingdom are too scared of change, and think it may be just a ... trick to get them all rounded up and arrested, and the other half have been so well trained that they don't actually want things to change!" Arthur just paced the room and spoke as if to himself. But Lucky seemed to bore of sitting still once again and hopped off Merlin's lap and skipped over to Arthur before Merlin had a chance to grab her.
"Lu!" He half-whispered, not wanting to annoy Arthur any more. But even as she scrabbled about the bottom of Arthur's feet, he just carried on talking.
"I mean, why did I think I could ever be a good King? How can I keep half the people happy and the other half unhappy? It doesn't make sense, and also..." But Merlin had also stopped listening, because he was staring in shock at the scene before him.
It seemed that in his moment of agitation, Arthur hadn't even noticed that he'd let his arms fall to pick Lucky up in his arms, and he started mindlessly stroking her fur as he spoke.
It was crazy! Merlin had never seen anything like it before, and he was sure that if Arthur knew what he was actually doing, he would drop Lucky at once. That's kind of what Merlin feared the most.
"What is it?" Arthur asked, confused by Merlin's amazed expression. He motioned towards Arthur's hands that seemed to be subconsciously preoccupied with Lucky's ears, and Arthur looked down, only then realising what he was doing.
He groaned in embarrassment, but instead of dropping her like Merlin had predicted, Arthur elevated Lucky so she was level with his face, her legs hanging down.
"You," he told her to her face, sternly, but almost half-softly. "You are completely, completely ridiculous," he said. "And you plague every single day of my life," he even let out a short little laugh at that. "Just like him over there," he motioned with his head towards Merlin, who simply smiled. Lucky didn't seem offended by this, and dared to give Arthur the quickest of licks on the nose, making him huff slightly, before bringing her down again to simply hold her. He didn't stroke this time (because that would be ridiculous!)
"Anyway, if I hold a council meeting, Merlin, I'll only hear what I've heard a million times before," he said. Merlin knew full well what that something was.
"Arthur, have you considered that maybe it's time not to run from it?" He asked, noticing that Arthur was now avoiding his gaze "You can't avoid the subject forever. You know that you have to marry sooner or later," Merlin said sternly.
"I can't!" Arthur said, almost the faintest cry in his voice "Merlin, do you have any idea how much it would hurt me to do that to you?" He asked, now looking at him.
"Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to watch you ruin all that you've worked for so far?" he demanded. "Arthur, if you do not marry and produce an heir, then you might as well not bother fixing this Kingdom, because it will fall apart the moment you die, anyway."
Arthur actually looked a little surprised at that thought, as if he hadn't really considered it before. But he pushed it from his mind almost forcefully, not wishing to discuss it any further. When he said this, Merlin just sighed.
"Arthur..." he started, but the King interrupted him.
"Merlin, please don't do this to me. Please, not today, just... just not today, ok?" Arthur was genuinely distressed over this and Merlin could tell, so he didn't say any more, even though he knew they would have to discuss it some other time.
The conversation was brought to a complete halt when Morgana knocked on the door and entered without so much as an invitation to do so. They didn't mind.
She opened her mouth and then closed it, screwing up her face slightly at the odd arrangement before her- Merlin on the floor, Arthur pacing and Lucky sitting in his arms.
"Um... sorry to interrupt this... interesting ordeal, but Arthur, don't you have to be preparing for training with your knights?" She asked.
Arthur suddenly seemed to spring back to life and swore, realising he had totally forgotten.
"Do you want me to get you ready?" Merlin asked, getting up.
"No, it's ok," Arthur said, leaving the room "I'll get one of the squires to do it."
Merlin nodded and gave Arthur a smile to tell him that everything would be ok.
When he left, Merlin looked at Morgana and asked her if she wanted to sit down.
She sat on the bed willingly, and smiled when Lucky ran into her arms, feeling quite lonely and abandoned by Arthur on the floor.
"Steady Lu," she soothed her. "Don't want to get my dress all messy, do we?" she teased. Lucky sniffed and eventually calmed down in Morgana's arms.
"I'm worried about Arthur," Merlin said outright. There was no point in sugar coating the topic. Morgana sighed.
"I know you are," she said, knowing full well what this was about. It was all Merlin thought about ever since Arthur's coronation.
"He's as stubborn as an old mule, and that really worries me. He's going to work so hard to change this Kingdom for the better, and for what? So that civil war will break out when there is no heir to take the throne?" he asked.
Morgana looked more than slightly confused and said, "I don't understand."
"Understand what?"
"How you can be so... indifferent to all this... so objective. How can you manage to persuade Arthur to marry- actually persuade him," she emphasized. "Of course, I know it's necessary and I'm glad you're doing it, but I don't see how you can."
Merlin looked as if he had seriously wanted to avoid this sort of discussion. The topic was meant to focus on Arthur, not himself. But, nevertheless, he answered, "I'm doing it for him."
Morgana shook her head as if she didn't completely understand.
Merlin explained, "Unlike Arthur, I actually try to look to the future. He may be a great King, but he's very narrow-minded. That's why I lied to him about Morgause and his mother. I knew that if Arthur had killed Uther, he would have regretted it for the rest of his days. I'm doing the same for him now. I know how much he loves this Kingdom, because I know him. He may think that this is what he wants now, but come thirty years time when he's watching all he loves fall apart in front of his eyes... it'll destroy him. It'll break his heart, and he'll blame himself. I want to spare him that any way I can. Even if it means giving him up." He finished his explanation with a lower voice than intended. He kept it that way for fear that a more normal tone would threaten tears at the reality of the situation.
Morgana herself seemed on the verge of tears herself after Merlin's words, and all she could say was, "You would do that? For him?" It was incredible. She had never known someone as selfless as Merlin and even after over two years of knowing the warlock, he still sometimes shocked her. "Even if you had to end it? Even if you were to be parted? You would still push him towards marriage to make him happy?" It was almost as if the cogs in her head were working, trying to process this information like some scientific formula. As if she was deciding something by this discovery.
"Yes," Merlin said simply, as if there would never be an alternative, no matter how much it hurt him. He had gone through more pain to do with losing Arthur in the past. One might say that he was almost immune to it.
"I can't believe that," she admitted. "You really do love him, don't you?"
Merlin nodded with a smile, not being able to help himself from smiling whenever anyone spoke about him and Arthur like that. It probably had something to do with the fact that he knew how lucky he was to even be able to call Arthur his lover.
"In that case..." Morgana began, looking like she was delving into the depths of her own mind. "I'll do it," she finally said. Merlin wondered whether he had fallen asleep for a whole section of that conversation, because he didn't have a clue on what Morgana was planning on 'doing'.
"What exactly? I'm afraid you've lost me!" He almost laughed. Morgana did not. Her face was very serious indeed.
"I'll marry him. I'll marry him for you." Merlin actually did laugh that time, but it died down when he saw Morgana's non moved expression.
"Morgana, what happened to the whole conversation we had with Uther?" He asked. "You said you wouldn't marry Arthur, ever."
"Yes, but that was before you told me... this!" She said.
"I still don't follow." Morgana rolled her eyes.
"Merlin, a long time ago, you did something good for me, do you remember? You stopped me from doing a terrible wrong." Merlin did remember. It was what had nearly killed them all.
"Yeah, I remember," he almost mumbled.
"I know that I did wrong, and I know that things... haven't been the same between us since then- no don't argue," she stopped him, noticing that Merlin was preparing to say something, as if to deny.
"And I want to make it right again, I do," she assured him. "This way I can. I can help you and help Arthur and make it up to you and the rest of this Kingdom by giving it a Queen. Think about it Merlin, you know me. Wouldn't it be a lot easier for you and Arthur if you forced him to marry someone you both knew?"
Merlin looked like he was actually considering it, and honestly did think it was a good idea. He would be fooling himself if he said that the thought hadn't entered his mind ever since Uther brought it up on his death bed. But of course he couldn't actually accept this! He couldn't take advantage of Morgana in that way, no matter what she had done in the past.
"No," he said simply.
"Why not! Merlin, it works perfectly! Think about it, do you really want to see some strange noble woman picked from another Kingdom by Arthur's advisers slobbering all over him and marrying him? Would you really want to hear her screaming his name at night?"
Merlin actually shuddered at the thought, but managed to get back to reality to say, "No. I'll manage somehow, but at least I know I won't be taking advantage of you."
"It that what the problem is? Merlin, honey, I promise you that I want this. Me. No one is forcing me into anything. Do you think you could force me into marriage if you tried?" She asked him, raising her eyebrows. Merlin huffed as if to say 'hell no!'
"Well there you go."
"Morgana, it still doesn't make it right!" He said. "Do you even realise what you'd be signing up for? This is living with Arthur we're talking about!"
"You think it would be any different from the way it is now?" she asked him. "That's exactly why it's such a good idea. Nothing would change. And the main aim here is to help you- to spare you the pain of losing Arthur."
"How would you marrying Arthur help me?" Merlin asked. Morgana cocked her head as if to imply 'you do the math'.
"I think you know the answer to that Merlin. You wouldn't be broken apart."
"If you think that I'm going to let... do you think Arthur would allow me into the bed that he'd have you in as if you were just a common whore? He's a man of honour Morgana, and though it might be difficult to believe, I try to be too," Merlin told her.
"Merlin, I am in no way a sensitive damsel that needs to be courted and read poetry and given roses to. Especially not by Arthur. The reason why I want to marry him is not to help myself, but to help you. So why would Arthur having you bother me in the slightest? That's the point," she emphasized, as if Merlin didn't get it at all!
"Morgana..." he said, trying not to get hopeful about her propositions. They were not going to happen under any circumstances. "I can't believe... but... why would you do that?" He asked, almost mirroring her earlier words to him.
She smiled as if it was obvious.
"Because I love you and I love him and I want you both to be happy. I've put too much work into getting you two together to have it ruined now!" She laughed.
"What do you mean you got us together?" Merlin demanded.
"Well, Gwen might have helped, but..."
"Gwen?" Merlin asked "Have I missed something? How is it down to you two?"
"Well, dummy, who else do you think made Lancelot ride all the way to Ealdor to get you for the wedding so you two stupid clotpoles could get together?" She asked. "It was my idea. We would have gotten you back anyway, but the wedding seemed a perfect excuse to drag you down here," she said, looking very pleased with herself.
"You scheming witches!" Merlin laughed, but gave Morgana a friendly punch in the arm as if to say thank you.
"Have I won the argument then?" She asked.
"Morgana, we can't just make decisions for Arthur and we shouldn't scheme behind his back, he's the one who has to be convinced, not me," Merlin reminded her.
"Tiny, insignificant detail," Morgana told him "What does Arthur have to do with any of this? It's you I have to get on board."
Merlin actually laughed out loud and asked, "Please explain."
"Let me tell you something Merlin," she said. "I don't know if your mother taught you this, but I'll let you in on a well known fact of life. The man, in this case Arthur, may be the head of the house; but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants."
"Are you saying I'm the woman here!" Merlin demanded, with a faked 'hurt' face.
"Well you do bottom for him most of the time, don't you?" Morgana asked casually.
"That's not the point!" Merlin persisted, hating to be outsmarted by Morgana.
"Merlin, let's face it, you control Arthur... in a way, anyway. I can manipulate Arthur into marrying me all I want, but he won't do it unless you're happy," she said.
"How do you know?" Merlin asked.
"Because he drank poison for you," she answered simply.
"You know about that?" Merlin asked hesitantly.
"Of course I do Merlin, I'm Morgana La Fey," she reminded him.
"Oh yes, I forgot, a mind reader as well as a seer," Merlin said sarcastically. "Anyway, I didn't say that I would allow you to this."
"Consider it a wager that you will," Morgana teased him. "Because you love Arthur too much to let him go. You love him more than me, so you'd rather me marry him than him suffer." She put it so truthfully and so bluntly that Merlin felt terribly guilty. Because he knew that he would end up agreeing with it. Because he knew that Morgana was right. He knew that she would be a great Queen and she would work wonders in Camelot and he knew that she and Arthur would get on better than any other woman they would choose for him. And he knew that all three of them would benefit from this arrangement the best. He believed that this was what Morgana really wanted.
"Morgana, are you absolutely certain that this is what you want to do with your life? It's such a huge sacrifice," he reminded her "You'd never be able to marry anyone that you would fall in love with."
"Pff!" She laughed "Who would have me Merlin? I think I'm too much for even the bravest men to handle! No man would offer me marriage. I think Arthur is the best offer I'll get."
"But... it's you that's offering. Surely that doesn't count?" He couldn't help but tease. She waved her hand in the air, princess-like.
"Details, details," she said and smiled afterwards.
"Morgana, I'm sure that there are rows and rows of men just waiting to ask for your hand," Merlin said.
"Name one," she challenged him.
"I'm sure half of Arthur's knights, for one." He had meant it as a joke, but there was something in her eyes that softened, but it wasn't something that he could put his finger on. And then...
"Morgana, are you... are you blushing?" He asked, almost too shocked for words.
"Absolutely not!" She said, slightly giddy. Merlin eyed her suspiciously, but she said, "So do I take that as a 'yes'?" Merlin sighed, almost as in defeat and Morgana smiled. "We'll all be happy. Now all you have to do is persuade Arthur," she said, that silly smirk in her eye.
"He's immune to that," Merlin warned her. "I've tried it before to let Lucky sleep with us."
"I'm sure I could... read up on a few tricks for you to use if it would help."
"Morgana!"
"Just suggesting," she defended herself.
"But you know, there is something you could help me with," Merlin said, suddenly remembering.
"What is it?" She asked.
"It's about Arthur's birthday," he said "I haven't got a clue what I can do for him, or even what to buy him. I don't have much money, but... do you know what he might like? I suppose you know more about what he would like as a gift."
Morgana paused for a moment to think.
"Well... you know there is one thing that might be very special for him if you could do it for him and it wouldn't cost any money."
"Really?" He asked "What is it?"
"I know this is going to sound really stupid, but you have to trust me, ok?" Merlin nodded "It's a flower," she said.
"A flower?" Merlin repeated, a little dubious.
"Yes... Gaius mentioned to me once that when Igraine had been alive, her favourite flower was a rare type that only grows a couple of hours ride from Camelot, called Romalia. Apparently it's very beautiful. He used to ride out once a week and bring her back a huge bunch of these and she would decorate the whole castle with them. When she died, Uther, obviously, was distraught, so he apparently used to still hang the flowers around the castle for the first couple of years after her death to try and hang onto her memory.
He said that he used to have Arthur's governess hang the fresh flowers on his crib as a baby so he would somehow feel his mother's presence there. But soon, the pain of her loss became too great for him and he banished any kind of memory of Igraine in the palace. Including the Romalia. Arthur often told me, when he was very drunk of course, that the smell of that flower was one of the only things he remembers from his very early childhood. I think it would really mean a lot to him if you picked him some."
"But... that was years ago Morgana. Are you sure that he won't think I'm treating him like a girl for picking him flowers?" He asked, a little dubious about this.
"You and I both know he's a lot more sensitive than he lets on. Look at what happened with the druid girl. He was looking after her like a mother hen." Merlin nodded in agreement.
"Do you even know where to find this flower?" Merlin asked.
"No, but I could ask Gaius to find me a map. Would that be ok?" she asked.
"That would be great, thanks," he smiled. She smiled back, and flopped backwards onto the bed, exhaling, before sitting up again, putting her arms behind her and placing all her weight on them.
They stayed silent for a moment, before Morgana asked, "Do you think Arthur is still training?"
Merlin looked a little surprised by the question, but answered, "I think so. He's normally a good few hours out on the field."
Morgana nodded thoughtfully and then got up, saying, "I'll... go and get that map, shall I?"
Merlin, although perplexed, said before she left, "Thank you," causing her to turn around and smile, knowing that he meant it for more than just her getting a map for him. And then she left, leaving Merlin very confused as to her sudden disappearance.
A couple of hours later, Arthur strolled in, sweaty and tired after practise, and flopped down on the newly-made bed. Merlin was sitting at the table, busily writing letters and such- the one side of his new job that he did not like.
"Had fun?" He asked without looking up from his work.
"Ugh!" Arthur moaned and sighed. Merlin whispered something under his breath and a bath full of hot water appeared in Arthur's chambers, and his eyes sparkle at the sight. He got up and began to walk over to it, and Merlin, eyes still on the parchments in front of him, muttered a spell that made Arthur's clothes disappear very handily.
Arthur slid into the water and almost passed out from the relaxation he felt.
"Don't you want to come in too?" He asked.
"I can't, I've got to finish these bloody letters. I already wasted an hour this morning chatting to Morgana."
"Morgana was here?" Arthur asked.
"Yes, after you left, she stayed and kept me company," he said, and Arthur nodded in acknowledgement, though Merlin doubted that he would if he had known the nature of their conversation.
"Have you noticed Morgana acting a little off recently?" Merlin asked finally setting his quill down "It's been bugging me since she left so abruptly earlier on."
"Well..." Arthur began. "If by 'off', you mean taking walks every day, and conveniently taking a route via my training every morning, then yes, I'd say that's rather odd." But Merlin noticed Arthur smirking, and he could tell that there was something he wasn't telling him.
"You know something." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. "Why is she walking past your training? That doesn't make much sense to me."
Arthur grinned.
"It does when you consider who I train with." Merlin still looked confused. "Sir Leon, Merlin!"
And Merlin's eyes almost widened in realisation as everything became perfectly clear. The blushing, the leaving, the... everything. He wasn't as stupid as everyone made him out to be, after all. Morgana... liked Sir Leon! Or at least she had a fancy for him if she went especially to watch him fight every day.
"Sir Leon? Really?"
"Well I know that he's besotted with her, anyway. All he talks about is how good a dancer she is. It's quite funny, isn't it?" asked Arthur "Oh, by the way, I saw Morgana after training, and she asked me to pass something on to you. I left it over on the bed if you want to take a look." He waved his hand over to the bed and shut his eyes.
Merlin left his work and picked up the parchment that Morgana had given Arthur. It was the map. He grinned from ear to ear at the thought of giving Arthur such a wonderful present.
He tucked it into his pocket discreetly and returned to his desk. Arthur's birthday was tomorrow, so if he left early in the morning, then he would be back for the ball and the flowers would still be fresh. Morgana really did have the best ideas at times!
Those of you who have seen "My big fat Greek wedding" will notice that I stole the "man is the head of the house" line from there- sorry! I should be pelted with fruit, but it was too good not to use!
I wouldn't normally update this quickly, just for reviews' sake, but I feel I've been neglecting you guys for too long to keep you hanging! But just to let you know that I'm back at school tomorrow, and although I doubt that we'll get masses of work (seeing as it's the end of the year) I may be a little morte tied down than I was these past few days. Hope that's ok :)
Oh, and you've probably noticed that I haven't left a bribe for two chapters in a row- it's because I've run out of ideas :( I could use some bribe muse if anyone wishes to help!