A/N: I am super excited my lovelies, as in, Julie Andrews twirling like a lunatic on a mountainside kinda excited! One of my readers, a very nice person named AlexaStay has offered to translate this story into Chinese! How super is that? Anyway, all squee-ing aside, as soon as I get a link, I'll be posting it in the beginning of this story and on my profile page. Thank you, Alexa!
My Golden Cookie of the Chapter award goes to buttercup88. Dang it, (facepalm) and I knew that, too. I've just read too much FF lately. Thanks for catching it. I'll go back and fix 'er up.
This chapter is dedicated to Sock Monkeys everywhere. Because next to bunny slippers, they rock, right Jen0318? (My youngest daughter loves them and I am forever buying new sock monkey stuff in my travels for her. Last thing I got was earmuffs. Of course, this is where I mention she's 22, lol.)
Also, to answer your question Ardina (Pepper) Falconhurst, in America the thumb is a thing all by itself. We don't call it or count it as a finger. So, our finger counting begins with the pointer and goes to the pinky – 4 fingers and a thumb per. So, in America, if you have a ring on your third finger, it does indeed sit on the finger right next to your pinky. Great question!
Oh gosh! I was having such a great time chatting, I almost forgot! We left Hermione in a dungeon! I'd better go fix that. Reviews feed all stuffed animal slippers everywhere. If you've got a pair, say it loud and proud in your review! Now on with the shoe, I mean show. :P
-Elvee
Snatch
Chapter Twenty Five
"I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets."
-Graham Chapman
"You!" Pansy hissed. Her eyes darted to the empty door frame and then narrowed as she licked her lips and smiled maliciously, "I don't believe my luck, mudblood!"
Hermione sighed, lowering her pack to the floor in the corner and closing the door to muffle the sounds of their conversation. "Let's play pin-the-tail-on-the-mudblood later." She hissed and began examining Pansy in the low light of her wand.
Pansy smacked her hands away roughly, "Don't touch me, you filth!"
"You wanna get out of here or not?" Hermione sighed.
Pansy sneered, "Oh, I'll get out of here alright. Mr. Malfoy never liked me. He never wanted me to marry Draco. But now that I'm going to save his entire bloodline, he'll give me anything I want. Right after he kills you." Pansy sneered, then with a sudden intake of breath, she shrieked, "HELP!"
In a blink, Hermione cast a silencing charm on Pansy, hissing, "Shut up, you idiot! I swear, you are the thickest person I've ever met! You really think Lucius gives a shit about Draco? He tortured him within an inch of his life three days ago! We barely escaped with our lives! There's only one reason Lucius wants Draco: an heir. As soon as he has it, there's no doubt in my mind he'll kill him and his wife. "Hermione let this sink in. As expected, Pansy's eyes widened at this new information. "Last chance, Parkinson, you coming or staying?"
A footstep scraped on the stairs. Hermione immediately doused her wand light. A high-pitched female voice said, "What is all this noise?" Hermione froze. She knew that voice from the Ministry: Bellatrix. Heeled boots clicked along the stone floor to Pansy's cell.
With a flick, Hermione cast the disillusionment charm and melted into the shadows, breathing into Pansy's ear, "I'm the only one who knows where Malfoy is."
The heavy door opened with a crash as Bellatrix cackled. She entered with a swish of expensive silk and a roll of insane eyes. Her hair, once dark and lovely, was wild and streaked with white."Ah, yes. The little Parkinson chit. Still awaiting Draco's rescue in the dungeons? Has no one ever told you to wait quietly?" Bellatrix harshly smacked her across the face, making Pansy's head snap. Hiding in the dark corner, Hermione winced.
Pansy cowered in the center of the cell, not daring to look at the older witch. Bellatrix scooped up her chin and pinched hard, forcing Pansy to look at her. "I knew Lucius was no good for Cissy. I told them. But did they listen? No! I told them the Malfoys were weak and faithless. I told them! Now look! I am stuck cleaning up the mess! My sister's own son- my nephew- a BLOOD TRAITOR!" She all but screamed the last two words in Pansy's face. Bellatrix grabbed a clump of her hair and yanked backward.
"He's not! He can't stand her! The mudblood is..." The outburst indignantly slipped out of Pansy before she could stop herself.
Bellatrix cackled. "He's weak," she spat. "Too weak to do our Lord's bidding. It is time to prune the family tree. And you, little Parkinson whore, you will do it for me. We'll just let Lucius's little plan unfold. Draco will come to rescue you, then instead of him using that tracking spell to find him, you will kill my nephew. Imp-" As Bellatrix began to cast the imperius curse, Pansy's eyes flared with fear then gave a momentary flick to where Hermione had disappeared in the dark. It was no more than a twitch of movement, but from her corner Hermione saw the mad witch stiffen.
Two things happened at once, Hermione cast an expelliarmus jinx, dodging toward the open door. The disillusionment charm dropped like a rock. Bellatrix easily flicked her spell aside to bounce impotently against the floor. The mad witch cast a sectumsumpra hex that hit the wall where she had been standing a fraction of a second before, making chips of stone fly in every direction. Hermione's cheek and shoulder took the brunt of the explosion.
Bellatrix cackled, and sing-songed, "Dirty little mudblood swinging from a tree, H-A-N-G-I-N-G!" She shot something purple and sizzling from her wand. When it hit the door above Hermione's shoulder it gave off an acrid smoking stink.
She wasn't going to last long toe-to-toe with Bellatrix. Hermione was a thinker, not a duelist. She needed a distraction. She needed to get the advantage back. She needed an opening desperately. She needed cover.
"Serpensortia Naja Pallida!" Hermione cried, diving for the safety of the hallway. A small, reddish brown snake slithered agressively up to Bellatrix's feet and raised itself off the ground, spreading its little hood and hissing loudly.
Bellatrix cackled dismissively at the serpent, "That's not a snake! This is a snake!" With a flick of her wand, she conjured her own serpent, eight feet long and closing fast on Hermione. Hermione retreated, only seeing out of the corner of her eye as Parkinson jumped to her feet and kicked one of Bellatrix's knees out from underneath her. The jet of flame the older witch had prepared for the serpent sprayed wildly as she lost her balance and collapsed to her knees. The cobra spit a long arc of venom into her face. Pansy dove to the floor, landing hard, but dodging the venom. Bellatrix screamed as she was blinded.
Hermione shouted the counter curse to banish both snakes. Bellatrix was writhing on the floor, one hand clawing at her eyes, one randomly firing hexes that were exploding and bouncing madly around the room. "Petrificus Totalis!" Hermione bellowed and Bellatrix LaStrange froze, a fingernail in her bloody eye and a curse on her lips.
Hermione eyed Pansy, then motioned for her to quickly join her by the door. As Pansy made it across the room, Hermione bound, gagged and disarmed Bellatrix.
"You're bleeding!" Pansy gasped.
"It's nothing." Hermione conjured a jelly jar and shoved it into Pansy's hands. "We don't have much time. Hold this." The brightest witch of her age knelt next to one of the most powerful dark witches in Wizarding Britain and touched her wand to her forehead, murmuring a spell. Pulling out string after string of gossamer threads, she dropped them in the jar. "Cap it." Hermione smirked at Bellatrix's livid eyes, "Who's in the tree now, bitch?" With a flourishing wave of both wands, she yelled, "Obliviate!"A thick stream of white particles poured forth from the wands. She held the beam centered between the older witch's eyes.
Pansy blinked. "You can't just erase her memory! Memory charms are reversible! What the hell good is that, mudblood?"
Hermione didn't respond. She fought the draining effects of double channeling the spell through two wands, one of which- Bella's- was fighting her every step of the way. She stood, sweating and shaking with the effort for nearly a full minute as the sparkling intelligence in Bellatrix's eyes slowly faded away. At the first sign of drool coming from the corner of her mouth, Hermione raised her left hand and snapped Bella's wand in half mid-cast.
Bellatrix LaStrange gave a mighty twitch, then slumped lifelessly to the ground, eyes open, mouth slack.
"Properly cast memory charms are reversible, Parkinson," she panted. "This one, well I'm not really sure." Pansy goggled. "Professor Lockhart tried to cast a memory charm on Harry with a broken wand in the Chamber of Secrets and he's still in the permanent spell damage ward in St. Mungo's." Hermione pulled her pack over from the dark corner and riffled through it for a self inking quill. Sucking on it to activate the ink, she bent over Bella's body. Carefully avoiding the venom, Hermione scrawled across her forehead in black ink:
Your move, Dad.
XOXO, H. Granger
"He's going to kill you!" Pansy whispered in awe.
She tucked the quill back in her pack and threw Pansy an oversized jumper. "Put that on, unless you like showing off your chest."
The jumper hit Pansy and fell to the floor. She didn't bend over to retrieve it. "Granger, you just took out Bellatrix bloody LaStrange!"
"We," said Hermione curtly. She huffed, picking the jumper up off the floor and shoving it into Parkinson's chest.
"'We' what?" Nope, she never was the sharpest silver knife in the drawer.
"We took out Bellatrix LaStrange. Like it or not, Parkinson, you're leaving. Voldemort's gonna want your head."
"Well I couldn't let her kill Draco." She made a face at the jumper she'd just pulled over her head, holding it away from her body in distaste. "Where did you get this trash, anyway? Mudbloods-R-Us?"
"In Draco's closet." Pansy's eyes narrowed in hatred. She didn't know why she said it. Okay, she did, but Pansy deserved it. "Now, com'on. We've still got one last thing to do." Hiking her pack on her back, she grabbed Pansy's wrist with her left hand and towed them out into the hallway. She closed the door behind her, and made sure it was locked.
"Wait!" Pansy hissed. When Hermione showed no signs of slowing she tugged her back. "Wait, Granger!"
Hermione's brows fell into an angry vee as she hissed, "What?"
"She said Lucius has a tracking spell on me. If you take me anywhere, he'll find me. He'll give me to the Dark Lord! Granger, he's going to kill me! He'll kill Draco!"
Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath, before pointing to herself and whispering, "Brightest witch of my age, remember? You're going to have to trust me. I got Draco out. I got his mother out. I'll get you out, too." With that she tugged Pansy moving again, this time toward the set of stairs.
"But you don't even like me!" Pansy blurted loudly, then covered her mouth for making too much noise.
Hermione had long ago figured no one was home. If anyone had been home, they'd have run down the steps at the sounds of shouting and screaming during the fight. How Parkinson didn't have two brain cells to add that up was beyond her. Unless it was possible to kill brain cells by shagging too much, then that would explain everything. "Of course I don't like you! You're a rude, arrogant, thick, slag. I didn't like Malfoy, either, and suddenly we're engaged."
Hermione found an open doorway off to the left at the base of the steps. She conjured a blue flame inside and found shelves and racks. As they stepped through the door, Hermione wanted to vomit. Bloody knives and tools were hung on the walls. Row upon row of potions were neatly lined up on a set of shelves in one corner. At the sight of whips, restraints and hooked lashes her head swam. In the center of the room was a table; not an ordinary table, mind you. A table with restraints that was used to strap someone down while they used those barbaric things on them.
On that table was a little blue beaded bag.
With a cry of delight, she snatched it up. "Get me those potions over there and put them in here." Pansy came back with an armload of vials and looked at the bag sceptically. Hermione clicked her tongue impatiently, grabbing them from Pansy and stuffing them inside. "Extension charm. Get all of them, hurry up."
It was ten second's work to round up all the bottles. As the last ones were tucked away, a voice from the doorway made her blood freeze, "Miss Granger. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Lucius Malfoy stood in the doorway, eyes glinting with malice, wand leveled at her chest. "Expelliarmus," he said, almost lazily. Hermione's wand was wrenched from her hand. It flew across the room to land neatly in Lucius's palm.
He made a tisking noise, "Much too early to rescue Pansy. I'm afraid I haven't even spread the bait yet." He tapped a finger over his perfect lips, "But there was a reason, wasn't there? The brightest Mudblood of our age wouldn't come back to my humble home without a reason. What could it be? Perhaps you've missed our little play sessions as much as I have."
Hermione spat at his feet.
"No? Pity." His eyes flared in anger, then landed on the little blue bag she was trying very hard to block from his view. "Ah! Of course! Something in the bag then, was it? It must have been important for you to have come back." He took a step forward and held out one hand, keeping his wand level at her chest. "Let's have it then, mudblood."
With a sigh, Hermione handed over the bag. Lucius tossed it on the floor behind him, careful never to take his eyes off of her. "And you, Parkinson. Never could do anything right."
"She said she'd take me to Draco!"
"Of course she could, you idiot! But do you think for one second she would take you to him when she's engaged to him?" Lucius made tutting noises with his tongue. "Never were known for your brains, were you?"
A jet of red light crashed into the door frame inches from Lucius's head.
"Accio wand!" Hermione cried, as Lucius rolled from the doorway, he lost his grip on her wand and it sailed to her. She snatched it out of the air, and grabbing Pansy's shoulder ducked down behind the torture table.
"Oi! Say cheese, you great ugly git!" Two more hexes crashed into the door. Hermione poked her head over the table and sent a langlock spell into Malfoy's crouched back, effectively tongue-tying him.
"Hermione! Are you okay?" Draco called from down the hall.
"Draco! Draco, Help!" Yelled Pansy as Lucius fired off a wordless spell down the hall and disapperated with a crack.
Draco, Harry and Ron ran into the room. Draco shouldered Pansy out of the way and wrapped his arms around Hermione, blanching at the blood on her face. "She's hurt!" He called behind him, summoning Harry and Ron by his side instantly. "Oh, Merlin! You're hurt!" He tried to smooth away the strands of hair stuck to the blood of her cheek. She winced. He moved and tried to squeeze her to him. She winced.
"I'm fine!" Hermione said trying to shy away from his hands.
"Oh, thank Merlin and every god that ever was!" Draco sighed, and he kissed her full on the mouth.
"Here we go again," sighed Harry as he rolled his eyes.
For his part, Ron was poking Harry and pointing. "Parkinson? What the bloody hell is she doing here?"
Pansy watched the mudblood kiss her wizard with narrowed eyes. Draco had yet to spare a single glance at her. He was kissing, she shuddered, a mudblood. "Draco Lucius Malfoy! How dare you!"
Draco broke the kiss lazily and licked his lips, then his eyes darkened, as he stared at Hermione. "Don't you ever go storming off to do something that dangerous or stupid ever again!"
"DRACO MALFOY!" Pansy shrieked.
"Not now, Pans." Draco said, never taking his eyes from Hermione. "My fiancée, the brightest witch of her age," he sneered her title, "Was busy having a temper tantrum like a firstie and ran off. If it hadn't been for Potter and Weasel dragging me here, she could have been killed!"
"Accio bag!" Hermione snapped, before wheeling on Draco. "You malicious, odious, bouncing ferret! I spring your slaggy ex-girlfriend from a cell, defeat Bellatrix LaStrange and recover my bag with all of your mother's paperwork in it and all you can do is threaten me? "
Draco flicked his wand. Hermione's lips were moving, but no sound was coming out.
"Bellatrix LaStrange?" Harry asked, reeling.
Ron leaned into Draco and stage whispered, "You're dead! When she gets her voice back, you are so dead!"Draco turned back to her. Hermione had narrowed her eyes in concentration and was waving her wand furiously. "Better do it yourself, if you know what's good for you," said Ron, sagely.
"Fine," sighed Draco and he flicked his wand. "Finite."
Pansy took this opportunity to wrap herself around Draco from neck to ankles and attempt to smother him with kisses. Draco pushed her away, gently but firmly. Pansy was about to scream at him again, when the tip of a wand was pointed right between her eyes.
"He may be a ferret, Parkinson, but he's my ferret," Hermione growled. "If you like having two hands and two feet, keep them to yourself." Draco beamed and his expression didn't change as Hermione came up with the most creative PG-13 names she could think to call him.
"Wait," said Harry, louder now, to be heard over Hermione's tantrum. "'Mione, did you say you defeated Bellatrix LaStrange?"