Title: Half Empty, Half Full

Rating: MA

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story. All of the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. They are merely pawns in my imagination.

Summary: This is her story, from her point of view. The story of two lovers, three friends, and one town not big enough for all of them.

Chapter Twenty-Five: Nothing but a Number

I was surprised to get a text message from him, asking to meet him at the cemetery. Jax and I hadn't spoken since I came home from the hospital, he was avoiding me. Apparently he had come over at some point, when I happened to be drunk, during which I practically physically assaulted him and called him every name under the sun. I was hesitant to meet him, not sure how I would react. By this point, things were starting to get back to normal. I had returned to work, and Andy and I were settling back into our daily routine.

I leaned against Johnny's tombstone, cigarette dangling from my lips. I watched as they both pulled up, Jax and Chibs, to the curb. Jax began to make his towards me, Chibs lingering behind. I kept my sunglasses on, not wanting Jax to see my eyes darting between the two of them. He walked over calmly, swinging his arms back and forth. "How are you?" He asked, stopping in front of me.

I scoffed. The bitch was rearing her head. "I'm perfectly fine," I stammered out. He sighed. "Listen, I know you're upset with me, that you blame me," he began to say. I held a hand up, stopping him. "I am beyond upset Jax. Just tell me what you want so I can get on with my life," I said. I crossed my arms across my chest, glaring at him. "I'm sorry," he said. He actually sounded sincere for once.

I had to laugh. "Do you think saying sorry makes it okay? The only reason I was even there was because of you. I told you I wanted out, but you wouldn't listen. You wouldn't let me go!" I said. I swear, if I could, I would've killed him right then and there. I balled my fists up and let them go repeatedly, trying to relax myself. I ended up grabbing the bridge of my nose. "I'm not going to feel any better about this any time soon, so just tell me what you want so that I can get the hell away from you," I muttered.

He stepped towards me, his hands up. That's how I knew he was going to say some crazy shit to me. "I have a way to get you out of this, permanently, but you won't like it," he said. I raised my sunglasses to the top of my head and glared at him. He paused briefly before speaking again. "I need you to go back to the Stockton evidence warehouse and pull another heist, but this time I need you to take Jarry with you. Show her the ropes and she'll take over everything from here on out," he said. I did a double take, my eyes wide.

I laughed even more. I thought about it, this was the way out. How could I turn it down? How could I team up with her? I sighed, closing my eyes. "This detective has a hard on for the missing guard. We'll put you guys up in a motel for the night, just incase he's watching anybody coming in and out of the facility. Once you're in, my guy at the building's department found some sewer tunnels we can use. He'll never see anybody going in or out." I ran his plan through my head, thinking it might actually work. The only hiccup I saw was me and Jarry in a motel room alone, together.

I shook my head slowly, not believing that I was actually thinking about doing this- with her. "Jax," I began to say, drawing in a deep breath. "You're asking for a lot right now. That is a lot of commitment from me right now." A lot of strength that I didn't know if I had left at the moment. He approached me, walking up and gently rubbing my shoulder. "We can finish things up. Grab more product, be quieter and safer. No one will get hurt this time around. Jarry will have your back," he said.

I turned towards him, releasing a breath I was holding. "What are you doing with this girl, Jax? She's a cop, don't you think you're playing with fire?" I responded quietly, shaking him off of me. He took a step back and nodded. "She's on the take, Jessie. She knows how to bend to make sure shit stays quiet in Charming. If you two do this, the club can come through with a lot of promises we made. Things stay quiet in Charming and no body else has to die," he said.

I raised my eyebrow up at him, trying to decide if I believed him. "And Chibs?" I asked, my face straight. Jax sighed. "He's an insurance policy. Makes sure she stays in line and is available when we need her," he responded. Was he delusional? Did he really think that this would end good? I nodded, dropping my sunglasses back onto my face. "Fine, I'll do it," I spat out. He nodded, throwing a smile my way.

I walked away from him, making my way towards my truck. I found Chibs parked in front of it, sitting on his bike. He nodded at me, and sighed, walking over to him. "Thanks for the other night. And for having Gemma stop by and talk to me," I said, hooking my fingers into the back pocket of my jeans. He nodded again, running his fingers over his mouth. "I know this thing with Jarry won't be easy, but you're doing the club a big favor. They won't forget it," he replied.

I nodded, and glanced over at him. "We'll be there with you guys. We'll get there before you, get an adjoining room. You won't be alone with her for that long," he added. As if that's my biggest concern. How about the fact that I know it's going to be struggle to keep from strangling her? To keep from telling how I really feel about the two of you? Or that fact that you're just using her for protection? I cleared my throat and shrugged.

"I've been meaning to talk to you for a while. I've been thinking about moving. Probably get a bigger place for Andy so that he can get his own room. I figured we should talk about it now, since we're both here," I said, changing the subject. Chibs cocked his head to the side and scowled. "Are you moving out of Charming?" I knew that would be the touchy part of this conversation. "I'm thinking about it. Been looking at some places in Stockton, closer to work," I replied. Chibs scoffed and I could feel him glaring at me. "And why have I not been privy to this conversation?

I shrugged. "I've just been thinking about it, Chibs. I need a change of scenery, plus there's no reason not to," I said. I could see the frustration rising in him. "You can't just make a decision like that on your own. He's mine son too you know!" I laughed. He didn't know the first thing about being a father. He was never there all the times he got sick. Or whenever he had the dinosaur nightmares. All he knew was how to play with him and keep him alive for a few hours. I bit my tongue, not wanting to start a whole other discussion. "You haven't even filled out the name change paperwork," I said, sounding defeated.

Chibs' scowl managed to get bigger. "You think a piece of paper makes him my son? Gives you the right to take him anywhere you want?" He said, his voice rising. I held my hands up, and shook my head. "I came back to Charming with this crazy idea that I could somehow make it work. That I could balance both you and Happy. That I would actually be happy! It was a crazy idea, and I gave it a hell of a try, but let's be honest with each other Chibs! You've moved on, I've moved on. There is nothing left in Charming for me."

I watched him sit there in silence, staring at me. I wish I knew what he was thinking, so that I could figure out what to say next. "You're just running away, you do realize that. Nothing is going your way, you're all alone, so you run. It's what you do best," he said. I didn't respond, I didn't have a comeback for that. He was right, I was running away again. I watched as he put his helmet on, turning his bike on. "You're just a stupid child," he said, before driving off.

I hated when he pulled out the age card. He would do it anytime I did something that he didn't agree with or something based on my emotions. I sighed, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. I was Chibs' junior by 20 years, and he never let me forget about it. I hated it when he chastised me and commented about my age. I didn't even bother to turn and stare after him. I was livid, and he was right.

I groaned, finding him leaning against my pick-up truck. I let my purse slide down my shoulder, as I gripped the bridge of my house. I had just had a shitty day at work, I didn't need to walk out of the office and run into Happy. "What?" I stammered out, walking past him and unlocking the truck. I threw my purse into the truck, before turning around to face him. "I want to see you. I miss you," he said, crossing his arms across his chest, his face straight. Boy, did you know how to show it.

I sighed, leaning on my elbow against the truck. I stared at him, trying to conjure up all of those feelings I used to have for him. Before it was instant, all I needed to do was look at him and I wouldn't be able to control myself. Now, I looked at him and saw nothing. I felt nothing. "Fine. You can come over tonight," I said, giving in, and opening the truck's door. He pushed the door shut, standing in my way. "No. I'm not coming over so that we can have sex. I want to come over and actually be with you," he said.

I shook my head and let go of the door. For once in my life, I knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted to be anywhere but here right now. I knew that I didn't want to be with him. I knew for once, but was too afraid to say anything, too afraid to let go. "No. I don't want to be with you, Happy. I don't want to fall back in love with you, which is what will happen if you come over tonight and actually spend time with me. I don't want to fall in love and accept that ring, only to have you disappoint me again in the worst way possible. So no, you cannot come over and actually be with me. You can come over and fuck me, then be gone by the time I wake up."

He pulled off his sunglasses and slid them into the front pocket of his cut, his eyes finding mine. "No, you don't get to choose when you love me and when you don't. I loved you that entire time you were gone. I waited for you to come back home, and then I pushed aside all of that anger and found my way back to loving you again. So I need you to do the same. I need you to find your way to loving me again," he said. I pulled my eyes away from him, not being able to look at him anymore.

Even with his declaration of love, I still didn't feel it anymore. All I saw was a plain man in front of me, he no longer had that glow around him that he used to have. I was no longer interested in loving him, he had broken my heart. In my eyes, what he did was unforgivable. "I want to go back to the days when me and you were best friends. When I could trust you, when I could count on you. Right now, you are not that man. Right now, I don't want to love you," I said. I pulled open the truck door, climbing inside of it. I sat there in silence for a while, his hands gripping the car door.

After a while, he let go of the door, turning to look at me. "I will always be here for you, you know that right? It's my job to look after you, to take care of you. I made Johnny that promise before he died, and I plan on keeping it," he said, reaching in and kissing me. I turned my body towards him, my legs hanging outside of the truck, his body sliding between them. That's when I knew I had made the right decision, as his hands crawled up my skirt, digging into my thighs. At that very moment, all I felt was his hands on me, throbbing between my legs. I no longer had that urge to jump on top of him, to feel every inch of him. I could've just sat there and let him do anything and everything to me. There was no real emotion attached to this act anymore. I felt nothing other than carnal urge.

I pulled away from him, his hands lost inside my top. I grabbed them, dragging them out slowly, my breathing rapid. I pulled down my skirt to it's normal position. He stood there, a hard-on in his pants, and a look of shock on his face. "You don't want me like this. You want Jessie that's in love with you. I'm not her right now. I'm only looking for a quick fuck, Happy," I said. He nodded, clearing his throat and holding his hands up. "Enough said," he replied, before turning on his heel and walking away.