A/N: Hey everyone thank you for your lovely reviews. Here is the next chapter. I just finished it and i am posting it without rereading it. So please bear with my mistakes.
"Your baby girl is perfectly fine and growing like a text book baby. There is nothing to worry." Addison assured her patient after finishing the ultrasound. But her patient didn't respond and kept looking at her blankly.
"Kayla? Are you all right? You seem stressed. Do you want to tell me what is bothering you?" Addison asked again softly. Though Addison cared for all of her patients, she was extra concerned about Kayla. Kayla also had fertility issues and had to conceive her baby through IVF. She was 32 weeks pregnant now. Unfortunately a week after Kayla's embryo transplant, her husband who was a cop got killed on duty. Their first three attempts had failed and when it finally succeeded she didn't even get a chance to celebrate with her husband. Any other woman would have collapsed in a situation like that. But Kayla was extraordinary. She accepted her fate and decided to focus on the miracle which she was carrying. Addison admired Kayla's strength and positive attitude.
"How are you feeling lately? Is there any cramping, bleeding, unusual pain?" Addison asked.
"I am sorry I am not able to recall your name." Kayla admitted sheepishly.
"I am Dr. Montgomery Shepherd. Don't worry, little memory loss is common in pregnancy and I kind of have a very long name so it is okay." Addison tried to assure her.
"But it is happening very often lately. This pregnancy is making me dumb. Sometimes I can't process or remember simple things. You want to know a funny thing? Few days ago I told a woman in my prenatal class that I was in my 10th week. Even a dumbest person can guess that I am in my third trimesters and for a moment I thought I was in 10th week. May be the morning sickness made me feel that I was in my first trimester." Kayla chuckled.
"Morning sickness? What is exactly happening Kayla? Can you tell me in detail? I need you to tell me each and every change in your condition." Addison asked.
"Vomiting and nausea in the mornings are back. I feel very tired but I guess that is normal at this stage. Sometimes I lose my balance. I also have severe headache sometimes. They are worst in the morning. I have a shooting pain in my head when I cough or bend down. But there is nothing that I can't manage. I really don't care about such small things as long as my baby is fine." Kayla replied nonchalantly.
"How is your vision?" Do you experience any visual or hearing disturbances?" Addison enquired.
"No my hearing is perfectly fine. I think I can even hear my daughter's heartbeat. But sometimes I have a double vision. A few times I also had black spots in front of my eye. But that is normal right? I read in a book that some women have morning sickness throughout the pregnancy. There is nothing to worry about right?" Kayla said.
"Kayla I am going to order few more tests and ask a colleague of mine to have a look at you. I will be back in few minutes." Addison said and left the room to page Derek for a consult.
It had been three days since their fight. Derek and Addison didn't share a word since then. After work Derek went straight home instead of vising Addison. They didn't even call each other in the night. They turned their faces if their paths accidentally crossed in the hospital hallways. They both terribly missed each other but were too stubborn to back off from their stand. But now they had no option but to face each other.
Derek responded to the page immediately. Addison let Alex brief Derek about the case. Throughout their conversation Derek completely ignored Addison. Addison then told the men that she suspected a brain tumor. When she was talking to him he stared at her blankly. The look reminded her of the days before their separation. After discussing the case for a bit three of them went to the examination room where Kayla was.
"Kayla, this is Dr. Shepherd. He is our head of neurosurgery. Dr. Shepherd, this is Kayla Adams." Addison introduced them.
"Dr. Shepherd! Are you two related?" Kayla asked.
"Yes" Addison.
"NO" Derek.
Both of them replied at the same time.
"umm.. actually we.. umm we were.." Addison tried to explain but she couldn't find right words for their relationship status. She was also taken aback by Derek's blunt answer.
"We are divorced." Derek replied with an edge in his voice. 'We are practically divorced'. That was what Addison had said the other day.
"Kayla Dr. Montgomery Shepherd suspects that some of your symptoms might not be solely related to your pregnancy. There might not be anything to worry about. I am here just as a precaution. Do you mind if I do a quick examination on you?" Derek asked gently.
Kayla looked at Addison and silently asked her opinion. Addison nodded and gave her an assuring smile. Derek then proceeded with his primary examination. After finishing the examination he asked Alex to run some tests on Kayla. Throughout the exam Addison remained in the room. Though she and Derek were acting perfectly professional, Kayla didn't miss the tension between them.
"Kayla I will be back once we get your test results. We can discuss everything once we have the results. Is there anything you want to ask us before that?" Derek asked Kayla.
"Can I change my doctors?" Kayla asked Alex. Both Addison and Derek were shocked by her demand.
"My daughter is very special for me. I don't want any negative energy around her. You might think I am superstitious but I believe in these things and I do not want to take any risks. I haven't even cried after my husband's death because I didn't want to affect my baby's emotional health. You know babies can feel the hostile environment even from womb. Don't take it personally but I am getting negative vibes from you two. There is certainly some tension between you two and that would eventually get transmitted to my daughter. So I don't want you two around me or my daughter." Kayla said decisively.
"Can I talk to you for a minute Dr. Shepherd?" Addison politely asked Derek. He followed her out of the exam room to an empty conference room.
Addison closed the blinds and spoke. "Even I don't want any negative energy around my baby. This tension between us is making me uneasy. I can't go on like this. I am not going to apologize. You need not apologize either but I just want us to end this fight." Addison said vulnerably. She hated herself for being so weak, for missing Derek so badly and for letting him hurt her again.
"Do you think I am enjoying this Addie? Even I don't want us to fight. And I certainly don't want any hostile atmosphere around my baby or my baby's mother." Derek sighed and leaned back against the wall.
"Can we put this Mark issue aside and move on? I don't want to spoil our friendship but I am still firm on my decision. Can we just agree to disagree?" Addison asked.
"Yes we can. We often disagree on lots of things personally and professionally, let this be one of them. For me Mark is not that important to spoil our relationship for him." Derek agreed.
"So are we good now?" Addison asked skeptically.
"Yes we are. Let us shake hands and make peace." Derek said with a small smile.
"No" Addison replied.
"No?" Derek was confusion.
"I want to hug and make peace." Addison said sheepishly. Derek happily obliged and wrapped his arms around her.
"Addie, are you crying?" Derek asked when he felt moisture on his scrub top.
"No." Addison lied. Derek pulled her closer and started stroking her hair.
"I missed you. Please don't fight with me again." Addison said softly.
"Then don't give me any reason to fight." The words came out of his mouth even before he realized it.
"Do you want to start another fight?" Addison asked pulling away from him.
"Sorry. I promise I won't fight with you again. I missed you too Addie." Derek said pulling her back in his embrace. They stayed like that for some time without saying a word.
"We should get back to Kayla." Derek suggested after a while.
"No she can wait for few more minutes. I am comfortable here, I don't want to move." Addison mumbled tightening her embrace.
"Are we in touchy-feely mood today?" Derek teased.
"Shut up. It's all hormones. Your kid is making me do this." Addison said.
"Don't blame it on my kid. You were always a big fan of hugging and cuddling." Derek said running his hands over her sides.
"Fine, I like little human touch. Now let's get back to our patient and give her some positive vibes. We have to convince her to let us be on the case. I don't want anyone else to operate on her."
Derek wiped away the last tear from Addison's chick and they went back to Karla's room holding each other's' hands.
Dr. Craig's Office
Derek had an appointment with his therapist that evening.
"I am considering getting back together with her. I am trying to repair our damaged marriage. I have realized my share of mistakes and I am working hard to become a better man for Addison and our baby. I am considering a future with Addison in which I hadn't anticipated Mark having any place. Sure I did have a civil conversation with Mark when I visited New York few months back. I had also reached a point where he didn't hate him anymore. But that was it. Mark is still the person who slept with my wife. No matter how hard I try I can't forget or forgive that. I expected Addison to understand the feeling especially because she felt the same way about Meredith. But she didn't. For last few weeks Addison's feelings and her comfort were the only things on my mind. But you know what she said? She said that she didn't care about my feelings. I felt betrayed once again." Derek was telling Dr. Craig about his fight with Addison.
"I think you both are right in your own way. The problem is you are looking at the situation from different perspectives. For Addison, you are just a friend and her behavior seems fair from friendship perspective. Clearly you want your relationship to be more than friendship and your jealously is understandable from your perspective. But Derek you need to understand that she has no idea about what you have in mind." Dr. Craig said.
"Yes I know. But I don't want to say anything to her till I am completely sure about everything. And after the Mark episode I am not sure if getting back together is a good idea. I thought I had forgiven her. But apparently I haven't." Derek sighed.
"Would you like to talk about it? Let us talk about the cheating today." Dr. Craig said and gave Derek some time to organize his thoughts.
"That day was like any other day. Mark had warned me to go home in time. I tried to finish my work as early as possible and went home. I knew something was different the moment I entered our home. I went upstairs and heard their noise. I stood at the door for minutes. They didn't even realize I was there. I watched them together for what felt like eternity. My brain was telling me to look away, move from there but I couldn't. My whole body was in complete shock. Fortunately Addie saw me and then they stopped. I couldn't believe what I saw with my own eyes. If I hadn't caught them myself I wouldn't have believed it ever. I trusted them more than I trust myself. But they jointly betrayed me. Their betrayal horribly shook me and made me question my entire life and everything I believed. I couldn't bare it. I had to run away from them.
I never imagined my wife would cheat on me. I grew up with four sisters. All those girls in my life made me a bit romantic. I kind of believed in fairytales. I wanted to fall in love, propose my girl in a grand romantic gesture, get married, and have four kids, fifteen grandchildren and thirty great grandchildren. I wanted to buy lavish home and grow old there with my wife. That's what my grandparents did, that's what my parents had planned. It's almost thirty years since my dad passed but my mom still can't sleep on his side of the bed. My father gave away his life for the watch that my mom had gifted him. I grew up surrounded by this kind of love and commitment. In my world people don't cheat. It is common in the society where Addie and Mark come from. May be that is why it wasn't a big deal for them. They broke my fairytale. That night made me realize me and Addie were different. No matter how much we tried, our worlds were different. That is why my mother never liked her. She thought I was making a mistake by marrying Addie. She felt Addie was privileged and wasn't aware of any real struggles in life. She would run away at first sign of trouble. But that time I didn't believe any of it. I knew Addie was very strong and would stand by my side no matter what. I was sure that Addie was the one for me. But after the cheating I felt my mom was right. We had a little rough patch in our marriage and she went to bed with another man. My mother stayed faithful to my dad even after his death and my wife opened her keens for my best friend because I was absent. I took her back but I couldn't trust her again." Derek took a pause.
"So do you think that she would cheat again? Is that what you are scared of?" Dr. Craig asked.
"No. When we were together I never felt that she would cheat on me again. I knew how sorry she was. I could see the guilt in her eyes all the time. She wouldn't have cheated again but I thought she might leave me if we have any troubles. I also couldn't forget how easily she gave me divorce papers. I wondered what she would do if something really bad happened. What if we lost all our money, what if I had an accident and got bed ridden for rest of my life. I felt she could walk away from me. I doubted her ability to stand by me at the time of real crisis. If she couldn't bear a small rough patch in our marriage, how can I trust her for the worst time? And this is what is holding me back. I am scared to trust her." Derek confessed.
"That is a very serious issue. Your doubts are justified. And trust is the foundation of a solid marriage. But Derek, I would like to point out that you also walked away from her. Sure she did an unforgivable mistake but after that instead of fighting you walked away and started a relationship with another woman. Addison might also be feeling the same way about you. But still she gave you a chance. She came after you. She gave away her entire life and came to this city to save her marriage. From whatever you have told me, you made her life a living hell but she didn't walk away till you asked her to. She lived in a trailer with a husband who had professed his love for another woman. I don't know many women who are strong enough to do that. I think she has shown her ability to make through tough times but you do not willing to see that because of the anger you have in you.
There is no doubt that she made a huge mistake. What she did is not at all forgivable. It is quite natural to want to cut all ties with the personal that betrayed you and move on with your life. But Derek you haven't done that. You had multiple chances to leave her but you didn't. No one would have blamed you if you had signed the divorce papers when she gave it to you for the first time. But you didn't. You tried to forgive her. Then you realized that it wasn't working so you asked for a divorce. But even almost 2 years after the cheating you are still tied to her.
Rationally there is no reason to forgive a cheater, but people still do because of love. If you really love someone your heart finds a way to look pass the adultery. Doing so is not at all easy but people do it for their love. So that brings me to a very critical question. Are you in love with Addison? This is your homework for next two weeks. Think about what you really feel about her. Once you have the answer for that you will automatically know whether to forgive and trust her or not." Dr. Craig concluded their meeting with that.