I have to thank Gabe (flamesofatimelord on Tumblr) and Steph (catastrophicsetback on Tumblr) for all their help on this chapter! I don't write with a beta, but Gabe did a beautiful job helping me with some wording and Steph helped me figure out what was missing… I hope! :P

Thank you so much for every kind word :) You people are crazily fabulous and I'm having the best time writing this fic :)

On Tumblr during the week someone asked how far away we are from the end. I'll repeat my answer here in case anyone doesn't have Tumblr (seriously, you're missing out…) - I'd say we are about half way… liable to change…

Love you all!

Sebastian was actually chirpy and happy when they got to the club, but by the time he was shaking hands with Brian his face looked like a thunderstorm.

Brian seemed pretty friendly. He shook Dave's hand and asked quietly "You're Sebastian's friend?" Dave didn't know quite what to make of the inflection but he'd nodded and Brian had grinned broadly and tossed the tennis ball at Robert with a laugh. Sebastian glared at the ground like it had done something to offend his entire family.

Dave didn't know if being introduced as friends had been the thing to set him off, or whether it was the fact that Dave had conveniently forgotten to mention that he was a dreadful tennis player, but whatever the cause, Sebastian's bad mood seemed contagious. Dave found himself wondering whether it was the lack of sleep or whether he had truly begun to associate his own mood with Sebastian's. He was swearing under his breath a lot and began fumbling volleys he should have been able to hit easily.

Sebastian got so frustrated with him at some point that he insisted they swap positions. It was no help. Sebastian seemed to be focusing on Brian, apparently figuring him to be the weak link. Brian didn't seem fazed though, and there were whole minutes where Robert and Dave would stand with nothing to do while Sebastian sent wildly vicious backhands to Brian, who calmly smiled and sent them back promptly.

They were being slaughtered. Sebastian wasn't half bad but his mind wasn't on the game and Dave was too big and clumsy-footed to catch the quick volleys. Robert was excellent. He was the sort of man who excelled at everything and didn't care whether he made friends or enemies doing it. Dave would never tell Sebastian that he was more like his father than he probably liked. Even the stunt at the house… Dave could imagine Sebastian doing something similar.

Sebastian was working up a decent sweat and Dave was finding it hard to act platonic around him. He looked wrecked and it was reminding Dave of how he looked after he came. Dave tried hard to keep his hands off him, but when they bumped into each other in desperation to hit the ball, Dave let his hands discreetly stroke his waist. Sebastian acted a little too well, shaking Dave off and stalking away. Dave saw him glance at Brian and his father to judge whether they'd noticed their interaction. Dave felt guilty and didn't touch him again.

Brian was a bit of a beefy guy. He looked a little bit like the guy who played Marshall in How I Met Your Mother, Dave thought. Sebastian had been forcing him to watch the show, mainly due to his crush on Neil Patrick Harris, that and Sebastian was obviously the real-life version of Barney. Brian was relatively young, probably late twenties, and when Dave brought up the resemblance he laughed and made jokes about it all afternoon.

"Lawyered!" He crowed as Dave missed the ball and lost the match. Sebastian swore loudly and made his way to the change rooms without a second glance at Dave or his father. Dave looked awkwardly at Robert, knowing he couldn't exactly follow Sebastian without arousing suspicion.

"God, I stink!" Brian laughed, wiping the sweat from his brow and clapping Dave on the back, "Good game, kid! Always boosts the ego to wipe the floor with a teenager!" He laughed again and headed for the showers himself. Dave began to gather their things; Sebastian's racket, their phones and towels. He folded them neatly and slung them over his arm, Robert's eyes on him with an amused smile.

"Where did my son meet you?" he laughed, "You're too good for him." His words sounded harsh, but Dave was used to Sebastian's sarcastic humour so he understood how Robert worked.

"Not better than him at tennis, obviously," Dave laughed easily.

"Can I talk to you, Dave? Man to man?" Robert asked conspiratorially. "My son… How is he? He's never been the easiest kid to get to open up."

Dave felt a pang of genuine like for Robert at that moment. Sebastian had learnt his poker face and his sarcastic shield from his father, sure. But Robert's legacy hadn't been extended to the emotional and they didn't know how to connect at all. Dave wondered what to say. Truth was, Sebastian was far from fine, but telling Robert that he should have never taken his son to a work party three years ago was a dangerous thing to say.

"He's… well… Seb has a few trust issues I think. But we're working on them," Dave tried to sound upbeat and positive rather than what he really was, which was scared.

"His mother was a very stern woman," Robert mused sitting on a bench. Dave hesitantly joined him. "She hasn't seen Sebastian since she moved to Chicago. She's never been at ease with homosexuality. She loves him. But she doesn't understand that this isn't a choice. She thinks it's just him rebelling." Robert took a deep breath and Dave saw that same vulnerable look on his face that Sebastian had worn that day in the hospital when he had finally let his guard down. "I want you to know, I'm perfectly fine with Sebastian being gay, okay? My brother is gay and I've never seen it as anything that should be segregated. It's like how you can't choose what music your kids will like. But you love them even when they're playing death metal. Or in Sebastian's case, The Beatles." Robert gave a little smile at the memory, "Sebastian used to tell us he had discovered the best band in the world and they were going to be so famous… Blasting Abbey Road. He was seven I think. He told his mother Ringo was cute and I think that was sort of the beginning of the end for us."

Dave sat quietly listening. He could picture Sebastian as a seven year old and smiled. Then his face grew serious.

"Have you ever told Sebastian that? That you're okay with him being gay, I mean?"

Robert frowned.

"He knows I'm accepting. He can't be out before he finishes law school and gets a job because he'll run into a bunch of conservative lawyer types along the way and unfortunately a lot of people don't want to hire young gay guys. Law is a conservative and competitive field. It will be different once he's settled, but he'll probably always have to be quite discreet. I'm sure you can understand that?"

"I think he knows you're accepting. He doesn't know that you're supportive. He really needs to hear some of this stuff for himself. I mean, I'll tell him but we both know he won't believe me," Dave laughed.

Robert grinned back.

"You know him pretty well, huh?"

"I love him."

"I believe you," Robert nodded, sighing and clapping his hands together, "Okay, let's go get changed and round up your boyfriend."

Sebastian let the cool water flow over his body, thanking whoever had designed the bathrooms at the club that they had locks on the showers. He needed to be alone. He sloshed the water over his chest, willing the lead that had settled there to be washed away. He didn't know whether to be angry, terrified, indignant, self-righteous or just try to carry on. It wasn't the first time he'd seen one of the men who raped him. He'd been to events at his father's work since. He just made sure he was never alone and struck up conversations with the catering staff. They hadn't really acknowledged him since. A few whispers. A thumbs up once. Once, one had smacked him on the ass when he was in the men's room and he rushed out before he'd even had time to tuck in his shirt. He'd smiled politely and complained of a headache, then caught a taxi home and broken down in his darkened kitchen. But he'd never had to smile and laugh and play tennis with any of them. And it had to be Brian too… Brian had been the one to fuck his mouth… the last one to fuck him… The one Sebastian remembered because he'd thought he seemed like a cool guy.

If this guy was playing tennis with his dad… there would be house dinners. He would come over for barbeques. Sebastian's dad didn't befriend guys from his office lightly, so the fact that Brian had earned himself a doubles tennis date meant he was basically 'in the club'. Sebastian wondered vaguely whether he was crying or if it was just the water running in rivulets down his cheeks.

He'd felt Brian's eyes on him all game. He was bigger than Sebastian even remembered. He was wearing a lycra wife beater and his shorts didn't leave much to the imagination. Sebastian didn't have to imagine. He knew exactly what was in those shorts. He knew how it felt to try to swallow it down and how it felt splitting him in half. Brian was the one he'd come with. Sebastian hadn't admitted that to Dave. He was more ashamed of that than anything. He never told Dave that he'd come because it sickened him. They'd been raping him and his cock had betrayed him.

He'd read a little about how bodies react to stimulus and images and that it was perfectly normal for rape victims to come from the attack.

It didn't help.

Sebastian had lain awake with an erection so many times after that, refusing to touch it. It was the traitor. It had betrayed him.

Eventually, he'd learnt that he could enjoy sex, as long as he was in control and his cock wouldn't be disloyal.

So playing tennis with his rapist and feeling himself begin to stir just made him hate himself. He loved Dave. He didn't want anyone else. He certainly didn't want Brian. His penis was a traitor.

Sebastian slammed his fist into the wooden stall door with a frustrated, broken yell. He did it again. Not hard enough to hurt the door or his hand, just enough to feel something.

"You okay in there?" someone called out, "Sebastian?"

Sebastian froze. There wasn't another sound in the locker room. It was Brian and Sebastian was naked and there was no one to hear him…

"You played real good today, kid! You've certainly grown up since the last time I saw you."

Sebastian bit his lip to stop from retorting. He edged back under the water like it could protect him.

"That Dave kid your boyfriend?" Brian called; his curiosity seemed more menacing; threatening.

Sebastian stayed silent.

"Maybe I could take you guys out for some drinks sometime? Show your boyfriend how we had fun that time?" Brian's voice was actually hopeful and it struck Sebastian like a bullet to the brain that he had no idea that Sebastian hadn't had fun. Did he want a repeat? Was he just one of those discreet guys that worked in conservative law who had to get his kicks on the sly?

"Leave him the fuck out of this!" Sebastian heard himself growl. He didn't know where the anger was coming from after the terror he usually felt, but he was glad to have it, a little like a poodle is glad of a yappy bark and a snarl.

"You want to keep it a secret?" Brian asked in a low voice, and Sebastian found that he couldn't tell if Brian was being purposely cruel or genuinely furtive. "Want me to blow you again? Old times' sake?"

"Keep the fuck away from me!" Sebastian whispered.

"What was that?" Brian asked and Sebastian could see his feet underneath the door.

"Seb? You still in here?" Dave's voice called before Sebastian could talk again, "Oh, hey, Brian."

"I'm in here, Dave!" Sebastian called a little too nervously. Dave must have known something was up because Sebastian heard his footsteps pause abruptly.

"You okay?"

Sebastian wished he could see Brian's face right then, almost about to be figured out. Would he be scared like Sebastian had been for years?

"He had soap in his eye," Brian blurted, "I was going to help him get it out. I'll let you do that though… Okay…" Sebastian heard Brian's footsteps leave and the big main door swing open and creak shut. There was a silence then Dave's feet appeared under the door.

"Hey," his voice came soothingly through the wood, "Open up for me. He's gone."

"No."

"Why not?" Dave asked slowly. Sebastian knew Dave knew. He wasn't stupid.

"I… I need to breathe."

"I don't want you to stop breathing; I just want you to tell me you're okay. Are you okay?"

Sebastian gave a hysterical giggle and sobbed loudly.

"I've been better!"

"Brian was one of the guys, wasn't he?" Dave said softly. It wasn't a question.

Sebastian didn't see the point in answering.

"I knew the second I saw him near your door… Jesus Christ, Seb…"

Sebastian sunk to the floor, huddling on the tile, letting the water wash away his tears.

"Can you let me in? Please?"

"I'm not wearing anything."

"I've seen you naked… kind of… I mean, I've seen you shirtless… and without pants… just not all at once."

"I don't want to freak out about you."

"Do you feel like I'll hurt you or touch you?"

"No."

They stayed silent for a few minutes, until Sebastian had calmed down, found his legs and unlocked the door quietly.

Dave was crying. He was sitting against the wall opposite the showers just sobbing silently.

Sebastian turned back to turn off his shower then reached for his towel. He went about getting dressed in a sort of haze where he didn't feel but seemed to watch everything his body did. When he was clothed and Dave was still crying, he let himself cry. He sank to the floor next to Dave, who made this awkward, desperate, reaching moment with his hands, then dropped them, as if unsure that Sebastian would want to be touched.

"You can hold me," Sebastian told him, "Please."

Dave squinted at him like he was hard to see and tears plopped from his chin to his shirt. He enveloped Sebastian with his arms gently. It wasn't like Sebastian was expecting. He thought he'd be frightened; shy away from Dave's strong arms and feel claustrophobic and panic. Or maybe he would be lucky and just fall into Dave's arms, feel safe and protected; love him and hold him.

Instead he felt nothing.

And that was scarier than anything.

"Kiss me?" Sebastian whispered desperately, needing to feel. He needed proof that he wasn't now so damaged that he couldn't even feel.

"Is that a good idea – oof!" Dave began to ask softly but Sebastian grabbed him desperately by his collar and yanked him down, kissing him hard. His tongue blindly searched with Dave's for what his heart suddenly seemed to have lost.

"More," he demanded, fraught with worry and they ended up in a dirty, open-mouthed kiss that was probably inappropriate for the scenario.

Sebastian still felt empty.

He pulled back and stared into Dave's blown eyes as he panted and stared back. He loved this boy. This man. He knew he did.

So why was he suddenly doubting it?

Don't kill me… Screaming and flailing is acceptable however.

:P