Hi my dear readers! Miracles happens!

First of all I want to say that I am really, really, really sorry for the delay for that chapter. I feel so awful about it and I would understand if you hated me.

Two causes however : My dear Beta had some technical problems so corrections took very long.

And then I had to change things but suffered from some weird kind of writer's freakout during which I was sure my story was enterily useless and bad and I could find a way to make my corrections.

All that to say that the chapter was honestly one of the hardest I ever wrote (well I'm saying that now but the rest really doesn't look any more easy). I, however, hope you will like it & would love all the more all the review you would give me.

Sorry again.

Enjoy!

Updated November 7th 2015 with corrections by my Beta!

Chapter 25:

Merlin woke with a gasp, his heart pounding loudly in his chest from the nightmare he just had. It had been oddly similar to the one he had the night before they left Camelot except for the fact that this time it was Gaius who took the fatal blow from Morgana that made his dream-self lose control of his usually tightly controlled magic. The result had been the same however. Arthur killing him, making him wake up.

He was brought back to reality by his mother's arms on his and he noticed she had pulled herself onto the bed he was sleeping on. She asked him how he was feeling. For a moment, he thought about lying to her, telling her he was alright but he knew she would see right through him so he admitted he wasn't feeling well. She gave him a cup of water and, before long, he found himself telling his mother in a shameful voice everything that had happened since they left Ealdor nearly three weeks before. All along he prayed that, somehow, his mother would forgive him where he hadn't. He told her about Gaius' death and how he could have prevented it if he had just paid a little more attention. How he had lost control and abused his powers as a dragonlord to bring Morgana back in order to kill her. How he felt like a monster because of it. And how he had killed Agravaine and how deeply his words had struck him. He knew she would at least understand that but he was scared that she would hate him. She had always bought him up telling him that he should never use his gift to make people suffer and yet that was exactly what he did.

His mother tried to tell him that none of it was his fault and that he had only done what was right but in his heart he didn't truly believe her. He felt, however, as if a weight had been taken from his shoulders. He was glad to have told his mother everything and immensely relieved when she took him in her arms, telling him that she would always love him, no matter what he did. He hadn't been able to stop the fresh tear that had sprung from his eyes then. She pressed him against her chest the same way she did when he was a child and told him that everything would be alright. He wished to be able to believe it. Wanted it so badly. Yet, somehow, he knew that he was at a turning point and that his live would never be the same again.

Even when his cries finally subsided again he stayed huddled against his mother's warmth, basking in the sense of familiarity and comfort she brought with her. It wasn't enough, however, to bring sleep back but it was enough to calm him, if only for a little while. And he knew that it also comforted his mother to have him near her and, before long, he felt her fall asleep again while he stayed awake.

It was a long time after that that he finally grew restless again and decided to get up. He silently slipped from his mother's limp grasp and got up, carefully making his way across the well-known little house towards the front door. It creaked pretty loudly in the quiet night and Merlin froze, turning around to check if he had woken anyone. To his relief, the three other people in the room all seemed peacefully asleep and he breathed a quiet sigh before walking through the door, closing it behind him.

Outside he was met by the chill of the night, making him shiver. He ignored it and began to walk towards the forest surrounding Ealdor. He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going and soon he found himself surprised when he noticed where he was. His feet had guided him towards a little clearing in the forest where Will and he had often gone when they wanted to be alone. Usually to talk about his magic. Merlin smiled at the memories that sprang to his mind. It brought back the longing for a simple life where all that mattered was having a roof over your head and food on your table. Will's name had been the first name on the ever-growing list of people who had died because of him and his stupid destiny. He shook his head and sat himself on the ground, willing the good memories to outweigh the guilt and sadness in his mind.

He could vividly remember the day Will had found out about his magic. They were both very young at the time but Merlin had already got used to going to this little corner of forest to let go of his magic. Of course, he hadn't known any spells but he felt the magic around him and liked to play with it like other children played with toys. That day, he had been entertaining himself by making shapes from the smoke of a small fire when Will had barged in, running away from other children whose cries could be heard. They had both frozen, Merlin staring fearfully at Will and Will staring amazed at the smoke shaped rabbit that was hovering above the ground. A cry louder than the others made them jump and the rabbit disappeared just when three more kids entered the clearing. Heated words were exchanged but Merlin couldn't remember them, he just remembered feeling terrified that Will would spread his secret and that he then would be forced to leave. He barely noticed the three kids leaving again but then Will had shaken him, an excited expression on his face.

"You have magic!" He had exclaimed. "What else can you do? Can you make food appear out of thin air? Or fly like a bird? Oh that would be so wonderful!"

Merlin had stared open mouthed at the boy in front of him, the rant barely registering in his brain.

"You… You don't think I'm a freak?" He had asked, voice unsure and quivering.

"What? No! Of course not! I think it's brilliant! You have to show me more of it."

And just like that, with Will's understanding they had become fast friends. They spent all their free time together, to the dismay of the other kids. They hadn't understood what those two where sharing and were probably jealous of it but Merlin and Will hadn't cared.

Merlin smiled as he remembered how Will had forced him to experiment with his powers more and more, creating fires, making plants and flowers blossom, or make wind take up out of nowhere. One day, they even made a tree fall.

Once more, Merlin was so caught up in his mind that he had failed to notice the sunrise and the fact that he wasn't alone anymore. That was why he jumped when Arthur sat in front of him. He wore an unreadable expression on his face that made Merlin anxious. He didn't know what to say so he stayed silent while Arthur stared at him, looking like he was trying to see through him. It made Merlin squirm and drop his gaze to the grass.

"How did you know where to find me?" He asked when he couldn't take the silence any more.

"Your mother told me you would be here. She told me you spent your time here with Will when you were young," Arthur explained in a distracted voice. "I supposed he wasn't really the sorcerer who created that storm after all, was he Merlin?" He added after a moment.

Merlin couldn't hide his flinch at Arthur's words nor the way his breathing hitched suddenly.

"Of… Of course it was him, Arthur." He lied half-heartedly, willing his heart to stop pounding so loudly in his ears.

Arthur snorted at his answer. And Merlin dared to look up to find the king looking at him with the same unreadable expression.

"You know, Merlin," He said, his voice oddly calm. "I never told you what I did with Morgana."

Merlin felt his heart freeze a second before returning to it's dizzying pace.

"No." He said, his voice shaky.

"Well, I went to see her in the dungeon and she told me a very interesting story. Do you want to hear it?"

Merlin hated where this conversation was leading and had to put his arms around himself to hide his shaking hands.

"Yes."

"She told me you tried to kill her… With magic." Arthur told him, looking Merlin straight in the eyes, seeing how his pupils dilated from fear.

"Re-really?" Merlin managed to stammer through the panic threatening to engulf him.

"Yes. I didn't want to believe her but she made me think about it. It seems ridiculous. You, having magic. But yet, it made a kind of sense in a way. So I'm going to ask you this question now, Merlin. And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't lie to me. But before that, I want to say that I'm not asking this question as King of Camelot, but as a friend."

Arthur paused, making sure that Merlin had understood what he was saying before uttering the words that Merlin feared the most.

"Do you have magic, Merlin?"

Merlin could have lied, so easily, like he had done for the past five years, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to it. Arthur had never asked him that question so directly. It almost looked like he already knew the answer. And in one way Merlin was sure it was the case. After all, Morgana had told him and implanted that tiny little spark of doubt. The silence stretched as Merlin kept his gaze to the ground once more, thinking about his answer. Arthur showed no signs of breaking it, patiently waiting for Merlin to answer. Finally, Merlin came to a decision and looked up at his king, his Destiny, and looked him in the eye.

"Yes Arthur. Yes. I have magic. I have had it since my birth," He announced, his voice sounding confident even if he felt the opposite.

A new wave of panic, far more powerful that he had ever felt, surged in him as he watched Arthur nodding, a thoughtful expression on his face. Merlin caught a hint of anger in the king's eyes before he dropped his eyes again, unable to face the betrayal and disgust make their way onto his friend's face. His lungs seemed to close themselves, forcing him to breathe in harsh gasps as he suddenly realized what he had said and to whom. His thoughts were in a haze of panic and he almost didn't register when Arthur took him by the arms, shaking him forcefully.

"Merlin…" He heard Arthur said as the king tried to catch his attention through the buzzing of his ears.

Merlin didn't listen to him, however, feeling the need to explain himself, fearing that if he didn't now he never would be able to.

"I… I'm sorry Arthur! I… I meant to tell you! I swear! I swear I never tried to harm you and Camelot! I…" He began to ramble even if he didn't have the breath to spare to do that.

"Merlin! Stop it! I know!" Arthur said forcefully but Merlin didn't heard him in the middle of his panicked state and just continue to speak in a jumbled mess, trying to get his point to Arthur. "Calm down Merlin! You're going to faint like a girl if you don't calm down!"

So anything to calm my writer's panic? Or to enhance it? How do you like the end especially as it was the part that gave me the most problems?

Thank you for reading & staying here with me.