Those raven strands, that are so much longer than I ever remember them being, rest elegantly upon her chest. Her chocolate eyes scan the room coaxing that little vein in her forehead to rise in search of me. A soft smile relaxes her features when she spots me in the corner and she sighs in relief.
Regina strolls through the crowded room and leans down to greet me with a small kiss that only lasts a split second, but is enough to send my heart soaring. The doctor slides her coat off and drapes it across the back of her chair before she slides in next to me. She crosses one leg over the other and leans dangerously close into my personal space. Her eyes are dancing with mischief, but I can't keep a secret any longer.
"Harper and Clarke," I blurt out, stunning my wife and persuading her body to jolt back in confusion. Her brows pinch tighter as she tries to work out my word vomit, but I'm already pushing on. "I saw them! God Regina we were so wrong! How were we this wrong about our own children?" I shriek as she just shakes her head completely dazed about what's spewing uncontrollably from my mouth.
"Emma, what the hell are you talking about?"
My mouth springs open ready to explain, but then a younger teen girl stops in front of our table and places a white ceramic bowl between Regina and I. She smiles nervously before her eyes meet mine.
"There's the chocolate, I'll, umm, be right back with the rest," she explains before quickly scrambling back behind the counter to retrieve the rest.
"Emma," Regina begins in her warning tone that tells me all too clearly that I better divulge in any information I have locked away behind my sealed lips.
"Hold on," I motion my head to where the young girl is carefully carrying a plate with all different items spread out for our viewing.
"Enjoy!" The girl happily states and rushes off to attend to other customers.
"This looks amazing," I gush as my eyes take in the assortment of fruit, pretzels and crackers.
"Emma! Our daughter!" Regina scolds for my short attention span just as my hand is reaching for a strawberry to dip in the warm gooey chocolate.
"Oh sorry," I shake my head, but still proceed to indulge in this amazing fondue. "When I was leaving I saw Harper kiss Clarke," I explain in a hushed whisper so nobody around us can hear.
"What? Are you serious?" Regina blurts out as her eyes follow my hand, bringing the chocolate covered strawberry to my lips. I nod along and take a big bite out of the juicy fruit.
"Oh my god," I moan around the scrumptious dessert, "you have to try this," I encourage, shoving the plate closer toward my date.
"I will, but you sort of dropped a bomb on me right now."
"I'm sorry," I wince and swallow down the rest of my food. "I told Clarke it was time to leave, she had been hanging out with Sutton," Regina nods along, solely focused on my words so I pick up a piece of apple and dip it into the chocolate. "So, I forgot my fake duffel bag in my room and when I came out, Clarke was in Harper's room. She was whispering which caught my attention," I pause, holding up the fruit in front of Regina's mouth and wait.
Her eyes flick toward the delicious forbidden fruit, even more enticing now that it's slathered in melted chocolate. I lift the apple closer to her mouth and raise my eyebrows, silently demanding that she takes a bite. My date rolls her eyes and hastily takes a bite, nipping my fingers purposely along the way.
"Good, right?"
"Keep talking," she mumbles around the treat while I smile in return.
"So, Clarke was like, 'I wanted to say goodbye,' all shy and cute and then Harper leaned in and kissed her on the lips. It was all tight lipped and they were awkward, unsure where to place their hands and it was too freaking cute," I gush while Regina stares wide eyed, a glint of amusement tugging at her pouty mouth, but also fear striking in her eyes.
"Emma," Regina lowers her voice and scoots in closer while I begin dipping a pretzel, my eyes sparkling with excitement knowing how good the sweet and salty will taste together. "Emma!"
"Hmmm?"
"Aren't you concerned that maybe Clarke has been sneaking into Harper's room during sleep overs?" Regina whispers as her eyes fall to my lips that are licking the chocolate from my fingertips. I shrug one shoulder and hum my indifference response. "Weren't you the one freaking out last weekend about Clarke with Sutton?"
"Well, yeah..." I shrug again and offer Regina a banana slice smothered in chocolate. She quickly takes a bite, chocolate dripping down her bottom lip and prompting my tongue to poke out from the desperation of wanting to lick up that sweet spill. Regina's index finger swipes up the chocolate and slides effortlessly into her mouth in the most provocative way. "We need to get one of these fondue pots for the bedroom," I mindlessly profess earning myself a swat upon my thigh beneath the table.
"Stop! Focus," she orders and narrows her eyes.
"Sorry," I mutter again and shake my head. "After seeing how shy and timid they both were, I don't know...I just don't think too much is going on besides stolen kisses in the dark."
"Are you sure? I need to know if I should be worried about Harper moving too quickly. She is your daughter after all," Regina teasingly mocks as she dips a strawberry into the thick chocolate and pops it into her mouth effortlessly.
"I wasn't that bad at her age," I exasperate and roll my eyes at the playful woman.
"Harper will be fifteen this month, that is only one year younger from when you lost your virginity," she accusingly declares like I'm the culprit egging our daughter on.
My heart sinks while my stomach jumps up into my throat. "Oh god," I mumble as the realization washes over me. Regina flashes me that smug, I told you so, look while I slump back in my seat. "Well," I huff, folding my arms protectively over my chest as nausea wracks my body. "...at least we know she can't get knocked up."
"You're the absolute worst," Regina acknowledges and steals another piece of fruit. "Why did I ever agree to another date?"
"Because you love me," I confidently reply and lean forward to continue devouring this astonishing dessert.
Regina hums softly, pecking my cheek before she consumes another chocolate covered apple. "That I do," she replies with a shit eating grin plastered across her flawless face.
"So, should we talk to her about it?" I inquire, very uncertain how we should approach this topic, knowing all too well how sensitive the issue will be.
"I think it would be best if we did. I want her to know that's its perfectly normal and that she can come to us."
"Regina," I narrow my eyes and wave a hand between us. "Look at us, obviously she knows it's okay."
"Just because we are together doesn't mean that she still feels comfortable yet with the idea for herself. She's very young and I'm sure it's confusing for her," Regina softly explains while maintaining eye contact, expressing just how concerned she is for our baby girl.
"You're right," I confirm while holding up another bite for Regina's pouty lips. "Alright, we will have the talk with her." I sigh heavily as my mind begins to wander. "No wonder Sutton has been such a crab ass lately."
"Do you still wonder about her?" Regina quietly questions, barely loud enough to qualify as a whisper.
"I honestly haven't a clue. I was so wrong about Harper, I never would have..." I shake my head and lean my cheek heavily onto my palm. "I don't know anymore."
"Well this is a lovely topic of conversation for our second date," Regina sarcastically quips, moving the crackers around the plate as she decides what her tastebuds are calling for.
"Third date," I mumble around a mouth full of pineapple.
"Where was I for the second?" Regina snarks with one perfect eyebrow slithering up her forehead.
"You were behind me, slamming me against a washing machine," I retort and really try my hardest to suppress my laughter which only results me into snorting.
Regina's nose scrunches either from my distaste of words or my childish snort and glares at me, her hand hovering over the warm chocolate.
"That was not a date," she remarks coldly and proceeds to dip her plain cracker.
"Hey, I'm not some piece of meat that you can toss against a washing machine and screw," Regina's lips twist in amusement while she tries to hide her smile. "It was a date, otherwise it was a booty call that I should be very embarrassed about."
Regina finally breathes out her giggling through her nose and shakes her head at me. I smile back at her and lean forward, meeting her halfway for a gentle kiss.
XXXXXXXXX
The next evening Regina had to work late so I asked her if she would be available Thursday night instead to speak with Harper. Each kid was scared shitless when they saw Regina walk through the front door, each one thinking that they were in trouble for some rule they had clearly broken behind our backs.
"Everyone upstairs please," I order after Regina hugs her babies with unconditional love.
Our kids groan their protest as they each climb the stairs, completely in the dark as to why their mothers are conversing in private. Once we hear all four doors close, I lean forward and press my lips firmly against Regina's. The taste of vanilla coffee lingers on her breath as she smiles into our kiss and pulls me closer by my hips. My fingers snake into her hair while my thumb sweeps lovingly over her jawline.
"Hi," I whisper against her mouth, slowly breaking our kiss apart.
"Hi," she sighs heavily while her thumb slips beneath my shirt and caresses my hipbone. "Ready?" She softly inquires, pulling out a disgruntle groan from the back of my throat.
I shake my head and pull away from her warm embrace. "No, not at all," I confirm and intertwine our fingers, "but we have to do this," I state, guiding her toward the stairs.
In silence we climb the stairs, forming a united front even though both of our nerves are high strung right now. I have thought about this conversation for such a long time, planning exactly what I wanted to say and how gently I would state it. I thought about a thousand different scenarios and what she might say, except it was never with Harper. I always thought about this conversation with Sutton, with the wrong daughter and now my heart aches, because how could I have been so wrong?
My daughters are both very different and everything I planned for Sutton would never work with Harper. Sutton is so blunt and forthcoming, but Harper is shy and timid and I'm not exactly sure where I should even begin. My baby girl has always been sensitive and such a sweetheart and I'm absolutely terrified that I might say the wrong thing.
Far too quickly Regina is strumming her knuckles against Harper's door and I'm slightly panicking on the inside. My fists are clenching and unclenching before I anxiously wipe away the sweat forming on my palms.
Harper slowly cracks open her door and peeks her head out, finding Regina and I nervously hovering outside her door. She purses her thin little lips and the action reminds me so much of her brunette mother that I relax just the slightest bit.
"What's wrong?" Our daughter quietly whispers as her hazel eyes shift frantically between the two of us.
"Nothing baby girl," Regina gently coos and reaches between the small gap to grasp her chin. "May we come in and speak with you?"
Harper swallows hard, straining the muscles in her throat as she slowly steps back and grants us permission inside. Regina and I both can't help the sighs as we step inside and I close the door behind me. Our daughter folds her arms across her chest and she looks so small that all I want to do is scoop her up as though she was still a tiny toddler and cradle her in my arms to protect her from this cruel world.
"How about you sit baby girl?" I suggest and gesture toward her bed.
"That's the second baby girl, instead of my name. What's wrong?" She questions again with more determination this time.
Regina's fearful eyes flick toward mine and I can so clearly see the hesitation etching into her face. My lips automatically curl down into a frown as we both exchange sorrowful glances. Regina sighs again and steps forward, cupping our daughter's chin once more. She peers down into those glossy hazel eyes and she smiles just for her baby.
"Nothing is wrong. We just need to speak with you about something important."
"Okay," Harper slowly drags on the word, but her fingers are digging deeper into her biceps, expressing how much she's not ready to open up just yet.
I calmly walk over to her bed and sit down on the edge, patting the space in front of me. Harper sighs and eyes the spot like maybe there's a mouse trap ready to attack that she is struggling to see. Regina nudges her forward and proceeds toward the bed as well, sitting opposite of me. Harper finally drags her feet over to the bed and sits down in front of me, still gripping her upper arms in fear.
Regina and I remain quiet, hoping that maybe Harper will start off the conversation, but as time stretches on and tension builds between us, we are reminded that this little girl is just as stubborn as both of us combined.
"Okay, I'll start," I finally vocalize and shift uncomfortably upon the bed. "Harper, I'm just going to be honest here and I hope you will be too," I smile encouragingly, but her face remains impassive, almost cold. I swallow thickly and clear my throat. "Well, Tuesday night when I was leaving, I saw you and Clarke." She doesn't speak. She doesn't blink. She just stares. I'm not even sure she's breathing. My eyes crawl toward Regina for some guidance in which she slowly nods for me to continue. My eyes trail back toward our daughter and I sign again. "So, yeah...I saw you two kissing...in your room...". More silence. My eyes keep flicking back and forth between my wife and daughter completely unsure what I should say or do next. "Look, we just wanted to talk to you about all of this." Ungodly silence. "Um, is Clarke your girlfriend? Is that why Sutton was so angry?" Why won't she speak? "Your mom and I are totally cool with it."
This is fucking horrible! Why won't she answer me?
"Baby girl," Regina softly interrupts thankfully saving me from drowning completely in this disaster alone. Harper's stoic hazel eyes drift toward her other mother, paying very close attention. "Is there anything you want to discuss with us? We understand how scary this can be. As much as we like to think our world is revolving it's still something that is different in some eyes."
My eyes widen as more silence effortlessly rolls off our daughter, like she's not even here. We are speaking out loud, correct? Regina's eyes stay glued to Harper's blank face, but I can feel how badly she wants to look at me for guidance like I did moments ago.
"Harper," I try again, resting my hand upon her knee. "Are you confused?"
"No," she murmurs weakly and the terrifying whimper in her voice shatters my heart into millions of little pieces. Her big beautiful eyes fill immediately with tears and Regina is far quicker than I am, pulling her close to her chest and holding her so tight, I worry if she can breathe for a moment.
Regina delicately runs her fingers through those long golden locks, just as she has always done since Harper was a baby. Those full lips pucker and kiss the crown of our daughter's head, provoking thick tears to tumble down those pale cheeks.
"It's okay baby girl," Regina whispers, rocking our daughter ever so gently. "I promise, it's okay," she vows and holds Harper even closer.
My vision blurs and I'm hardly conscious of the fact that hot tears are clinging to my own eyes. "Harper," my thumb sweeps across her knee for comfort, but the contact alone inspires my tears to trickle down my cheeks. This is my baby girl and I never want to see her hurting in such a way. "Don't cry baby, it's all okay. We love you so much and who you love will never change our opinion on you. You're our baby girl," I softly confess, but she just buries her face into Regina's chest and cries even harder.
My chin wobbles recklessly as my watery eyes drift toward Regina's. She's silently crying, her tears rolling down her cheeks and vanishing somewhere in Harper's locks.
"Why are you crying?" Regina questions through her own trembling voice.
"I-I don't want to be different."
"Oh honey-" Regina begins, but Harper pushes off her chest and angrily wipes at her persistent tears.
"No moms, you don't get it. You two act like it's all okay, but don't you see the way people look at you sometimes when we are out?" Her voice is raw and pleading and there's nothing I can say in this moment because she has stunned me into silence. "I don't want to live like that. Not in high school when kids are so mean," she whimpers and sniffles back her tears. "I don't want to be treated differently. I don't want people looking at me like I'm odd. You know how much I hate attention on me," she confesses through a small hiccup that has me reaching forward to comfort her.
Surprisingly, she allows me to pull her into my arms and hold her close to soothe those pesky tears. "We love you Harper," it's the only thing that I can say right now, over and over again, until her body stops shaking in my arms and the tears slowly dissipate.
"We don't know what you could possibly be going through," Regina cautiously begins as she leans down toward our petrified daughter. "We were in our twenties when we started acting upon these feelings. You know your mother and I were both with men before we found each other. So we have no idea how you must feel in an environment like high school." Regina places her index finger below Harper's chin and guides her head up to meet her gaze. "But I do know high school won't mean so much in a few years and you won't feel this type of pressure in college or in the real world. Of course there will always be some jerk, anywhere in life, but that should never stop you from being who you are."
"Harper, of course we see the strange sideways glances or people just staring because they are intrigued, but we don't allow any of that to effect us because our love is far more important. Besides, they are just jealous because we make a pretty hot couple," I laugh lightly as Regina's sad face morphs into a painful scowl from hiding her laughter.
"Not anymore," Harper annoyingly comments and rolls her eyes, reminding Regina and I that we are not suppose to be together right now.
"Baby," Regina timidly drawls out the nickname, causing fear to cross my mind that she might confess our secret to try and cheer up our daughter. My eyes widen, horrified of what's to spill over those full lips while my hearts hammers from anticipation. "Whenever you feel comfortable, is when you confess. You don't have to tell anyone in school right now and you can still be happy with Clarke, if that would make you feel more comfortable, but eventually you have to live true to yourself."
I smile at my wife's explanation and run my fingers through Harper's long hair. "How does Clarke feel?" I tentatively inquire, unsure if she will open up about her...maybe girlfriend?
Harper tugs at her sleeve and wipes her nose across the garment, prompting Regina to cringe inwardly. Our daughter shrugs and sweeps away the tears below her eyes. "She likes me, but she's not really sure about herself as I am. I know she still crushes on boys as well," she quietly confesses like the words taste foreign upon her tongue.
"And how long have you known?" I gently ask.
"Awhile I think." She nibbles on her bottom lip and I can just see the words tumbling around in her mouth just begging to come out. She worries her bottom lip a little more before her mouth finally pops open to allow her confessions to pour out. "Sutton and I played spin the bottle in sixth grade at someone's house and I just remember hating every minute while all the other girls squealed over the cute boys. God, even Sutton was ecstatic." Her nose curls in disgust from the distant memory that has been clearly burned into her mind. "In seventh grade, we were playing truth or dare and John dared Clarke and I to kiss and it just clicked. I felt so much more in that one kiss than all those boys combined."
"How many boys were there?" Regina harshly interrogates while Harper and I pointedly glare at her expressing that's the least of the problems right now. "Right," she curtly replies and nods for our daughter to continue.
"I don't know, when I first met Clarke I just...I just knew." Regina and I both soften at this, both our smiles slipping into lazy, lovesick grins. "She's so..." her words fade away into nothing as the world around us slowly quiets down. "I really like her a lot."
"How long have you been seeing each other?" I ask, only half expecting her to answer truthfully.
"Two months," she happily offers, those beautiful hazel eyes shining brighter than I have seen in quite some time. With the tears still lingering against her irises, I swear her eyes are like diamonds sparkling against a midnight sky.
"So you're officially together?" Regina pushes for just a little more information.
"Yes," she nods enthusiastically to help persuade her admission. "But I asked her if we could keep it a secret, which she didn't mind. Obviously Sutton knows, why we were fighting," she mumbles under her breath and rolls her eyes in true Mills' fashion.
"So does Sutton know Clarke sneaks out of her room during sleepovers to spend time with you?" Regina sternly questions causing our daughter to freeze instantly. My eyes flick toward Regina's just like Harper's, terrified what she might say next.
"Uh-I," Harper shakes her head vigorously, but we all know she's lying.
"We know," Regina strictly informs our daughter, promoting an audible gulp from Harper.
"Y-yes...she knows. That's how she found out about us. But I swear nothing has happened!" Harper implores, her hands trembling in her lap. "I promise moms, we've only kissed. We mostly just talk when she comes into my room."
I catch a glimpse of Regina's face softening as she listens to our daughter panicking from the thought of us thinking more has occurred between the two young girls. She nods along slowly and grips our daughter's chin once again.
"We can't forbid Clarke from sleeping over anymore because that would be punishing your sister, but things will change. There will be no more sneaking around in the middle of the night," Regina narrows her eyes at our daughter and holds her gaze firmly expressing how serious she truly is. "Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes mom," Harper frantically bobs her head in agreement knowing she dodged a bullet when it comes to her brunette mother's punishments. "Can we...maybe...just keep this between us? I'm-I'm..."
"Relax Harper," I gently rest my hand upon her shoulder and squeeze some love and reassurance back into her tightly wound muscles. "Whenever you are ready," I vow and smile to help ease some of her worry.