Sara had her notebook in her lap, but she couldn't bring herself to write lyrics, not after the upset they'd had that morning at auditions. She was doodling. She didn't have a sketchbook for such things, but she didn't need one. There was no purpose in what she was drawing. It was just a way to get her mind off of things.

A phone rang in the distance and Sonia's voice followed. From downstairs she called to her children, "Can someone please get that?"

She must have been preoccupied with cooking, Sara figured, and she knew that Tegan wouldn't get the phone. Her sister had locked herself in her room. She hadn't even wanted Sara's company. It had been hours since Tegan had made her presence known, and it sure as hell wasn't happening now just because their mother wanted her to get the phone.

Sara walked into the hallway where one of their two landlines was. "Hello?" Sara answered unenthusiastically, expecting the call to be unimportant, a telemarketer or charity organization, perhaps.

"Sara?" The tone of the other person on the line was briefly questioning, but whoever it was seemed confident enough about the answerer's identity to continue without waiting for Sara to respond. "I just found out the most amazing thing!"

Sara could tell by the voice, now, that it was her friend Jessica. They hadn't talked much since summer vacation started. In fact, neither of the twins had talked to hardly any of their friends in a while. They hadn't needed to. They had each other for company and their music busied up their schedules. Even though they hated to admit it, they seemed a bit distant from their friends. They'd spent a lot of time together once reunited after Laura had torn them apart, but in that time they realized just how much things had changed in their life. It wasn't the same to be around the people they'd spent all these years with. It no longer felt natural. Their friends, now almost strangers, had no idea what was happening, and they didn't seem to be changing the way Tegan and Sara had. They had the same dreams they'd had for the past couple of years, and Sara couldn't even look back on what her life had been like during the beginning of the last school year without cringing and thinking herself shallow. Whatever news Jessica had probably wouldn't concern her much.

"There's a music competition today! Or try-outs anyway. You two have to go! I know you'd knock their socks off."

Sara gulped. Not even their friends could distract them from their disappointment. It was a good thing Tegan hadn't decided to answer the phone because this would have been the part where she would have hung up and sulked back to her room with refreshed depression and what very thin scabs that had developed over the wounds peeled off, newly exposing her again. Sara could deal with it, although she wished she didn't have to.

"We already know about it, Jess." Sara's tone was dejected, but Jess didn't seem to catch the sadness immediately.

"Well then, why aren't you down there?"

"We already went," Sara explained.

"That's good!" She paused. "Wait, you don't sound that happy. What happened?"

"There's an age restriction. We're not eighteen yet."

"What?" Jess's voice was so shrill that Sara had to jerk the phone away from her ear. She kept it a foot away from her while she cringed as Jessica continued ranting. "That's bullshit! Who cares how old you are? You guys are better than any of those eighteen year olds! Those idiots!"

"Jess, calm down!"

"No, I'm not going to calm down. That's ridiculous!"

Sara brought the phone back to her ear so that she could properly speak again. "Yeah, it is. But whatever. We can't do anything about it." All they could do was shrug it off and hope for better luck when they auditioned again in two years. Now she was happy that they'd decided not to inform anyone about their auditioning before hand or else everyone they knew would be having the same reaction as Jessica. This was the disappointment that Sara had been hoping to avoid.

"I guess," Jess agreed, cooling down a bit. "Hey, you can come play at my party tonight. We'll listen to you. No certain age required." She giggled a little.

"I would, but I don't think Tegan's in any shape to play anytime soon."

"Too pissed off?"

"More upset, I think. She took it pretty hard."

"Ah. Well, hey, you guys could still come. Our parties haven't been the same without you."

There might have been some truth to what Jess was saying, but Sara knew that she was only saying that because they were friends. Tegan and Sara were never the center of attention at parties. Not even when they were the entertainment. They weren't wild or daring, they were just there, bodies surrounded by familiar bodies. Not important, but not invisible. Still, it was nice to be missed.

"Like I said, it depends on Tegan. I don't want to go without her." She didn't really want to at all, but Tegan's mental health was more important anyhow.

"Well, alright." Jess was pouting and Sara could tell. "See you later." The farewell greeting was customary and hopeful, if not true.

"Yeah, bye," Sara said, not falling into the potential trap.

Sara put the phone back on its receiver in the hallway. With its close proximity to the kitchen and the help of the ventilation system, the hallway smelled delicious. The scent of dinner wafted into the vestibule and made Sara's stomach grumble. She hadn't eaten lunch due to the time of auditions being the same time at which she normally ate, and the upset afterwards killing her appetite. She debated going to the kitchen and waiting for dinner, but Sonia hated it when anyone pestered her while she was cooking if they weren't offering to help. And Sara wasn't in the mood to stir the pot or set the table. Not when she didn't even know how Tegan was doing.

Tegan's room was at the end of the hallway, taking her further away from the aroma of roast beef and its temptations, which Sara was thankful for. She knocked out of politeness, but she wasn't surprised when Tegan didn't answer. So she walked in of her own accord, knowing that she was the only one allowed to do so.

The lights were dimmed severely in Tegan's room, but it wasn't suspicious because that was the way Tegan always liked it. Sara never understood why Tegan enjoyed living in the darkness, but now it seemed to suit their mutual depressive moods, and she wasn't bothered by it.

Tegan was no more than a lump sitting on the edge of the bed. A pair of head phones was wrapped around her ears. Its cord led to a CD player, resting in her lap. Sara sat down next to her sister, and Tegan removed her headphones. The weight of Sara's body settling onto the mattress shifted the sensitive CD player, causing it to skip. But after a moment, the music resumed, and Sara could hear a drum beat pound through the tiny speakers. Tegan pressed the power button, switching the music off. She set the CD player aside gingerly.

"Who was on the phone?" Tegan asked.

"Jess."

Tegan nodded. "What'd she want?"

"She asked if we wanted to come over tonight." Sara purposefully left out the part mentioning the contest, knowing the topic was still sensitive. "I told her that you weren't feeling well and probably wouldn't want to come."

"Are you kidding me?" Tegan exclaimed. "A party's exactly what I need!"

"Tee . . . " Sara remembered a time not too long ago when Tegan had been adamant that Sara not smoke what they thought would be their last joint, just for the sake of doing it one last time, never to lead that kind of life style again. She thought they would give it up for good, especially Tegan.

Tegan knew what Sara was thinking because she was remembering it, too. "I need to take the edge off, Sar." The lack of reason was why she had been against it before. Now she needed to forget.

"Alright. But let's eat dinner first. I'm starving," Sara deflected, still uncertain as to how she felt. On one hand, she had been the one upset when Laura had stopped inviting them to her parties and cut them off from their drug and alcohol supply she used to so look forward to the weekends. But on the other hand, her sober, solitary life with Tegan was much more fulfilling.

Fulfilled or not, she obliged Tegan who actually seemed excited. It was better than seeing her locked up in her room the whole night, depressed. So they risked life and limb to sneak out. Because they were staying at their mother's on the weekend was another reason they'd stopped attending the events their friends hosted. Stephen was easy to fool, but Sonia would kill them if they got caught. Quietly, they climbed out Sara's window and made the treacherous descent to the ground below. They struck earth with two solid, subtle thumps. After making sure the impact hadn't caused any damage to their ankles or legs, Sara hid the small, rope ladder as best as she could behind the foliage of some plants.

It was a long walk before them, longer than the one to Laura's, but they didn't mind. It was warm outside, too hot during the day, but perfect at night. It was just them and the empty streets. No one was around to hear or see them. It was liberating for Sara to be able to hold her sister's hand in public. Never would Tegan allow it during daylight hours, but at night like this, only streetlamps illuminated their desires and only crickets and dogs protested. Sara wished that they could walk like this forever, forget where they were going and just go. It would make the risk of getting caught worth it, being with her sister so freely.

But Tegan's mind was elsewhere, focused on escape. She too took joy in clutching Sara's hand in her own, but in the back of her mind she knew that they weren't just going for a walk. Having a destination excited her, especially when she knew what awaited her when she arrived.

As they turned onto Jessica's road, Sara's fingers slipped from Tegan's before Tegan's could slip from hers, saving herself from involuntary loss as well as saving them from any suspicious nearby eyes.

There were a couple of guys on the porch, chatting and smoking cigarettes, but neither of the twins recognized them, and as they let themselves in, they were met with more unfamiliar faces, a crowded room full of them. Sara felt anxious in unfamiliar groups. Her eyes scanned desperately for someone she recognized and could put a name to, but she couldn't pick anyone out of the sea. She gripped Tegan's arm, knowing no one would notice and determined not to lose her sister. Unfazed, Tegan led, guiding them effortlessly through the crowd, knowing her way around the house having been here many times before.

"We should find Jess!" Sara had to shout to be heard over the stereo.

"Who cares about Jess?" Tegan asked to the body of her sister behind her.

Sara didn't say anything, but she let Tegan lead her into the kitchen. The side room wasn't as crowded as the living room, but there were several people standing around the island, surrounding it like warships. Tegan navigated through the armada to get to the keg. She gave the first cup of beer to Sara who took it without interest, not very fond of the thought of getting drunk and not that thirsty. Tegan filled another plastic cup with the amber liquid and chugged it, her bum never leaving its seat on the counter. With a few final gulps Tegan let out a satisfied exhale. She admired the residue bubbles and foam at the bottom of the red container momentarily before promptly giving herself a refill and sipping at it as she slid to the floor again.

"Jesus, Tegan. Slow down."

Tegan shrugged as if Sara had asked a question instead of given a command.

The older girl nudged her twin playfully and grabbed Sara's wrist with her free hand again, alcohol already rushing to her head. They diffused back into the living room, and Sara's pulse quickened upon entering the crowd again. Tegan felt the heartbeat in Sara's wrist pound against her hand and she pressed the pad of her index finger into Sara's palm to comfort her. It was as close as they would get to physical affection in public and Sara thanked the alcohol for it.

Sara allowed Tegan to walk her through the sea of strangers like a dog on a leash because she knew that she would be more comfortable once they found someone they knew. They wandered for a good ten minutes and accomplished little more than traveling in circles and depleting their beer supply. Tegan's cup ran out of the fluid, and Sara, still not wanting to imbibe the alcohol no matter how nervous people were making her, gave Tegan her own drink. Sara held her sister's empty plastic container as Tegan smiled, thanked her, and drank.

Inevitably, it seemed, someone ran into them. Whoever it was bumped right into Tegan's back, forcing her to release Sara to regain her balance, and spilling her drink in the process, soaking and staining her jeans. At least there wasn't much left to spill. Sara had sipped through half of it, and Tegan had quickly downed another fourth. The alcohol already present in Tegan's system soothed the irritation she would have had were she sober. She was going to shrug the collision off. Until she saw who it was that had bumped into her.

When she turned, it was Laura she faced, not the drunken Neanderthal she'd thought it would be. Tegan expected to hear a grumbled 'sorry' or dismiss the action without hearing a word of apology, but she wasn't prepared for Laura's exaggerated gasp or sarcastic "Oh, I'm so sorry!" Tegan began grumbling something no one, not even Tegan really understood until she thought better of speaking at all. She pursed her lips to silence herself and gave Laura a stern look. Sara bit her tongue and reached out for Tegan's wrist again. Laura's eyes drifted down to where their hands made contact. She looked back up at them and raised her eyebrows, surprised but still snarky. She tsked with her tongue. "Well, then. . . "

"What's your fucking problem?" Sara snapped, unable to hold her tongue any longer. She was going to keep quiet, but Laura's malicious intents were too obvious, and she was tired of it. She was sick of the blonde harassing them when they'd done nothing wrong. Holding grudges seemed childish. The twins had been willing to passively ignore her for a while now, but Laura was still bitter, and they tried their hardest to ignore her puerile antics.

"I think your problem is a bit bigger than mine." Her eyes widened for a second, then reduced back to their normal size and she continued. "I just never expected those two bozos to be right about anything."

"Wait. What? Who?" As shallow as she was, Laura was never that vague.

The tall blonde rolled her eyes. "Who else is everyone talking about - I mean, besides you."

They never paid attention to the crowd or what it was saying. Everyone's words melted together like a stick of butter into chatter and the music drowned them like milk in a pan. There was barrier on top of barrier of noise and it wasn't until prompted that the twins tried listening through them. That was the first time they noticed the screaming (though it seemed more like whispering in audibility and theory) of names. "Tegan," "Sara," "Dylan," "Josh." The names were exchanged like drugs amongst strangers. But neither of the twins could hear the context. They could only pick up on their names, as if they were the only words of a foreign language that they understood.

Tegan's entire body went clammy. A roomful of strangers knew her name and she didn't know why. Did she even know a Dylan or a Josh?

Then, in the crowd she spotted two distinct faces and most of her questions were answered. The Barfing Weasels. They were the only two people who could possibly be Dylan and Josh. Who else would be spreading rumors about them than the two jealous skaters? Now, if only she knew what they were saying.

Anger replaced fear and Tegan approached the boys like a ticked off bull, dragging Sara along for the ride by the hand. Before she could say anything, the boys spotted her.

"Hey, Josh," said the blonde, Dylan, to his comrade, "Speak of the devil, look who's here!"

His tone was mocking, and Tegan didn't appreciate it. She clenched her teeth together to quash some of the anger, but the fact that she was mad was still present in her voice. "What did you say?"

"Well, hello to you, too," Dylan greeted, pretending Tegan was being unnecessarily rude.

"Cut the bull," Sara said harshly, also upset. "What did you say about us? What did you say about our band?" Sara had figured if they were talking trash, then it was about their music. The boys didn't know the twins personally, and Sara had only met them for the first time that afternoon at the battle of the bands contest.

"Your band?" Dylan sounded confused. "I don't know anything about your silly band."

Sara almost snapped at him for calling their music silly when he'd never heard them play, but she reigned in her hostility, recognizing that it wasn't the issue. She was about to ask what it was they were saying if it wasn't about music, but Dylan kept talking.

"I didn't expect to see you guys here."

"We didn't go home crying like babies," Tegan spat. She felt a twinge of hypocrisy, but she had gone home crying for a different reason other than flat our rejection. "We didn't expect to see you here. I figured you'd be at home with mommy."

Dylan's yellowed teeth clenched together in rage and his hands bawled into tight fists, grabbing at the air. He was a bullied dog and Tegan was the little kid who was proud, however wrong it was to be so, of teasing and annoying the pup. She took pleasure in his pain, but Dylan was a dog unafraid to bite back. "I figured you'd be at home in bed together," he returned.

"The fuck do you mean?" Sara asked.

"I was just trying to get some action from your sister, and you butt in like she's yours or something! I knew you were a dyke, but I didn't realize you were for your own sister, you freak. You managed to piss me off, and I figured you be at home with your little trophy, celebrating. But I wasn't going to let you win the prize that easily."

He was referring to that afternoon when Sara had stood up for Tegan after he'd made a similarly disgusting remark. He was twisting it the wrong way just to piss them off. He didn't even realize he was right.

Sara wanted to panic, but expressing fear wouldn't help her case. She could retaliate, call them butt buddies or something, but that would be stooping to their level, and she was above that. "Oh, fuck off!" she yelled, trying to convince the boys - and herself - that they were just annoying, little gants flying around her head that she wasn't bothered by but still had to swat at.

But Tegan's hand slipped out of her sister's, and Sara remembered that her twin was there, too. And she remembered that Tegan couldn't put up a facade the way she could, especially when it came to such sensitive topics. One glance at Tegan and Sara knew that her sister was not okay and hadn't been since the second she figured out what the rumor Dylan and Josh were spreading was. Ghost white and nearly as deceased, Tegan was in shut down mode. Sara had to get them both out of there quickly.

Dylan looked proud of himself for getting a reaction from Tegan, and for the second time that day Sara felt an overwhelming urge to smash her fist into his jaw. But that would be what he wanted, and Sara wouldn't give him the pleasure.

Tegan began looking progressively worse by the second. Sara placed a hand on her sister's upper arm to calm her, but Tegan flinched from the contact and it made Sara even more upset. Sara flipped The Barfing Weasels the bird before she could do something more violent, then she tightened her grip on Tegan's arm. Tegan was stiff like petrified wood. Sara began dragging her to the door as Tegan had done to her earlier. It felt like she was a carrying a life-size, life-weighted cardboard cutout of Tegan. She was about as responsive of the thin, paper material.

Tegan was too stunned to react to anything. She could barely understand why Sara was leading her. She couldn't feel her legs move. She didn't know where she was or what was going to happen. All she knew was that everyone around her was talking about her. A roomful of strangers was watching her. Everyone of them knew. They knew. Maybe all of the attention was some kind of punishment for their wanting to be famous. Maybe some deity was teaching them a lesson by showing them the negative side of their greed.

Nothing really sank in for Tegan until they were outside. They had gone from being completely surrounded and overwhelmed to alone in the quiet, deserted street. Too much had changed too quickly and the interruption in between had seemed like nothing more than a blur. It added to the confusion and Tegan's brain short-circuited. Her surroundings seemed to rush at her all at once as if the buildings were football players and the whistle that started the play had finally been blown. She ripped herself away from Sara as if dodging a tackle.

Sara called a time out and stopped in her tracks, surprised. "Tegan?" She reached out for her sister.

Tegan side-stepped, avoiding the contact. "Don't touch me."

She wanted to push, let Tegan know that everything was okay and show her that her sister wasn't worried, so she shouldn't be either, but she looked around and saw that they were on the exact same street they were on the last time they ran away from a party. During that encounter, Sara had argued with Tegan and all it had earned her was a black eye and sore jaw. It wasn't worth the lie, and Tegan would see through her anyway.

Sara's face fell. All she could think was, 'No. Not again.' She looked into Tegan's eyes and saw all of the previous doubt that she thought was long gone. Their relationship, her most trust-worthy player, had failed to execute the play, and she wasn't sure how the rest of the game would go from there.