Disclaimer: "Best friend is really just a synonym for main antagonist."

(An: This is a short chapter, but the world needs more Piotr razzing.)

Pissing Off Pete (Fame and Infamy)

Piotr, still trying to process what had just happened to him, stumbled into his room. He sat down on his bed, blinking. "I think something good just happened to me," he mumbled.

"The wall is fascinated by your vague explanation of your odd behavior, I'm certain," Remy commented.

Piotr jumped. Somewhere in the back of his brain, he knew he should've been aware of Remy's presence; it was his room too, after all. I'm glad Illyana got her own room, at least. One less person I have to explain this... feeling to.

"I'm more curious, though, as to whom made you look as though someone replaced your blood with electricity," Remy went on. "I think mon cher ami has-" (1)

"If you say crush, I will crush you," Piotr replied. "Like a soda can."

"Love makes him violent," Remy sighed to his wall.

Piotr crossed his arms. "Why do I talk to you?"

"Because you're so pathetic that only someone who annoys you can ever get through that thick skull and I'm one of the only people to pick up on that?"

"...I hate you so much right now."

"Everyone hates me all the time. I kind of enjoy it. It's like being loved, except you get to do bad things and not worry about it. It's like fame and infamy- they mean the same thing, they just have different connotations."

"Please, feed me more philosophy."

"Porquoi?"

"Because every moment you spend explaining your obscure point of view is a moment not spent teasing me."

Remy snapped his fingers. "I knew I was forgetting something!" He sat up and looked Piotr over. A smirk spread across his face. "She kissed you, didn't she?"

"Shut up."

Remy cackled madly, tilting his head back. "She did! Oh, this is too good... I figured that girl would have to do it for you. You'd never have the balls."

"I regret my decision to remove all heavy objects from this room."

"There's the alarm clock. We don't need that!"

"Yes, but it wouldn't make the same satisfying thump as, say, a brick when it collides with your head."

"And you know this... how?"

Piotr just pulled off his shoes and said nothing.

"Why do I ask?" Remy said, slapping his forehead in mock exasperation with himself. "You're far too thick for anything but brute force!"

"You know, if I were a less centered person, this would be when I pulled berzerker rage." (2)

"You know a word like berzerker? Wow. Kissing a genius must be like osmosis."

"...What's osmosis?"

Remy rolled his eyes. "Never mind, Cassanova."

"You're calling me Cassanova?"

"For your information, I haven't even thought about my former playboy status since I came here."

Piotr's eyebrows went up.

"...Ok, maybe a little. But way less than before! I'm a changed man."

Piotr, though, had found his tack and was sticking with it. In other words, the eyebrows stayed up.

"Mon ami," said Remy, sounding serious for once, "it's not nice to tease a man about things he can't change."

"Then why are you teasing me?"

"Because you're just so easily provoked!" He added in a barely audible mutter, "And you can actually kiss your girl of choice."

"If you pull Angsty Remy on me again, I really will kill you. Even merciless teasing is better than you depressed."

"Fine, fine," Remy replied, flapping a hand at him. "So are you actually going to be a man and make the next move?"

Piotr put his head in his hands. "If I have the nerve to look her in the eye tomorrow..."

"...Well, it was a nice thought, at least. You two would have been cute together. Almost nauseating, really."

"You honestly don't think I can do this, do you."

"Technically, I'm trying to prod you into doing something good for yourself, but if that's what it takes, then no."

And that was what it took; Piotr's ire was up. He got up and twitched a finger at Remy. "Come on."

Remy beamed at him and hopped out of bed, following Piotr to Kitty and Rogue's room. Piotr took a deep breath before knocking. Rogue answered, looking skeptical. "Do you need something?" Piotr pointed behind her and Rogue got the hint, stepping out into the hallway and gesturing at the door. "Go ahead. I was hoping someone would shut her up."

Piotr shut his eyes for a moment before walking across the room to Kitty (who was absorbed in a magazine and hadn't even noticed them), pulling her to her feet and kissing her.

Remy chuckled, leaning in the doorway.

"Glad someone's happy," Rogue muttered.

"Aw, chere, don't be like that. It's cute."

"You're not the one who's gonna get your ear talked off for the next month."

"True..."

Rogue punched him.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"My suspicion that you antagonized Piotr into it."

"...I thought Xavier was the telepathic one. Woman, you're confusing me."

"Which is my job, so I'm considering it a fairly good deal."

When Piotr and Kitty broke off, they just stared at each other for a second. "Oh, good," said Kitty faintly. "I was wondering if this was mutual."

"Of course it is."

"Wanna have dinner Friday?"

"Sounds great."

Piotr gave her one quick kiss again (it was nice to be able to do that) before leaving. "Ok," he said to Remy as soon as they were in their room again.

"Ok what?"

"Ok, you can- what's that phrase John uses?- 'take the mickey out of me.'"

"Eh, I'll wait 'til morning. I'll have something good by then, don't you worry."

Piotr made a very cheerful rude gesture at him and collapsed on his bed.

(Longer than I expected, but that's because the ending was random. At this rate, Kiotr's gonna get the most macking in this fic. Which isn't a bad thing. Next time: Being Bobby!)

(1) These are how explanations are made in Skysong Land. Live with it.

(2) Piotr has several instances of bezerker rage in the comics. It was how he died in "Days of Future Past" and he beat up Pete Wisdom over Kitty during one fit. Or something.