I own nothing. Much love to Mary and Kitty for their help and protection ha! I had a mini disaster with my word file and it kept recovering the old version of this chapter so all mistakes are mine!

Chapter 25

"I can't tell you how disappointed I am."

"What?" The smile on my face fell and I looked at Phil and Irina in confusion saying, "I don't understand."

Phil said nothing, but the look on his face spoke volumes and I still had no idea what was going on. Why would he be disappointed? Was this because of the deal in San Francisco or had he heard something about Edward and me?

"Much to my surprise it seems Mr. Cullen has voiced several concerns—several rather serious concerns about you, Bella," Irina said and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach as realisation started to hit home. "Although he stresses you have the potential to succeed, he thinks you struggle to separate your personal and professional relationships when in the office. For example, one of the staff from the art department almost missed an appointment with him because you and she were chatting."

"Mr. Cullen was on the phone when Emily… I put the call through just before she arrived for her meeting," I said, my voice shaking. "He told me not to interrupt when…"

"In some instances I'm sure interruption would be out of the question, but in others… necessary," Phil said to me. "And that point leads us onto another concern."

"What concern?" I croaked, Phil and Irina were blurred images as my eyes brimmed with tears.

"That you can't always prioritise; the meeting with Emily being a prime example. You failed to recognise that a face to face meeting about a time sensitive project Emily had an update on, would take precedent over an informal chat with an agent." Phil's words stung, but what Edward had done was killing me.

How could he?

Irina saw that I had tears running down my face and leaned forward, handing me a tissue and then said quietly, "Some problems settling in were to be expected, Bella, but I can see you have so much potential."

I nodded, utterly lost for words, unable to comprehend what was happening… what he'd done.

"I won't cover every point Mr. Cullen has made during this evaluation—I don't think it wouldn't help the situation but you can discuss them with him later. I'll just run through a few that I think are more crucial. For instance, he noted that you need to work on your organisational skills. Do you recall an incident where you misplaced a file that one of the assistant editors gave you? It was a manuscript that Mr. Cullen needed to review as a matter of urgency and because you misplaced it, we almost lost the client to another publisher."

"I didn't misplace anything," I whispered. He knew that. "Jessica was running behind… I..."

"It's all here, Bella." Phil sighed, tapping the file. "You started off so well and I hoped… actually no, I expected so much better from you."

"Can I try and explain myself or are you firing me?" I asked the fear in my voice evident.

"No, we're not firing you, Bella," Phil said, his voice softening. "This is the purpose of your review—we find out where you need to improve and help you in every way we can. Like Irina mentioned, Mr. Cullen recognises you have the potential and if you just apply yourself a little better I'm sure you'll have no further problems. We'll extend your probationary period and see where you are in another six weeks. You need to sit down with Mr. Cullen and talk about what he needs from you in order to improve or we can all sit down together if you would prefer?"

I shook my head. "No, that's not necessary. I think Mr. Cullen and I can resolve this."

Just when I thought I was at rock bottom, Irina brought up the second item up for discussion at this meeting. My job application.

"Based on this evaluation, I think you know we've decided not to reassign you to the editing team," she told me and I nodded once.

"Mr. Cullen also thought that the application for the position contributed to your distraction. He mentioned to me, although he didn't note it in the evaluation, that you started reading manuscripts at your desk, thus taking you away from your other duties." Phil closed the file and sat back. "I am disappointed, Bella, but as I mentioned there was some good feedback from Mrs. Goff and Mr. McCarty so I'm happy to give you another chance to right this. If the feedback I get in the next six weeks doesn't improve considerably I won't offer you a third chance, understand?"

"Yes," I said my voice thick and shaky. "I'm sorry for disappointing you."

Never in my entire life had I been so betrayed and I almost couldn't believe Edward was capable of doing that to me. I wiped my eyes, but it was pointless, the tears just kept coming. Shame, hurt, shock… I had no idea where to even start to explain how I felt but I was utterly lost.

"You're obviously upset so take an hour or two to yourself, okay?" Irina waited for me to acknowledge and then stood up. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

I mumbled a goodbye and another apology to Phil and followed her out into the corridor. As we waited for the elevator, she squeezed my arm. "Is everything okay, Bella? I didn't want to say anything in front of Phil, but I was shocked by Mr. Cullen's evaluation. You seemed like such a good team and I never got the impression he had so many concerns about you."

"Neither did I," I said coolly.

"Shall we get a coffee and have a chat—informal of course?" she asked and I shook my head. "You can talk to me, Bella. If there's anything you need to get off your chest don't keep it bottled up."

"Thanks, Irina, but I really don't feel like talking about anything right now." I couldn't even pretend to be anything but devastated and Irina gave me a reassuring hug.

"I know you'll bounce back from this, Bella. Just remember, keep your work life and personal life separate. Be friends with Emily and the rest of the girls out of the office, but while you're here, don't let it be a distraction. I'm sure once you've adjusted to this new life, you'll be a valued member of Mr. Cullen's team with numerous possibilities at your feet. In the meantime, if there's anything you need, come and see me."

"Thank you, Irina," I whispered and wiped my face. "I'm going to get my purse and head out for an hour. I need to think about things."

"Whatever you need."

TBMOA

As the elevator descended, my emotions flickered between hurt and humiliation, to anger and resentment. By the time I was back on my floor, the anger was the dominant emotion and instead of taking an hour to think things through, I marched straight over to Edward's office. He was in a meeting with Ben Cheney and Emmett, but I didn't bother to knock, I strode inside and glared at him.

"I need to talk to you," I said icily.

"I'm in the middle of a meeting, Miss Swan." He couldn't even look at me as he spoke; the pathetic asshole knew exactly why I was here. "I suggest you go back outside and wait until it's convenient for me."

"Mr. Cullen, like I just said, I need to talk to you and I'm more than happy to say my piece in front of Mr. Cheney and Mr. McCarty, so unless you want them privy to our conversation I suggest you ask them to leave right now."

This time he looked up and held my stare for a brief moment before he understood I was deadly serious. Looking back to Emmett and inclining his head to the door, he said, "If you could excuse us, gentlemen. If it's convenient, we'll reschedule for this afternoon."

I barely waited for them to leave the office before I exploded. "How could you do that to me, Edward? Do you have any idea what that evaluation was like for me? You deceitful, underhanded bastard."

"Bella," he sighed. "Let me explain."

"Explain?" I cried. "Are you fucking kidding me? I went in there on top of the world because I knew I was good at my job and I had the chance to better myself and you threw me to the fucking wolves. You used everything against me you possibly could. The manuscripts I read, the incident with Jessica, and my friendship with Emily. How could you?"

"I had to, Jesus, Bella," he said in exasperation and stood up. "You heard what they were saying about us? They think I'm a joke, that I'm only here because I'm screwing around with you."

"So put them right. Tell everybody the truth, Edward." I clenched my fists at my side and gritted my teeth. "Tell them that you got the job and then met me. Stop hiding behind your pathetic schoolboy insecurities and act like a twenty-nine year old man."

"It's not as black and white as you think, Bella," he said slowly. "I've worked hard to get here."

"You're not the only one and thanks to you, I just slid right down to the bottom again. I would never do that to you. If push came to shove I'd defend you and risk having people think badly of me for it. I was totally blindsided—do you have any idea how humiliating that was for me? Phil is my family and you let him think I was bad at my job, that I didn't give a shit about the opportunity he'd given me. I can't believe you did that." The tears had started again and I hated that I was crying, but I couldn't stop myself.

"I made sure he knew you had poten—" he said and I clenched my fists in sheer anger.

"Don't you dare try and justify what you did," I seethed. "Saying I had potential in no way makes up for the rest of the shit you dumped on me."

"Maybe this is for the best," he started to say and I cut him off.

"How the hell can all of this be for the best?" I gaped at him, astounded that he was still trying to work this to his favour.

"If people hear I gave you a bad review they'll probably assume there's nothing between you and me and move on to gossiping about someone else."

"The ballet performance is in less than a month, Edward. I think people were going to know there was something going on before if you'd shown up with me on your arm…" I saw his expression and I laughed once darkly. "Oh, I get it. After yesterday I wasn't accompanying you to the ballet performance, right? Of course, I should have known you'd never follow through on that either. It's always something, isn't it?"

"We just need some time," he said, pleadingly. "Things have been great since we got together, haven't they? Why can't we just keep it like that?"

"Because I don't want to be your dirty little secret, Edward, that's why." I wiped my face as I spoke. "I can't believe I've been such a fool. I should never have given you a second thought after my first day and the way you treated me for all those weeks—you disgust me."

"Bella." He walked around his desk, one of his hands reaching out to me, but I backed away. "Please, Bella, you have to know as soon as I gave that evaluation to Phil I hated myself for it. I love you, Bella, you know that."

"Evidently, not enough to go back and give him the right information now," I said and he looked down at the floor. "Not enough to tell Phil, Irina, and everyone else here what's going on between us. Not enough to care more about losing me than keeping your job. It's not enough, Edward."

"Tell me how to fix this, Bella," he asked desperately. "I don't know how to fix this."

"I need to walk out of here right now," I said and opened the door.

"No, wait, we need to talk about this," he grabbed my arm.

"There's nothing to talk about, Edward," I yelled and looked him straight in the eye. "In fact I'm going to work on one of the concerns you made yourself in your report, Mr. Cullen—differentiating between the office and the real world. From now on, I won't be mixing my work life with my personal life in any circumstance. Irina said that I should keep them completely separate and I think she's right." I shook my hand free, but Edward slammed the door closed, his hand resting on the glass panel, blocking my path. "Let me by, Edward, right now."

"Don't do this… don't walk away from me… from us," he begged and I turned around, pushing him back as hard as I could.

"You did this, Edward, not me. If you meant what you just said to me, if you love me and really want to make this right then you need to go upstairs and tell Phil and Irina the truth right now. Tell them that you love me, that you want to be with me and that you were scared of what people would think when they found out about us, so you lied." I looked at him and his eyes dropped to stare at the floor. "You tell them that I am good at my job and I deserve that promotion, otherwise I walk away right now."

Say something, do something. I thought to myself over and over as he stood there, but the long silence told me all I needed to know and I closed my eyes.

"I can't, Bella," he closed his eyes. "I just can't."

"Then I can't do this anymore," I told him coldly. "I'm done, Edward. I tried my best and you screwed me in every sense of the word. I deserve better than this… better than you."

I left him standing there and walked over to my desk, grabbed my purse and did what Irina had suggested. I took two hours to myself, choosing a quaint little coffee shop I'd been to with Emily, to sit and think about what I was going to do. I needed to talk to someone, I needed a hug, and most of all I needed someone to tell me everything was going to be okay. I didn't trust my voice if I called Amber so I texted her instead.

Please tell me you and Carmen are going to be home tonight? B x

We can be. Are you okay? A x

No, not at all but we'll talk when I get home, okay? I need some time to think right now. B x

Whatever you need, Bella. We'll be here. Call if you need me to come and get you. A x

My phone buzzed and Edward's name came up on the display. I switched it off and put it in my bag, ordered a latte, which I didn't touch and then just sat there trying to comprehend what had just happened. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach, my throat ached, and I was hurting more than I had ever hurt before. I'd been in the café about an hour when the chair opposite me scraped across the floor. I glanced up anxiously hoping it wasn't Edward and yet feeling disappointed when I saw Emmett standing there.

"What do you want?" I snapped and he winced.

"Ouch, Bella, that stung a little." He pointed to the chair, asking permission to join me but I shook my head. "Well, I'm sitting anyway."

"Then why ask?" I muttered and he chuckled. "How did you find me anyway?"

"Well, you went AWOL from work and we were worried. Emily said you two came here from time to time. I wanted to make sure you were okay—you seemed pissed."

"I didn't go AWOL, Irina told me to take a few hours to myself, so I did." I chewed on my thumb, hoping I was done crying—it was bad enough crying in front of Edward, I didn't want Emmett to see it, too.

"You disappear and Edward's like a shark with toothache." He waited for me to fill in the blanks and then sighed. "Look, are you gonna tell me what happened? I can't get a word out of Edward and I'm guessing that scene in his office wasn't work related."

"Actually it was work related," I told him and he frowned. "It doesn't matter—we're done. I don't even want to think about him right now, let alone talk about him."

"Done as in over?" he asked and I nodded. "Come on, no way, you two are great together. He's nuts about you," Emmett dismissed.

"Not enough evidently," I added coldly.

"Seriously, Bella, what the hell happened?"

I ignored his question. "I need to thank you," I told him, remembering what Phil had said in the meeting. "If it hadn't been for you and Mrs. Goff, there wouldn't have been anything good in that evaluation at all."

"What?" he asked.

"I don't want to get into it again, but let's just say Edward made it perfectly clear where his priorities and loyalties lie, and they're definitely not with me." I stood up and lay my hand on Emmett's shoulder. "I should get back."

"Hey, if you want to talk—you know I'm always here.

I nodded and walked out into the street, Emmett caught up to me almost immediately and I groaned. "I'd rather be alone, Emmett."

"You know the deal with Edward, he's always done things by himself. He'd never intentionally hurt you—he's never had to deal with someone getting to him like you have, but I know he's fucking crazy about you."

"Stop, Emmett, please." I stopped and turned to face him. "Edward, the man who you say is crazy about me, just hung me out to dry. He told Phil every possible thing he could to make me look incompetent, and then cost me the promotion he suggested all because he didn't want anyone to suspect we were seeing each other."

"Wait, he did what?" Emmett asked his eyes wide with astonishment. "That fucking jackass."

"Yeah, his jackassish behaviour was off the chart and this time, totally unrecoverable." I sighed and we started walking slowly.

"Let me talk to him," Emmett offered.

"No, Emmett. It's too late for that—I told him what he needed to do to make it right and he made it clear it wasn't something he was willing to do. I have him the benefit of the doubt once, but I'm done getting hurt, I deserve better than that." I hesitated outside the building, hating the idea of going back and facing Edward so soon.

"I'll walk you back upstairs," he said and I smiled.

"I'd appreciate that."

As it turned out, I needn't have worried because when I got back to the office Edward wasn't there. A torrent of thoughts rushed through my mind wondering if he'd gone to Phil to admit what he'd done or if he was out looking for me.

"He didn't say he was going out," Emmett said and I realised I was staring into his office.

I sat behind my desk and took a deep breath. "I'll be fine now, thanks, Emmett."

He nodded once. "Anything you need, anytime, Bella."

"Thanks."

Edward didn't return for the rest of the afternoon and I discovered he'd cleared his schedule, diverted all of the calls from the office straight to his cell, and taken with him all of the manuscripts he had to read over.

I sat there for two and a half hours staring at my computer screen with zero ability to focus or concentrate on anything other than Edward and the evaluation. I managed to make it through the afternoon without crying again, but the very second I stepped foot into my apartment the tears came and didn't stop for hours.

"I think you should tell Phil," Amber told me as she twirled my hair between her fingers. She, Carmen, and I were sitting on the couch all cuddled together. "Show the cockhead the same amount of loyalty that he showed you."

"If I did it now then it'd just look like sour grapes, like I was trying to retaliate. The man gives me a shitty review so I try and bring him down with me." I wiped my face, my eyes were sore and puffy and I knew I'd look like shit the next morning. "I should have told Phil during the meeting, but I can't explain how it felt hearing those things. It was like I was paralysed, almost as though it wasn't really happening to me."

"I can't believe he'd do that to you after everything, Bella," Carmen said and then handed me a cold, wet, cloth. "For your eyes, so they're not puffy tomorrow."

"I don't really care," I muttered but she ignored me and held the cloth over my eyes.

"Look, there's nothing wrong with being upset, but I think you should strut into that office tomorrow looking fabulous, confident, and absolutely not torn into pieces because of some good-for-nothing fucktard who was too much of an idiot to realize what a damned good thing he had." She moved the cloth slightly so I could see her face and then winked. "Let him see what he's missing, Bella."

I sighed, not able to think that far ahead right now. I needed time and going back to work tomorrow had my stomach in knots. "I don't even think I can face work tomorrow. This afternoon was bad enough and he wasn't even there."

"Carmen's right, Bella." Amber moved the cloth again and threw it aside. "Don't let him see how much he's hurt you."

"Too late for that," I said quietly.

"Okay, then show him you're done wasting time on him. Let him see you moving onward and upward without him." She took my hand and pulled me to my feet. "Go and take a long, hot bubble bath and then go to bed. We'll get up with you tomorrow morning and have you looking flawless."

I smiled, not convinced it would help at all, but anything was worth a shot. "Okay, but it won't be an easy task. I doubt I'll be getting any sleep tonight."

"I'll bring you a mug of cocoa—it works for me every time." Amber ushered me into the bathroom and ran me a bath. "I'll even use my special bath soak. I got it from New York—it's a special edition mixture of oils to help you unwind and relieve stress."

"Then pour the entire bottle in," I joked and she laughed.

"You'll be fine, Bella. It might take some time, but I know you'll realize soon enough you're worth more than him and one day you'll find someone who realizes that from the start."

"Maybe, but I don't think I'll ever want anyone like I want him, Amber. The way he made me feel—I love him, even after all the stupid, cockheadish things he did." I rubbed my hands over my face.

"Relax in here for a while and then I'll bring you some cocoa." She headed to the door and I started to undress. "I'll even throw in some marshmallows and cream."

"I don't know what I'd do without you both." I smiled.

I was just starting to unwind and able to think of something besides Edward when I heard several loud bangs on the door to the apartment. I sat up and listened.

"Bella! Please, Bella, open the door and talk to me."

It was Edward, but unlike the time in San Francisco, he didn't sound drunk—just desperate. I got out of the tub and grabbed my bathrobe, but instead of going to him, I peeked through the bathroom door and watched Amber deal with our unwanted guest.

"Get lost," she snapped. "You've got some fucking nerve showing up here."

He looked frantic and dishevelled—a look I'd not seen on him before."Please, I love her and I know I was… I can't even find a word," he started to say, but my friend cut him off.

"I can think of several words you egotistical, self-gratifying, arrogant, cockheadish, bottom-dwelling pond scum fucking bastard. She put up with enough of your shit in those first few weeks and yet you were lucky enough that she still gave you the time of day. How can you stand there and tell me you loved her when you can't even admit it to your boss—her stepfather and choose instead to make her look bad to save yourself? She's humiliated, absolutely humiliated." She tried to close the door but Edward grabbed it.

"I have to talk to her. I've tried calling and calling, voicemails, messages, emails but she won't talk to me—please just let me try and explain."

My phone was still switched off and checking my emails hadn't been a priority so aside from that one call in the coffee shop, I had no idea he'd been trying to contact me—not that I would have spoken to him anyway. Even though I was so angry with him, hearing him beg like that was unbearable to listen to so I closed the bathroom door and leaned against it.

"Then you should take that as a sign that she doesn't want to talk to you. If you think anything about her at all, then you need to leave her alone. I don't know how you got up here without the doorman seeing you, but unless you leave right now I'm calling the cops." Amber sounded serious enough that Edward mumbled something in return and then I heard the door close.

"Bella," Carmen called and I opened the door again. "He's gone, sweetie. Come on, let's get you that cocoa then you can try and sleep."

I played along and drank what they gave me. "I doubt it's going to work—not after what just happened," I told them, but about fifteen minutes later, my eyes started getting heavy and the next thing I knew Amber was standing at the foot of my bed smiling.

"Morning."

"Is it?" I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "I slept?"

"Like a baby all night long," she said smugly.

"Did you drug me?" I asked, only half serious and then gasped when I saw her face. "You did!"

"Just a small dose of something my doctor gave me to help me sleep. You're not mad, right?"

"No," I said. "I'm not really anything. I think what happened yesterday left no room for anything else—it did happen, right? I didn't dream it or anything?"

"No," she shook her head and sat down beside me, "I'm afraid not."

"Can I have a few minutes?" I asked, the dull ache and knotted stomach coming back with a vengeance. "I'm just going to wash up and brush my teeth."

Amber left with the instruction to go straight to her room when I was done so she and Carmen could help me get ready. An idea that held no interest to me yesterday suddenly seemed like a good plan in the cold light of the morning. Edward Cullen might have told me he loved me, but when the tide was high the only thing that mattered to him was his career and now I needed to take a leaf out of his book and do the same thing.

Edward…

It was good while it lasted, but I was a fool to think we could ever work. I need to focus on work not her, I was fine before she came along and I'll be fine now she's gone. I don't need her… I never needed her. I don't need anybody, I never have done.

Jesus I miss her already. Fuck.

So I think most of you knew that was coming and yes, I know it was a shitty thing to do, but before the angry mob comes my way armed with forks and bats, just know this was always what I planned to do and I have a plan for the rest of the story!

Thanks to all of you who read, review, and pimp I appreciate it. I get that this turn might not be for everybody but hopefully you know me enough to know I have one rule in the fics I write and this one is no different!

Next update is Sunday and I'll post a teaser in MrsK81Fic weds/thurs if I survive the pitchforks hahahaha!