In which Douglas tries to sort out Martin's little problems. Once he can find out what they are...

With thanks - as ever - to Launa Alvara for beta-ing this, and also for her wise words and encouragement.

It would be a mistake to assume that because Martin now has a girlfriend, a salary and a little self-confidence, he is no longer the awkward, gauche soul that right-minded friends and acquaintances have, for so long, known and (for much of the time) feared for.

On the one hand, he appears to have conquered his inability to speak in coherent sentences to any unattached woman under the age of about sixty.

He now treats them with complete indifference.

As a result, an amazing number of unattached women now appear almost desperate to attract his attention.

On the other hand, some things never change. Whenever it is even remotely possible for things to go wrong, they will go wrong for Martin.

Carolyn still shudders when she thinks back to the incident two weeks ago, when Martin managed to get himself arrested in Alicante on suspicion of involvement in a drug smuggling racket. Martin hadn't actually done anything in the least illegal - of course he hadn't - but he'd managed to pick up someone else's bag and then when questioned he turned red and started to fluster (which in itself looked suspicious) and then the idiot child had tried to throw his weight around by pointing out that actually he was a Captain ...

It was, of course, Carolyn who had to phone an increasingly panicking Rhiannon to explain that there was nothing to worry about, nothing had gone wrong, and Martin was quite all right; no, he hadn't been involved in an accident: it was just that Gertie wasn't going to be able to return to Fitton quite as soon as they'd all expected... no, of course Martin's all right... no, I'm afraid he can't come to the phone just at the moment...

Carolyn often wishes that Martin would just think before he acts.

-o0o-

Douglas, in contrast, is currently wishing that Martin would just bloody well get on with it, whatever 'it' may be, rather than dithering about. It's two hours until Gertie touches down in Verona, and two hours spent on the flight deck with one's Supreme Commander in indecisive mood feel like an eternity. And whatever's on Martin's mind at the moment, it's almost certain to be something to do with Rhiannon.

Ah, Verona. City of star-crossed lovers. How deliciously appropriate.

Martin sighs.

Oh God. Nothing else for it, Douglas my lad.

'I can't help noticing, Martin, that you seem a little distracted this morning.'

'I could do with your advice, actually.'

Oh, imagine my surprise. 'You have my undivided attention, Captain.'

'Well - you have more experience with women than I do.'

'I note the subtle use of the plural, and do not argue with you. But, to be brutally honest - and please don't get offended - I didn't realise you'd had any experience with women in the plural, either one at a time or en masse.'

'Douglas!'

'I'm all ears. Just spare me the more intimate details.'

'God, no! Nothing like that! It's just - it's Rhiannon's birthday next week, and I want to get her a really special present and...'

'And you wish to seek the advice of the Casanova of the Firmament? A wise move, Martin. May I suggest perfume? It's not as though perfume is hard to track down, as there's a duty-free at the airport.'

'No! Not perfume! I mean, it's a good idea, but I don't want it to look as if I've just been strolling past the duty-free and thought oh, that'll do. I don't want it to look as if I haven't put any thought into what to buy her.'

'Excellent reasoning, Martin. So - not perfume, then.'

'No. I mean yes, I'll buy her a bottle of perfume but as a sort of 'I've bought you some perfume as a present from my trip but not for your birthday.' Not that your birthday's not important - I mean Rhi's birthday - I mean yours is important, of course it is, but I mean I wouldn't buy you perfume - well I would - I mean I'd buy Rhi perfume, you wouldn't want -'

'But you'll buy her perfume as a sort of 'I was strolling past the duty-free and thought on impulse wouldn't it be nice if I bought my girlfriend a bottle of perfume' gift, you mean?'

'E -exactly.'

'Jewellery, then. Always a good present for the love of your life. Earrings, I suggest. Not gold for your fair - or, rather, dark - maiden: silver would suit that Celtic colouring better. And match that very nice bracelet you bought her. I happen to know a very exclusive little jewellers' shop in the centre of Verona. And, in case you hadn't noticed, her ears are pierced.'

'Douglas, you're a genius!'

'I know, Martin, I know. And out of the goodness of my heart, I offer to come with you, both to the duty-free and to the jewellers, and give you the benefit of my expert opinion.'

'W- would you, Douglas? That's very kind of you.'

'My pleasure, Martin. Anything to stop you panicking all the way back to Fitton as to whether you've chosen the right thing or not. Happy now?'

'Well, there is one other thing. It's a bit sort of embarrassing, really, but Rhiannon and I have been going out for ages now, and I don't quite know how to...'

'Good grief, Martin! You must have some idea! Surely you're not trying to tell me that after all these months you haven't ...'

'No! I - I mean yes! I mean ...'

'Do you need the full version, or will a brief description of what the birds and the bees get up to in their spare time suffice?'

'Douglas! It's not - not that! It's just that - well, I want to suggest something to Rhiannon, and I'm not certain how go about it because I don't want to say the wrong thing, she might get the wrong idea and she might not like the idea anyway and to be honest I've never...'

'Martin, I trust you're not mistaking me for Doctor Ruth? I understand that there are books available; some of them quite tastefully illustrated - oh, how I wish you could stop turning that unbecoming shade of red. It clashes with your hair in a most unflattering way. Sit back and relax, as the actress said to the bishop, and tell your Uncle Douglas all about it'.

-o0o-

'Well, to be quite honest, Martin, I can't see what you're panicking about. It seems perfectly reasonable to me. Why don't you just tell her what you've got in mind and see whether she thinks it's a good idea?'