A/N: Thank you for your reviews, alerts, etc., and my beta for, well, being my beta. This takes place on January 15, chapter 13.

Pepper crossed her arms. Uncrossed them. Crossed them again. Uncrossed. She swung her left leg over her right knee.

Was Tony trying to drown himself in the shower?

She shook her head. That man would be the death of her, always flirting with danger and completely forgetting there might be people somewhere who worried about him. No amount of lecturing had any effect on him; he was who he was, as Pepper was well aware, yet she was always worried sick, always confronting him because she needed to try, hoping something might get through to him.

But even if—as—she failed, she still did half the job.

Tony needed her to appear and wag fingers at his face. He knew that every time he'd do something risky or reckless she'd be there, playing a concerned parent. Yes, he'd roll his eyes and sigh, but he knew—and Pepper knew he knew—that if she didn't come, something bitter would spill in his chest. After all, she was only mad because she cared.

No matter how much she'd swear she couldn't cope anymore or how many times she'd quit, there was no way she'd abandon him. In his own messed-up way, Tony kept showing her he cared, so Pepper would do the same. Besides, Tony needed her in a way nobody else did. There'd been years when they'd only had each other. Then, there'd been their romantic relationship, and she'd really, really been hoping it would work out. Perhaps she'd always known it couldn't. She did not, however, regret it. Their bond was so much stronger, now, due to everything they'd been forced to face and managed to overcome. They'd remained friends. Even though she had Phil now, nobody could ever take the place of Tony Stark.

That didn't mean she wasn't majorly irritated. Tony could have died. Died! And then he'd simply appeared, waved the whole thing off, and brought Loki (of all people!) with him, acting like it was all no big deal. He could have at least acknowledged what had happened was big.

At least she had other people to keep her informed. Phil had kindly phoned her right after the battle had happened, so she'd know Tony was alive and unharmed. Steve had briefly recounted the story for her, too. The arrival of the Chitauri. Loki planning to go with them to make more of his nefarious plans. How Tony prevented it. The fighting. That, surprisingly, Loki had fought with them, even going so far as to close the portal with the sceptre. That he was serving his punishment and therefore it was okay to let him stay here.

Earth's would-be conqueror. Staying in Stark Tower.

Pepper wasn't scared too easily, but the thought still filled her with apprehension. After all, nobody knew what Loki's motivation for fighting the Chitauri had been. As far as Pepper was concerned, the pagan god should be locked away somewhere. She knew why he was here, still it didn't stop her from hoping SHIELD would drag him away in the morning.

Finally, the door she'd been staring at for far too long now opened, revealing Tony in fresh clothes and with still-wet hair. His eyes, dark with something Pepper couldn't quite grasp, landed on her. Something else flitted through them.

Pepper pushed to her feet.

Tony's lips, previously pressed in a straight line, parted.

"Pepper, please, spare me," he said, sounding tired and all in all like she had no right to complain, because it had been him who'd had to fight, not her. Which was all true, but it was she who'd been forced to wait and bite her fingernails, and telling herself time and again all would be well. His fight had been physical. She'd been fighting her own anxiety. Couldn't he understand? If he couldn't change, would it hurt him too much to just listen? Did her feelings really matter so little at times?

She made an angry step forwards. "Spare you. Of course, why not? You left because of an urgent situation, possibly a threat, a portal to some crazy magical place that shouldn't even exist opened, you fought against those creatures again, and I had to find all that out from Phil?"

It was only natural that Phil should let her know, with them being lovers and all, but Tony was her best friend. She had the right to be notified.

Something white hot pulsated through her veins.

"Would it kill you to leave a message? Something like 'I'm working on a potential security threat?' What if nobody told me anything and you didn't come back? I, I—do you have any idea how it feels to wait here, knowing that you might die, and not being able to prevent it?"

She felt her own hands clench into fists, but it was nothing compared to the raw power of Tony's fingers pressing into his palms. A shadow fell over his face, dark and sinister. His lips parted, then closed. Brown eyes widened a fraction. Some barrier deep inside them shattered like a dam, and a river spilled out with the force of a natural disaster.

"Yes, I do! I fucking do!"

Something she'd said must have been very, very wrong. The unobstructed rawness of Tony's voice hit a certain place in her heart.

"I was willing to sacrifice half the Earth if that was what it took to save one person! Do you, do you have any idea how it feels to stand back and watch someone you fucking love walk towards something worse than death?! Do you?!"

His gaze found hers, but his eyes were unseeing. Only a moment passed before he turned and slammed the door behind him, but that moment was filled with pain to the point of spilling.

Pepper sucked in a breath.

She made a couple of steps back and sat down again.

Took a deep breath.

It had been a while since Tony had last shouted at anyone, much less at her. They'd had it hard right after the Chitauri invasion. She'd gone to bed alone and woken up to an empty room too many times. Found Tony dozing off on a couch after he'd spent the whole night doing everything and nothing. He'd never admitted it, but that fight had changed something in him, left an imprint Pepper couldn't understand. Tony had only spoken about his nightmares once. Space. Falling.

It still didn't sound too terrible, but there had to have been something that made his gaze turn distant and his chest heave with too fast inhales. She just couldn't understand. Luckily, Tony had accepted that.

It hadn't helped, in the end. They'd argued. Not too much. Mostly, the passion had faded. Maybe she should say it had been sucked out of their relationship. Tony had raised his voice once or twice, then, especially when their conversations involved Phil, who had been hospitalized and still had a long recovery in front of him. Pepper had enjoyed spending time at his bedside, a bit more every time, and Tony was no fool.

But even when it had been clear they were over, that Pepper had made her decision, that there was nothing left holding them together, he had not shouted. Spent the night with his favourite whiskey, yes.

But not shouted.

This just now had not been merely annoyance with her. It had been an overabundance of emotions. There was something that was tearing Tony apart if he'd exploded like this.

Pepper swallowed. Something was wrong. Something about this battle had been different from the other Avengers missions.

She rose again, wishing Tony would answer if she asked; he was much too stubborn for that. Still, she entered the corridor. Somebody needed to make sure Tony was not doing anything stupid.

Her knuckles met the wood of his bedroom door.

What had Tony even been talking about? Love and death?

There was no response from the other side of the door.

"Tony?" Pepper said softly. The last thing she needed was to fuel whatever emotions had taken control of him. "Can I come in?"

Still nothing. No witty reply, no snarky comment.

Pepper gently bit her lower lip.

"You have five seconds, then I'll open the door, okay?"

She was getting worried, now. It was possible that he was in the bathroom, but seeing how he'd just showered, it wasn't very likely.

Staying true to her word, she slowly pushed the door open. Her feet tapped against the floor. Then, she stopped.

Tony was sitting with his back to the wall, legs pulled as far up to his chest as they would go, face buried in his arms. An open bottle of scotch had been left on the chest of drawers.

Pepper swallowed and crossed the room. Tony didn't even acknowledge her presence as she kneeled down in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to penetrate whatever walls he'd erected.

"What happened?" she asked softly. "Did someone die?"

Tony shook his head awkwardly. It wasn't as good as words, but at least he was responding, now. Pepper had a feeling something was terribly, terribly wrong. She searched for words she didn't have at the moment. The silence was growing heavy. It needed to end.

"I was scared," Tony muttered. His voice was muffled by his arms. There was more: it was shaking. "I'd never been scared in battle before. I mean, I'm aware any of us could die, but everything just turns to adrenalin, yet this time…" His fingers pressed into his legs. "Thanos was… like a promise of death. Of pain."

Who was Thanos?

"I knew I had to fear him, that I had reasons to. I…"

Again, Pepper's mind grabbed that one thought—what had made this battle so different from all the others? What could have been so bad that Tony would actually admit he'd been scared?

"I was trying to be brave," he rasped, "to do the right thing, but inside I kept thinking… How long would it take him to bring me to my knees?"

She was about to speak, but then Tony lifted his head, and she saw his eyes were filled with unshed tears he didn't even seem to notice. It shook her to the core. Would life never stop being unfair to this man? If such a thing as karma existed, was it fair to blame him for the destruction his weapons had caused without his consent? If there was no such thing, how could his bad luck be rationalised?

Tony lowered his gaze again. "It made me think about all the things he'd done. And would do."

"Who is this Thanos?" Pepper sat back on her haunches. Her hands slid downwards, to Tony's upper arms.

"No idea. Some being from outer space. I guess the Chitauri were his force."

That… just didn't make sense. Why would Tony feel the need to be terrified of somebody he didn't even know? Better yet, how did he know about things Thanos had done?

"But you know about him?" she said.

Tony's hands trembled just the slightest. His voice did, too.

"Not… Not really. It was just—just a slip of his tongue. A coincidence. What if—what if he'd never… What if I hadn't known and nobody would… Nobody would…"

He grabbed Pepper's arms with such despair she almost started. Tears were spilling down his cheeks, and now Pepper was really getting scared, now. This was so unlike Tony. His blabbering wasn't making any sense, yet it was frightening; Tony had never been one to worry about what-ifs before. Things happened, and then they were over. From what she'd gathered, everything had worked out fine tonight. Still, here was Tony, crying over something that could have happened, and she was furiously trying to find some meaning in his words, but it was hard to know who he was even talking about. Thanos? And himself? And somebody else?

"That was so brave!" His voice broke a little. "I didn't want to think about it, but if they, if the Ten Rings—if it was me or the world, what if I chose me? And no one would even know, but I knew, and I couldn't let Thanos—"

The Ten Rings? What did Tony's torturers have to do with this?

"He told me I had no idea. He told me he'd never wanted any of this, and I didn't believe him. Truth is, I would have done the same. We all would. If I'd had no chance to create the suit, I would have built the Jericho. You do what you must and what you can."

Something inside her brain clicked. Tony was drawing parallels.

He stubbornly wiped his tears away. "I should be happy now, shouldn't I?" His lips twitched as if trying to form a smile, but were unable to do so. "We're alive, and Thanos is most likely dead, and I can't stop thinking about all the what-ifs, and all the things I did wrong, and everything no one ever notices."

He did smile, then, and it was such a sad, brittle smile it hurt to watch. "Hey," he said weakly, "I guess you should whine about Agent, now, to make us even." He sighed. "Well, at least you know where you stand."

She and Agent?

Wait.

This was about love. Of course it was.

Thanos, and Tony, and somebody else.

Tony being scared of Thanos because of somebody else.

But, only the Avengers had been there.

And…

"Loki?"

It couldn't be. It couldn't.

Tony's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. Pepper held her breath, and he nodded once.

Impossible.

Her hands flew up to her face on her own.

Was Tony compromised? Had Loki somehow got into his head? The others had to hear about this, do something—

Abruptly, she stopped the train of thought.

It was all kinds of messed up and impossible. She couldn't understand it. At all.

"How did that happen?"

"It's a long story." Was it just her, or did Tony sound relieved? Oh God, he'd been expecting her to freak out. She wasn't sure why she hadn't done it, either. Every reasonable person would.

But "every reasonable person" hadn't been there for the last six months, watching Tony build walls around himself, staring into space, or drinking himself comatose. "Every reasonable person" hadn't had heart-to-hearts with Tony while his eyes held that sad, distant look, hadn't heard Tony questioning himself, had not been there that time in DC.

"I stumbled upon him last Christmas. We met a couple of times since then. It was all strange, and complicated, and fucked up."

"I'll believe that." Suddenly, she felt like laughing. There was no explanation for it. The situation just seemed so bizarre. Yes, Tony seemed to love Loki, but this was Loki. The crazy Norse god with a superiority complex. She could see how things made sense. At the same time, they made no sense at all. "But I can't believe how the hell—"

"He didn't really mean to conquer Earth," Tony cut in, as if feeling the urge to defend Loki. No, not defend, that was a given. He feared Pepper's judgement. "I don't know the whole story yet, and he might never tell me, but Pep, he's not all bad. He found the cats, he saved Clint's life, he—he's a little rough around the edges, but he's just a person like we all are."

She sighed heavily. It was clear how much all this meant to Tony; his whole face was practically begging her to understand. Not that she could. Not this very moment, anyway. Given time, though… But Loki was a murderer. He…

What ended her internal argument, in the end, was not reason. It was her trust in Tony. If he could love his would-be murderer… There had to be something worth loving in him.

Probably. It wouldn't be the first time Tony was doing something utterly crazy. However, it was the first time he really loved someone. That press conference would never have happened otherwise.

"He won't tear your heart out?"

Tony shook his head.

"He won't try to destroy Earth again?"

"Pep, he offered his life to save it."

So, that would be the "walk towards something worse than death" part?

"To Thanos?" she asked, just to make sure. Because, apparently, Tony was saying Thanos and the Chitauri were Loki's enemies, and there was the parallel with the Ten Rings… "Sorry, but your word vomit was hard to understand."

Tony nodded.

"And he won't kill anyone?"

"I don't think he will."

Not as good as a clear "no, he won't," but she supposed it would have to do.

"Then get your ass down there this second!"

"What?"

Tony's face screamed incomprehension. Pepper had to roll her eyes as she helped him to his feet.

"You two are in love? Well, now you have a chance to make things right, so go to Loki." Was she really saying that? "He'll need you when he wakes up." Again—was she really saying that?

She had no time to ponder it, because Tony hugged her with such force she feared for her ribs. It was kind of funny, really, his display of affection. Of gratitude. That, and how he was behaving a little like a love-struck teenager.

She laughed softly, trying to free herself.

"You know," she said, "I noticed how down you were in the summer and the last month. I know you well enough by now. You wouldn't go to such lengths for just anybody."

Secretly, she couldn't help but wonder whether he would ever have done the same for her. It was one of those questions that couldn't be answered.

"Pep…" Tony's mouth stretched into an affectionate smile. "You don't know how much this means."

Maybe she didn't.

But maybe she did.

She still remembered how relived she'd felt when it became clear Tony had accepted Phil as her boyfriend.

A/N: You can find me on tumblr (shadesofmidnightsun) in case you have questions about/want to discuss anything related to my fics, headcanons, frostiron related stuff, etc.

Please review ^^

~shades

P.s.: I don't know about summer temperatures in your countries, but if they're anything like ours-good luck surviving them ;P