He wakes up with a pounding headache. He tries to open his eyes but even behind his eyelids the world is too bright. He's lying down. He's lying down on a bed. He frowns and an ice pick of pain erupts in his forehead. It's soft. Everything is soft. He lets himself drift off.

He wakes to voices. Loud voices. He still can't bring himself to open his eyes. So he lies in the wonderful softness and listens to the noise that may well split his head wide open.

"… I scared him a bit." He knows that voice.

Everything comes back and knocks him sideways.

"I don't know why you're even upset. He came to me. You've seen him there's not a scratch on him."

"That's not the point you fucking twat!" Laura.

He's in Laura's bed. He can smell it now. He's at Laura's flat.

Laura who was arguing with Callum. Callum who had...

"I told you I wouldn't hurt him and I didn't. I don't know why you're getting so upset you've done far worse."

"Like when?"

"Claire Scott."

"That wasn't like this."

"Don't play the saint here because we both know that's not who you are."

"You didn't need to fucking drug him."

"It was that or I knocked him out and you didn't want him hurt."

"I didn't want you to do anything at all!"

He begins to realise what happened. Callum was never going to kill him, never going to chop him up. He had just wanted to scare him as his revenge for what he had done to Laura.

It was his punishment.

His stomach rolled, he tried to breathe through it.

"He came to me."

"Like that makes a difference."

"I don't understand why you're mad? He's here. He's safe. He's fine."

Safe. He is safe. He is safe and alive and he has a head that feels like it's going to explode all over the room. But he's not dead. And he's not having body parts removed with that cleaver.

Relief washes over him, then stops.

Fucking hell. Events slot into place in his mind.

Callum was just pretending… Well he wanted to personally give him an Oscar after knocking him over with a car. The bastard. It had been an act but he knew that it wasn't a hard part for Callum to play. That he wasn't pure as the driven snow, far from it.

"Your definition of fine needs some fucking work."

"You know it might not have been this way. I could have…"

Exactly that. He could have followed through. He had been at Callum's mercy. He could have done anything to him and no one would have ever found his body.

"Do not start down that fucking road… You fucking terrorised him."

"I didn't have to tell you."

"Oh because I wouldn't have found out? You only told me because you didn't know if he would or not so you played it safe. Well congratu-fucking-lations well done. I'm so happy that you decided not to lie to me."

"I don't need to justify myself to you."

"No as a rule you don't but did you think I'd be happy about this?"

"No. But I did what needed to be done. He hit you. Kicked you. Made you bleed and in our world…"

"Our world? It's not our world, it's your world."

"Will you stop with this fucking bollocks? You are just as much a part of it as me. It's in your blood… Alright fine I possibly shouldn't have gone as far as the plastic sheets."

Plastic sheets to stop blood stains. To keep his office clean. Who the hell kept them in their office on the off chance? He didn't. They were there because they were needed. God… He wonders how many… Then stops because he doesn't want to think about it.

"You didn't? Oh God you did. Callum fucking Christ. You can't do that shit to people."

"I am sorry that you think I crossed the line with him but he wanted to be punished for what he did and I didn't see the harm in giving him a fright. Okay I might have gone a little far but I was never going to hurt him."

"He didn't know that."

He had been scared out of his fucking mind. Thought he was going to die.

"That would be the point. Can't scare someone if they know it's a bluff."

"Get out."

"Laura."

"No get out. I can't deal with this shit right now. Get out."

He heard the door shut, even though it was a click it went straight through him.

He can hear her pacing. She's muttering but he can't hear what's she's saying.

Callum's gone. The argument is over and he's tired. So tired. Too tired.

"Hey." Laura. She's nudging him gently. "Ste?"

His head isn't as bad. Down to a dull ache. He generates a bit of saliva and swallows.

"You need a new fuck buddy because that one is off his trolley." His voice is wrecked. He shifts and rolls onto his back. Pushing himself up until he's sat against the headboard. His head throbs and so do his muscles.

Laura hands him a cup of sweet tea. He's still shaky but he manages to drink a sip before she takes it back because they both know he can't put it down for himself.

"I'm sorry." She keeping her voice down. "Christ I'm sorry he did that."

"I thought he was going to…"

"Yeah." She sighs softly. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? He did it, not you."

"I know but I just feel responsible for what he did." He feels her weight shift on the bed.

"It was my fa…"

"No it wasn't. Ste it really, really wasn't your fault at all. He… He doesn't think. He's… God he's so wrapped up in that world."

He knows that world. He's been to it but he didn't realise how much he actually did know until he was faced with it again.

"It's okay."

"I should hang him by the balls for this." Her voice raises and he winces.

"I'll help."

"Thought you might want to." She smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Head hurts a bit... Alright I suppose. Better than being dead. Do you know what he gave me?"

"No, not exactly but at a guess GHB or Ketamine maybe a combination. I didn't ask. I ring him and find out if you want?"

He didn't care what it had been. He never wanted to take it again.

"How did I end up here?" Here, dressed, in her bed.

"He turned up with one of his blokes, put you in bed and told me what he did."

"You were arguing."

"Yeah we had a bit of a set to." She shrugged like it was nothing… Because she trusts Callum. She knows him, knows what he is capable of and isn't scared or at least doesn't show it or act it. Maybe she sometimes gets that twitch that he used to get with Brendan or maybe she knows she can handle him and knows

"Why did you go to see him Ste?" He can tell that she's angry with him but she's trying to hide it. If he didn't know as he does he wouldn't have picked up on it.

"You've been so fucking nice to me and I couldn't… I can't bare it. I needed to make it right."

"By going to see a man who you know is a… criminal." That wasn't what she was going to say. He isn't sure what she was going to call Callum but it certainly wasn't a criminal.

"I didn't think he would be… I thought that I'd go and see him and he'd hit me. Tit for tat. I never thought that it could go that way." He was shaking again. He can still see the look on Callum's face. That was the face of a murderer. Of someone who could have chopped him into little pieces, could've tortured him while killing him. But didn't.

"You thought you had control. You thought you knew what was going to happen."

He did. He thought he knew exactly how it would play out.

He knew that Callum was a criminal. That he was the right hand man of a drug dealer. Knew what that meant. Knew that world and what people did to each other in it and yet he had been stupid enough to think that he had control. That he knew what Callum was capable of because Laura was sleeping with him and he didn't think… She had told him about her past and maybe he hadn't really believed her, hadn't really taken it in.

"There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. You crossed it." Callum's voice rings around his head…

"Yeah."

"Your desire to pay for what you did completely outweighed any thought you had about the potential situation you could find yourself in."

"Don't do that." He didn't want her analysing him.

"Ste you got yourself into a really dangerous situation. If you hadn't gone to Callum what would you have done? Got beaten up by some random? Gone looking for a beating?"

No. He wasn't stupid.

"I went to Callum because I thought I would be safe with him." Safe was relative. But he knew that Callum wouldn't want to upset Laura so he wouldn't kill him, that he'd show restraint. And yeah he hadn't realised that at the time but now looking back he was right.

"I was, wasn't I?" He stated because he was still alive and Callum hadn't killed him.

Laura took a very deep breath and sighed, shaking her head.

"I was right." He pushes because he was and he wants her to see that.

"You could have been so fucking wrong."

"But I wasn't." He's right and she knows his is.

"Just be pleased that you were. It's a good job that he's scared of what I'd do to him if he had hurt you."

"Arrr would you have killed him?" He jokes, though thinking about it maybe it's the wrong thing to say.

"There are worse things you can do to a man than kill them." She replied, ice cold.

He's tempted to ask what she would have done but he's not sure he's going to like the answer.

"Have you got my phone?" He asked. He needed a change of subject.

"Yeah." She reaches onto the floor next to the bed and hands it to him.

He flicks the screen to life and frowns. Nothing. No missed calls. No texts. Nothing.

There was no reason for Tony to ring him because he had arranged to have the day off ahead of time because he had thought he'd be nursing some wounds and hadn't wanted to mess anyone around. Booking days off to recover from a beating ahead of time. He almost laughed at how ridiculous he was. How much he had had planned.

Nothing from Jamie though.

The screen said it was past ten in the morning and he hadn't been home.

"Did you ring Jamie?" He asked because maybe Laura had rang and let him know that he was at her's and wouldn't be home.

"Shit sorry. I was a bit busy tearing strips out of Callum and worrying that he'd OD'd you. You in trouble?"

He didn't know. Jamie usually rang or text if he wasn't home when he said he would be. But then it hadn't been too long since he had turned his phone off and stayed at Laura's so maybe Jamie just assumed that's where he was.

"I should get home." He feels a dread in his stomach because Jamie always rang.

Why wouldn't he ring?

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and his head spun violently.

"Easy. It'll take a while for that shit to wear off." Laura warned. "Take it slow."

He tries to stand but ends up sitting back on the bed. His legs feel like jelly.

"Maybe you should get some more sleep."

"I need to get home." He replied annoyed with his body for being so weak.

"Okay." She offers her hand and he uses it to stand then the balance himself. "Slowly." She stated as he starts walking. The more he's vertical to better he feels. By the time he reaches the front door he feels good enough to walk home.

"I'll see you later." He doesn't want Laura there with him when he gets home. He doesn't know what he's going to find. Jamie always rang. Maybe… There were so many possibilities.

By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs he was ready for a breather so he pulled his phone from his pocket and pulled up Jamie's number.

"This is Jamie leave a message, I'll get back to you." His phone was off.

He rang his work number.

"Hollyoaks garage, Paul speaking."

"Paul it's Ste, is Jamie there?"

"No. He rang me this morning told me he'd put the key's through my door and said he might not be in the rest of the week. What's going on Ste?"

What sort of boyfriend didn't know that his boyfriend had taken the rest of the week off? He was going to look like a twat if he didn't lie.

"It's personal. I just thought he might have popped in."

"Not here mate."

"Thanks, bye."

He had to get home.

He was out of breath by the time he got to the flat. He opened the door.

"Jamie?" He called.

Nothing. Silence.

Maybe he was at his flat? He had rented a room out maybe Mark had needed Jamie for some reason.

He rang that number.

"Hello?"

"Mark it's Ste is Jamie there?"

"Here? Jamie?" Mark laughs. "Mate I don't think I've seen him in two months, didn't even know he still classes this as his home."

"Oh… I… I just thought he might be there."

"Nope."

"Alright thanks."

Where the fuck is he?

He tries his mobile again. It still goes straight to voice mail.

He walks into his bedroom wondering if he's going to find his clothes gone. They're not. Everything is still there.

He sends a text message asking Jamie to call him as soon as he get it and it hits him. This is what Jamie felt like when he didn't come home. When he didn't know where he was.

The panic in his gut that maybe he's not alright. Maybe there's something wrong. Maybe he's been hit by a bus. Or had an accident. Or is in hospital. Or maybe… He can't keep running through the possibilities it'll drive him mad.

He'll have to wait. But he's already restless, knows that he won't be able to settle until he knows Jamie's alright. He craves a distraction but he's too weak and washed out to do much of anything. Certainly nothing useful.

He sits himself on the sofa, switches on the TV, puts his mobile on the side of the chair and waits.