I don't own, obvi.
Somewhere, there's my Maya,
and somewhere there's my heart.
Chapter Twenty Five: The End.
The Unimaginable Coincidence of Being Maya Swan-Cullen: My Life, My Family, and My Future
Swan, 19, explains her choice to swim for the United State instead of her native Guatemala, as well as her scandalized childhood and famous parents.
By: Maya Swan-Cullen
On the day I was born, the world sang a song, or so my mom told me.
She wasn't there though.
Bella Swan was the age I am now, and she was thousand of miles away, in college, probably wearing really awkward clothes and reading much too boring Victorian romance novels, in a world miles away from a hut in Rio del Dolce, Guatemala. She was boarding a plane maybe, ready and eager to start her job teaching English at St. Simon, an orphanage a few miles from my house. Yes, on the day I was born, she wasn't there, because I am adopted.
My life has been a series of lucky, fateful incidents, all of which I am amazingly grateful for, because they have come at a cost to others, and others have taught me to give freely. I was born and here I am now. I have a mom and a dad, but everyone knows who they are because Edward Cullen has won almost every Oscar, or award ever, and he's in movies, and much to my chagrin, people find him 'dreamy,' and Bella Swan was the woman who had an affair with a married man to have me. I know these facts. I was raised knowing these facts, and now that I'm in the Olympics, the scandal resurfaces.
My skin is about five shades more tan than my mom, a fact I enjoy making known to her and mocking her pale tendencies. I have eyes that are dark, and hair that is darker, something that obviously cancels Edward Cullen out as my biological father. But she was there for every nightmare, and he was there for every race.
It's funny, that any of this matters to anyone. Edward Cullen makes movies, and still gets followed and crushed by screaming girls, and that's the only reason this does.
I was first approached after my freshman year at Stanford and my performance in the Junior Olympics. The representatives from Guatemala told me it was my obligation and responsibility to bring honor to my native country. But I'm from Seattle. I can speak Spanish, and a little French, but I'm not from Guatemala. My mom asked me why I wouldn't swim for them, why I would turn down such an amazing offer, especially after the many vacations our family has spent there, donating time and money to St. Simon and many other places. I didn't have an answer, honestly. It just never felt like home. It was a world where men with guns and big bombs revolted and murdered innocents by the thousands.
I mean, I root for the Dodgers, how much more American can I be?
I started swimming with Ben Cheney, the Olympian, before he was an Olympian. Back in the day, he was a student with my mom, and he ate Scooby Doo fruit snacks by the ton. I was lucky enough to swim with him while I was in high school and he was training. Unfortunately, all of this is lost when my name is mentioned. I'm a scandal, and I've known it since I was five years old.
The truth is, it shouldn't matter what country I swim for, or whose daughter I am, but it does. It doesn't matter to me, or my family, but it matters to everyone else. The truth is, I'm swimming for America because my grandfather was a cop. My other grandfather is a doctor. My aunt is a mechanic; the other is a designer. My uncle is a bodyguard; the other is a History professor. My grandmother is an interior designer, and my other one ran off before I ever met her. I have twelve cousins. My dad makes and stars in movies and coaches my rec swim team. My mom teaches high school English and coaches the swim team. My mother and father were murdered by a revolution, and I was an orphan. My sister plays soccer. My brother plays baseball. My dog eats shoes. All of this is here, in Seattle. They are who hold up signs and cheer for me, even the dog, and they are who I swim for.
The truth is, my mom is my hero. Fifteen years have come and gone, and fifteen years she's taken abuse, been called many things, been judged, because of me. To keep me, she told a lie. The scandal is over. I've gotten my green card; I'm an American citizen. Bella Swan never had an affair with Jacob Black. A fact so simple it is only a tiny sentence in the story of my life, but one so big, it takes an article to explain.
My mom gave her all to me, after living in a horrible situation.
The truth is, I have an amazing family, who are proud that I am swimming in the Olympics. Some may say that it must suck, having to live a lie, but it really didn't most of the time. If anything, everyone outside of our family defines us by it more than we do. I don't want any more coverage because of this whole thing; I don't want to be defined by this scandal. We're unapologetic.
I'm the kid of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. On the day I was born, neither were around, nor aware of it at all. I'm going to swim in the Olympics because every day, they've supported me and helped me towards my dream. And that's enough.
I was approached by Ben Cheney to swim for the Women's Olympic Team after my times at the World Championships. I'm not interesting, I'm not scandalous, I'm not a lot of things that many have called me, and my family, but I am just a kid, who wants to protect those who protected her for her whole life. And that's something.
"Did you read this?" I called to Bella from my office as I put down the Sports Illustrated. Sammy raised his head from the couch across from my desk then laid it down again, his graying muzzle huffing with a breath as he resumed his nap.
"How many times have I asked you not to call for me through the house?" the most beautiful woman in the world appeared in the door a moment later, kitchen towel on her shoulder, hair up in a messy bun and flour smeared on her forehead. The glare on her face told me I was in trouble. I heard footsteps running up the stairs until they disappeared down the hall followed by a loud slamming door and a 'Mom!'
"Sorry," I shook my head in shame. I gave her a small, weak smile and shrug. Even after all of the years, I still was in awe of the woman in front of me, the one who bent and broke, who got back up and who showed me to live. Her eyes were like the lines on an oak, each ring a year survived, accented by growth.
"Can you please take care of that?" she motioned over her shoulder towards the hallway that led to the stairs. There were days where she was sad, and there were days that I was sad. There were days where she crawled behind me on the couch, and held on for dear life while I rung my hair and let the world win.
"Can you come back when you're done?" I asked as I stared at the magazine cover with my daughter on the front. Bella nodded and returned to her baking.
"Start of summer break and they're already driving me crazy," she talked to herself and moved her hands. "My oldest is leaving me, she's running off to Paris. Who the hell holds the Olympics in Paris? Raised her for seventeen years, and she runs off."
"I thought you were going to be home for the next year," Bella glared at me, her hands on her hips as she stood, illuminated by the light of the kitchen behind her.
"I thought so too," I assented. "But this came up, and they're rushing it through."
"Do you know what I'm rushing through? Incubating a child, Edward. Your child. While I have two more, active, loud, happy, kids to worry about," Bella fumed. I let her yell.
"What do you want me to do? This is my job!" I defended myself.
"Your job?" she scoffed. "You can say no. But you said yes! And now, I can't ask you to stay, because that's selfish. Well you know what, I hate you for doing this to me." I watched Bella run her hand along her protruding stomach, her eyes closed as she shook her head. Her lips moved as she murmured to herself, probably trying to stay calm.
"Bella, I wasn't thinking," I started.
"Did you just hear me? I said I hated you!" she cried. "Just go already. If you're so eager to get out of here, if you need to work that bad. If me and the kids are just too boring for you, then just go," she stalked away. I was left standing in the living room, mouth floundering against its brain.
"I love you," I followed Bella into the bedroom a few minutes later. "And you don't hate me, you just hate my decision making abilities."
"Fine. Whatever," she shrugged.
"Say it," I sat at the edge of the bed while she changed. "Say you love me, all of me."
"Edward, just…leave me alone right now. I need to process, and my pregnant brain isn't as quick as my non-knocked up brain."
"Say it, Bella," I stood and held her face in my hands. "Say it because that's something you don't get to take away."
"I obviously love you," she sighed. "I love you so much it makes me hate you when you do stupid things like that."
"I think that's a start," I kissed her nose and held her close as she clutched my shirt.
I sighed and stalked towards the kid's rooms; Sammy stayed on the couch in my office, his tummy soaking up the spring sunlight that seeped through the windows. Trophies covered the bookshelves: science fair ribbons, Oscar's, swimming medals, baseball plaques, SAG Awards, and four teacher of the year awards. Pictures were stuck around them and knickknacks haphazardly. Between novels and poetry books, pictures of us in Guatemala, the Grand Canyon, New York, Washington DC, and Forks, as well as model cars, art projects, snow globes, and post cards were tacked all over.
"What's going on in here?" I opened the bedroom at the beginning of the hall. "You mom is getting mad at me."
"Jake won't stop putting his frogs in my bathtub," Charlie whined while shoving a toad in my face. Her face was of pure disgust, and I couldn't help but try to hold back a chuckle. She hated everything icky, but basically everything her brother was into.
"Edward!" Bella shouted from the bathroom. Her voice startled me awake and left me in a daze. "Edward come in here now!"
"What is it?" I hollered before leaping out of bed, tripping on the sheets, jamming my knee against the nightstand and knocking the lamp onto the floor with a crash. "Where's Maya? What's happening? Who's hurt?"
"No one," Bella whispered from the bathtub. I ran my hands over my face quickly as I tried to wake up before staring back at her shocked face. Bella sat in the tub, completely motionless, as if she were a statue.
"What's wrong, babe?" I stood in my boxers, the cold of the early morning making my skin shiver with the lack of clothes and cold marble floor. Slowly, her face turned to me, followed by her eyes, still completely shocked, and majorly scared.
"I'm…pregnant," she whispered. I noticed the three sticks in her hand, clutched against her chest. I felt my knees wobble, the wall behind her shifted as if we were in the ocean, and the whole world wooshed quiet.
"Pregnant?" I mouthed, because suddenly it was dry, and my throat couldn't swallow. Bella smiled at me slowly, but started to cry.
"I'm pregnant," she repeated. "We're having a baby."
"We're having a baby," I added again. I climbed into the tub beside her and kissed her. I held Bella to me and I kissed her as hard as I could. I kissed her because in her womb part of us together was growing, living, wiggling, multiplying.
"What was the big noise?" Maya stood sleepily in the doorway of the bathroom. She rubbed her eyes as if to ward of the sleep.
"Mama has a baby in her tummy," Bella explained and held her arms for Maya to join us. Eagerly, the little girl climbed in with a giant smile.
"I'm going to be a great big sister," Maya stated. Bella hugged her tightly and shut her eyes. It was her moment to savor.
Seven months later, our son was born. He had Bella's hair, and my eyes. Two years later, we had a baby girl. She was born premature, but beautiful, and grew into a perfect little girl.
"Edward Jacob Swan-Cullen!" I shouted and grabbed the reptile from my little girl's hand before walking into the hallway.
"What?" my son peeped his head from his doorway before walking towards me. For twelve, Jake was pretty tall, much like his namesake, though he took after Bella in a lot of ways. His hair was a mess, though it was the color of Bella's, dark, dirty brown, and my own eyes stared back at me. He was mischief embodied.
"Keep your frogs in your room, and out of Charlotte's tub," I handed the reptile back. "Or we'll set them free in the lake, and we won't let you collect anymore tadpoles when we go on vacation."
"Thanks Dad!" he smiled. "I thought I lost him."
"No you didn't! You put it in my tub on purpose," my ten-year-old daughter taunted him from behind my hip.
"No I didn't, tattletale," Jake fired back.
"Enough," I knelt between them. "Listen, you know your mom is going a little…" I stalled and made a face before twirling my finger near my temple.
"Cuckoo?" Charlie offered.
"Loco?" Jake interjected with a grin.
"Yes," I nodded with a smile. "With Maya going away for so long, it makes her worry, and she needs a little quiet. You both know that when she bakes, it's because she's upset."
"We know," they answered in unison and mock apology.
"Ok, now go clean your rooms before everyone comes over," I stood back up and watched them shuffle towards their rooms. "I'm going to weigh twelve hundred pounds by the time they're in college."
I walked back towards the stairs, stalling at Maya's open bedroom door. Swim suits hung on her bedpost, books littered her desk, floor, and nightstand, her wall was covered with pictures of us, all taken by her own hand when Esme gave her a Polaroid for her eight birthday, ones of Jake and Charlie when they were born, ones of Pop-Pop Charlie in the hospital while he got chemo, ones of all of us together, of her swim team, of Seth, of Sammy, of trees in Yosemite, cannons at Gettysburg, Pyramids in Egypt, water falls in Hawaii, of musicians and actors and awards and ants and hands and candles and Bella, Dodger pennants and Stanford postcards mingled with string lights and a keyboard.
I stared at Seth across the coffee table in the formal living room. I didn't move, just glared. I watched him glance at the stairs, at the walls, at his hands, and back at me for just a second, before returning to the rotation.
"I heard you were going to film in Australia, that's cool, Edward," Seth offered to a conversation I'd never let start. He grew tall, bigger than me, almost the size of Emmett. This little boy I'd watch grow from a jack-o-lantern smile, to a gawky teenager, to an almost high school graduate, with sandy blond hair that always flopped in his eyes and gentle features, asked to take my baby on a date; her first date.
"It's Mr. Cullen," I leaned forward before folding my hands into a pyramid. "When you date my daughter, it's Mr. Cullen."
"I've known you since I was in kindergarten," he stammered weakly.
"I know, but I will kick your ass if you touch her," I explained. Jake sat beside me and moved whenever I did.
"I will tell Tio Em to beat you up if you mess with my sister," the little boy explained, though it was hard to take him seriously in Batman pajamas.
"Alright, let's get out of here," Maya flew down the stairs with Bella hot on her heels. My daughter looked beautiful, and I hated that there was no other word to describe it. She was short, maybe an inch taller than Bella, with dark brown hair, and doe brown eyes and a heart-shaped face. Her limbs were long and lean, and she'd long since grown accustomed to the scar on her arm.
"Not so fast," I stood up quickly and followed to the door. "Home by eleven."
"Twelve," Bella grabbed my waist. I gritted my teeth. Maya glared at me.
"Fine, twelve," I conceded. My daughter hugged me and kissed my cheek before walking away.
"Be safe," I called as they walked towards Seth's car.
I waited up until she came home, but fell asleep in the chair near the window. Maya woke me with a kiss on the forehead before sending me to bed with promises that he didn't even try to hold her hand.
"That took forever," Bella surprised me as I stalked back into my office, my solace, my secret batcave. She had her feet on the desk and the chair leaning back as if she were the boss.
"Frogs in bathtubs, take two," I leaned against the door and watched her reading the article Maya never told us she was writing. "Did you finish your baking spree?"
"Ran out of eggs," she muttered. Sammy rested his head in her lap, sadly. Absently, Bella traced his ear and head. They were partners in missing Maya.
"What do you think?" I asked after a few minutes.
"We have the most amazing daughter in the world," she whispered. "The most amazing kids period, except for the whole frog thing."
"You know she'll be back after the summer, and we'll see her in August," I picked Bella up and sat with her in my lap.
"But she's only been back for a week, and now she's leaving again," Bella sighed and wrapped her arms around my chest and nuzzled her forehead against my neck. "What am I going to do when Jake and Charlie go to college? There won't be enough eggs in the world…"
"Don't slam your door!" Bella yelled through Maya's closed door as I leaned against the wall. "Maya Rebecca Swan-Cullen, you don't get to act rude to guests because we won't let you go to the mountains for the weekend with no adult supervision, and you don't slam your door, and you don't get to be angry."
"Maya," I knocked gently. "Open up so we can talk."
"I don't want to talk. I don't see the point in arguing when you won't even listen to me. How can you not trust me?" she yelled. "I'm fifteen years old!"
"Yes, we trust you, we just don't trust other fifteen year olds," Bella yelled. The door opened.
"You're not my mother," Maya stared straight at Bella. I felt the world implode.
"No, but I'm your mom," Bella stared straight back. "Sometimes you say things you don't get to take back, and I hope you remember that." Just like that Bella turned away and walked downstairs. Maya stared at where Bella had stood, and watched her retreating figure. I couldn't move, but gulped. Maya's glare turned to confusion, which turned to sadness.
"I didn't mean it," she whispered, as if to herself. "I would never mean it. I said it to hurt. Make me take it back?" she asked while looking at me. I hugged her as tight as I could. "Make me take it back, please?" she sobbed. "I could never mean that. I don't want to go. Don't let her leave. No, I take it back." Everything turned to broken sentences as Maya cried harder than I ever heard her cry before. I made her sit on the bed after ten minutes of crying. Her face was puffy, her chest was breaking. She clutched her sweatshirt and cried in a ball.
"She needs you," I whispered as I found Bella sitting on the stairs, head in her hands.
"I'm angry," Bella murmured as she sniffled.
"Go," I picked her up and pointed her up the stairs. Slowly I followed and sat outside of her bedroom.
"I'm so sorry," Maya sighed into Bella's shoulder. "I wish you were my mother, not just my mom. But I love you for it, no matter what. I take it back. I take it back so much."
"I love you, novia. I love you so much," Bella whispered into her daughter's hair.
"Say you forgive me? Please, just say it," Maya begged as sobs covered her. "I didn't mean it, at all. I could never mean it."
"I forgive you," Bella kissed her forehead. "I'll always forgive you."
"I'm so sorry," Maya sobbed quietly as her hands clutched Bella's back and shoulders, digging through the fabric, her face buried in her shoulder. Bella held Maya's head, running her fingers along the soft hair, whispering shh's in her ear as they rocked back and forth, stuck in time, healing in the moment. "I would never mean it. Never…" Maya continued to swear. "Mama, I…so sorry…"
"Hey, it's not time for tears," Bella wiped the tears from Maya's eyes. It was tenderness. "When you hurt, I hurt."
"When you're sad, I'm sad," Maya finished.
"Sammy!" Maya yelled as she came through the back door. I heard it click, and so did the giant dog, who gracelessly scraped his paws against the floor and bound towards her voice. "Where's my Sammy-Boy? Ah, there he is. What's up gramps?" A faint woof resounded in the house, followed by familiar giggles. I set my sleeping wife down on the couch, exhausted from her baking and sleepless nights worrying over Maya. "Tummy rub for my favorite boy in the world," she cooed, a future vet major. "I'm ready for a nice hot shower and a nice long sleep. How does that sound, huh, bud? Think I deserve it after my horrendous practice? I only did ten thousand. I know, don't look at me like that, but I was sore. I did extra running last night. Sitting around the house just makes me so sad. It's not you though; I just don't want to leave. You know that though, right? I wish I could fly you out with me." I tried not to laugh as Maya vented to her best friend.
"Can you just leave me alone?" Maya whispered and turned over to face the window. I recognized faded Dodger blue tucked under her head, wrapped in her arms as she dried her eyes with a sleeve.
"I would love more than anything else to be able to leave you alone and not deal with…boys…" I sat on the edge of her bed and she curled her long legs up to her chest. I cursed Bella's trip with Alice and Rosalie to the lake for a 'woman's weekend'. "But I can't let you be upset."
"Dad…please?" she sniffled, and it broke my heart.
"Hey, I know, I'm not like your mom, and I'm not good at saying the right things, but I do want to make sure you're alright, because I love you."
"Boys are just stupid," my daughter huffed before stretching on her back, the sweatshirt still covering her.
"Yes, yes they are," I agreed and sat down beside her. "The only man you can ever trust is your good ol' dad."
"Stop being ridiculous," she nudged my side.
"What happened?" I asked as the silence ate away from us.
"I waited, I waited for Seth, and he didn't even kiss me," she mumbled. "He didn't even kiss me."
"He's missing the most beautiful, smart, kind girl in the world then," I pinched her side, eliciting a giggle. "He was probably scared. Do you know how scared I was before I kissed your mom for the first time? God, I was so scared, I nearly missed. And it was horrible, so awkward, and completely bad, I thought she was going to kill me or never talk to me again."
"No way," Maya yawned and turned towards me.
"I promise," I held up a pinky to swear.
"I was so scared because I liked her, and yeah, I even thought I loved her, and I was so afraid I'd mess it up somehow. And that's a lot of pressure for a kiss, you know? So don't be upset. Boys are idiots. Big fat idiots, and that won't change."
"You lied," Maya smiled at me.
"I would never lie to you, meija," I was taken aback.
"You said you never knew the right things to say," she hugged my side.
"How about pizza and a movie? Your treat," I finally offered when she stopped crying.
"Mom would get ice cream, too," she gave me the pout I'd once taught her.
"Naturally," I kissed her forehead and watched her slide the sweatshirt under her pillow.
"Maya, will you help me catch my frogs before Mom freaks out again?" Jake ran down the stairs and pushed the glasses up on the bridge of his nose.
"Ah, Jake, you lost him again? Sammy's going to eat him," Maya scolded her little brother before throwing her swim bag on the dining room table and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. "You have to stop losing them."
"I know! That's why I need to find him. Charlie won't help me because she's painting, and Dad told me Mom is loco and baking," he trailed off while following his big sister. They were geeky together. It was endearing.
"Mom's baking?" Maya grinned before gulping more. "Christ, she might be loco."
"Hey, language," I scolded her as I made my presence known.
"Sorry Dad," she rolled her eyes and kissed my cheek. "But she's really baking? I'm only gone for a month and a half. When I went away to Stanford she baked enough for my whole dorm. My whole dorm and swim team. Dad, she wore out a Kitchen Aide mixer, and those things are indestructible."
"Remember when she baked four cakes for your birthday?" Jake laughed and continued to search the floor for his frog. Maya tried not to laugh, but I couldn't fight it.
"I finally got her napping. You know how she worries. Articles in Sports Illustrated don't really help when she thinks you're already lost and overwhelmed by the world," I chastised her. "Especially with no warning."
"I didn't want to worry you guys," Maya sat on the counter and threw Jake an apple. "I had to do it."
"We're proud of you, meija, we really are," I hugged her. "You know she just hates dealing with that whole thing." Again, an eye roll before she hopped down. I'd be on the phone with my publicist all night, figuring out damage control for the article, but I would never be mad about it.
"Same," she murmured and finished the water.
"How was practice?" I asked as I started to pull ingredients from the fridge for dinner.
"Decent enough. I don't want to leave, but I can't wait to go to where there are no distractions. I hit a wall today thinking about paper topics for Jake's history report," she grabbed a bone from the top shelf for Sammy who sat, tale thumping and waiting.
"Maya, will you help me with my picture?" Charlie appeared. "I can't get the colors right."
"The life of a big sister is never easy," Maya hopped down and followed the kids upstairs.
"Shower before dinner please," I called after her. "And find that freaking frog!"
Charlie came down and helped me make dinner after Maya helped her mix a new color. She was our chef, and much to Bella's enjoyment, loved baking. We always ate well because Charlie did the cooking, so much unlike her namesake, it hurt.
"Daddy, can we eat outside for Maya's last dinner?" Charlie asked as I handed her plates.
"Sure," I nodded and turned off the stove. "Go get Jake when you're done. I'll go find Mom."
"Wa-hoo," she stated, not cheered, just stated. I couldn't help but smile as I walked towards my office. I heard the doorbell ring, and I knew Alice, Jasper, Marcus, Maria, Luke, Mark, and John were coming in, closely followed by Rosalie, Emmett, Emily, Leah, Amy, and Lily, with Esme and Carlisle brining up the rear. Seth and Sue would probably come with them, straight from the office.
"I'm glad you wrote it," Bella whispered. I stalled in the doorway as I watched her stroke Maya's hair as her head rested in Bella's lap. "It was beautiful. You didn't have to do that. I wouldn't change anything for you. I'm not worried."
"You worry so much it's like your job," Maya shook her head. I tried not to laugh. "We can't just will it all right, it takes more than hope to make the world right."
"I'm a mom, it is my job," Bella cooed. "The only thing that is right is being your mom. The means justify the end. How was practice?"
"It was alright," Maya sighed. "I gained a whole second. Someone's baking is making me fat and slow. Your worrying about me training for the Olympics is going to ensure I can't go at this rate."
"You'll do fine," Bella rubbed her temples in a soothing way she always did. "When are you going to say goodbye to Seth?"
"Tomorrow," her voice was smaller than ever. "I think I love him."
"You think?" Bella prodded.
"When you kiss Dad, does it feel like your whole body is on fire, but at the same time, you want to shiver, and your body feels like each muscle is filled with just electrons buzzing around?"
"Every time," Bella sighed. I smiled to myself.
"When did you know you loved him?" Maya sat up and tucked her legs under her body.
"Do you remember the first time we went to the aquarium?" Bella stared right at me.
"No, I was like…five," Maya laughed.
"He held you to pet the sting rays, and he kissed me in the tunnel, and I loved him."
"I think I love Seth," Maya whispered and rested her head on Bella's shoulder. They sat there in silence. It was beautiful, something so familiar and natural. "I mean, we are almost ready to-"
"Ah! Stop!" I interjected before she could continue with where I thought it was going. "Daddy's little girl, Daddy's little girl," I chanted.
"I was going to say 'We're almost ready to say it,'" Maya glared at me. "Don't worry so much, Dad, you'll get more gray hair."
"I don't have any gray hairs," I taunted. "I'm Hollywood's Heartthrob, I'll have you know. DILF, I believe is the term."
"No grey…yet," she danced out of the room. After making a barfing noise "Come on, Sam." The dog followed eagerly.
"She thinks she loves him?" I plopped beside Bella. "Why can't she be like Charlie, completely happy with art and playing? Remember when she used to be a dinosaur?"
"Charlie's ten, Edward," Bella hugged me tightly. "Maya's nineteen, let her be in love."
"No, I refuse," I humphed. "Where did the time go?"
"I don't know what you were doing, but I was busy training two Olympians."
"Mom, Tia Alice said if you don't get out here, she's going to kick your butt," Jake ran in through the door before running out again just as fast.
"We done good, huh?" Bella stood up and held her hand out for me to grab. I followed until we stood at the door to the deck, watching our noisy family fighting and yelling over each other, a family that wasn't really ours, that didn't share any blood, but one that we couldn't pay to leave us alone.
Charlie braided Maya's hair while Jake and Jasper talked about something eagerly. Emmett tried to ignore his girls as they chatted about French men and the upcoming trip, while Rosalie rolled her eyes and tried to get him to calm down. The kids laughed and joked while Carlisle and Esme passed the food around, to the kids that were theirs and not at all, to Marcus and Maria who Alice adopted, to Emily, their oldest, actual granddaughter, though they always considered Maya their first.
"We done great," I smiled and kissed my beautiful wife, the woman I never knew I needed. The woman who sat on a plane and gave me a second look, despite my flaws.
I wanted my father to be there, my mother, everyone. I wanted the world to be this happy. I wasn't dead, but I was where the Good went.
"I'm so nervous," I rung my hands and wiped them in my pants. "Christ, Edward, why do we let her do this. It's hell on my nerves."
"Mom, geeze, language," Jake nudged my shoulder.
He was a good foot and a half taller than me, and even sitting in the stands in the aquatic center in London, he sat taller than me. He was handsome, like his father; devilishly so, with brains that were a lethal combination. Edward's green eyes twinkled at me through our son and I couldn't help but smile. He ran his hand through his hair, a genetic habit all three kids picked up from their father. He was a rock; smart, logical, rational, and I loved him for everything he was going to be.
"You're seventeen, I feel like you're old enough to hear me say 'hell'," I laughed as he hugged me against his broad chest.
"Maya will do fine. She already has four medals. I drugged her up earlier with steroids, so she should come out with man shoulders," he grinned.
"Stop torturing your mom," Edward stepped in for me when he saw that I couldn't see the joke. "Go find Charlie, and keep her away from the divers."
"I don't want to be on babysitting duty," Jake whined. Edward gave him a look and he left a second later in search of his sister.
I smiled when I saw him find her across the pool. Charlie was gorgeous, much like her father. She had auburn hair, which curled gently, and soft features, and Edward's eyes. She punched Jake's arm and he pulled her towards the stairs. They stopped and hugged Maya as she appeared from behind the changing room door. My three kids, together. Jake held his hand up, making Maya jump for a high five. They all laughed. Jake twirled her around in a hug, and Charlie braided her hair, like a professional.
They took care of each other.
"You are going to get up there and kick major ass," Jake grabbed Maya's shoulder and shook her gently. "You've already swam in the Olympics, and you're nervous about your first official meet at school? You're bigger and badder than this."
"I'm telling that you said 'ass'," Charlie taunted him. I watched her pick up a marker and start drawing on Maya's arm. Ever since she discovered her love of art, Maya always let Charlie do her arm artwork over her scar.
"I heard, but I think it's appropriate," I stepped in and took a seat in the smelling locker room before Maya's debut. She pulled her shoulder last year, and rested before her Olympic trials.
"What are you doing today, Charles?" Maya asked her sister. They looked like strangers, but I often found them sleeping together, reading, hanging out in silence because they needed each other.
"Reproduction of 'Starry Night'. I'm in a Van Gogh stage," my twelve year old answered, and it made me smile. It made my heart burst and hurt from so much happy because my kids were smart, and they were perfect.
"Sounds good," Maya closed her eyes and stretched her feet.
"I love you, Pea-brain," Jake hugged her after Charlie finished. "We'll see you after you win. And if you lose, well…We'll disown you." Maya socked him in the gut. "In a very loving way."
"Good luck, My," Charlie hugged her, kissed her own hand, and slapped the art.
"You know, I'm glad you had them," Maya grinned at me slyly. "Most of the time."
"Hey, Bella," Alice hugged me as most of her brood joined our section in the stands. Marcus was away in Botswana doing Peace Corps work, and Maria was coming in later after she finished her exams at Oxford. "How's our champ doing?" My best friend hadn't changed in years. She, whether she knew it or not, was part of me, in a way that went past sisterhood.
"I don't know. I let her do it herself today," I smiled and sat down, the feeling in my gut gnawing me into submission.
"Mama Bear losing her rawr?" Jasper hugged me tightly as he sat down beside Alice. The boys followed in behind, all carrying signs, and hollering for their cousin.
"Doubtful," Edward offered and kissed the top of my head. Movements like that, simple ones, where he held my shoulders together and made me not break. Edward Cullen was forty-four years old, with hair salted from its original brazen copper, but God, he still took my breath away each time I looked at him.
"Bells, hey, um, can you come here?" Seth appeared in front of me. Seth, the little boy I'd seen grow up, my daughter's future husband. He was a good man.
"What's wrong, Seth?" I popped up quickly. Carlisle and Esme walked up as I followed him down the steps. I pointed them towards our section, growing by the second.
"Can you just go in, I can't do it, you're the only one that can," he grinned awkwardly and opened the door for me.
I walked into the dank room, where towels hung and coolers packed with ice and water sat waiting to be emptied. I watched Maya pace back and forth among the benches and crisp, chlorine smelling lockers. I watched my beautiful, graceful daughter stretch her arms over her shoulders, shake her head from side to side, and continue to pace, slow, then pace again.
"What's wrong, novia?" I sat beside Maya on the bench outside of the giant auditorium. Her cap and gown moved in the wind and I brushed the stray hair behind her shoulder. Her brow furrowed as she stared at her hands.
"I can't do it," she whispered before looking up at the sky.
"I've never, in your whole life, ever heard you utter those words, and you're not going to start now," I swore and stood.
"Mom, I've never talked in front of all those people. I mean, I can swim, but I've never had to talk, all alone," she trailed off and fidgeted a little more.
"You graduated top five in your high school, and you've swam in the Olympics, you've taught kids how to read, you've come from the jungle like a warrior, and you've saved my life. I've raised you to never say never," I pulled her up and held her face in my hands. "You graduated top of your class at Stanford, and you are going to be proud."
Big brown eyes stared back at me and a faint smile appeared.
"Go be proud, novia," I hugged her tightly. "You've made me so proud."
"Te amo," she whispered as I pulled away and moved to take my seat.
"How is she?" Edward leaned into me as I sat down finally.
"She'll be fine," I assured him as everyone took the stage. Our whole family cheered too loudly as Maya took the podium.
"Look at our girl," Edward hugged me. I just nodded, unable to speak.
"When I was little, my mom decided to read me '100 Years of Solitude,'" Maya began, finding us in the crowd. "My dad told her that it was probably over my head, but she didn't care. When Malequides died, I cried, literally, for a whole night. Everyone out there probably expected me to come out here, and talk about swimming, or about the devotion it took to win or whatever, or maybe to talk about how I came from a jungle, and I watched horrible things. But that's not important, or maybe it's the most important thing, but it all led to that moment, where I cried because a fictional character died. And when he died, my mom told me that he went where the Good went, when it was set free. And when my grandpa Charlie died, he too, went to where the Good went when it was set free. And when my dog died, he went to where the Good went, when it was set free. Growing up, rereading that book, I appreciated Malequides each time I read because I knew the time I had with him was limited. The only thing I've learned in life, that's more important than swimming with your head down, that's more vital than thriving and surviving, is to be the Good in the world. Each of us, can be the Good, and we can make this a world where the Good is, before it has to be set free."
Applause erupted, and I tried not to cry.
"If each of us, can go out, can spread love like violence, and hope like fire, and peace like hate, the Good will be out there. That's what I've learned, and that is all I can ask of my peers. But maybe ask is the wrong word. I expect it, from each of you, from my class, my fellow graduates. I demand that we be the Good, because the only alternative to that, well, it's an alternative I'd be ashamed to see. I'm living proof of the Good of other's, now we go out, and are accountable to spread it ourselves. Thank you. Congratulations. Gracias a mi familia. Beso, beso, beso."
"Hey, Maya, what's up?" I approached her cautiously. She turned her head like a deer in the headlights, and it'd be comical, if she weren't so scared.
"You didn't come down before the race," she stated, hands on her hips. I watched her suit move with each breath.
"I thought you had it under control. I thought maybe twenty three was the cutoff age for having your mom give you a pre-race pep talk," I shrugged and chuckled.
"No," she shook her head, not laughing with me. "No, that's not us. I mean, you raise me to be this woman, and I have an amazing family, and I graduated, and I'm going to marry an amazing man, and I'm functioning here, but the only reason I'm like this is because you give me pep talks, and I know you'll be there after. So, do it. Get the parenting train rolling here."
"Maya, what are you talking about?" I couldn't help but laugh as she moved in and out of Spanish.
"When did you have dreams for me?" she whispered and slunk down onto a bench. I sat beside her and started to braid her hair then started rubbing her temples until she rested on my shoulders.
"The first moment I met you, I had dreams for you, and then they grew, my God, they grew each day. At first, it was to talk, and then, it was for you to be happy, and then it was for you to feel love, then read, then I dreamed that our family would make you whole, that you would graduate, and become the strong woman you are today. I've always had dreams for you, and you've always exceeded them. Reading when you were five, smiling in the face of death, making me have dreams for myself, my girl, you've always been a dream."
"That's what I'm talking about," she grinned.
"How can you think that I'd ever think you'd fail?" I laughed as she grabbed her cap and goggles.
"Sometimes the world is heavy, and sometimes it wins, so sometimes I feel like I can't reach your dreams, or even my own," she sighed.
I traced the words on her shoulder, ones her sister wrote, words from a poem I once whispered while she slept.
"Happy Birthday," I crawled into the light purple bed as Maya buried her head in the sheets and pillows.
"Mama," she murmured and I smiled. "I'm sleeping. It's my day off."
"It's also your birthday," I informed her and scratched her back until she turned to face me, a giant smile on her face, but eyes shut tightly. "My little girl is a woman. Eighteen yeas old, and soon, she won't need her mom to crawl in bed and wish her a happy birthday."
"Hush," Maya chuckled. "That day will never come."
"We'll see," I sighed and picked up one of the cakes I baked the night before, unable to sleep, the world changing.
"Tell me, again," Maya sat up and pulled her messy bedhead into a ponytail before giving me a lazy smile.
"On the day you were born," I started, lighting the candle in the small cake. I remembered the days when we couldn't afford our own house, on days when the night outside was so loud, our cot seemed to vibrate with the world, of nights when I held Charlie, afraid she was too little to live, and Maya sat beside me, afraid to touch her sister, but told her stories, so she would hear their song, and stay with us.
"On the day you were born, there was a song, and it played in the world, like the clouds were loudspeakers, and the volume was at eleven," Maya smiled and licked the frosting with a finger. "And I heard it. The world was given a heart so big, I heard it beating from far away. Slowly I followed it, until you found me. So on the day you were born, I was given a present."
Maya blew out the candle and smiled at me.
"I love you," I hugged her tightly. And in my arms I held every dream I'd ever needed.
"I love you, Mom," she whispered.
I love the feel of water. The way it was smooth, soothing or frightening and alarming. It plopped and clinked against windows in the rain, it wooshed a silence in the shower when my mind moved too fast, it felt like I was on a carousel, and the noise and music was blaring through my ears. When my family filled two tables during dinner, and my phone rang because I refused to be a scandal, water was the quiet, the calm in the storm.
"It sounds like nothing, doesn't it?" Bella whispered as we sat on a wall beside a flowing river. I remember bits, and I make up the dialog, but I remember the feeling of arms holding me to her beating chest, while behind me, water moved, pulling earth with it, etching an age-old crease in the world.
"Sometimes it's good to hear nothing." My arm hurt, my head hurt, my heart hurt, but I don't know why. But in that moment, I was quiet.
I toweled dry, something I'd done a million times, before putting on sweats and zipping up an old Dodger sweatshirt I'd long since forgotten where I got it. I hung up my towel, a motion I'd done for over a decade, and I took a breath of the cool air in my room, where string lights twinkled against Polaroid's of my life and a lazy dog snored on his pillow under my window.
I padded down the hall to my little sister's room.
"She's too little, take her back," I stared in the little incubator Charlie sat in when she was born. "Put her back in your tummy and make her better."
"It doesn't work like that, Maya," Dad ran his finger along her tiny chest. Jake didn't look like that when he was born. When he was born, I could hold him, and he wasn't as fragile.
"I want my baby sister to not go with the Good," I pushed my face along the glass. "I'm here, and you have a song, so listen, and come to it."
"Hey Charles," I murmured and walked into her room. It didn't look like mine when I was little. It was a work in progress. We painted the walls with originals and reproductions done by hand. She worked on her own murals suiting what she felt like. She was creative, and she was beyond anything I'd ever be able to conceive.
"I thought you were sleeping, My," she turned over from her shoulder where she was reading some book. "Dad said you had a bad practice." I sat beside her on her fluffy yellow comforter.
"Yeah, it wasn't great," I shook my head. "How excited are you to see the Louvre?"
"It's going to be amazing," she sighed before snuggling against her sheets. "Will you tell me another story?"
"I'm not sure, Charles, they always make you sad," I played with the stuffed pig she kept as her own. I put it in her incubator when she was born. It was bigger than her.
"You're leaving tomorrow," she whispered. She gave me sad eyes, the ones that always worked so I started.
"Fish bite better after it rains," PopPop explained as I sat on his lap. "It's not science, it's biology, the kind you feel in your bones so you know it's true."
"Like where my insides are like Mama's, even when they aren't the same?" I asked, looking up at the funny, wonderful man who took me in as his granddaughter, and who would die before he met his namesake.
"Exactly," he kissed my nose and pinched my cheek. "There are fish the size of hippos in the sea, and there are sharks that are bigger than school buses. And some fish have glow in the dark eyes, and some don't have eyes, but deep down, they are all fish, right?"
"I don't like fish, they smell, and Samson and Delilah eat them and have fish breath," I explained, quite scientifically.
"It's the biology of it," he repeated with a smile. I rested me head on his shoulder and watched some liquid drip into his arm.
"Would he have liked me?" Charlie asked as I kissed her forehead and set her book on the nightstand.
"He would have loved you because you have fish breath," I joked.
"You smell like a pool," she stuck her tongue out.
"Goodnight, Charles," I walked to shut off her light before taking one last look at her walls. They'd be different in a few weeks, and I'd miss it.
"'Night Maya," she yawned. "See you tomorrow." I nodded and shut her door. Mom and Dad had already said goodnight, and would be back to check before they went to bed, but I always loved saying goodnight.
"I've known these crazy kids for a while now," I raised my glass of sparkling cider and took a sip. "And I can honestly say, I never thought it would work. I mean, all of the magazines told me it wasn't going to work. And if the magazines can't get it right, who can?" The crowd laughed and I smiled as my parents sat at the head of the table, trying not to laugh too hard. "But I've never seen two people in love, more than my mom and dad. I once asked her, how, why she could love him so much, because to me, it just didn't make sense. Two people in love, it's so rare no one recognizes it today. And my mom told me that she loved him because it was like breathing, and he was him. These two, give me a hope that love exists. Happy Anniversary." Everyone clapped, and Dad kissed my cheek and hugged me.
"That was sweet," Seth whispered as music start playing. I watched as Dad swung Mom out on the dance floor, both laughing before pausing. I watched my mom duck her head and my dad held her cheek before placing her hands on his neck and his on her waist, and slowly he moved them around. I rested my head on Seth's shoulder and watched them, together for almost fifteen years, as in love as they day they met.
"Would you like to dance?" Seth held his hand out to me. For seventeen, he was already so tall, so handsome.
"Yes," I whispered. He spun me on the floor, and I peaked over his shoulder, watching the tall, broad actor sigh and hug the woman who gave me her life and whisper in her ear, to which she lit up and kissed his neck.
"They fight and make up, they joke and they love," Seth mused. "And I can't think of any other couple I'd rather idolize."
"Me too," I nodded and looked at Seth. I traced his cheek and placed my own on his chest.
"May I have this dance," I heard the soft voice I'd recognize anywhere.
"Or course, Mr. Cullen," Seth stuttered before handing me to my dad.
"You can be nicer to him," I shook my head before grabbing his hand and letting him twirl me around.
"I could," he grinned. It was a grin that was on magazines and in movie stills. "But it's my job to protect you."
"And it's my job to make you worry," I chuckled.
I ran my hand through my hair, flicking moisture from it, and padded down to Jake's door before opening it and finding him in bed, reading some magazine.
"'I mean, I root for the Dodgers. How much more American can I be?'" he read, and I recognized my article. "That's not something to be proud of, the Cubs are way better."
I pulled up his desk chair and set my feet on his bed before rolling my eyes. The wall across from us had cages and aquariums of frogs and insects that creaked and chimed in the night.
"Yeah, yeah," I shook my head. "Are you going to be good while I'm gone, or do I have to bribe you with something awesome?"
"Bribe away, Pea-brain," he smiled at me, looking eerily like our dad.
"Topless beach when you come visit," I offered. "Ten minutes."
"Fifteen," he raised an eyebrow and returned shrewdly. It was the same look he got when trading chores, or baseball cards, or comics, or frogs.
"Deal," I shook on it. "But you have to watch Charlie, and make sure she goes out with friends, or you, and not stuck in her room painting, alright?"
"Fine," he murmured.
"And make sure Mom doesn't bake too much, alright?"
"I'll try," he chuckled. "Have you seen her? She's a mess."
"Yeah, I'm going to work on that," I sighed. "I'll miss you."
"Yeah, yeah, I'll miss you too," he rolled his eyes.
"Lights out soon," I muttered as I walked out towards the hall.
"Hey, Maya," he called and I peaked back in his room. "I'm really glad you're my big sister."
"Ok, thanks for helping me move in," I surveyed the boxes littering my dorm and felt overwhelmed already.
"No problem. I'm ruggedly strong," Jake grinned and plopped on the ground. Mom and Dad took Charlie to get a few more bags.
"Listen, Jacob, when I'm gone, it's your job to be the oldest, you know?" I sat beside him. Mom told us we were all each other had.
"I know," he insisted. He didn't' speak when he was upset. He was walls and fortresses, because once he knew what happened before he was invented, he felt like he wasn't entitled to hurt.
"And that means doing things you don't want to," I explained. "Like playing with Charlie, and walking Sammy, and helping Mom when Dad has to go away for business."
"I know, I'm not a kid," he sneered. "You're the one leaving."
"I'm not leaving, I'm going to college. I have to do it," I sighed. "I won't ever leave you guys. If you need me, you can call me, anytime, alright?"
"I'll be fine," he stood and walked towards the car before gritting his jaw and wiping his eye. "We'll be fine without you."
"Finish your rounds?" Dad's voice filled my room. I put my book down and nodded with a smile.
"You knew about that?" I asked as Sammy lifted his head, then went right back to sleep.
"Of course," he smiled and sat down beside me, stretched as he always did, hands folded behind his head and legs crossed, almost hitting the end of my bed. I remembered napping with him when I was little. "They like you, as a big sister. You're good at it."
"I'm not so sure sometimes," I shrugged. "I'll be gone, and they'll grow up until I'm just a stranger."
"Who does Charlie talk to when she's stuck or confused?" Dad asked, frown cemented on his face.
"Mom," I shook my head and looked away.
"Wrong," he buzzed annoyingly. "You."
"Who does Jake call when he's about to get in trouble?"
"You," I whispered.
"Nope," he sighed. "You, meija. Because they love you, and they need you. I've seen you succeed at everything you've ever done, but never, have I seen you be so naturally good at something like you are at being a great big sister. Don't ever doubt that."
"Thanks, Daddy," I sighed and let my head rest on his shoulder. He kissed the crown of my head and let out a sigh. Silence was never how he spoke.
"Do I really have gray hairs?" he whispered after a moment, and I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head.
"And who is your date tonight, Edward?" some reporter questioned my Dad as he had his arm around my waist.
"This is my daughter, Maya," he grinned and introduced me. "I asked her if she'd mind accompanying her old man to the Oscar's, and she told me she'd check her schedule. I was lucky enough to get the prettiest date here."
"He bribed me with In-and-Out," I explained to the camera. The reporter laughed. I stood back as I watched my Dad work. He really was good at it, the whole being a 'movie star' thing. It suited him. He wasn't the guy who raised me, who let me eat apples in the grocery store while he shopped, or made faces with Mom yelled about something to make me laugh. Here, he was an actor, and it was amazing, to see that part of him.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked as we posed for a few pictures.
"I guess not," I shrugged.
"You really are beautiful, meija," he gave me a smile and kiss on the forehead. "Stay away from Clooney."
"Hey," Mom's voice sounded like water while I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. "It's getting pretty late."
"Yeah," I sighed.
"Want to give me some of whatever's weighing you down, novia?" she climbed into bed beside me. I was nineteen years old, and my mom still sat in bed with me.
"I'm just…happy," I turned towards her and smiled. "I'm so happy it hurts."
"I know what you mean," she chuckled. I held her hand.
"Thank you, for everything," I turned back towards my ceiling. "For not letting me die seventeen years ago."
"Thank you," she whispered, thumb dragging against my knuckles. "For not letting me die seventeen years ago."
"It was in our song," I sighed.
"A beautiful song," she affirmed.
I listened until her breathing leveled, and I moved closer to her. She never knew that I remembered the times I'd wake up to her holding me, for no absolute reason except to make sure we were there, together the next morning. And she'd never know that I heard all the words she whispered in the dark, about when she was scared, or when she faked honor. But I did. I smelled strawberries, and remembered being a whale in the bathtub. I played with her hair, and listened for rain.
It's rare, to know someone who would not just die for you, but live as well.
The End
There Fell A Stillness-
Check out my other story: