Hey everyone, how are you guys? Doing great, I hope. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you for the wonderful reviews, sometimes you guys have a better view than I do, being outside the story, and you really got me questioning everything I had planned for this chapter, which caused me to re-write the whole thing. It makes much more sense now, so thank you, dearests. Also, I'd like to welcome and thank Sarabi95110, cerysclark, TheFlyingMonkeyofOz, The one you never remember, icesong180. Thanks for favo/following this story. I will never cease to marvel at the creativity of the people when it comes to chosing names.

Now, Chapter 25

Chapter XXV

Punishment

Thranduil closed the door of the attic behind them. That was the only place in the castle where they could talk with no one bothering them.

"Care to tell me how this happened?" He looked inquisitively at the elleth before him.

"You mean Maril? She made a huge mess in Zynia's bedroom, even painted the word 'whore' on the mirror, which means she actually called me a whore first, so I avenged my friend by playing an innocent prank on her." Hazel shrugged, as if it was nothing "And she shot my door. Then, today she comes after me to tell, in her eloquent words, to get my arse out of her kingdom, and leave her man – I suppose that's you – alone." Hazel clenched her hands in fists "And then this most unexpected thing happened, a mosquito landed on her face and I tried to kill it." She faked an innocent smile for a second before turning back to her previous angry face "Of course I slapped the brat across her face, and if that flute wasn't a gift from Lord Elrond I would have cracked her skull with it."

Thranduil watched Hazel's outburst for a moment. He had never seen her like that, she sounded quite insane.

"You shouldn't have raised to it, Hazel." He rubbed his temples.

"Oh, and what was I supposed to do? Bow my head and smile? She gets on my nerves!" Hazel looked at him, that icy anger in her eyes just about to catch fire.

The king couldn't lie, she was scary. Her eyes were like the waters of a dark lake, apparently calm, but there's that feeling that if you step in it, something will drag you down and break you into pieces. Like some hidden vortex underneath the still water.

Thranduil mentally punched his own face. How could he be afraid of a girl? Of little sweet Hazel?

A chill on one of his hands reminded him of a sunny day not long ago when Hazel had lost her patience with him.

"Do you have any idea of the proportions this has taken?" The king urged her to understand "It's almost a declared war!"

"Please tell me this means I can punch her in the face."

"Hazel!"

The healer sighed, leaning on the window and looking outside at the lights of the Woodland Realm.

"Fine. I won't damage your treasured little doll. I know you like playing fight with her." She snarled "You used to do that with me, remember?" Their eyes locked for a moment, the memory of their first kiss lingering in the air between the two of them.

Hazel looked away to the lights outside once more. The attic was dark, as any light could get the attention of the people outside.

That was what their relationship was all about. Discretion, and praying that no one would notice, hoping that they could keep the secret safe for long enough.

"Hazel, you know it's not about that. How long will it be before the whole castle knows you've been fighting?" He hissed, trying to get that stubborn elleth to understand "How long before this is added to the growing gossip?"

"I'm deeply sorry, my lord," Hazel said, mockingly "next time I'll try my best not to be publicly harassed. Thanks to your little pet, Zynia now knows about us. And thanks to His Grace, Alyan does too. Now go lecture them, it's getting late and I have to work tomorrow." She closed her eyes, weary, and waved her hand, as if he was a dog begging for food and she could wave him away.

Thranduil felt his temper heat up. Who did she think she was? He was the king of the Woodland Realm, and he would not be treated so.

"Lady Hazel" He said between his teeth "Careful."

The elleth opened her eyes lazily, looking at him as if he was just an elfling threatening to throw a tantrum.

"Oh, we're back to 'lady' terms?" She straightened her back, looking at her feet for a moment before looking up into his eyes, her face neutral, as if she was there to give him a report on the progress of the apprentice healers.

That woman was absolutely crazy.

"Then if that's all, Your Majesty, please excuse me."

Thranduil sighed. That was so childish.

"Hazel..."

"Wait, is it lady or no lady?" Hazel frowned "I'm too drunk for these sudden swings."

"How mature."

The healer shrugged, leaning back on the window.

"That's me. Drunk, childish, overall loose living Hazel Baker."

Thranduil snapped at her defiant attitude. If he was wrong to let Lady Maril so close, she had her own sins as well.

"Loose living indeed, you're always surrounded by admirers, and that ranger is your favorite, isn't he?"

To his increasing temper, Hazel just laughed.

"I knew it. What about Alyan? He's my friend, I already told you so!"

"Your friend? I see how friendly you are." The king said, his voice coming out louder than he had intended "Why don't you go all the way and kiss him?"

"Thranduil you're being absurd!" Hazel replied, loosing her cool "You're saying to my face that you don't trust me. You ask me to never doubt your love and yet you doubt mine, and have no trouble saying it to my face! You know what? If you half loved me, you would get rid of that snake Lord Maeglad and the little snake, his daughter."

Thranduil panted, shocked.

"Oh, great idea, give me a minute, I'll just lock one of the most influential men in my kingdom in the dungeons." He mocked "You want me to face a rebellion?" The king yelled, tired of that nonsense.

Hazel flared up, tears of anger running down her face.

"Don't yell at me, who do you think you're talking to?" She snarled.

The king felt his own fury threatening to boil over.

"Who do you think you are?" Thranduil asked, louder, daring her to say anything about it "A low born healer with a pretty face. Just because I fancy you, it doesn't make you any greater and it gives you absolutely no right to address me like that!"

There was a sudden silence, and Thranduil could see the storm brewing in Hazel's eyes, clearer than ever, and the clouds of fury that had blinded him, making him say those awful words, seemed to lift, as in a life-or-death situation, when you know you have a second to choose between fight, flee, or die.

Why had he said that again? The king wanted to hit his head against the wall, and it seemed that Hazel would help him with that.

Fight, flee or die.

Flee.

"Hazel, I'm sorry."

The elleth blinked, and there was pain in her eyes when she looked at him.

"You said it all again." She stated "And worse."

He was hurting her again.

"I never meant-"

"Lord Elrond was right." She said, not listening to him "Turns out you did hurt me. You distrust me, you blame me for what's beyond my control, and you call me low born. Again. Worse because I did believe you loved me." Hazel drew a slow breath, and when she opened her eyes the storm was back "I bet you took those pretty words from a book."

The king felt his chest tightening, threatening to crush his heart.

"That's not true, Hazel-"

She raised her hand, and the king fell silent. It was so regally done that he responded to it before he even understood what she'd done.

"Six months. Six months passed, and it didn't matter. I should go back to Rivendell, but I know Mirkwood needs healers, and despite what Your Majesty may think, I'm more mature than running back home and letting people die." Hazel's voice was clear, but the storm was still there in her eyes. The dark lake. Just one step in the water and the vortex would tear him into pieces "Though, I do ask Your Majesty to never talk to me again."

Thranduil stared at her blankly as she turned her back on him to leave. He tried to hold her wrist but she was quick to pull her hand back, tears of anger and hurt running down her pale face.

"Don't touch me." There was a warning edge to her voice, but the king ignored her, holding her arm and pulling her to him.

He didn't care if it was hurting, in that moment he only needed to kiss her tears and make her see that everything was going to be fine. The ranger, Lady Maril, Lord Maeglad, no one could part them. Not even Hazel herself.

Thranduil tasted the salty tears on her lips when he kissed her, but the taste only lasted for half a second before the stinging pain and the taste of blood took it's place. Hazel pushed him and he was taken aback, wiping his lips and finding the back of his hand stained with his blood.

"Don't do that again." Hazel's voice was shaky, and by now the vortex of her temper was perfectly visible in the dark brown eyes.

Thranduil didn't care. That was a game he was an expert at playing. After all he was the fabled ill-tempered king of the Woodland Realm.

"What's the problem with you?" He hissed, still trying to stop the bleeding.

He should have never asked that.

"You are the problem!" She yelled, clenching her fists "You are a liar, a futile, cruel and coward liar! How can you love me if you're heartless?" Thranduil clenched his jaw. After all that they had how did she dare? After he opened his heart for her, after he shared each thought, each feeling.

"Lady Hazel..." His voice was menacing. He would not take that.

It wasn't until he saw her eyes were clear he even knew he had stepped into the water.

"Coward. Heartless. Liar." Hazel placed her hand on the doorknob "You know why you can't trust? Because you can't love. And you can't love because your heart is frozen in your own cowardice. You're too coward to trust, too coward to love, to admit that for once you can't control everything." The king kept his regal mask. Dragon fire didn't hurt half as much. But he wouldn't show it "Find your balls. Unfreeze your heart. Until then, do not talk to me again."

Thranduil watched the door long after she had left. Who was that woman that looked like Hazel? It couldn't be her. His pet dove would never...

The king swallowed hard, the taste of blood making him scowl. Finally he left the attic, heading to his chambers, even though he knew he would get no sleep tonight.

I ran into my room and quietly closed the door behind me, trying not to make noise, my eyes catching a quick glimpse of my pale face in the mirror. The fury I had fought so hard to conceal was coming to me in waves and I did nothing to stop it.

How dared he?

I had been so stupid to think he had changed. I believed him when he opened his heart to me. But it was fake. Thranduil is false, his heart is one of ice, frozen long ago, and nothing in this world can bring him back.

I felt tears of fury streaming down my cheeks, and without a thought I grabbed the glass of water beside my bed, launching it across the room and watching it explode in a thousand crystal pieces. That ugly, hot anger took hold of me and I punched the mirror, caring not that it's pieces cut into my hand. I wanted to destroy everything. Even if in the end I would destroy myself.

I didn't care about myself anymore. If I was stupid enough to fall in love with one like Thranduil I deserved all the punishment in the world.

I opened the crest and threw my dresses to the floor looking for my dagger. It gleamed dangerously, and for a moment I was hypnotized by the sinister calling. I looked up, searching for something to destroy, and my wrath fell upon my bed, which I stabbed as my body shook with the sobs.

"Oh my God, Hazel..." I looked to the door and Zynia stared at me as if I had gone mad.

Oh, wait, that's right. I've gone completely mad.

I hid my face in the side of my desolated bed, the fight was gone from me and I heard Zynia and Melim, talking in a concerned tone.

"Hazel, what happened?" Melim's gentle voice reached me and she patted my back, trying to calm me down.

I didn't answer, by now the sobs had returned and I was shaking.

I felt her patting my back for a long time before exhaustion caused me to sleep.

I woke up feeling dead inside, the cool breeze caressing my face, and noticed that I was lying on the bed. Zynia and Ellia must have carried me when I fell asleep. I opened my eyes, seeing the sky right before dawn, the night stars starting to hide. My hand was bandaged, and I felt the places where the glass had cut into my skin.

Great. A healer with a compromised hand is all but useless.

I washed my face and went to the presence chamber to find Zynia already up.

"Good morning, Hazel. Are you feeling better?" She asked, worried.

I nodded, not wanting to discuss that matter any further.

Zynia helped me undress and I took a quick bath before she helped me dress again. I put on a simple green dress I liked. There was no need for special dresses today.

I started following with the others to breakfast, even though I felt sick at the mere though of eating something, a healer with a hurt hand is already half useless, a starved healer with a hurt hand... I had to eat.

Thranduil.

The thought caused me to stop. I couldn't go into the dinner hall. Seeing him would be too painful.

"Hm, I have to do something, see you later." I said, turning back before giving anyone the chance to question my shaky excuse.

Instead, I took the way to the kitchens. Somehow I had managed not to look too dead, but seeing the king was likely to make me cry my heart out again, which was all I didn't need. I tucked my hand in my pocket, but the familiar piece of paper wasn't there. I had left the letter with all his lies back in my bedroom, to prevent myself from reading it and inevitably crying my heart out. Again.

I would have to burn that letter. I couldn't bring myself to it now, but sooner would be better. If I read the words once more I could start believing them again. They sounded so sincere.

He had probably taken them from a book. I would try to find it, if I wasn't banished from the library. It was certainly a beautiful love story.

"Look who we've got here!" The newest chef greeted me, but his smile faltered when he looked at my face "Lass, you look like dying! Here, have a lemon cake." He pushed the sweet in my hands and I tried to force a smile. Normally, I would be devouring it without a second thought, but today just the idea of trying to push something into my belly made me sick "Why are you here and not with the others?"

I hadn't thought of a decent lie for that.

"There's someone I wish to avoid." I answered, as sincerely as possible.

"Hey, Erynion!" He shouted, with lungs that would shame a herald "Hazel is here!" And turning to me again "I understand you, dearie. That brat is really something, isn't she?"

I widened my eyes at him.

"You mean..."

"Lady Maril, of course, who else? I've heard you'll have to clean her bedroom, and we're all shocked! Everyone knows she's nothing good." By now there were echoes and nods of agreement from the other cooks, who had came closer to give an opinion on Lady Maril's drama "But don't let her put you down like this. Everyone here is for you." He patted my shoulder and all I could do was stare at him, unbelieving.

"I- I don't know what you're talking about." I managed, still shocked.

The chef smirked at me and the other cooks exchanged looks of complicity.

"Of course you don't." He smiled, turning back to his duties, not before calling for Erynion with another impressive shout.

He's talking about the king.

My stomach twisted. I would have worried about that being the most ill-kept secret in History, but it was no longer true, so that gossip would die in time, until it was only speculation if there was ever anything at all between the king and one of his healers.

There was something, indeed.

There was the most beautiful lie an elleth ever believed.

Thranduil found his efforts to get out of bed and go to breakfast useless. Hazel was not there, as she was not there the last time they fought. That is, the last time he hurt her.

The king couldn't believe what had passed the night before. It still sounded like a dream, some awful nightmare, but as he looked at the empty place at the healers' table, where Hazel should be talking and fighting with Lady Zynia, it started to sink in. Still, he couldn't believe that the day would go on and she would not meet him in the attic.

The iced tea made the inside of his lip hurt where she had bitten him.

No. Not after all that had been between them, she wouldn't end it like that. She was so often the one who showed more affection. Hazel was like an open book when it came to love, she hid nothing, she held nothing back, there were no games played. How comes she would turn away from him so easily? How comes she loved him so little, after all?

The king felt his heart heavy. It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy at all. That was the worse fight he ever took part in. He had said unforgivable things, and so did she. Thranduil wondered if Hazel had any idea of how deep she had cut into him.

"Coward. Heartless. Liar. You know why you can't trust? Because you can't love. And you can't love because your heart is frozen in your own cowardice."

The king pushed his food around the plate, looking blankly at the lemon cakes. Was that what Hazel really thought of him? Once he had the courage to share everything with her? Did she have any idea of how hard that was for him, to finally drop the mask and let someone in after all those years?

"Coward. Heartless. Liar."

Thranduil pushed his plate and got up, heading back to his chambers without a word, and not bothering to turn when Legolas called his name.

Hazel's words still haunted his mind.

"You ask me to never doubt your love and yet you doubt mine."

How could that be it? Just like that? How couldn't she see that if he was jealous was just because he loved her so?

It was not her that he distrusted. He distrusted the ranger.

The king found himself unable to sit down and work, or read, or teach anything to the young soldiers. Instead, he simply took his twin swords, taking all his anger on his captains, constantly yelling at them to be faster, stronger, better.

Who was he really angry at? It wasn't Hazel. Nor it was himself. Nor was it Captain Veryan.

The king looked around the training court.

"Ranger!" He called, making half the soldiers present turn to look at him "You." He summoned the brown-haired ellon, turning his swords skilfully in his hands.

I looked around to make sure I was alone before placing a posy at the feet of the statue in the Stewards Quarters. Flowers for the fallen. An old tradition of men. For a moment my mind wandered off to Strawberry Fields, and I wondered if anyone still honored the tradition and cared for my parents' place of resting. I knew that Lord Elrond must be constantly supplying fresh flowers for Dûrion's grave.

I looked up at the blue spring sky.

You were the only one who truly loved me, and I've lost you.

I turned from the sky, pushing away the sadness. That wasn't the time to cry, I would have the whole night to do so. That was time to do my duty.

I needed little inquiry to find Aster, carrying a load of bed linen into the laundry room.

"Hey. Good morning." I forced a smile.

She turned to look at me with the same electricity I had seen before, a radiant smile crossing her face.

"Lady Hazel! You're here for your punishment, I suppose." She frowned for a moment, guessing the reason of my visit to the Stewards Quarters.

"Yes." I confirmed, trying not to think too much about it. If I dwelt on the fact that I was going to clean Maril's bedroom I would most certainly go mad.

"Absurd. I'm pretty sure she started it." Aster muttered, supportive, before gesturing me to follow her "I heard you managed to print your fingers on her face." She smiled sinisterly.

I found it in me to smile at her friendly remark. It was always comforting to remember that I had slapped Maril. Aye, she won, but no one could say I didn't fight.

"There was a mosquito on her face." I replied, innocently.

Aster laughed delightfully at my shameless lie, and her laugh made me feel better amidst all that pain. If I could go through my day almost normally, maybe I could hide that I was dying inside.

Maybe.

Thranduil paced the dark attic, lights on the windows were starting to go out, and he knew everyone was going to bed.

Hazel hadn't come to see him.

He had beaten her favorite ranger in several fights, until the boy could barely stand and there was a considerable cut on one of his arms. The king had trusted that the ranger would run and cry to Hazel, and that she would come after him even if just to scold him. After his harsh words, Thranduil just wanted to see her again, and try to make things right, but though he looked for her in the gardens, in her room, and virtually everywhere in the Healing Wing, all he managed was to get reproaching looks of Lady Zynia and a golden-haired apprentice he recalled to be Ithilwen, one of Hazel's favorites.

The king punched the wall out of frustration, feeling his lip still aching from her bite.

It comforted him to pretend that the lonely tear that ran down his face was of physical pain.

"Don't touch me."

How did they come to that, when she was once so eager for his touch that she wanted to throw her own honor away just to be one with him? The king closed his eyes, the good memories filling his mind without his consent. Everything was so easy back then. He should have listened to her. He should have carried her to his room and held her captive until the sun forced them apart.

If he had listened to her then, everything would be different now.

The king looked once more at the shining lights of the gardens, and at the moon and stars shining in the sky.

If...

Thranduil left the attic, closing the door behind him, and found Legolas in his presence chamber.

"Ada, where were you? You missed dinner, and no one knew were you were!"

The king sighed, taking off his crown and heading to his bedroom.

"I'm here now." He stated, weary.

"Ada, what's wrong? You've been acting strange all day." Legolas pressed, but Thranduil didn't turn to him, filling a glass of wine instead "And what was that at the training? You really hurt Alyan, you know."

"If I hurt him was because he was weak." Thranduil defended, simply, drinking in the strong Dorwinion wine. If there was one thing that Maeglad did right was renewing his contract with Dorwinion Gardens "I'm tired, Legolas. Good night."

The young ellon understood his clue to leave, bowing, but Thranduil knew he wasn't done with that.

I shifted in bed, watching the night sky. It was long into the night, and I hadn't managed to either eat nor sleep the whole day.

Giving up, I got up from bed and took my flute with me. Helpfully my faithful flute would help me to somehow fight the sense of emptiness inside of me. The golden light inside my chest felt dim, shaky, and it was even worse than the physical discomfort of hunger.

I took the discreet way that Legolas taught me so long ago, back when he was still dear Legolas and not His Grace the prince, finding myself finally alone by the river. I inhaled the fresh night air, looking up at the stars.

I guess it's worth the try.

"Dad?"

Nothing.

"Mom? It's me, Hazel."

The stars held their silence, shining in their ethereal light, not concerned by the tortured souls down here.

I decided to plead to someone different, someone I had never actually pleaded to before.

"Nan? Ada? It's me, your daughter." I tried, and the twinkling of a star was all the encouragement that I needed to go on, even though it was, most likely, just an ordinary star "I wonder what you named me." The star didn't answer. I suppose it's kinda hard to spell a name in twinkles. "Why is it that everyone that ever loved me is up there?"

There was no answer but for an indifferent twinkle. I sighed.

"I hope you like flute music."

I closed my eyes, taking the beautifully engraved flute to my lips and letting my sorrow flow through me into the notes.

All I ever wanted was the love of a family.

There was a time I must have had it, and then I lost them to an orc pack. Then I found it again, in the arms of a loving couple that had no child but me to love. And I lost them to old age.

Another love. Another orc pack.

Why was it that I seemed destined to always be without love? I wasn't so evil to deserve that punishment. I can be selfish, and sometimes mean, but to the point where the Valar seemed fit that I should spend eternity alone?

The thought of my meanness brought back the memories of my fight with Thranduil. I had said such terrible things to him, such ugly lies, that I could only pray he would know they weren't true. All because I'm so proud and cruel.

Perhaps in the end I do deserve the punishment from the Valar.

Not that Thranduil was without fault, that he wasn't. He too was cruel, and a liar.

If only he would trust me.

I mentally shook my head. Thranduil and I would never be. He was a cruel liar, just like me. Perhaps he too suffered the same penalty for his crimes. Perhaps that's why we're soulmates, destined to want one another for all eternity, yet incapable of finding love. I will always love him and have only pretty lies, and he will be always surrounded by happy loving couples, unable to feel love, unable to retrieve what was lost.

That was quite an elaborate punishment. The Valar must have nothing better to do with their time.

I looked up at the sky in fury, searching, among the ancestors of all races, some helpful soul.

"Why don't you just let me be happy?"

There was no answer but for a few twinkles of support, and I went back to my purge, allowing my sad thoughts to run free. I had hurt the man I loved again. I hoped it was only the biting, praying that he hadn't listened to the harsh words. In a contradictory way, I wanted him to hurt for all the pain he had caused me, but the thought of his suffering made me want to cradle him in my arms and to know that I was the cause was enough to drive me mad if I dwelt in it.

The chilly breeze carried the smell of Mirkwood Cedar and wine, and I nearly dropped my flute, my eyes flying open.

"That's such a sad song."

He was there, right in front of me, his silvery hair moving with the breeze, icy blue eyes locked to mine. I wanted to run to him, kiss him and tell him I'm sorry for everything. And at the same time I wanted to hit him for all the awful things he said to me.

"A low born healer with a pretty face."

I wouldn't kiss him ever again.

Focusing all my will power not to cry I managed a low curtsy, not daring to look up and meet his glacial blue eyes. They would be my downfall.

"Your Majesty."

Thranduil didn't come any closer, as I knew he wouldn't. There was a long silence, and each second that passed only added to my will to run to him and kiss him. Though, after what I had done I doubted he would accept me back.

If I wanted to go back to him. Which I didn't. I may be low born, but I know what I'm worth and I have my pride. I would not return to a king who was so futile to throw that on my face every time we fought.

Yet it was hard to keep that in mind when I saw my own pain mirrored in his eyes.

"This is most inappropriate." I managed, forcing my voice not to shake "Good night, Your Majesty."

"Lady Hazel" His voice made me stop. Not because he had called me, but because there was so much pain in it "Will you just talk to me?"

I should say no and go to the Healing Wing. Thranduil knew he had hurt me, and he had done nothing about it apart from showing up with that face like a kitten abandoned in a desert.

But then, I too had been the vilest bitch, and hadn't done anything about it as well.

I turned to face the king again, not making any motion to get closer to him. It was so unnatural to stand so far when we're alone. But that's how it'll be from now on, so I better get used to it.

Still, I didn't like it, or the feeling of guilt that made me sick in my stomach. It was time for me to do one of the things I hated the most.

"I'm sorry for the intemperate words." I mumbled, clearing my throat before repeating it, louder "I'm sorry for the intemperate words I said, Majesty. I didn't mean them."

Thranduil tensed and I knew he had taken my harsh words to heart. It would take more than that to fix what I'd done.

Great work, Hazel. I hope you're happy now, you proud brat.

The Valar should line up to slap me across my face.

"I believe I too owe you an apology, Lady Hazel." He said, and my heart broke to hear his cold regal voice. He didn't use that voice with me "Will you come back here tomorrow?"

His question made me frown, confused. Why did he want to wait until tomorrow night to apologize?

I nodded, before curtsying and leaving to the Healing Wing, and this time he didn't call me back, which was both a disappointment and a relief, typical to the contradictory way of my love/hate for him.

Who am I trying to fool, I can't hate this man. It's just love.

Weak Hazel.

Truth is that I love Thranduil, and I'll always love him. He is my punishment. Two tortured souls, too wicked to find love. I wondered if we would ever have our redemption. At least I knew where to start. It was only when I was free from the guilt that I would be able to go on with my life, now that I was no longer the king's favorite.

Now that I was no longer Thranduil's little dove.

The though made my chest tighten and I felt the tears coming back to my eyes.

Why am I always crying?

That was it for today sweets! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to review and let me know your thoughts on the story so far. If you're new to court, make sure to favorite and follow to keep up with the next chapters! xoxo