34
The Hokage had been keeping him busy of late, and when Tsunade didn't need him Temari always had something for him to do. Today was his first day in a week without an assignment. He had taken advantage of it. At the moment he was lying underneath his favorite tree atop his favorite hill. Though it was fall the weather was still just fine if you had a jacket on. He was watching the clouds and just beginning to doze off.
"Hey lazy! Wake you ass up!"
Shikamaru opened both eyes to see his beloved climbing up the hill with what looked a big plastic cooler.
"Hey Temari, did you bring lunch?" It was a still a bit early, but lunch followed by an extended make out session seemed like a nice way to pass the time. He was surprised when she shook her head.
"Not this time lazy. This," she held out the cooler. "Is part of a mission the two of us have been assigned."
He let out a groan. "The Hokage promised me I'd have today off, she really is trying to work me to death you know."
Temari laughed at that. "Well knowing you it wouldn't take much. Now get up we've been assigned a delivery mission."
He complained some more, but got up. "So what are we delivering? Human organs for transplant? Perishable medical supplies?"
Temari had another long laugh. "Not even close! Here, take a look." She promptly opened the top of the cooler."
He leaned in and grimaced at what he saw. "Ew!"
Temari shook her head as she put the lid back on. "Ew? What sort of ninja are you?"
"I'm the kind that doesn't like fish." That was true, both he and his father just didn't care for any sort of fish.
"Well, being from the desert I don't have a taste for it either. But we're supposed to deliver it, not eat it, so we should be fine."
"Wait a minute; the Hokage assigned two Jonin to deliver a fish?" It was a big fish, at least ten pounds, but still… "Are you sure this is a real mission? It sounds more like one of Naruto's old pranks."
In response Temari handed him the mission order. "I got that from the Hokage herself not ten minutes ago."
Shikamaru looked at the order carefully. The signature and seal certainly looked authentic. And he and Temari were specifically named on it. "We're to bring this to Otsu? That's a little village less than fifty miles from here. We can get there in less than an hour."
"Good, since it's almost eleven and the mission specifically requires completion of delivery before noon. Something wrong?"
He was grimacing. "There's something familiar about this village, something I can't quite remember."
"Is it dangerous?" Temari asked.
"No, it's just a little town in the middle of nowhere." He frowned. "But there's something about it…"
"Well if it's important I'm sure it will come to you. Now here," she handed him the cooler. "You can carry the fish."
"Troublesome."
XXXXXXXXXX
Flying through the forest was actually rather pleasant, but something kept bothering Shikamaru.
"Why would the Hokage assign such a mundane mission to the two of us? It makes no sense. Any Genin could handle this."
Temari looked at him and smiled, he was cute when he was flustered. "Well, maybe you had it right on your first guess. Maybe this is part of Tsunade's fiendish plot to do you in through overwork."
Shikamaru sent her a flat look "You're not helping you know."
"Maybe she was just wanting to give us a chance to be alone." Temari said.
Shikamaru gave her a knowing smirk. "That's what our hotel suite is for."
She tried to sound outraged. "Is that all I am to you?"
"Of course not," he answered. "You're also a really good cook."
She wanted to sound upset but couldn't quite keep the amusement out of her voice. "Why do I put up with you?"
"Because you're madly in love with me of course."
"Well the first half is right anyway."
XXXXXXXXXX
They arrived at the small town without incident and were soon found the client's address. It was a fairly nice one story house with a well kept lawn. They could smell cooking coming from the house as they approached the doorway.
It was the smell of cooking that did it. Suddenly what Shikamaru had been trying to remember all came back to him. He came to an abrupt halt just before reaching the front porch.
"What's wrong?" Temari asked him.
He gave her a look of doomed resignation; his eyes told her all hope was lost. "We've been tricked," Shikamaru said in a weak tone. "This is an ambush."
In just seconds she'd leaped back from the house and opened her fan. Her eyes darting about. "Do you see enemy ninja?" She was surprised that Shikamaru was still rooted to the spot. She was even more surprised to see him still holding onto the cooler.
"It's not that sort of ambush Temari," he said in a resigned voice. "It's much, much worse."
She was about to ask him what the hell he meant when the door to the house creaked open. There in the doorway was a little old man who had to be in his late sixties at least. He was stooped over and had thick glasses that might have been made from the bottom of some bottles. He also had on the most horrendously ugly yellow kimono she'd ever seen. She was wondering how such a frail little man could be any sort of threat.
She promptly found out.
The man eyed Shikamaru for a moment, and then held out his arms. "Well Shikamaru? Aren't you going to give your grandfather a hug?"
"Of course, ojiisan." Shikamaru set down the cooler and carefully gave the man a hug. "It is good to see you ojiisan."
"Really?" The man asked. "If it is so good you should come and visit me on occasion. I have not moved anywhere in the past ten years. You have been all the way to Suna, but you cannot seem to find your way to Otsu unless I pay for it."
Shikamaru looked a bit embarrassed and began to rub the back of his head. "I'm sorry about that honorable grandfather; I've just been very busy."
"Yes, busy looking at clouds no doubt, just like that father of yours." The old man sighed. "Yes, that is much more important than seeing your poor old grandfather who could pass away at any moment. It is good you have your priorities in order."
Shikamaru grinned weakly. Why didn't I run away when I had the chance? "I was expecting to see you at the wedding, you are still coming aren't you honorable grandfather."
"Have I ever missed a wedding of one of my children of grandchildren? I just wanted to meet my future granddaughter before the wedding." He looked past Shikamaru to the young woman standing in his walkway. "Are you going to introduce us Shikamaru?"
"Of course, honorable grandfather, this is Sabaku no Temari, the daughter of the Fourth Kazekage and sister to the Fifth and the most troublesome and amazing woman in the world. She also happens to be the woman I love with all my heart."
Shikamaru then turned to Temari. "Temari, this is my maternal grandfather Hotono Hatsu, he was a famous chef and still owns several restaurants in Konoha."
Temari gave the man a very deep and respectful bow. "I am honored to meet you sir. Your daughter Yoshino has told me all about you."
He nodded. "I'm sure she has, but I am not as bad as she makes me out to be. She has also written to me quite a bit about you." He held out his index finger and began to turn it round and round. Temari stared at him having no idea what was going on.
The old man sighed. "Turn around please."
"Excuse me?" Temari asked.
"I would like you to turn around so I can get a look at you from the back and front."
Temari sent Shikamaru a questioning look. He just gave her a weary nod. So she slowly turned all the way around for him.
The man stood there and nodded. "My daughter was right; you have big tits, wide hips and a big ass." He turned to Shikamaru. "I guess your mother was right, you like women with plenty of curves."
Temari was staring at the man with her jaw hanging wide open. She suddenly had a very strong suspicion as to where Yoshino got her personality from. "What did you just say?"
He looked back at her and shouted. "I SAID YOU HAD BIG TITS WIDE HIPS AND A BIG ASS." He brought his voice back down to a more reasonable volume. "My daughter didn't mention anything about you being hard of hearing."
He turned back to Shikamaru. "Your mother also tells me the two of you have been going at it like a pair of spring hares the last few months. Since you're a ninja shouldn't you have a little more self control?"
Shikamaru was turning red and struggling to say something, anything, coherent.
His grandfather then turned back to Temari. "So is it true that the two of you have been having sex in the house even when his parents are right downstairs?"
Her jaw was still hanging open. Inside Inner Temari was screaming and tearing her hair out. What is wrong with this family?! They're all insane! Growing up with her brother Gaara she had assumed her family to be the most dysfunctional one possible. But at least Gaara had the decency to just kill you. He never forced anyone to discuss their sex life out in public.
"Ojiisan," Shikamaru mercifully interrupted. "What about this fish we brought you?"
The old man looked at the cooler and nodded. "That will be the main course for lunch; I've already prepared all the side dishes."
Shikamaru blanched. "Ojiisan, you know I don't like fish."
"Just like your father," the old man complained. "I am a master chef; you will enjoy it, now go in and sit down." Resigned to his fate Shikamaru entered the house.
He turned his attention back to a now wary Temari. "Yoshino tells me you know how to cook. Do you know how to prepare fish?"
"Ah, not really, neither Shikamaru nor I really care for it."
"In that case it's high time you learn." The man picked up the cooler and opened the door.
"You know that's really not…" Temari began.
The little old man gave her a look that immediately silenced her. "Let's go girl, you're learning how to cook fish today."
She simply nodded and headed up the porch steps. Shikamaru was right, this was worse than being ambushed by ninja.
XXXXXXXXXX
Yoshino and Shikaku were snuggled up on the sofa. Shikaku took a look at the clock and grinned.
"Right about now the two of them are having to eat some of that damn fish your dad loves to make." Shikaku said.
Yoshino shook her head. "Dad's a good cook, you just don't like fish."
"Neither do the kids." Shikaku pointed out.
"Well the meal's the best part, after that dad will start telling them the story about starting his first restaurant, and then of course the slides."
Shikaku shuddered in remembered dread. "Do you feel a little guilty forcing the two of them to go through that?"
Yoshino shook her head. "Nope, we had to endure it. So did all my brothers and sisters and the people they married. So have all the kids who have gotten married so far. It's a right of passage into this family."
"It seems kind of cruel," Shikaku pointed out.
"It will build character and strengthen their ties."
"I suppose," he paused for a bit. "You know I can think of something else that strengthens ties." He gave her a knowing grin. "And unlike being with your dad it's actually fun."
Smiling she gave him a quick kiss and jumped off the couch. "I'll race you upstairs."
XXXXXXXXXX
Four long, long, hours after arriving they were finally permitted to go. Once they were safely out of hearing range Temari turned and looked at her fiancé.
"Shikamaru I love you with all my heart. I want to spend my life with you and grow old together. I want us to have a huge family and share all the joys and heartaches of family life. In other words, you are my whole life. But," her eyes darkened dangerously. "If you ever ask me to go through that again I'll bury you in sand and take the children with me to Suna."
Shikamaru nodded. "Temari, if I ever suggest doing that you can go ahead and kill me because I'm either an imposter or possessed."
As they headed back to Konoha they discussed ways to avoid granddad at the wedding reception.
They also agreed that Tsunade would be seated right next to him.