Lucifer was bored. Everyone else was out of the 'telepathic chat window' as Dean flippantly called it, and that meant he had no one to talk to. At least that was what he thought.
Hello Lucifer.
The arch angel sat up in shock. He knew that voice, how could he not?
Father?
I've been watching Dean and Sam. I must admit, I wasn't expecting Death to pull something like this off just to get back at Micheal. But it's definitely working out better than I thought.
You've been watching them?
God suddenly sounded a little sheepish as he said I've had to relive this current mess so many times that when Dean told Castiel about Sam dating Loki I decided to actually pay attention to them again. When I realized something was very off I asked Death what happened and he told me everything.
Lucifer snorted.
Mort said that his current 'Master' asked him for a second chance to live, so he picked Dean's body to do it.
Mort?
Dean called Death Mort, and the name stuck for some reason, shrugged Lucifer.
It will be interesting to see if he can actually change things.
So what prompted this anyway?
I was curious if you were willing to try an experiment. If Death thinks I'm not going to join in on his idea of a prank then he's got another thing coming.
Lucifer sat up. Finally some action!
I'm all ears!
How long do you think it would take Micheal and the others to realize you're out before Lilith is killed, if she ever is?
Yeah, I don't see Dean falling for it. Not if Mort tells him about the seal. He's more likely to transfigure her into something humiliating and then hand it to an angel just to piss them off, said Lucifer flatly.
God snorted in amusement. From what he saw of the brothers, that was really, really likely. And very funny to boot.
So what's the plan?
You get a vessel like Gabriel's that doesn't require you take over Sam Harvelle and in exchange you take pictures of their expression when they find out I let you go from the cage before the seals were fully broken. I expect several of your brothers when they finally catch on, said God without any hesitation.
Death got to prank his children, why couldn't he? This Lucifer was much more reasonable and Death's mortal avatar could easily handle keeping Lucifer in line.
Besides, he didn't want Lucifer to fight Micheal any more than Gabriel did.
So...do I get any input on what it looks like? And do you want pictures of Dean's slow realization that he might like Castiel ?
Yes to both!
Gabriel stared at Sam and Dean wide-eyed in horror.
"Someone actually did that stupid razors in the candy myth? Who would be so evil as to ruin candy like that?" he asked.
If the situation wasn't so serious, Dean would have laughed at the look on Gabriel's face. Instead he had a better idea.
"When we find the bastards, wanna go full on Trickster on their ass?"
"Damn straight! No one messes with candy some poor kid could have eaten and gets away with it!" said Gabriel with righteous anger in his eyes.
"You wanna share with Bear or do you just wanna meet us there?"
"No way am I sharing with Bear. He takes up the back seat all by himself! But..." said Gabriel looking at Sam with a hint of mischief in his eyes.
"You are not sitting in my lap Lo'," said Sam.
"How about around your neck?" said Gabriel, before he shifted into a tiny golden fox. Sam picked him up...and Gabriel curled around his neck like a scarf. Dean snorted and took a picture with his phone.
It took them a few hours to get to the town, and almost immediately Gabriel tensed.
What's wrong Lo'? Sam asked.
Two angels are in town. One of 'em feels like Castiel.
Why would Castiel be here? Dean asked.
Considering the other feels like Uriel, I'm guessing this isn't just a normal witch hunt. I have a feeling this is about Samhain, the demon behind Halloween.
Great. A demon and angels. What could go wrong?
...Hey Dean, wanna do the whole 'Exorcist Stitch' prank on Uriel? Gabriel grinned at him.
Dean paused, then a slow evil smirk on his face appeared. That did sound fun.
"Dude, two words: Jail. Bait," said Sam.
Try old hag, Gabriel piped up. He was hiding in Sam's pocket as a kitten.
This the witch?
One of them. She planted the hex bag. Plant a tracker on 'er Dean-o! But make it discreet, otherwise she'll know a natural magical is onto her.
Dean did one better. He placed a scent tag on her that would attach to the first thing she came across that had demon magic on it in case she had a partner. It would make tracking her very easy.
Then they could set Gabriel on them both. He took the fact they hexed candy very seriously.
Dean picked up a couple of bags of decent chocolate before they drove back to the motel.
Gabriel perked up.
"Do I smell chocolate?" he asked.
Dean tossed him a bag and kept the other for himself. Gabriel cackled as he dove in with glee. There was a knock on the door before Dean could sit down.
"Yes?" said Dean, holding it partially open.
Outside was a dirty blond haired man, and when he lifted his rather old-fashioned hat Dean saw a pair of quicksilver eyes.
"Hello. May I bother you for some donations to the Church's Halloween fund? Each dollar you donate goes to buying wholesome treats for the children," asked the man pleasantly.
Normally Dean would fork over a few bucks for the cause. After all, how many demons could pull off a priest, complete with the tacky scarf?
Dean's eyes instead narrowed in shock.
"Lucifer?" he said quietly, in case the angels were listening.
Lucifer grinned. He put his finger to his mouth and looked pointedly at Gabriel. Dean grinned, he got the message.
"Sure Padre, how much you need?" said Dean, keeping up the ruse.
Gabriel got up to see the priest...and his jaw dropped. Sam only looked up when he heard Gabriel's bag of candy fall to the floor. Gabriel thought wasting good candy (and Dean had gotten the really good stuff) was a sin in itself.
"Dean? Who's at the door?"
Dean got out of the way so Gabriel could tackle his brother in a hug.
"How'd you get out bro?" asked Gabriel.
"It seems dear old dad was listening in after Dean told Castiel you were dating Sam, and he wasn't anywhere near Ruby. Once he knew about that he checked his facts and found out what Mort did. He wasn't about to let Death one-up him, so he offered to let me out early if I behaved," said Lucifer amused.
"Dad knows about me?"
"He doesn't care about the fact you became Loki. So long as you don't join in the Apocalypse you can walk around naked for all he's concerned."
Gabriel grinned.
"So you're with us in keeping the fight from restarting?"
"So long as I'm left alone outside of visiting you and the others, I'm free. Of course that also means we don't need the chat open anymore just to talk."
"We get to corrupt you in person!" said Gabriel cheering.
"So if you're here, do you have any idea what the deal is with the razors in the candy and some girl dying while bobbing apples?" asked Sam.
Lucifer rolled his eyes.
"A pair of witches are attempting to raise Samhain. A brother and sister to be exact. It also happens to be a major seal to the cage," said Lucifer.
Sam paled once he got to the page referencing Samhain.
"Well at least that explains the reason for pumpkin carving," he muttered.
"Why a priest's outfit though?" asked Gabriel, retrieving his candy and offering a few pieces to Lucifer.
Lucifer took them and said "You've got a pair of angels watching the area. One of which is Uriel. I'm sure Micheal sent him to smite the town if you don't find the witches before the third sacrifice."
"Smite an entire town?" said Dean. Lucifer nodded.
"Uriel was one of the angels who were rather...enthusiastic...about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah," said Lucifer. Gabriel shuddered. He still remembered the screams.
Sam hugged him.
"So why exactly do the angels think Sam would be with this Ruby demon?"
"Ruby's assignment by Lilith is to corrupt Sam by getting him to drink demon's blood. There was a whole plan of getting him to go after demons to bring you out of hell, have him injured badly enough to need supernatural healing, and then get him hooked to demon's blood at the same time. That went to shit after you filled the contract and left hell early, but not before making sure Sam would be with his new beau Loki first. Should have heard Lilith rant when she found out Sam went on vacation with a hunter she didn't know about and a Pagan bodyguard. Ruby couldn't even come close to him."
"Damn straight! Like I would let some demon slut near what's mine!" said Gabriel.
Sam rolled his eyes.
"Coincidentally, did you know if you were to wrap an angel in human magic they can bypass a banishing spell?" said Lucifer to Gabriel.
"Seriously?"
"Dad thought it would be funny to give the Harvelles something to get rid of Uriel, so he adjusted the spell without letting Micheal know. And since our brothers don't know these two idiots are magical and have a decent grasp on how to use it without a wand..." said Lucifer.
"Oh that is going to be fun..." said Gabriel evilly.
"But you can't be the one to use the sigil. Otherwise you'll be thrown out with everyone else," said Lucifer.
"So you staying with us?"
"Actually I just came to say hi. I'm going to have a movie marathon at Gabriel's pocket dimension for now. Watching them second-hand isn't nearly as fun as watching them yourself. Besides I intend to raid his booze," deadpanned Lucifer.
"Be sure to feed the the pugs and Max!" said Gabriel. If Lucifer wanted to crash at his pad, he had no problem with that. It kept him from trying to kill off humanity and their brother's radar.
"Need...sleep..." said Dean yawning. He looked at his brother and his brother's angel boyfriend.
"If you're going to have any hanky-panky, for the love of Death put up a privacy screen and plenty of silencers," he deadpanned.
"Deal," said Gabriel grinning while giving Sam a leering grin.
"No costumes," said Sam immediately sighing.
"But Sammy~" said Gabriel with a whine.
Sam looked at Gabriel in the eyes. Five minutes later he gave up.
"Fine, but nothing feminine or so help me I'll lace your candy bags with laxatives," said Sam.
Gabriel cheered quietly, as Dean had laid down to take a nap.
He debated on which charms to use before he had an evil idea. He sent Dean to his personal pad and a note to Lucifer to prank Dean when he woke up. Chances were Lucifer would eventually find his porn collection, so he would have some idea of how to really scare Dean. He could only hope his brother would share that memory if he took the not-so-subtle hint.
Turning back to Sam, he snapped his boyfriend into a rather...provocative outfit.
Sam looked down before he glared at Gabriel.
His outfit was tight leather, black wings and halo and chains practically everywhere.
"Fallen angel, really?" said Sam. Gabriel grinned. Sam smirked and decided to get some payback. He turned Gabriel into a Weeping Angel.
"What's this?"
"I'll introduce you to Doctor Who later. Just don't tell Dean until later... we can give him a scare when he gets back with that costume."
Dean was the one who introduced Sam to the series after all.