Her eyes widened and she gently slid her hand off my cheek. The warmth from her hand was gone, and the air around was ice cold. The cute smile on her face turned into a line.
I wished this could all just disappear.
No tragic past.
None of the lies…if there were any.
Just us living in the moment.
"Ikuto I-
"Tell me Amu…were you lying to me back then?"
"N-
For once – be honest with me."
"Yes."
This was the part where I didn't know exactly how to feel. Some part of me was shocked. Another part of me knew she had been lying this entire time. The only question now was why?
"Then tell me all of it."
"Ikuto-
"Please," I said hearing the own pain in my voice.
Her golden eyes with its usual brightness were now dead and dull. She took a deep breath and started.
"When I was 8 my parents were brutally murdered in our own home. The murders shot my dad first, and then came inside. My mom hid us while she ran away to a different part of the room. While she ran, I called 911. The operator, she accused me of pulling a prank and by then it was already over – my mom was dead. Ami and I escaped through the window. I was 8 at the time and she was 1. We were going to buy a Christmas tree the next day…it was December 20. That was the darkest night of my life…"
She sucked in a ragged breath then took a seat on the chair.
I did the same, but I sat at my desk.
"A few days later, the police found us and turned us in to our relatives. Family meeting after family meeting, they all seemed to have too much on their hands to take in two emotionally scarred kids. So I stole some money along with a few provisions, stuffed them into a backpack and made a run for it. For the next two years Ami and I lived on the streets."
"The orphanage was a lie."
"Yes."
In complete frustration, I shoved my hand into my hair. I refused to believe that the woman I was in love with got her hardcore determination from living on the streets.
"The first days in anything are always rough – I figured that out when some guy stole our food. The streets were dangerous, so I purchased a gun. My attitude changed completely as well. I wasn't going to think that everything would just be fine, because it wasn't. I became meaner, colder…anything it took to get us food and shelter. That's how I lived for 2 years."
"God Amu," I groaned.
I couldn't believe all that happened to her when she was 8. Hell, when I was 8, I was playing soccer with all the other kids. Or I was being forced to learn piano. Or watching T.V. and playing video games at the same time. Or bothering the hell out of Saya.
You get it.
"Let me finish. 2 years later, I'm 10 years old and Ami is 3. It was in the middle of the afternoon, and I was carrying Ami through the streets. To any other person, it looked like our parents had sent us on a grocery errand. And that's precisely what I would tell them when one of them bent down to ask. Everyone believed my excuse except for two people. Two teenagers to be precise – Nina and Hikaru. They were 19, heavily in love, and saw through our excuse."
She paused for a moment and smiled as if remembering the memory and savoring every last bit of it.
"Turns out they were living on the streets too. Nina asked if she could travel with us and I said okay. But the first few weeks I didn't trust them. Bit by bit, I opened up to their generosity and soon we were tight knit family. A couple months later, we were on our way to buy a watermelon from the flee market. It was summer, we were hot, and watermelon was in season. After purchasing it, we walked back to our little dingy alley way. As we were walking back, we noticed a boy a little older than me getting beat up by his own father. Hikaru was so angry he confronted the boy's father. And being the heartless bastard he was, he sold us the boy. The boy who turned out to be Renji."
"He sold his son?"
"Yeah. Renji didn't trust us for a while; didn't even let us hug him. Eventually I was able to befriend him…later on he accepted Hikaru and Nina. I never told him this…I may have gotten through his hard shell first, but he got to my heart first. I guess I never really realized I liked him…even loved him until a couple days before I would never be able to see his face again. Months later, Nina wanted us to look for an Italian restaurant…something about it having an alley. She was always weird like that- but we sneak in. Ami was Nina and Hikaru's baby. They pretend to lose her and cause a commotion. Meanwhile, Renji and I sneak out back and steal food. After we leave, we begin our meal in the alley when we hear footsteps. Not quiet…but not loud. But every…every step sounded like thunder to me. Every step felt like ice. Then we hear his voice and Renji takes Ami and me – we hide behind the dumpster."
I wanted her to stop.
I wanted to go over towards her, wrap my around her waist, and tell her to stop.
But I couldn't.
I couldn't because I was selfish.
Her eyes brimmed with tears.
"He asks for food…and I…I feel a deep fear burning my stomach. The man – he tells Nina he wants food, shelter and fun. I didn't know what he meant by 'fun' but Renji held me tighter and Hikaru stepped in front of Nina protectively. He told the man she had a boyfriend. He smiles…the man smiles. It gave me shivers…and then I hear a gun shot and Nina screams. He shot Hikaru. Hikaru was dead…h-he was dead. His bright sea green eyes lifeless; he was submerged in his own pool of his own blood; the man then runs to Nina and he…he….h-he rapes her-
A sob caught in her throat and she started crying.
I felt the guilt overwhelm me.
She wouldn't even be crying if I hadn't wanted to know.
Not being able to bear her tears, I moved towards her but she only pushed me back.
"N…no I need to get this over with. He rapes her and as he does she's struggling. A couple blows here and that gets him off for a few seconds, but it wasn't enough. He beats her until she can't fight back. After he's finished…after he finished he shot her in the chest. My family…they were dead and I couldn't even help-
"You were 10."
"I was useless and they died because of me. We kept quiet as he ate our food. Just as he was about to leave Renji's arm hit the fence behind us. The man turned around and immediately fired a bullet. It missed us and after he left, all I did was run over to Nina and Hikaru. I cried over them, and as I did, Renji came out with muffled groans. I had been wrong when I said the man had missed – he had hit Renji. I wrapped up his wound and buried Nina and Hikaru in their current cemetery by myself. I didn't want Renji to help…his arm was infected. A few days later, he had turned quite pale and kept coughing. Then he said he wanted to check something out at the Nina and Hikaru's grave. He felt something was wrong. When we got there he began to cough dangerously then collapsed to the floor. I made a small fire to keep his ice body warm. He said he wasn't afraid of dying anymore once the fire was set. I told him he wouldn't and he insisted I check his wound. It was gruesome and then he told me he loved me then died in my arms."
Amu stopped moving and brought her knees to her chest.
She placed her hands on her head and began to rock back and forth on the couch like chair.
She was crying viciously.
It was enough.
I had had enough.
"Amu, just stop," I pleaded.
"But I can't…
Her voice doesn't sound like hers anymore.
It's more eerie.
More shrill.
More cold.
A voice unlike her own.
"Because you see," she continues. "This is where I meet him."
This is where she meets me, she means. But she doesn't know that yet.
"I'm back to where it all started. I'm by myself with Ami once again. I managed to live on somehow because my only route to existence was Ami now. One day, she bumps into this man. I just vaguely know him – he's a beggar on the streets. He picks a fight with us and pops out his gun. I do too. He just came to shoot me in the ankle but hits Ami's shoulder instead. She falls to the cement and starts wailing while the man walks away laughing. There's only one thought going through my head now – don't die like Renji did. I take her to almost every hospital I can but they refuse to nurse her because we were-
The memories surged through me.
I remembered the whole negotiation case with the criminal who sounded too young to be a full grown criminal. How she described her past to me…a past so similar to Amu's. So similar to hers because they were the same people.
"Because you were broke," I finished.
"How'd you know?"
Because you told me 10 years ago.
"Common case."
"Yeah…so I go into a bank to get some money. I didn't mean to take hostages but the more I saw them the more hate I had towards them. It was people like them that killed my parents. People like them that killed my friends. People like them that shot Ami. I know this is a bad way of thinking but that's what I thought. Then I meet him…the negotiator that changed my life for the better. He got me out of the bank then gave me $100,000 for school. I meet him again after 4 years. We'd been keeping minimum contact for a while and then he comes back giving me news that they captured the guy who killed Nina and everyone else. He gave me a birthday present and took me to court. I think it was then that I developed a little crush on him. I waited for him to call me back after that day but he never did-
I couldn't, there was deal.
"I waited for him to call me everyday, but he never did. So I gave up hope. I gave up. And that's the end of the story…"
No keep talking Amu.
You have to keep talking or I'll have to carry out the deal again.
Don't make me do this again.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why would I want to put a burden on your shoulders?"
"It was already a burden. Every time a sad look came into your eyes because you weren't able to do something…like the arcade or the build-a-bear."
Amu opened her mouth to talk but her phone vibrated. She and whoever was on the phone talked for while, which allowed me to think.
"Ikuto, Rima wants us to go to her office."
"Okay."
I turned around and hugged her. Her body tensed up then relaxed. I snaked my arms around her neck and broke the chain she wore around her neck. The necklace of the small cat made of sapphires hugging the strawberry made of rubies I had given her on Christmas.
She immediately pulled away and stared at the broken chain in her palms.
"Why'd you do that for?" she asked.
"Amu…I don't think there should be an 'us' anymore."
Her eyes went lifeless and I cursed myself for being a jerk.
"Why?" she squeaked.
"The lies."
"I-
"We should go…Rima called us remember."
"Oh…and Amu."
"What?"
"Your welcome."
"For what?"
"You'll find out."
I shot one more glance at her before I left. She had fell down to the couch and was just staring at the necklace. I was the one that made her tell her past…and I'm the one that broke her heart. What a perfect day…
Squeezing my eyes shut, I shut the door behind me firmly when I hear the choke of a sob erupt from her fragile self.
Amu POV
I buried my head into my eyes and remained motionless. This was all too surreal for me. I couldn't believe he just broke up with me. The immense pain filled my chest. I could already feel the loneliness seeping in.
I held my head back to prevent the tears from falling. I wouldn't cry right now or here in his damn office. For just a moment, I looked over to his desk and eyed the folder he had been holding when I came in. I picked it up, put in my bag and then headed to Rima's office slowly.
When I walked in he was pleasantly chatting with Rima like the past half hour hadn't really existed. He didn't even look at me when I walked in. Oh how I wanted to just leave the office.
The tears were threatening to fall and my throat felt tight.
"Amu, you okay?" asked Rima leaving Ikuto and running up to me.
"I – yeah. Just peachy," I said with a fake smile plastered right on my face.
"Really? You and Ikuto both seem a little off."
"Don't worry, I'm fine. If I wasn't I wouldn't be here right now."
She looked at me suspiciously before walking back to her desk and picking up a file.
"Tsukasa wasn't in today so he asked me to give you these files. They're for France."
I took my file and looked at Rima, "If that's all, I'll be leaving now."
"Amu."
"What?"
"Be careful."
I glanced at Rima and gave her another fake smile before leaving the office. After the door shut behind me, I burst out running. I couldn't take the pressure anymore. Sometime when I was running, Suzuki called my name but I ignored her. I kept running till I was sitting down in my car. And when my body finally made contact with the leather seats I burst out crying.
Through sobs, I managed to drive home. I didn't play the radio and I always do. I didn't roll down the window like I always do when I can. All I did was drive, breathe, cry and that was the cycle of it all.
I dragged myself to the front door where Ami greeted me.
"Home already – What's wrong?" she shrieked running towards me.
"N-nothing."
"Come on, come sit on the couch-
"I want my room."
"Okay, let's go to your bed and I'll make you something to eat."
I didn't even want anything to eat. But I was in no mood to argue. I trudged upstairs, somehow found the energy to change into pajamas, and then flung myself into my bed. I reached over and grabbed the tissue box.
By the time Ami walked in, there were a few tissues just sitting on my bed. She sat right down next to me and put a tray on my stomach. I leaned up a little to see what she had brought me – and ice cream sundae with all my favorite toppings. She placed her hand on my head and soothingly stroked my hair.
"What happened? And don't say 'nothing' because we both know that's a lie."
"I-Ikuto," I mumbled starting another sob fest.
"Ikuto? What'd he do? A fight?"
I shook my head.
"Okay so no fight…um…he broke up with you? That doesn't seem likely b-
I nodded my head.
"He BROKE UP with you? Why?" repeated Ami stretching and shouting out my two least favorite words at the moment.
I pulled the covers over my head.
"Because I lied. Ami…can you leave," I whispered gently as the tears rolled down my hot face.
"I – okay."
She got up, moved the partially melted ice cream onto the night dresser and then silently left the room. I curled up on the bed, and then feeling uncomfortable I got up and headed towards my dresser with the large mirror.
I looked at all the frames Ikuto and I had taken together. Biting my quivering lip, I placed all the photos face down. I opened the dresser next and stuffed Ikuto's leather jacket into one of the drawers I don't use anymore. My little marzipan self I had gotten from the cake; I put that in my jewelry box as well as the now broken necklace.
Leaning my head back, I took in a ragged breath.
I was already recovering.
Now this is why I tried not to trust my heart to someone in the past. First Renji and now Ikuto.
I turn on the radio and it's the song I used to make fun of. The song that now fits my situation: Thank You for the Broken Heart.
x
o
x
o
Everything I know about love, I learn from you, from you
And everything I know about pain, I learn from you, you
You were my only, you were my first
You showed me lonely, and you took me in when I was hurt
But the most important thing you ever gave me was the one that hurt the most
So thank you for the broken heart
And thank you for the permanent scar
'Cause If It wasn't for you, I might have forget how It feels to let go
and how It feels to get a brand new start
So thank you for the broken heart
I still remember when you called and said that he, didn't mean anything
And how could you expect me to, look at you, the same way
You were my only, but now my last
You showed me lonely, and you made me put you in the past
But the most important thing you ever gave me was the one that hurt the most
So thank you for the broken heart
Oh yeah yeah
And thank you for the permanent scar
'Cause If it wasn't for you, I might have forget how It feels to let go and how it feels to get a brand new start
So thank you for the broken heart
And every time I find myself in lonely pieces
I find myself
I'll just remember when you hurt me, and I made it
So thank you for the broken heart
And thank you for the permanent scar
'Cause If It wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here, for the love of my life,
All my pain disappeared, I've come so far
So thank you for the broken heart
I thank you, I thank you, for the broken heart
Broken heart, my broken heart
I'll never have a broken heart again
x
o
x
o
A/N
Sorry for the ending it's kind of…blegh. But this song caught my eye. Anyways, its called So Thank You for the Broken Heart by J Rice. Oh-
Hi everyone. I can't believe how many reviews I actually got so thank you so much. I loved every single one. Now before any one screams – or if you've already screamed – before you scream again, I'm sorry for making Ikuto and Amu break up.
I had started this chapter immediately after publishing the last one. I finished it partially on Sunday and was supposed to be published on Monday or Tuesday. But I got sick and test after test…yeah.
And…
Hm…
Oh has anyone read 'When a Nazi Cares'? Because I really love that story, but the author hasn't updated since like July 2010.
That's all.
Neko~Meme