So a few days ago, I got a random urge to read some parental!RoyEd. I wasted about an hour of my life reading like twenty shitfics, and they were all exactly the same. It sucked.

Sorry it's so short!

Chapter Twenty Five

Parental RoyEd- In which undying love is confessed

Roy sat by Ed's bedside, staring at his young subordinate in dismay. His poor, battered body was sprawled out on the hospital bed in the most pathetic pose possible. He was attached to countless wires and machines, although that doesn't count for much. Edward Elric had a talent; he could be critically wounded doing anything. He was once driven to the ER for a paper cut. (In his defense, it was an exceptionally painful paper cut.)

Roy ran his shaking fingers through his hair. Edward had been unconscious for a full thirteen days, nine hours, thirty two minutes, and eleven seconds.

Twelve seconds.

Thirteen.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. This onomatopoeia is somehow meaningful.

Anyways, back to Roy's internal sob-story. Throughout Edward's entire period of unconsciousness, Roy had refused to leave his bedside. The Fuhrer had personally given Roy a vacation, simply so that he could sit and stare at a sleeping, teenage boy for days on end. Yeah. He's that dedicated to Edward.

While Roy stared diligently at Ed's lifeless form, the doctor was nowhere to be seen. Nurses bustled around in the waiting room constantly, but it was nearly impossible to find one in a patient's room. After all, visitors are more important than patients. Visitors tend to be Ed's super-attractive-fuck-buddies. Speaking of which…

"Roy," Luna said quietly as she stepped into the room, "are you okay?"

Roy didn't answer.

Luna glanced at Ed and winced. "He looks so weak and innocent," she said in a voice that was nearly a whisper, "and girly. Is this a fanart?"

"It's my fault," Roy said dully. "He lives such a dangerous life because of me. I send him on all these missions… he's trapped in a near-fatal mine collapse almost once a week... And I can't even count the number of times he's been tortured by an insane, motive-less psychopath from God-knows-where. I'm such a terrible person, now pity me and feed me complimentssss!"

Luna wrapped her arm around Roy. "You know that's not true," she said softly. "You're a great person and you're really nice and sexy-hot and stuff. I mean, everyone loves you. Even Ed. Especially Ed."

"What?"

Luna shook her head. "Never mind, it's a bit too early for RoyEd. The point is, once you confess your undying fatherly affection for him, he'll probably wake up in a miraculous cloud of adjectives."

Roy stared at Luna with his mouth hanging open. "You… you're a genius!"

Luna smiled. "I know. Anyways, I have to go and save some more souls and maybe poop out a brick of solid gold or something (1). So, take my advice, and the results will be grand. Toodles!"

Luna disappeared with a puff of smoke, and Roy was once again alone with Ed.

"Edward," he said solemnly, "I don't know if you can hear me saying this… but, in case you die (even though we all know you won't die, I mean it's so fucking obvious), I just wanted to get it out there. I've said this about a million times already, but I'm going to state it here again as if it's actually something new: I've always thought of you… as a son."

Edward's incredibly feminine eyelids fluttered open to reveal two gleaming golden orbs. Roy looked on, amazed, as Ed blinked, his expression portraying pure confusion and, underneath all the pain… love.

It was so fucking beautiful that everyone cried, the end.

This is the best thing you've ever read. No, shut up. It's really cool.

So guess what? I'm doing this huge giant history project on the Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925 and OHMYGOD IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. If anyone wants to hear me rant endlessly about it, feel free to shoot me a message. I'm a fucking expert. It's so cool.

I love you all!

(1) What Sues do in their free time