Maribel was putting the dinner dishes in the dishwasher while Santana sat the kitchen table holding Collin. He was looking up and her, the way he looked at her made feel emotions she had never felt before. She loved him so much and she knew she would love him unconditionally for the rest of her life. Santana looked at her mother and for the first time she saw her in a different way. She now knows her mother loves her the way she's love Collin. All of those years they didn't talk much or see each other must have been really rough for her mother. It was at the moment Santana felt her relationship with her mother change and her mother didn't have a clue it was even happening.
Maribel sat down at the kitchen table when she had finished loading the dishwasher. "So how did your talk with Dr. Gomez go?"
"It went really well. I plan on seeing her again." Santana hoped that answer would be enough for her mother without going into details. She didn't think she could ever tell her parents about what happened in college with the sex tapes.
"I'm glad mija. I hope that it helps you and also helps your relationship with Brittany. I haven't asked what happened because you are an adult and it's really none of my business. I just want you to know that I hope you and Brittany can work through whatever your issues are because I can tell you two belong together. I also have seen the way she is with Collin, she loves him like he is her own I can see it in her eyes."
"Thanks Mami. Britt and I are working hard to make things right between us. I'm going to go put Collin in his crib. I really appreciate you and Papi being here. I wished you lived closer." Santana got up from the table and kissed her mother on the cheek. Maribel got emotional because she never thought in her wildest dreams that she would here Santana say those words to her.
As Santana passed the den on her way to the bedroom to put Collin in his crib she saw her father and Brittany sitting on the couch looking at something on the laptop and talking. She could tell whatever they were talking about they both were excited about it. She loved the way Brittany and her father had bonded. Santana put Collin in his crib, covered him up, and pressed a gentle kiss to forehead.
Santana walked into the den and sat down beside Brittany on couch laying her head on Brittany's shoulder. "What are you two looking at that has you both so excited?"
"Brittany was just showing me a website where you can customize your own Mustang so you can see what it looks like before you order it. It's awesome." Carlos didn't even take his eyes on the computer screen when he answered.
Santana laughed to hear her father the highly successfully surgeon, using the word awesome. "So Papi are you thinking of getting your own customized Mustang?"
"No, it is fun to design one though to see what it would look like. Your mother would kick me out of the house if I spent that much money on a car."
"You know Carlos we can print this out so you at least have a picture of your customized car. Here let me print it out for you. Also you can make a screensaver from it. I don't have your email address so I'll email it to San and she can forward it to you." Brittany printed out the picture of the car while Santana got up from the couch and got if from the printer.
Santana looked at the picture, "Papi! A red Mustang with orange and yellow flames on the hood and sides. I would've thought you would like a more conservative color car like a gray car with black stripes."
Carlos and Brittany both looked at Santana and both shook their heads, "My daughter doesn't get it that a customized Mustang is a fantasy car."
"Oh, I don't know about that because one of the things that attracted Santana to me was my Mustang. I believe she called it the sexiest car she'd ever seen or something like that." Brittany said and then winked at Santana who immediately blushed.
"Ok enough talk about cars. Papi I need to steal Brittany away from you if that's ok?"
"Sure I'm going to go show your mother the picture of my Mustang. Do you think she'll let me frame it and put on the wall in our bedroom?"
Santana laughed, "Yeah good luck with that Papi."
Carlos left the den so it was just Santana and Brittany. The two were silent. For some reason they were fine when someone else was in the room with them but as soon as they were alone they didn't know how to act around one another. "Britt, we have a couple hours before Collin will be waking up to nurse. I want to talk to you about my talk with Dr. Gomez if you're up to it."
"Yeah of course I want to talk about it. Have a seat." Brittany patted on spot next to her on the couch where Carlos has been sitting.
"Um…no I was thinking we could talk in the bedroom so we are close to Collin in case he wakes up. I know we have the baby monitors so we would know if cried but I'd just rather talk in the bedroom."
"Ok let's go to the bedroom then." Brittany got up from the couch.
When Santana and Brittany walked into the bedroom they checked on Collin and he was still sleeping. They stood there and watched him for awhile before going over and sitting on the bed so they could talk. The both got comfortable by piling pillows against the headboard and then leaning back on it.
"Britt, there's something I need to tell you. I talked to Dr. Gomez about it today and she helped me realize I need to tell you about what happened to me in college. I know there's no excuse for the way I've spoken to you sometimes but maybe by telling you this you have better understanding of me." Santana proceeded to tell Brittany about her college girlfriend and the sex tapes.
When Santana had finished telling Brittany what had happened Brittany pulled Santana into loving hug. It was the first time they had hugged like that since Collin was born. When they hugged it felt they became one. Their hugs always felt so intimate making them both feel like no one or everything could hurt them as long as they were in each other's arms. They had felt that way with their very first hug and the feeling has never gone away. The last week had been full of drama and they both had missed and yearned for this feeling but both were too scared to initiate a hug as intimate as this one.
After hugging for several minutes Brittany put her mouth close to Santana's ear and whispered, "Why didn't you tell me what happened in college?" The tone of the question was one of concern. Santana just shook her head. Tears had been falling down her face since they hugged. She had made through the whole story without a tear but as soon as she felt Brittany's arms around her she crumbled.
Brittany pulled away from the hug just enough so she could look into Santana's eyes. At first Santana wouldn't look at Brittany but once she felt Brittany staring at her she looked into Brittany's eyes that were full of compassion and love. "I didn't tell you because it's embarrassing and I was ashamed. I mean I really loved her and she told me she loved me and to her it was a just a game the whole time. I felt so stupid that I couldn't even sense that she didn't love me at all."
"First of all you shouldn't be embarrassed or feel ashamed because you did nothing wrong. Is this why you keep pushing me away sometimes?" Brittany couldn't imagine how much it hurt when Santana found out she was betrayed by someone she loved.
"Yeah, since that happened to me I have been pushing any woman away who showed interest in me but when I saw met you the way I felt for you was too overwhelming for me to push you away totally. One minute I was confident I could handle my feelings for you and then the next minute I wasn't so confident, that's why I was so hot and cold to you. I've always been afraid if I loved someone again and totally gave them my heart that I could be hurt again. The love I feel for you is so strong it started knocking down all of the walls I built up to protect my heart and to be honest with you it scared me."
"Santana are you afraid I'll hurt you like she did?" Brittany had to ask the question but she wasn't sure if she was prepared to hear the answer.
Santana nodded her head yes, "My mind knows you would never do anything to hurt me like she did but my heart is scared it could hurt again. When you told me that if I said something verbally abusive to you just one more time you were going to leave and never come back I already felt like I lost you. I'm only human and even though I promised I would think before I speak I am bound to mess up so in my heart it felt like it was inevitable I was going to lose you."
Santana's words really got to Brittany. "I shouldn't have given you an ultimatum like that because it would be difficult living with that hanging over your head every day. If had known about what happened in college I would've worded my feeling differently but that doesn't mean I'm letting you off the hook for the hurtful things you said to me and that I'm still going to hold you to working on thinking before you talk especially when you're upset."
Santana stroked Brittany's cheek, "That's why I'm going to continue to see Dr. Gomez because I want to have control over my words and stop and think before I say them. Britt, I'm so sorry for hurting you like I have and I know that the only way I can prove to you how sorry I am is going to be in my future actions and how I handle myself when I get upset. If I slip up, which I may do especially at first, I want you to call me out on it and tell me I've hurt you just please don't leave me." Santana couldn't hold back the tears.
"I don't want to you leave you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Collin. I think right now we need to start living our life together and working on our relationship along the way. We aren't going to fix everything overnight." Brittany started playing with Santana's fingers.
"You're right Britt we need to take a step back and begin to live our life. We have a beautiful baby boy and we have each other." Santana kissed Brittany and before long the kiss became heated and passionate. Santana couldn't help herself she moved so she straddling Brittany and so she could kiss Brittany's neck which made Brittany moan. Brittany put her hands under Santana's shirt and started to massage her back. Both women were starting to get aroused to the point of no return when Santana stopped what she was doing. "As much as I want us to make love we can't. The doctor said we can't have sex until I go back for my four week check up and then he will let us know if we need to wait longer. I'm sorry Britt. We haven't really made love the proper way yet. When I was pregnant we fooled around and did what we could but I can't wait to really make love to you and to feel you make love to me."
Brittany lifted her head so she could kiss Santana who was still straddling her hips. "It's ok. It won't be easy waiting but time will go by fast. I just want so much to feel your naked body on top of me."
Santana smirked, "Oh, so you think I'm a top huh?"
Brittany looked away suddenly feeling shy, "When I fantasize about us making love you are always on top."
Santana felt herself getting all hot hearing that Brittany fantasizes about them making love. Santana had fantasized about it for months too. "Britt, when I fantasize about us you are always on top so I guess we will have to take turns being the dominate one."
Both women were feeling their arousal and they wanted nothing more than to jump each other at that moment but they knew couldn't and lucky for them Collin decided to wake up and start crying. Santana got off from Brittany and walked over to the crib. Collin's little hands and feet were moving as he cried. Santana picked up and took him over to the bed handing him to Brittany while she got on the bed. "Hey little man what's wrong?" Santana watched as Brittany talked to Collin and kissed his forehead. Hearing Brittany's voice and seeing her face calmed Collin down. He was looking back at Brittany with those beautiful blue eyes. "San, I think he is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. His caramel colored skin and blue eyes are a perfect combination."
Santana stroked Collins curly, light brown hair. "Speaking of blue eyes, I think we should have your parents over to officially meet Collin. They were there the day he was born but that day… "
Before Santana could finish her sentence Brittany interrupted "was ruined because of me. You can say it San I ruined the day Collin was born for everyone."
Santana put her arm around Brittany and rubbed her back. "That wasn't what I was going to say Britt. I was going to say …but that day the hospital wouldn't let them in my room to see Collin because the hospital didn't see them as his grandparents. They did get to see him in nursery through the glass because my parents told the nurse they were his grandparents. Britt, you've got to let it go that you left that day after Collin was born. I've forgiven you and you need to find it in yourself to forgive yourself."
"I know it's just hard. I shouldn't have walked away from you and him. I think I should maybe talk to Dr. Gomez about this because I don't want this hanging over our family forever."
Santana laid her head on Brittany's shoulder, "I think that would a good idea to talk to Dr. Gomez. She's easy to talk to. As I was saying I think we should invite your parents over to meet Collin officially. How about we invite them for a barbeque tomorrow? I know it's kind of last minute and my mother will freak because she likes to plan these type of events for weeks."
"I think a barbeque would be great. I will give them a call and talk to them about it. I haven't spoken to them much this week. My mother kept trying to get me to tell her why I left the hospital and when I told her it was between you and me she let up finally. I want to see my parents and make things ok with them. What about Andrew?"
"Of course we should invite him too to meet Collin." Santana suddenly got nervous about Andrew meeting Collin.
"San, I think we should tell Andrew he is the donor before he meets Collin. In my heart I just feel it's the right thing to do. Our parents I think we can wait to tell them but I think we should tell Andrew now."
Santana nodded her head yes, "I think you're right we should tell him before he meets Collin. To be honest Britt I'm nervous about him finding out what it he gets angry about it."
Brittany looked at Collin who had fallen asleep, "I know my brother and he won't be angry. You just have to trust on this."
"I trust you Britt. So I guess you need to call Andrew first so we can talk to him."
Brittany carefully handed Collin to Santana so she didn't wake him up. She took her cell phone and called Andrew asking if he could stop by to see them later that night. Brittany told him 10 would be good if it wasn't too late because Collin would be done nursing by then. Andrew said he'd be there around 10. Brittany then called her parents and invited them to the barbeque. They were more than excited to finally be meeting Collin.
After making the phone calls the only people they needed to talk to were Santana's parents. They put Collin in his crib and went out to the living room to talk to them. They were sitting on the couch watching TV. Brittany sat in the recliner chair with Santana sitting on her lap.
"Mami, we have something to tell you but promise you won't freak out on us?"
Maribel turned the TV off, "This sounds serious what is going on meja?"
"Well, Britt and I decided to invite the Pierces over for a barbeque tomorrow afternoon. I also think I will invite Quinn and Puck since we haven't seen them much this week."
Carlos looked at his wife waiting for the ball to drop. Maribel looked like she was in shock, "Santana, how do you expect to plan a barbeque on such short notice? You should allow yourself at least a week to plan such an event."
Santana gave her mother her best pout, "Please Mami help us. We just want everyone to meet Collin and the Pierces haven't seen him yet. I know you can pull this together and Britt and I will help."
Maribel softened because she wanted nothing more than for the Pierces to get to enjoy Collin like her and Carlos had been enjoying him. "Ok, but I have to go grocery shopping tonight. There is a 24 hours market a few blocks away. Carlos you are going to have to go with me."
Carlos really didn't want to go grocery shopping especially since they had just gone earlier in the day. He looked at Brittany, "Um…Brittany can I …"
Brittany could read this mind, "The keys are in the key bowl by the front door."
Carlos smiled the biggest smile that showed his dimples just like Santana's. "Thanks. Come on honey we are going grocery shopping in style."
Maribel looked at him and shook her head, "I don't know what it is with you and that Mustang."
Brittany understood Carlos' infatuation with the car but it was hard for others to understand. Carlos got up from the couch, "Come on Maribel let's go grocery shopping." He practically ran to get the car keys and she just followed him still shaking her head.
When they were gone Santana put her arms around Brittany's neck as they still sat in the chair. "Britt, aren't you at least a little nervous about telling Andrew he is the donor because I am starting to get really nervous."
"I'm a little anxious but not nervous. I know my brother you just have to trust me. Everything will be ok."
TBC
A/N – This is the last of dealing with Santana's verbal abuse. She will continue to see Dr. Gomez and work through her issues. From now on the story will deal with them becoming a family, telling Andrew he is the donor, telling the grandparents Andrew is the donor, and deciding if Brittany should try and get pregnant again in the future. Thanks for reading. I'm always open to your ideas.