Just want to take a minute to thank everyone for the support. It's been a long break between chapters and I appreciate all the messages of encouragement and well wishes while I took some time to deal with my busy life. Im back to updating, hopefully once a week. Hope you continue to enjoy the story. Also I've had quite a few one shot requests and there are a couple I've picked out to write, others are ideas I've decided to incorporate into Aftermath. Again thank you all so much for the love and for reading along!

It was raining. Hard. Jay built a fire while Erin put together some lunch. Erin had half a mind to tell Jay she'd make the fire and he could put together lunch just to keep things from veering too close to traditional for her but she had little experience building a fire and didn't want to hear Jay tease her about it for the next century.

Standing at the counter cutting up veggies she noticed the pain had subsided a bit today. They had ventured on a short walk along the river this morning and sat on an outcropping of rocks, dangling their feet in the cool water while trying to one up each other with stories of who had dealt with the craziest call while still on patrol. On their way back the storm clouds rolled in and the wind shifted, becoming cool and damp. A few minutes after entering the cabin the skies had opened up and heavy rain loudly pounded against the cabin, obscuring their view out the widows.

Jay came up behind Erin, slipped one arm around her waist and placed a warm kiss on her neck. "Don't think I don't know your game Halstead," Erin teased, as Jay reached for the platter of food with his free hand to steal a bite.

Jay laughed. "Was just coming to see if you needed a hand," He mumbled against her shoulder.

"Mmmhhh," Erin smiled. "Well then you can be helpful and carry this stuff over to the coffee table, it's ready."

"Yes ma'am," Jay teased, but he did as he was told and carried the tray over. Erin followed with their drinks and plates, set them down on the coffee table and settled into the couch with a sandwich from the tray. They made small talk while they ate and watched the fire dance to the scattered rhythm the rain played against the windows.

Out of no where a huge boom of thunder and ear splitting crack of lighting resonated through the cabin. They both jumped, startled, then laughed at themselves. "I didn't realize we were in for such a big storm," Jay mused.

"Are you worried?" Jay raised an eyebrow in response to Erin's question. "I mean about the cabin or loosing power or something," Erin clarified.

"No, we should be good. I put a new roof on the cabin when I came home and there's a generator in the shed if we need it."

Erin nodded. She mulled his words over, 'when I came home', she knew he was referring to his time overseas. She wondered, should she use the opening to try and make sense of what Mouse had shared with her that day they were locked in the dark office together? What did she have to lose?

"Putting a roof on a cabin is no small job." Erin tried to keep her voice casual but Jay looked up from his plate with a knowing stare. Already he knew what she was after. Erin decided to just come out with it. They didn't play games with each other, never had, so why now? If he shot her down so be it. "Remember the club we broke into with Mouse? Remember the place locked down and Mouse and I were stuck in the office?"

Jay nodded but frowned. "Mouse doesn't do well in small dark spaces, ironic I know, given his nickname."

Erin smiled. "He was nervous for sure. He talked a bit about Afghanistan." She paused and tried to gage Jay's reaction. As she suspected his face went blank, erasing any emotion from sight, he was shutting down. He looked over at the fire and watched the flames dance for a moment then put down his plate and turned back to look at her.

"Erin, Mouse and I, what happened there... it didn't... we," Jay sighed. He couldn't seem to find his words. "We went through the same events but it was like we didn't, you know? Mouse, he can't do what you and I do Erin. Once the guns start firing and the shit hits the fan, Mouse, he shuts down. He's back there in the shit storm and it fucks with his head." He paused looking for the right words. "I don't need to tell old stories, I don't need to talk things through, I'd rather not actually. It was fucked up. There are things I wish I hadn't seen. Maybe things I wish I hadn't done. People I wish I could have protected better. But we did what we had to do to try and make things right, to try and stay alive. And that's it. I live with that."

"But you struggled. You told me you did."

"Yeah, with coming home." He was quiet for awhile looking at the fire. He massaged his forehead with his finger tips. A sure sign that this whole conversations was uncomfortable for him. "After awhile I came up here to get away from everyone. To be alone. Dealing with people was hard. And mom was gone, and I felt so guilty facing the families of..." His voice cracked and he shook his head not able to let that thought play all the way through. "I loaded the car up with beer and some clothes and figured I'd sit up here and drink it away." Again he paused. "But there was a storm, like this one, and the water was getting in the roof. So in the morning I climbed up there. The whole thing was rotten. So I started ripping it off and replacing it all. Then after that the dock needed repairing, and then the boat needed to be sanded and refinished and then Nana's gardens were over grown. And before I knew it the whole summer was gone and I hadn't been successful in drowning in my guilt, in fact staying busy and working my ass off helped me tune it out, and there was nothing left to fix and I had no money left. I didn't know what to do with myself and I felt it all closing in again. Then Mouse turned up." Jay shrugged. "And now I'm here."

Erin knew a hell of a lot more had happened in between what Jay wasn't sharing. Something must have happened to get Jay to change his mind and face civilization once again, to make him decide to be a cop, but she let it go. She understood sometimes you could only offer small pieces of the story. Besides she had a pretty good idea of what the journey from being lost and drowning in guilt to showing up everyday looked like. And she heard what he said about preferring not to tell stories. She could respect that. She had her own list of stories she never wanted to tell.

"Your turn," Jay announced.

"What?" Jay knew Erin was still digesting what he had shared, in fact he was surprised he'd shared it. Talking, especially about the past, was not his thing. But he remembered their argument in the hallway of his apartment and how she felt he never opened up to her. He also knew she'd put a lot of work into being more open with him. He'd just dropped a lot on her and and she wasn't ready for the spotlight to be turned on her but he needed to know how she was doing. There was no sense bringing her up here to heal if she was just gonna fall apart once she got back to the city. And since she was in the mood for deep conversation he was going to take full advantage.

"I've let you avoid it for two days now but I need to know."

"Know what?"

"Yates." He watched her carefully at the mention of that name.

"Oh," Erin's face contorted as if she was trying to take stock. "He deserved it." She said, looking him straight in the eye.

"I'm not questioning that, no one who loved Nadia is," He reassured her. "I just want to know how you're doing with it. How you're doing with what he did to you."

"Jay, I'm okay. Nothing happened. I mean nothing you and Hank are freaking out about happened. Honestly I just want to put it behind me. I know what I did won't bring Nadia back but..." Erin shrugged.

"I get it, I do," He reassured her. She nodded.

Another boom of thunder and crack of lighting sliced through the silence. "We're not gonna float away like Noah's ark or something are we," Erin chuckled.

Jay laughed. "Nah, we're good." He wanted to let her off the hook and move on but there was one more thing he needed from her. "Erin, look, I'm not gonna hound you but I need to know you're okay. I can't watch you slip again. You're too important to me."

"I know, I'm sorry." She averted her eyes.

He didn't want her to feel guilty anymore. She did what she felt she had to do and he could forgive that, he'd once been in that place too. "I don't want your apologies but I do want a promise."

"A promise?" She sounded doubtful.

"You promise you'll come to me if things start to get overwhelming or you need to talk. No more keeping it to yourself. No more going it alone." He held his breath. Jay wasn't sure Erin was ready to make this kind of promise. But he needed it. He needed to be able to trust her completely again, as his partner, as the person he cared most for.

"I have one condition." Jay braced himself, he'd no idea what she had up her sleeve but she wasn't saying no outright either so he waited for her to continue. "You promise the same." He wasn't sure what he expected her to say but it wasn't this. He thought about what she was asking for a moment. Could he do what she was asking? The answer came quicker and easier than he expected.

"Agreed."

"Really?"

"Really."

They stared at each other intently, binding each other to their promise then Erin slid towards Jay. His hand instinctively came up and cupped her cheek. She smiled up at him and he felt his lips curl up in response. She pushed herself up and kissed his lips, sealing their pact. As she pressed her lips against his he felt the air around them charge. She leaned into him more, laying her hand on his chest for support. He wrapped his arm around her and deepened the kiss, their promises turning to passion.

Abruptly Jay pulled back. "We shouldn't do this," he breathed out.

"What? Why?" Erin sounded crushed, he rushed to reassure her.

"Because you're still in pain. I don't want to hurt you."

Erin smiled. "Jay, you would never hurt me."

He hesitated, unsure if her body was ready but his heart swelled at her faith in him. He knew that kind of trust, especially in a man, didn't come easy for her. Erin climbed onto his lap, twirling her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. Involuntarily his eyes closed. God her touch felt so good.

"You're sure?" He asked. She bit her lip and nodded, her eyes danced with mischief. Jay threaded his fingers through her hair and pulled her lips back to his.

Their kiss communicated more than any words they'd ever spoken but it wasn't enough for Jay. He was consumed with a need to heal her, to undo all the damage Yates had done to her petite body, remove all the pain Yates drowned her heart in these last months.

Jay lifted Erin carefully and lay her on the couch beneath him. Quickly and carefully he removed her clothes and then his own, he reached for the quilt on the back of the couch and pulled it around them. Slowly he ghosted soft kisses over the bruising on her cheek, trailing more kisses down and across her jaw, then throat and softly down the angry gash between her breasts. He felt her quickening heart beat under his lips. Her hands tangled in his hair. His name was a whispered gasp escaped from her lips. His hands tenderly caressed her soft skin, praying his touch could heal her and absolve her of her guilt. Time stood still as he made love to her, paying special attention to each of her wounds, the rain wind and fire their soundtrack, cocooned in the quilt.

The intensity of Jay's ministrations overwhelmed Erin and as she drew closer to the edge of release she couldn't contain the flood of emotion. His touch was so gentle, so loving. He seemed to be trying to reach into her soul and help soothe all the battered and bruised parts. She didn't understand how or why he cared so much about what happened to her, about her, but now that she had experienced this kind of nurturing and acceptance she didn't want to be without it. As she tipped over the edge she was unaware of her tears. Jay held her close, breathless, but without placing his full weight on her. Even in his most primal state he put her first.

His cheek brushed against hers and his head suddenly jerked up. "Sweetheart what's wrong? You're crying. Are you in pain? Did I hurt you? Shit, Erin, I'm sorry," in his dismay he tried to sit up off her but Erin tightened both her arms and legs around him and shook her head.

"Don't. Please," was all she managed to whisper. Jay shifted his weight slightly to make sure he wasn't putting pressure on her ribs but stayed in her embrace. He ran his hand over her hair and down her cheek wiping her tears away. He placed gentle kisses on her forehead and eyes.

"Talk to me."

"I'm fine. I'm good. I'm sorry. It," her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "It was just intense."

He smiled softly at her. She braced herself for the teasing or to hear a typical male egotistical remark about how good his performance was but he placed his lips against hers and murmured, "me too."

The soft kisses continued as they came down from their shared high and Erin released her hold on Jay allowing him to shift onto his side next to her. She turned her body towards his so she could lay in his embrace and he recovered them with the quilt.

"Ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, you?"

"Perfect."

"Yeah." A dreamless sleep came quickly for them both.