Thanks for all those who have reviewed, it means such a lot to get your feedback. Please do read and review again. I found this chapter really hard to write as it's sort of a fill in and a bit plotless – hope it's enough to keep your interest! I may not be updating very quickly as it's the Easter break, so I won't have much time for the next 2 weeks, but I will get another chapter out there as soon as I can. I have a few ideas for what's happening next with Matt and with Caro, so I do have more to write if anyone is still interested to follow.
Chapter 25
Suspension and making enemies
The next morning Darry woke me at 6.30 and I went out to breakfast once I was showered and dressed. Pony was still in the shower and Soda was rushing around looking for his shirt. I sat down and helped myself to some scrambled eggs and toast. Darry was bustling around in the kitchen getting lunches ready.
"Morning Darry." I mumbled.
"Morning, you done that letter for Principal Roberts?" I nodded and handed him the piece of paper. I had written a full-on apology and waffled on about how wrong I had been to do such a thing and about respecting people's property etc, etc. I couldn't have grovelled more if I tried.
"Hmmm." Darry grunted "That looks ok. I hope it's good enough to get you off the hook Rebecca. Ponyboy gave me a list of names for him, that Caro girl and her friends, who I distinctly remember advising you to stay away from not so long ago." He glared at me pointedly. I didn't say anything, just stared back at him. I wasn't going to apologise for being friends with them, they were alright and I felt his judgement of them was unfair. Anyway, as soon as they realised I had ratted them out then they wouldn't want to be my friends any more. It didn't matter that it was Pony and not me who gave the names, I was sure to them it would be the same thing.
Darry went on "If Mom and Dad were here they would be really upset at this behaviour. You know how much they wanted us to be considerate and responsible, not behaving in the way that people like Principal Roberts expect from your 'typical Greaser'. This would have really got them mad, you know that don't you?"
I blushed and looked down at my plate. I felt ashamed and sad that I had done something which Mom and Dad would have hated so much. I wanted to think they would be proud of me more than anything.
"You've really gotta start bucking your ideas up Rebecca before it's too late. The first step will be keeping away from these girls. If you'd done what I said in the first place and steered clear of them all this could have been avoided. You are too easily led astray and you need to keep away from them and their crazy stunts if you wanna stay outta trouble."
"Ok Darry, I've got the message." I said sullenly. I was tired of him lecturing me and making me feel bad. I knew he had a point about Caro and the others, but I didn't need him to go on and on about it. The most annoying thing was that I was usually sensible and chose not to join in with their antics, but this one time that I had gone against my best instincts, of course I had been found out and now that was the only thing that Darry could focus on. I wanted to remind him of all the times that I had made the right choice. "I know it was a stupid thing to do, but it's the only time I've ever done anything like this Darry, you know it. I just made a bad choice, that's all. I said I'm sorry, I don't know what else I can do."
"Well Rebecca let this be the only time you do make such a bad choice cos you can't afford any more trouble at school. You don't wanna start high school with a bad record and be labelled as some no-good greaser, do you? You're smart, you've got such potential and you don't wanna waste it by getting dragged down by these girls, they are trouble. Anyway, about today, Soda and I are both working this morning, but I'm gonna come back and check on you in my lunchbreak." I opened my mouth to speak, but he held his hand up to stop me "And before you say there's no need, yes there is. You can't be left the whole day without any supervision. You just aren't trustworthy enough." I bit my lip to stop myself making an angry reply. I was annoyed that he said that about me, but I knew he had good grounds for saying it, so I didn't have a leg to stand on really.
"You are grounded for another 2 weeks, so you're not allowed out of the house. I am going to deliver your letter and Pony's list to Principal Roberts this morning and hopefully he will stick to his word and allow you back to school on Monday. "I have a list of cleaning jobs for you to do and I expect you to do them properly. I'm gonna talk to Principal Roberts about getting some extra work for you to catch up on what you miss these 2 days."
I rolled my eyes. As if missing 2 days work was gonna be a big deal, trust Darry to get all het up about that. "And you can drop the attitude Rebecca. I cannot tell you how angry and disappointed I am with you right now and you are lucky this is all the punishment you're getting. I am not having you missing out on school work and falling even further behind just because of your stupid behaviour yesterday. Soda will be back from work about 3.00 and you can go back to your room then until dinner time. Got it?" he looked at me waiting for an answer.
"Yes Darry, I got it." I said with some attitude and Darry gave me a stern glare. "Sorry, I got it." I said without the sass. Darry nodded, satisfied that he had got his message across.
As soon as my brothers had all left for school and work I called Tara to see how she had got on with her Mom the day before.
"Hey Tara, it's me."
"Bex, how are you doing? What did Darry say?"
"Oh boy was he mad, he still is, but at least he didn't give me a whooping this time. Even he realised that would have been too much on top of the strapping we got."
"Yeah, damn but that hurt didn't it?"
"Yeah, it still does don't it? I can't believe the Principal's allowed to do that! What did your Mom say?"
"She was as mad as I've ever seen her. She yelled on at me about keeping out of trouble in school and not getting a reputation. She's grounded me for the weekend and I have to clean the house and cook the dinner while I'm suspended."
"I'm grounded too, for 2 weeks and Darry has given me a list of jobs a mile long to do. He made me write an apology letter to Principal Roberts, but the worst thing is he wanted me to rat the other girls out to save the suspension going on my school record. When I refused he threatened to whoop me and Pony offered the names up instead to save me – I'd rather have had the whooping. Caro and the others are gonna hate me after this."
"Oh man, that's really not good. Maybe if we explain to them it was Ponyboy they will get over it." She said trying to encourage me, but she knew as well as I did that it wasn't in Caro's nature to be very forgiving.
"At least I still have you Tara…I do don't I?" I was suddenly worried that Tara would not want to associate with me after this.
She laughed "Of course you do, you idiot! You're my best friend and you haven't ratted me, or anyone else, out anyway. We're in this together! On the bright side, it's nice to have a whole week off school ain't it?"
"Well if Darry gets his way Principal Roberts is gonna let me go back on Monday after the letter and giving him the names of the others involved. Gosh, I hope they are suspended or I will have to face them without you, Tara."
"I guess they will be, he will relish the opportunity to get Caro for something good. I just hope he doesn't expel her."
"Oh man, you think he might? I'd never thought of that. She would absolutely never forgive me if that happens." I felt sick at the thought. I really did not wanna be in Caro's bad books. She could be pretty scary when she had it in for someone.
"Hey, you gonna try and call Matt while you've got some alone time?"
"Nah, I can't, he'll be at school." I hadn't actually given Matt more than a brief thought since yesterday, so at least this whole mess was a distraction from that if nothing else. "Hey, I'd better go. Darry's coming back to check on me at lunchtime and if I haven't done some of these jobs he's gonna skin me. I'll speak to you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, happy cleaning!" Tara joked.
I laughed "You too!"
I looked at Darry's list and decided I would make a start on cleaning the windows. First I went into my room and got Matt's record to put on while I worked. I couldn't wait to hear it again. I fetched the bucket and cloths and soap and then put the record on the player. My heart just jumped to hear his voice again after what felt like an age, though it was actually not even a week since I saw him last! It seemed like a lot had happened since last Friday. I closed my eyes and listened to the words letting myself enjoy remembering what great times we had had together. I wished I could just see him, talk to him, kiss him. When the record finished I put it on again and made a start on the windows. I listened to it through 3 more times and then put it back in my room before Darry or anyone else came back. I didn't know what they would do if they found it and I definitely didn't want it taken away from me. I got a Kinks album to listen to instead and then carried on with the windows. By the time Darry got back at lunchtime I had finished the windows, the bathroom and vacuumed the living room.
"Hey Becky, looks like you've been working pretty hard. Come have something to eat." Darry said making us some tuna salad sandwiches.
"Thanks." I said and tucked in. I was actually pretty hungry after all that housework. We ate in silence or rather I didn't say anything as I wasn't sure if Darry was still too mad to have a normal conversation with me and Darry was never much the one to chat anyway. Eventually the silence got to me though and I had to break it. "So are you still mad at me Darry?"
"A bit." He admitted. "I just want you to be the best you can be Becky and doing stuff like this is just gonna hold you back, ya know. I just never expected all this trouble from you. You were always such a good girl for Mom and Dad. You never got in any sort of trouble and you did as you were told. Now it seems like it's the complete opposite."
"I don't mean to get into trouble Darry. I'm just growing up I guess. I'm not that little girl anymore I'm a teenager. I'm gonna do some stuff I shouldn't do sometimes, not cos I wanna make trouble for you but just because I'm trying stuff out. I'm really sorry you got stuck with dealing with me."
"I didn't get stuck with you Becky, I never see it like that. If Mom and Dad can't be here then of course I wouldn't want it any other way. I wouldn't want anyone else to have the job of looking after you and bringing you up. I love ya Becky, but that doesn't mean I don't find it difficult. I ain't never brought any kids up before, I'm no expert like Mom and Dad were, but I want to try and do what they would have done and do the right thing by you. I know you think I'm too strict on ya but I'm just scared if I let you get away with stuff you'll end up in some big trouble and it'll be too late. You know in this neighbourhood it would be all too easy for you to fall in with the wrong crowd and your life could go in completely the wrong direction before you know it. And we have the added problem of Social Services always looking over our shoulder. If you go too far wrong they will not hesitate to let someone else do the job. I only get mad at you because I'm scared of getting it wrong with you and with Pony. Soda is already all grown up and he doesn't need me to parent him so much, but you and Pony do and I don't wanna let you down, or Mom and Dad."
"Well, you're not letting us down Darry. I wouldn't want anyone else to be my guardian, I honestly wouldn't, even when you do yell at me and when you punish me. I know you love me and I wish I didn't keep getting it wrong and making you mad at me. I'm sorry for making this harder for you."
"Most of the time you don't honey. But lately it's been one thing after another and you are scaring me."
I looked at Darry and his concerned face, his blue eyes were soft, not cold and hard like they could be when he was mad. I was suddenly overwhelmed with love for my big brother and thankfulness for all he had given up, just to give Pony, Soda and me a home, rather than a life in institutions. I stood up and put my arms around him. He pushed his chair back from the table and pulled me onto his lap so I was sitting sideways, to reciprocate the hug.
"I do love you Darry, even though I'm a pain in the butt half the time. I'm sorry I can't be good all the time, but I promise to try harder."
"Well, you're my pain in the butt and I wouldn't have it any other way and I know you try. I can't expect you to never get it wrong, but I still have to deal with it when you muck up. I can't promise you that I won't be mad at you next time something like this happens, cos I will and it's kind of part of my job to be."
"I know Darry, you are doing a good job. I do appreciate all you do, though I don't say it very often. I don't like it when you yell at me and you punish me, but I'd rather that than you not caring about what happens to me."
"You really are growing up, you're turning out to be pretty wise – some of the time…" he smiled at me. "You're also getting pretty heavy." He said pushing me off his lap with a grin.
"Hey! You saying I'm fat?!" I said indignantly.
Darry laughed "Just kidding. I need to get up and go back to work. Please behave yourself for the rest of the afternoon if you can manage that." Darry raised his eyebrows at me.
"Well, I will try my best." I smiled. I was glad that Darry and I had had this conversation and I hoped that he realised I was just growing up and that it was nothing personal when I pushed the boundaries like I had been. I understood a bit more why he got so mad at me when I went and did stupid things and got in trouble at school and stuff. He was just scared I was gonna end up like Angela Shepherd or Caro's sister, Beverly. Well, I didn't wanna end up like that either. I was gonna try harder to make the right choices.
The only thing I couldn't compromise on was Matt. I still couldn't stick to Darry's rules about him and I couldn't see how that would put me in danger of being a 'no-good greaser' as Darry put it, anyway. In fact I reasoned with myself that it was quite the opposite since Matt was a soc, surely it could only do me good to be with him. Of course, I was choosing not to acknowledge the age factor in my reasoning, but when you're trying to justify something you've been told not to do, being totally honest with yourself is not always helpful.
I spent the rest of the afternoon sorting the laundry. When Soda and Pony got home at 3.00 I was sitting watching Bewitched on the TV.
"Hard at work I see." Soda grinned.
I stuck my tongue out at him "Give me a break Soda, I've been working my socks off all day getting this house clean and tidy. I only sat down just now."
"Well, you'd better go to your room Baby. I don't think Darry would be happy with me if I let you stay out here and watch TV."
"Soda, can't I just watch the end of this?" I whined and looked at him with big eyes, trying to exploit his soft heart.
"Nice try Bex, but no. For once you can't con me into getting your way. Darry gave me strict instructions to make sure you went to your room when we got home."
I huffed and got up to turn the TV off then stomped into my room slamming the door.
"Well, that went well." I heard Ponyboy say to Soda.
"She thinks I'm a softie, but not this time." He replied.
"Yeah well, she has pretty much got you wrapped around her little finger most of the time. You're a sucker for her wide-eyed look normally." Pony said and I could hear Soda and him get into a wrestling match. Pony was right, most of the time Soda was pretty much putty in my hands, but right now he was obviously trying to be tough and follow Darry's instructions. I preferred the old Soda.
I took the opportunity of being alone to write another letter to Matt explaining to him all that had gone on. The prank with the Principal's car, getting caught, the punishment, Darry's response, having to rat on Tara and the others and all that that would entail for me when I went back to school. A lot had happened in the past couple of days and I filled 4 sides of paper. I also told him how much I missed him and wished I could call and hear his voice.
Darry came home around 5.30 and Soda had made us hotdogs for dinner, so I was called out of my room to come and eat.
"I went by the school on my way home and picked up a pile of schoolwork for you Becky." Darry told me, as we sat down to eat.
I tried not to roll my eyes, but it was quite an effort. "Gee thanks." I said not able to hide the sarcasm.
Darry gave me a warning look "You should be thanking me, you have exams coming up in the next couple of weeks, you can't afford to be missing out on work now. Principal Roberts says you can come back on Monday and he has wiped the suspension from your record, you'll be pleased to know."
"Ok, do you know what happened to Caro and the others?" I asked nervously.
"No, I don't know." Said Darry.
"I heard that Caro got expelled." Said Pony "News like that travels fast across the campus. I think the others were just suspended."
"Great." I groaned. "You realise that Caro is never gonna forgive me for this and she'll probably beat me up the first chance she gets."
Ponyboy looked guilty and Darry just shrugged. "She won't. She'll be at another school and you won't even see her." He said.
"She'll find a way if she's mad enough." I said with some certainty. She would probably wait around for me after school or catch me at the drive-in or the Dingo or somewhere. I was sure that she wouldn't just let this lie.
"Well, just make sure you don't go wondering around on your own for a while." Said Soda with some concern. "Make sure one of us or one of the gang is with you."
I rolled my eyes. "Great, even less freedom than normal," I complained.
"Well, you do bring these things on yourself Rebecca." Darry remarked, not too impressed by my whining.
"Hardly, it's just because Pony ratted those girls out, this ain't nothing I did." I snapped.
"Rebecca, Ponyboy only did that because he had to and it was the best thing to do. Your school record is gonna be there forever, these girls won't be." Darry said sternly.
I sighed and looked down at my plate. I didn't feel very hungry any more. I couldn't believe I had managed to get into this situation. The last person I wanted to be on the wrong side of was Caroline Brook.
"It'll be ok Bex." Soda tried to reassure me.
"Can I be excused? I don't want any more." I asked.
"Ok, you can go and make a start on that work." Darry said.
I groaned and picked up the pile of papers that he had collected for me heading off to my room. I reluctantly started on my English. About 7.00 there was a knock at my door."Come in!" I called.
Ponyboy walked in looking nervous, probably wondering what sort of reception he would get from me, seeing as he had inadvertently caused the problem with Caro. "Hey Bex."
"What do you want?" I said gruffly.
"Look, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for getting you into this mess. I just didn't want Darry to spank you last night when you were already in so much pain from the strapping. I just couldn't bear to see him go through with that. Anyway, it is good that you got your record wiped ain't it?"
"Yeah, just great. Pony she is gonna be so mad at me and she has every right to be mad. She's been expelled! That's a big thing. She's gotta find another school, make new friends and everything."
"That ain't your fault. I reckon Principal Roberts would have hauled her in anyway. He must have known she was behind it. It was all her idea, so she only has herself to blame."
"Yeah, I'm sure she'll see it that way." I said sarcastically.
"She probably doesn't know how he got the information anyway. She may not know where he got her name from."
"I am sure she does. Especially when she finds out I've gone back to school on Monday. She's gonna put 2 and 2 together and realise that I apparently traded her in for a shorter suspension."
"None of this was your choice, you just have to explain that to her."
"If you knew her you would know she is not one to listen to reason. She will just want my head on a platter." I sighed.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Well, I know you didn't mean for this to happen, but I did tell you not to give Darry the names…"
"I had to do it Becky, for your sake." Pony pleaded with me. "I'm sorry alright?"
I shrugged and turned back to my work. I wasn't really all that mad at Pony any more, but I didn't have it in me at that moment to tell him I forgave him either. I was too wound up and anxious about what would happen when I next saw Caro. Pony sighed and went turned to go out. I knew he felt bad.
"Hang on a minute Pony. You could do me a favour to make up for it.." I said, suddenly thinking of a way to get my latest letter to Matt in the mail, seeing as I wouldn't be seeing Tara.
"What?" Pony asked suspiciously.
"Can you mail this letter for me? but don't let anyone else see you." I handed him the letter and he glanced at the address on the envelope.
"For Matt? I thought you weren't meant to be in touch with him?"
"Well, that's why I don't want you to let anyone else see." I rolled my eyes.
He hesitated then put the letter in his jean pocket. "Ok. If anyone finds out then Darry will be mad at both of us you know that?"
"Of course I know that. He's always mad at me anyway, so it won't make much difference, anyhow he's not gonna find out. I'm sure you can manage to mail it without anybody knowing, you're brighter than you look." I smiled.
He stuck his tongue out at me. "I'll do my best. Does that mean you forgive me?"
"I suppose so. I'd better get on with this work or Darry will be in to yell at me again."
Pony went out and shut the door. I managed to finish more than half of my work and Darry was pleased with me when he came in at 9.30 to tell me to get ready for bed. I went to bed thinking about Caro and tried to move my thoughts onto something less scary so that I could sleep. I thought about Matt and hoped that soon I would get another letter from him. But thinking about Matt just made me feel worse. I went to sleep around 1am and didn't really sleep well all night.
I couldn't believe it was already morning when Darry woke me up the next day at 6.30. It felt like I had only just closed my eyes. It didn't help that it was such a grey and cloudy outside, which didn't exactly inspire me to get out of bed. I groaned and rolled back over, hoping Darry may leave me for another 10 minutes as I didn't have to go to school. Of course, that wasn't gonna happen. Soda came in and started tickling me mercilessly until I hollered Uncle and got out of bed, glaring at him as I went off to the bathroom, leaving him grinning inanely.
Darry informed me that he would be back at lunchtime like the day before and to clean the kitchen and then get on with the rest of my schoolwork. What a fun morning I had ahead of me! I did the washing up, cleaned the kitchen sides then mopped the floor and then figured I deserved a bit of a break, so I put the record on again and lay back on the sofa closing my eyes as I listened to Matt's voice. I was so tired that I must have been asleep in seconds. The next thing I knew the screen door was slamming shut and Darry was standing there giving me a stern look. I jolted awake and sat up. Surely it wasn't lunchtime already. The stylus on the record player was jumping and crackling as it had reached the end of the record.
"Hey Bex, taking a break?" Darry said sarcastically going over to the record player to remove the stylus from the record.
"I just sat down for a minute and must have dropped off. I didn't sleep well last night." I explained. "Is it lunchtime already?"
"No, it's only 10.30, it's raining." Darry said indicating through the window to the rain coming down in sheets. "So we had to stop the job. What on earth is this you're listening to?" he asked looking at the record. All it said on it was 'Song for Becky'.
"Oh, it's just a record someone lent me." I lied.
"Song for Becky?" Darry asked looking confused. "Who's it by?"
I didn't know whether to try and make something up and risk him catching me in a lie or to tell him the truth and risk him taking it away from me. "Well, actually it's by Matt."
"Matt? As in Matt Carter?" Darry said gruffly.
"Yeah, it's a song he wrote for me. He gave it to me at Christmas." I blushed.
Darry didn't look pleased. "I think you'd better not listen to this anymore."
"What? Why? What could possibly happen just by listening to that?" I demanded.
"It is not helping you move on and get over Matt if you are constantly hearing his voice and being reminded about him is it? I'll keep this out of your sight for a few months and then you can have it back again when things are less raw. It's just to help you."
"Darry please just let me keep it. He wrote it for me and I really want to be able to listen to it. It's special." I pleaded.
"I'm sure it is, but it will still be special in a few months time, but then it just won't be keeping you thinking about something that cannot be. I think it's best to go cold turkey on Matt just to help you get over him more quickly."
"Cold turkey? He's not some kind of drug Darry, he's a person, my friend, and I don't want to get over him quickly. I want to remember him and think about him."
"That's the problem Bex. It isn't helping you to dwell on him like that. There's no future for you so it's pointless. I think you will feel less sad if you don't have any contact at all."
"Well, you're wrong. It just makes me even more sad." I spat back at him, so angry at his clinical assessment of things. Matt was my friend above all and pretending he didn't exist was not the best for me to deal with him being across the other side of the country and not a good way to deal with me not being allowed to be with him. It just made everything ten times more painful. I couldn't face another big blow up with Darry. I felt defeated right now and just slumped my head forward into my hands. Darry came over to sit by me on the couch and rubbed my back with his hand.
"I'm sorry Becky, I know it's hard for you, but I'm trying to do what I think is best. I promise you I will give the record back in a couple of months." He said gently. I didn't say anything, just sighed.
"I'd better go and do some more of that work I guess." I said and went off to my room, leaving Darry sitting on the couch looking concerned.
I pulled out my math book and got down to some quadratic equations, which were a great distraction from everything. After that I only had one more history essay to write and I was done with all the work Darry brought home. That would please him at least. At least this time we hadn't yelled at each other. I know he was trying to be reasonable, but I hated that he was so entrenched against Matt and there was no winning once we got onto that subject. It was so frustrating.
When Pony got home from school he came to see me. He assured me that he had posted my letter for me and I was over the moon when he handed me one from Matt, which Tara's sister had passed onto him at school. It certainly cheered my whole day up to get his news and to know that he had been thinking of me too. He had written a long letter describing his new house and the nearby beach in detail. His new school was from all accounts very strict, but he had made a few friends already and had joined the track team. He said he missed me and wished he could call. He had got my first letter and was looking forward to hearing about how the prank we were going to play on the Principal went – well, my other letter would soon be there with all the gory details about that! I read Matt's letter through 3 times and then put it under my mattress along with his postcard, so that Darry wouldn't find it. I felt a million times happier than I had before Pony got home, but the letter also made me yearn to see him and hear his voice! I just had to find a way to call him and soon.