CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: Dawn

Despite the fact that they lived so close, only across the Hudson in New Jersey, Serena didn't visit her parents much more often than the Big Three holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. It wasn't as if she didn't like spending time with her mom and dad; on the contrary, she always felt warm and safe in her ancestral home. But since her mother was a successful children's book author and her father a vice president in a pharmaceuticals company, and of course with Sam's success as an entrepreneur and software developer, Serena always felt like she was a huge disappointment and it pained her to go home and face that reality.

"Mom?" she asked as Karen Lawson bustled around busily making hot chocolate and warming up cookies for her troubled eldest child.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"What if," Serena began timidly, "you had an opportunity to do something…something great. If you succeeded, you'd be…making the world a better place." Karen nodded. "But even if you succeeded, no one would ever really know about it. And if you failed, well…you'd be dead."

Karen raised an eyebrow. "Honey, what are you talking about?"

"Let's just say there's this thing. You could do it or not do it. If you do it and you do it well, you've done something you could really be proud of, something that really means something. But no one's ever going to know that you're the one that did it. Or even that it needed to be done! And if you tried and failed, you'd be killed. And the whole world would suffer."

"Oh, honey," said Karen, running her fingers through her daughter's hair. "You always did have a flair for the dramatic. But I'm sure whatever it is that's bothering you will work itself out. You'll do the right thing, you always do." And she kissed her daughter on the forehead, collected her newspaper, and disappeared into the living room.

Despite her mother having been no help whatsoever, Serena felt comforted. She wished she could tell her mother everything: being Sailor Moon, being the Moon Princess, the Negaverse, Queen Beryl, the Silver Crystal. But she had a feeling that the moment she finished her saga, her mother would tie her to the backseat of her Toyota Camry and dump her off at the nearest psychiatric hospital for evaluation. Although, now that she thought about it, a nice room with thick, soft walls might be preferable to risking her life every time Beryl decided to send a minion down to Earth to start trouble.

Serena gripped her mug of cocoa and brought it to her lips. She inhaled the chocolatey aroma and wished she didn't ever have to leave her parents' protection.

….

Darien tossed and turned as his heart raced frenetically in his chest. Ever since Serena had been revealed as the Princess he'd sought his whole life, he'd stopped dreaming of her. Now he was plagued by a shapeless nightmare that consisted more of dark feelings of foreboding rather than any particular sequence of events.

A dark and raspy voice seethed in Darien's subconscious. You'll betray the one you love.

….

Beryl's rage was palpable though she didn't scream. She was at her most dangerous not when she was flying off into a rage, but when she was almost meditatively quiet. Zoisite sank to his knees and quaked in fear.

"I'd like to know," Beryl began, "what exactly you were thinking at the Starlight Tower."

"M-Majesty, I—"

"I told you he wasn't to be touched, did I not?"

"You did, Majesty, but I—"

"And yet you deliberately disobeyed me, did you not?"

"Majesty, please believe it was an accident," Zoisite stammered. "The blade was meant for Sailor Moon. He got in the way and I—"

"It's been nothing but excuses with you, Zoisite. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't rip you apart right here."

Zoisite trembled. "Majesty, I was able to retrieve six of the Rainbow Crystals—"

"And you lost them to Sailor Moon, who, as it turns out, is the Moon Princess! And after five minutes with the Silver Crystal she was able to knock you unconscious and get away! I lost the Silver Crystal and I lost Prince Darien all because you couldn't handle a young girl! You are worthless, Zoisite!" Beryl's dark crystal sprung to life with negative energy and Zoisite knew his time was up. Rather than beg for his life, he got to his feet and stared Beryl directly in the eye. A black bolt of energy shot forth from the crystal and instantly, Zoisite was vaporized.

….

In the cavernous depths of the onyx castle, a restless Beryl paced the length of her private chambers.

"I was so close," she murmured fretfully. "And now the Princess has been revealed. More and more of his memories of the Moon Kingdom are coming back with each passing day. The more he remembers, the harder it will be."

"It will be difficult," Metalia conceded, in her raspy alto. "But the reward will be great. With the Prince by your side, you will be unbeatable."

"How do I do it? Tell me how to win him over to our side!"

"The human spirit is a powerful thing to overcome. His body must be willing. His mind must be willing."

"I don't understand," said Beryl. "How do I get him to decide to be with me?"

"You must offer him something he cannot resist."

"But what!" Beryl shouted. Having come so close and losing Darien to the Princess again was wearing away Beryl's patience, but not her resolve.

"Perhaps it's time for him to learn the secret of his past."

Suddenly Beryl stopped in her tracks. A slow smile spread across her face as an idea came to her. "Yes, yes, his past. You know, I think perhaps it's time for more drastic measures," she said. "Perhaps it's time to take matters into my own hands."

….

Serena didn't know what she expected to happen when she arrived at Darien's front door. She could barely remember having walked there in the first place.

"How are you holding up?" he asked her, pouring vodka into a glass tumbler for her.

"It's awful," she said, downing the contents of the glass in one shot. "I just don't think I can do this."

They sat next to each other on the couch unconsciously filling and refilling their glasses with vodka in a constant rhythm: fill, drink, refill, drink. They paused only to unload their feelings on one another, each attempting to one-up the other in who could feel the most sorry for him or herself.

"I wish I could help," said Darien. "Shoulder the burden a little bit."

"I wish you could shoulder all of it," Serena replied, no hint of joking anywhere in her voice. Darien didn't reply but merely stared at her. Serena looked back and searched his face for something, anything to remind her that he was supposed to mean something to her. All she saw was a cocky, good-looking guy. No one special.

"It comes in waves, you know?" he said, reading her thoughts. "One minute I'll be like, yes, this is the girl I've been searching for my whole life. The next minute it'll be, who the hell is this girl?"

"Right," Serena agreed. "I feel like it's one of those arranged marriage deals where they're telling you you'll grow to love each other in time."

"Ever wonder what would happen if we just…didn't?"

"Abdicate, you mean?"

"Well, yeah," said Darien. "I mean, what if we just didn't do what 'destiny' keeps telling us to do. What if we just went our separate ways and continued on with our lives?"

"I think about that all the time. But then the guilt weighs on me and I can't even breathe."

"I keep having these dreams," said Darien, running his fingers through his hair and tossing back some more vodka. "Like I'm going to do something terrible. But I don't know what it is or how I can stop it."

"I don't sleep anymore either," said Serena. The vodka was exercising its full effect on her now and instead of the light, happy feeling she was accustomed to when imbibing, she felt numb.

Darien's phone vibrated from inside his pocket and he pulled it out and examined the front.

"Raye," he said. He looked up at Serena. "I should take this." Serena nodded and moved out to the terrace. Darien answered his phone and turned his back to Serena.

Sorrow consumed her as she peered over the stone barrier that enclosed the terrace and she surveyed the city below her. Hardly anyone was out at this hour and the ambient light revealed bar rooftops, cars, and a wide expanse of black pavement down below. Serena's chest tightened and she felt as though she were choking. Hot tears stung the corners of her eyes and threatened to cascade down her face. My life isn't mine, she told herself. Everything I ever knew is a lie. My mom and dad and Sam…they're not my real family. I don't belong anywhere. The tears began to flow and Serena couldn't stop them. I'm going to be fighting for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it. I can fight or I can stay home and let the world be destroyed. What kind of choice is that?

Serena felt light-headed and was barely aware of her actions as she stepped up onto the small table Darien had arranged out on the terrace. Once she was on it, it was easy to climb out on top of the ledge. It was wide enough to support her and she didn't need to balance. Without a barrier between her and New York below, Serena felt exhilarated all of a sudden. A small breeze cooled her face and she closed her eyes and outstretched her arms. What if, she thought. Just one step forward and it's over. They can't make me fight. I'll go on my own terms. Serena edged forward. Just don't look down or you'll lose your nerve. She edged forward again. A few seconds and then it's all over. Like going to sleep.

"SERENA!"

Her eyes flew open and, startled, she lost her balance and began to wobble. Before she knew what was happening, her ankle had given way and she was falling.

But only for a moment.

Swift as lightning, Darien was hanging half over the ledge, his massive hand gripped tightly around Serena's slim wrist. Their eyes met: Darien's full of fear, Serena's calm, even though she was the one hanging down the side of a building, thirty stories above the sidewalk. As he held her life in his hand, Serena suddenly remembered. He was her Prince. Her one love throughout the Universe. The one who had saved her in war and died for her. And as she blinked back tears and studied Darien's expression, she could see that he was starting to remember as well. His lower lip began to tremble as he pulled her over the side of the building and down off the ledge and into his arms. He scooped her up and carried her inside his bedroom and gently set her down on the bed.

"I remember coming to the Moon the night of the last battle," Darien whispered as he lay next to Serena facing her and tracing her face with his left index finger.

"I gave you my Star Locket and you gave me a rose," said Serena.

"We danced one last dance before the dark forces invaded."

"We pledged our lives and she took us both."

Shared memories continued to awaken in them as the hours passed. Neither of them noticed as the sky lightened and they talked well into a new day.

….

As Raye leaned over the thin railing, all that separated her from the murky Hudson below was the feeble bit of metal wobbling against her weight. It wouldn't take much to hoist herself up and over and into the welcoming waters. Her mind started to wander. They say drowning is the most peaceful way to die, she thought. Wouldn't take long with the current and the fact that I don't swim well. Still, I wonder how cold it is in there? She lifted her gaze from the waters below to the moonlit sky up above. Damn, moon, she thought. I hate you. You ruined my life.

"You ruined everything!" she shouted, staring straight up at the moon. She reached inside her jacket pocket and removed the small wand Luna had given her ages ago. The first time she held it, she felt powerful, righteous. Now she looked at it and felt as though this small token had effectively removed all control she had over her own life. She held it in the palm of her left hand and delicately traced its features with her right index finger. Moonlight bounced off the golden orb that encased the symbol of Mars and made it shine brilliantly. It's so beautiful, Raye admitted reluctantly. Still, she thought, all this trouble over one tiny little object. She looked up at the sprinkle of lights across the Hudson and a thought suddenly occurred to her. Who says I have to do this? I still have free will. I don't have to be Sailor Mars or Princess Mars or Mars anything. Raye started to feel excited at the thought of rebelling against her destiny. At the same time, she was angry at the presumption that she would take up the Herculean task of acting as the world's protector. She had her own life to live.

She gripped the wand tightly in her fist and extended her arm out over the swirling Hudson River below. She let her hand go slack and watched as the shining red stick descended into the water and disappeared below its surface.

"Goodbye, Sailor Mars," she murmured.