Reasons why NOT to join the Fellowship of the ring

by Elleth of Hidden Lore

Have you ever wanted to join the Fellowship of the Ring? Do you have a thirst for adventure, magic and glorious battles? Well, think again. Do you really think being in the Fellowship is that easy? Would you survive months without a bed, bathrooms, toilet paper, and internet? No, of course not. Join Alexandra as she goes though the adventure she never wanted to have. T for language

25. Reason 25

This reason was inspired by a few of you. Some said lack of maps, gps and other ways to guide you. Also one said getting lost, so we put them all together in this one reason. Have fun!

25- I could really use a GPS or Google Maps right now!

One particular evening, after we had set up camp, I found myself feeling sick. You know? Those times when your stomach starts making weird growling noises and you feel you insights twisting painfully, and you know nothing good will come from this. So at one point, when I could no longer bear with it, I darted into the forest. I didn't want anyone catching a sniff at what my stomach had wrought, so I decided to go as deep into the forest as I could. I spent a good hour or so kneeling close to a tree, pretty much dying of pain, and cursing once more the lack of toilet paper. So, after that nightmare was over, I tidied up as best as I could, and left to return back to camp.

Well, that was the idea.

"Where the hell am I?!" I screamed, as my voice echoed through the forest.

It was already dark, and all the little animal noises were really starting to get on my nerves. I could swear I could hear footsteps following me. The forest is a scary, scary place. I tried desperately to remember what Aragorn had taught me, about using the stars to pinpoint my location and lead myself back to camp. So I climbed a tree, since the canopy would not let me see the sky, looked up, and, fuck! They're all the freaking same! They're just a bunch of bright dots on the sky! And it's not even like looking at a starlight sky on Earth, no, here there are possibly a trillion more stars on the sky. How can you find just one little star between a trillion?! And that's not even the worse part; how the hell I am supposed to get down from this tree?!

It was morning when they finally found me, up in the tree, still crying my eyes out, which was really embarrassing for me. Apparently Aragorn and Boromir got worried for me and decided to go find me. Gee, thanks for the concern guys. Though it would have been nice if you would have worried about me eight hours ago! Not after I spent enough time in the forest to get eaten by wild animals or bitten by poisonous bugs and snakes!

I really wish I could get my hands on a GPS or on Google maps right now…

Apparently Boromir's death is winning...