Ana is not lying next to me the following morning but she is already up, dressed and ready to go to work.
"It's time for you to go already?" I ask but I already know the answer.
"I want to get a head start on the track, it's amazing when you haven't been in the car for even a few days, how you lose some feel for how to handle things, so I want to take it out for a spin to familiarise myself again" she smiles.
"Sounds like a good idea" safety first after all I think to myself.
"One question Christian, it's been bothering me since yesterday" she starts and I feel my stomach lift into my mouth.
"Oh" I say as casually as I can "What's that?"
"You said you would never get into a race car because it is too dangerous so how come you go on a balloon flight and it's no problem?"
My mouth is so dry that it takes me a moment to be able to answer her
"Inside a race car you not only have to rely on your own skill but that of the other drivers, pit crew, tires, safety equipment and the weather whereas in a balloon you are not challenged by anyone else skill, if the weather is bad you don't fly so in general terms it's safer" breathe Christian, breathe.
"But you still have equipment failure, weather changes, or a crappy pilot" she says "I don't see much difference between really"
"I do" I don't want to discuss any further.
"I am so going to get you in my car one day" she teases and I vehemently shake my head
"No way Ana"
"Not even if it was you or I who was driving?" she suggests
I think about it for a moment, I suppose I could drive myself around the track for a lap or two, couldn't I?
"Perhaps if I was driving I could be persuaded but…" but before I can finish
"Yay! I will arrange for the car to be ready for the next time you are at the track" Ana says excitedly
"Whoa! Wait, hold your horses, I never said yes" I have jumped out of bed totally naked in my haste to protest.
"If you don't cover up you will be saying yes to something else in a minute" Ana stares at my now hardening dick.
"Try me!" I dare her and quick as a flash she has stripped her clothes off and is riding me on the bed.
"Oh fuck Ana, you are insatiable" I pant.
"Are you complaining Mr Grey?" her breath catches and I shake my head as words are becoming harder to say.
She pins my hands above my head "Good Mr Grey otherwise I would have to punish you" her pelvis grinds deliciously and I buck my hips in response.
She throws her head back allowing her blonde hair to follow and fan out behind her, she rocks back and forth eventually reaching her climax, I flip her over on to her back before hitching each of her legs on to my shoulders and pumping myself into her. I peak quickly, let her legs down and rest my head on her stomach whilst still on my knees.
"Is that your definition of a quickie? If it is then…" I pause to catch my breath "I like it"
"And you say I'm insatiable!" Ana replies with a giggle but she is getting up again and heading for the shower.
"Stay a while longer Ana, please?" I plead
"I have already, I really have to go" she sounds disappointed too.
She has a quick shower and gets dressed again
"Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?" she says looking at her watch.
"Shit, its 8.30am, fuck I'm going to be late!" I jump out of bed…
"You've got to stop doing that Christian!"
"Doing wha…Oh sorry" I grab a towel and put it around my waist almost in embarrassment at my nakedness.
Ana is laughing so much the tears run down her cheeks "I have to go" wiping her face as she leans in and kisses me, I try and deepen it but she pulls back as we both know where it will lead.
"When will I see you again?" I hungrily ask.
"Soon" she blows a kiss and is gone.
Damn that woman, I rarely get a commitment from her regarding our next date or whatever you want to call it. I sulkily shower and get ready, Taylor gets me through the morning traffic swiftly and I arrive only moments late. I hurry to my office, I have a conference call in 20 minutes and I feel totally unprepared.
I don't notice the small box on my desk to begin with as I have my head in a file, its only when I put the file on the box and all the papers slew on to the floor I realise it's there.
"What the fuck is this!" I exclaim to myself, nobody else is in the room to hear me scuttling around on the floor picking up papers. I look up and see a box; it's a simple white box with no markings on the outside. This makes me nervous, not that I have had any threats as such, a few letters, hate mail I guess but nothing that Taylor hasn't been able to handle it for me so I buzz through to Taylor and ask who delivered it.
Taylor assures me that the package is safe; it has been checked but that it is of a personal nature. Intrigued, I open cautiously but to my surprise I find a short stemmed single white rose sitting on a bed of silk fabric. There is a handwritten note tucked down the side and I eagerly pull it out to read. It's from Ana and my heart does a happy dance…
Dearest Christian,
Thank you for a lovely weekend and for your support with my Mom and my racing career. Hugs from your insatiable Nymph xx
Oh My God! I am as light as a feather; I could walk on air, on water, on anything really. White roses are quite symbolic; the colour conveys respect, pays homage to new starts and expresses hope for the future. It's not a declaration as such but it's the closest she has come to revealing emotion or thoughts on our relationship but damn it she still hasn't said when I am going to see her next.
The rest of the day passes in a happy daze, I am polite, even laughing at some very poor, cringe worthy jokes. I see most people are amazed at my behaviour, probably thinking I have taken something or drunk too much coffee this morning.
Later in the afternoon when I have finished various meetings and calls I send a thank you text to Ana, I was hoping for a prompt reply but it doesn't come, I am guessing she is doing laps or under the car.
The reply comes later that evening…
Hi Christian,
Phew what a day! Busy, busy, busy, and exhausted, did a zillion laps but feel great for having been out there again. Team meetings and car maintenance-I am ready for sleep. Hope you had a good day too and glad you like my 'thank you'. Take care, sleep well and talk again tomorrow xx.
Well at least she is ok, I'm disappointed not to be seeing her but understand how tired she must be. It's late and I decide to turn in myself but spend twenty minutes tossing and turning so I get up and go to my piano. Playing helps to relax me when my mind is unwilling to switch off. I eventually yawn and head back to bed.
"Good morning sleepy head" Ana's voice invades my dreams.
"Breakfast is served" there she is again.
"Christian" oh that sweet voice saying my name, I turn and open my eyes…
"WHAAAATTTT…" I sit up frantically before I can focus properly on Ana who is standing at the side of the bed.
"Whoa, it's me, don't panic!" she says
"Ana? What are you doing here?" I must have the expression of a rabbit in the headlights.
"Breakfast surprise, Taylor let me in" she smiles and I calm down, she is holding a tray of breakfast goodies.
"Oh, sorry, you just startled me" I admit "hmm something smells delicious"
She sets the tray down beside me revealing a selection of foods.
"Are you joining me?" I ask patting the bed beside me.
"I could be persuaded to nibble on a croissant" she winks
My mind is working overtime with that comment and wink, exacerbating my morning woody.
To try and distract my mind I ask Ana about the practice session yesterday "how did it go yesterday?"
"Good, well a little wobbly to begin with, it took a while to get the feel of travelling at speed with the G-forces again but it felt exhilarating to be back in the car. But Christian I have to leave tomorrow evening to get to the next circuit, we have a lot of work to do" her face has fallen and so has mine.
"When will you come back to Seattle?" I ask with a hint of alarm in my voice.
"Probably not until after the race unfortunately" she looks sad "It's my job Christian, I have to give it 100% otherwise I might as well give up and I don't want to do that" tears start to flow.
"Hey, hey it's ok, don't cry, I don't like it when you cry" I pull her into my arms breathing in her perfume and I gently rock.
"I feel torn Christian" she sobs.
"How so?" I ask
"I like being here in Seattle, sometimes the travelling, being away from home, I miss my friends, my apartment and you" the 'you' at the end of the sentence came in a whisper.
I do a silent happy dance, she misses me! But I also have to remember she does have a career that she loves and I can't make her feel guilty for not seeing me or not racing so I say the only words my brain can formulate
"Go race baby, it's your passion, your career and besides, I have a plane, I can come out and see you at the weekend leaving you to focus on your driving the rest of the time if that's what you want" I feel a huge tug on my heart, selfishly the thought of not seeing her during the week is breaking me.
"Really, you wouldn't mind?" she says, her eyes drying a little.
"I will miss seeing you but it's only a few days until we can be together again" I admit, a lump forming In the back of my throat. Oh boy I have got it bad!
She takes a tissue and dabs her face "Thank you" her voice catching.
I kiss the top of her head and hug her tightly "So what are we going to do tonight then?" I say brightly.
"A film? I would like to see 'Captain America; The Winter Soldier', it looks good, I am a bit of a Marvel fan" Ana looks bashful.
"Dinner first?" I ask and she nods keenly "Right, I need to get to work as do you, how about I pick you up from your apartment at 6pm?" I smile.
"Perfect, I will leave the track at 5pm, should give me enough time" she beams.
"Great" I say putting the last bit of a now cold bagel in my mouth and getting out of bed.
"Christian…" I turn around "Thank you" she blows me a kiss and goes out the door.
I hit the shower and spend a little too long analysing our conversation. I come to the conclusion that if I didn't want to lose Ana I had to say what I did, much as it was hard and my heart feels heavy, It's nothing compared to how I would feel had it been goodbye…