Misses Melinski stood in front of her Life skills class pointing to her bar graphs and charts giving the typical school speech. You know the one that says, "Hey kids have pre marital sex and the world might end."

Buffy's eyes focused on her listening to the scary facts she would soon be facing. Unable to blink as she took it all in. Ms Melinski pointed to the financial aspect of the graph. "The facts are that by the time your child is 18 you will have spent well over two hundred and fifty thousand dollars on raising a child. That isn't taking in to account expenses for if your child decides to go to college. Also it's said that statistically." But the class bell signifying the end of the school day cut her off. "We can continue this tomorrow."

Misses Melinski had been avoiding talking about the mock marriage debacle. The school had had made up a story about lead poisoning due to a metal imbalance in the ring. Buffy turned as Xander walked out the back of the classroom door. She still held out hope that some day he'd find his way to her. They would walk out of class and talk about what they liked in the class what they didn't like, plans for the day. Hell anything at this point would be gold. Xander was gone though. Didn't mean she would stop fighting to get her friend back.

She ran out the back door walking behind him. "So I don't suppose you have a quarter of a million dollars I could borrow. Turns out I'm going to need it to raise Junior here." Xander just kept walking not saying anything. The silence hurt more than if he lashed out at her. He kept walking like she wasn't there but to avoid her entirely he stepped in to the boys bathroom. She sighed "Xander please."

She pressed her forehead against the cold tile on the school wall as Xander walked away. "Another strike out."

Willow spotted Buffy from across the hall. "You doing okay?"

Buffy looked up. "Just another episode of Xander hates Buffy. This show filmed in front of a live studio audience."

Unsure how to respond Willow changed the subject. "So if you don't feel like taking the bus home you can catch a ride with Oz and me."

Buffy looked up and smiled. "Thank you Will."

A few hours had passed and Xander was changing to go out for patrol with Faith. Angel had been going out to help her so Xander had been avoiding patrols. Tonight though Angel was going to Crestview while Faith was patrolling Happy hill. He was just about to head over when there was a tap on the basement window. Xander looked up to find Faith bent down looking in to the glass.

"Hey Harris get your ass moving. We got vamps to stake."

He just smirked and grabbed a few stakes and holy water shoving them in to his backpack. He met her outside. "I was just about to head over to find you. Some one is eager tonight."

Faith smirked at him. "What can I say? This is the first patrol in a while where I don't have Captain Cardboard with me. I am actually looking at having some fun. "

Xander reached in to his coat and took out a stake pointing it straight ahead. "Well Ms Vampire killing machine I say we find an adventure."

"Damn right. We are the Warriors for the light and I say It's time to shine."

Xander just laughed and shook his head. "What ever you are drinking I am sure my dad would pay top dollar for it."

Faith walked backwards-facing Xander as she talked. She ran her hands down her body. "This is 100 percent natural baby. "

"Accept no substitutions. 100 percent Faith."

The truth was Faith was different with Xander than she was with Angel. With Xander she could talk and make jokes. It wasn't just work. She could hang out with someone she was really starting to like. Angel was very good at helping with patrols but most of their conversation was talking about battle strategy or the way a vampire can use his strengths against you. It made her a better Slayer probably but it also made for a very boring patrol.

So far the night hadn't produced a single vampire or demon. Xander leaned against a crypt keeping his eyes open for anything. Faith was leaning against the crypt door. "Come on Harris. You know the rules."

"Really? Come on I should get at least one pass?'

"Nope."

Xander sighed running the Golden Girls through his head. "Okay I guess I would Marry Sophia. She is old school and probably can cook a hell of a good meat ball. I fuck Rose cause well who doesn't love Betty White and I murder Blanche?'

Faith shook her head. "Nah you can't murder Blanche. Dorothy is the real threat. She was like 7 foot tall and always bitching. You have to do her in."

"I'm marrying Sophia. She is from Sicily. If I murder her daughter I probably end up with a horsehead in my bed."

Faith laughed "You are too much."

"God where are the vampires I can't answer any more of your questions."

"It is awfully quiet tonight."

"Makes sense."

"How do you figure? Well you and Angel come out and the vampires are afraid but you know you bring the vampire killing machine out and every vampire is going to run the other way."

"You are the vampire killing machine?"

"In German it would be Das Vampire killing le machine."

"I am pretty sure le is French."

"Well you get the drift."

"I'm not sure I " But she stopped talking as she heard footstep." She stepped back in to the shadows as Xander followed her lead. She watched from a distance as 3 former football players from the schools varsity squad were walking in the distance. She looked at Xander whispering. "I think our night just got more interesting."

Xander sighed not liking this. "God they are big."

"Come on vampire killing machine you got this. I got two of them you got one."

Xander nodding "Which one do you want me to get."

Faith looked em over. "You take the cute one."

"The cute one? Faith I'm not taking myself out." Before she could say anything he picked up his stake and ran at them charging Tommy Dobson. He led with his shoulder trying to take him down but the vampire was built like a brick wall. Xander bounced off him hitting the ground. "Ow."

Tommy turned around looking at Xander. "Harris is that you? What the hell are you doing?"

Xander pulled out a stake. "Just offering a distraction while my friend kills you."

Tommy looked confused "What?"

Faith jumped over Xander leading with a kick that knocked Tommy back. The other two put on there vamp face not liking her attacking there friend. Xander jumped up and on to Travis Bently's back. He was the wide receiver for the team. He tried pulling Xander off but couldn't get to him. "Get off me "

Faith exchanged kicks between Tommy and Roger . They were taking wild swings at her missing by a mile. Faith laughed. "God if you guys play football as well as you fight you must have been like 0 and 10 million."

Finally Travis grabbed Xander off his back and threw him to the ground. Xander groaned. "Oh wow you showed me. I think I'm going to go home now." Travis picked him up putting him in to a bear hug.

Travis glared at him through his yellow eyes "I'm going to enjoy killing you"

Xander pulled out his stake from his back pocket and sank it directly in to Travis's heart. He looked on shocked. "Genius when your heart is your vulnerable spot a bear hug might not be the best move." Before he could respond he poofed in to a pile of dust.

Faith handling the other two like they were children smiled. "Toss me your stake Xander. I am bored."

Xander reached in to the pile of dust and tossed it too her. She kicked both of them in the balls catching the stake in the air and than drove the stake home to Tommy's heart pulling it out a split second later and staking Roger just as fast. She held the stake up dropping it like she was dropping the mic. "And that's a touchdown."

Xander clapped as they exploded in to dust "NICE!"

Faith smiled flipping her hair back and walked over to Xander. "You okay? You look like you took a bump or two."

"Nothing a little screaming in pain later won't fix."

Faith nodded "As fun as this is I have to find Angel and see how he did. You should probably get home."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Come on it's a week night and the night is young ish."

"You can come with me if you want to track down Angel."

Xander shook his head "Big time pass."

Faith picked up the stake from the ground tossing it too him. "I'll get your battle axe back to you tomorrow. Be careful getting home."

"Fine." Xander sighed turning to leave.

Faith called to him. "Xander."

He turned around. "Yeah Faith."

"Again tomorrow night?"

He just smirked and nodded. "I'll pencil you in." He walked a few blocks when he heard footsteps behind him. He figured it was Faith following him. Sometimes Buffy would do this to make sure he got home safe. He turned around ready to tear in to her but stopped when he saw a different familiar face. He pulled a stake from his pocket. "What do you want Spike?"

Spike shook his head just looking up. "Will you put that thing away? First off if you wanted to you couldn't stake me. Second if I wanted you dead."

"Yeah yeah big bad vampire killed 2 slayers. I know the resume. What do you want?"

Spike shrugged. "I told you if you lived through my little game I'd buy you a drink so come on."

Xander shook his head. "Yeah that's not happening."

Spike ran catching up to him walking by his side. "Look I'm not really a fan of yours either but we have a common enemy."

"And that would be?"

"That poofty wanker Angel. Even the name makes me angry."

"It is kind of annoying. I mean what self respecting man would ever call himself Angel. It's like a name of a stripper who does the naughty stuff if you slip her an extra 20 bucks."

Spike laughed. "See this is why I want to drink with you."

"First off even if I wanted to I'm not old enough."

"Where I'm taking you age doesn't matter."

"Secondly I don't trust you. I get drunk and you drink from me I end up either dead or a vampire. "

He stepped in front of Xander stopping him. He put his hand up. "I give you my word for the next 24 hours you have a free pass. I won't harm a single hair on your head. Hell I will protect you from any big nasty's we encounter too."

Xander sidestepped him too. "Again pass."

Spike looked down knowing there was one card left to play. It wasn't really much of a card cause he was leaving Sunnydale in the morning no matter what but Xander didn't know that. "Wait. If you come out with me. We have a few drinks. We bitch on Angel than I will leave town tomorrow."

Xander spun on his heal facing Spike. "Leave town and not come back?"

Spike laughed. "Well not forever. I mean it is the Hellmouth after all. I give you my word though I will stay away 2 months."

Xander shook his head countering. "2 years"

"5 months."

Xander crossed his arms. "1 year."

"8 months. Final offer."

"9 and you buy all the drinks. "

Spike laughed, "Deal." He stuck his hand out to shake on it.

Xander looked at the hand. "And I should trust this because?"

"I gave you my word."

"Right and you murder and torture and kill but you don't lie?"

"Not this time."

Xander shook his head. "I don't know what the hell I am thinking." He took Spike's hand shaking it.

"Good lad. Let's get a move on."

20 minutes later they were both sitting on a bar stool in Willy's bar. It looked like it hadn't been cleaned since the day it was opened. Spike looked at Willie. "Hey get me a bottle of Whiskey."

Willie reached behind the counter. "100 bucks."

Spike reached in to his coat and dropped a gold coin. "That is worth more than a hundred. I should get at least one more bottle."

Willie held it up inspecting the coin. "This better be real."

Spike snarled at him. "Get me 2 shot glasses you wanker."

Willie put them in front of him. "Get your drink on."

Xander looked on confused. "You paid for it?"

Spike shrugged. "You expect me to steal it." He picked up the bottle walking with Xander to a booth. "So cold I kick Willie ass and just take it. With out a doubt. Anyone in this bar could. Where does that leave Willie? I will tell you where. Out of business and us undead and other things that go bump in the night got no place to drink."

Xander stood there dumb founded. "Just pour me a shot so we can get this over with."

"Oh no no no . See there is a method to this. We are here to rag on Angel and Buffy so the way it goes. You say something that really just pisses you off about Angel or Buffy or both hell than you toss your shot back."

"Really?"

Spike filled the shot glass. "Start us off."

Xander sighed looking at the amber fluid. "What pisses me off about Angel is I swear to god he found the book how to be a vampire douche cliché and he follows it to the letter."

Spike nodded. "I like where this is going."

"it's like it's not enough the man has to brood 24 -7 he's a constant buzz kill. I swear I can't ever remember seeing him smile."

"You ain't wrong."

"Than you have the clothes. I swear does he own one shirt that isn't some degree of black. It's like he raided a Magician's wardrobe. Some where out there David Copperfield is wondering who stole his ensemble."

"That is funny."

Xander looked at Spike. "I'm not sure you should laugh at that. I mean you are just as guilty."

"Difference is I make it work."

"Yeah well my point is Angel is the cliché vampire douche."

Spike nodded "Drink."

Not needing to be told twice he tossed back drinking it down. He made a face for a second. "Your turn."

Spike grabbed his shot glass. "I hate the way they think they are some epic love."

Xander nodded "You aren't wrong."

"They see them self like some sort of star crossed lovers. They honestly think they are Romeo and Juliet."

"Jack and Diane"

"Bonnie and Clyde. What they really are isn't quite so pretty."

Xander pointed to Spike. "Oh my God I've always felt the same way. I mean if Angel wasn't some pretty boy. If he were a 250 pound short balding man."

Spike laughed knowing exactly where he was going. "Yes. If that was the guy who was stalking on the slayer before she became a vampire. Well how much of a connection would there be than."

"I mean even if you take away the old immortal vampire factor. How old was he when he was sired? Pretty sure a man that age shows up to date my teenage daughter I'm greeting him with my shot gun."

Spike nodded "Too right.'

Xander pointed to the shot glass. "Think we covered a lot on that one. Drink."

This went on for the next 2 hours. By the time Xander was done he had to hold on to his bar stool to avoid falling off. Spike emptied the 2nd bottle pouring another shot for Xander.

Xander held it up thinking. "I hate his stupid hair. He won't admit it but he uses product of some sort. I'll be honest I think he might even wear make up."

Spike stopped him putting his hand over the shot. "You've been ragging on Angel all night. I get it. I mean I could go days about all the things I hate about that wanker. But I want to hear one good thing about Buffy that pisses you off."

Xander looked at the shot as if he was staring through it. "What do I hate about Buffy?" He blew out a long breath that had so much alcohol in it he could have set the bar on fire. "I hate that she doesn't see me."

Spike looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"I can pull her ass out of the fire, or the fish tank, I can breathe life in to her and she doesn't care. I'm not saying she needs to shine a spot light on me and play some uplifting music but she treats me like I'm a liability." His voice went high pitch mocking her. "Oh Xander you could get hurt. You should stay behind."

Spike was getting a little drunk at this point. "She's damn lucky to have you."

"I have saved her ass probably more than Angel but some how I'm the weak one." He closed his eyes and calmed himself. "She doesn't see me." He tossed the shot back drinking it.

Spike looked at him. "I'm going to ask you something and I don't want you to lie to me. I know a few things already. "

Spike reached behind the bar he grabbed two bottle of beer and busted off the cap handing one to Xander. "What do you want to know?"

"Buffy is pregnant." Xander had a look of confliction on his face. As angry as he was he wasn't going to give up any information that would get her hurt. Spike put his hands up, "I'm not looking for confirmation here. I am a vampire. The nose knows more than you know."

Xander took a sip from the beer. "Your nose is very nosey. Still not my place to say anything."

Spike bit his lip thinking. "Okay. What if I take the slayer off the table. I give you a deal. Till she gives birth I promise I won't so much as give her a dirty look."

"Don't you have to leave tomorrow. I mean the whole deal and 9 months."

"Yeah but if she left Sunnydale. I mean think of this as a guarantee on a guarantee."

Xander rolled his eyes. "What the hell. You are leaving tomorrow anyways."

Spike took a big drink from the beer. "Thing is I've gotten pretty good at smelling people. This baby she is carrying is painting her in your scent." He cocked an eyebrow at him "You got her to step out on Angel?"

Xander laughed. "You don't listen to a word I say. Spike she doesn't' see me. Especially not in that way."

"But this baby is yours." He looked at him confused.

"Only in biology and blood."

Spike took another drink emptying the bottle. He scratched his head. "So you two did do it?"

Xander sighed getting sick of the story. "It all started with Angel and this demon named Dyhoffryn.. Wait I think he was a vengeance lord or something."

By the time Xander got to the part in the story where Angel and Buffy discovered they could have sex in his body Spike decided he needed yet another beer. Spike listened to the tale unable to blink.

When he was done he had to pick his own jaw up off the floor. Spike looked on opening his mouth but there were no words.

Xander nodded "That was pretty much my reaction when I found out."

Spike shook his head "So when you said that they broke up your relationship and you actually had nothing to do with it. You weren't just whining. I mean."

"Yep."

Spike laughed and shook his head. "I feel like we need at least another bottle of whiskey"

Xander put his hands up and shook his head. "Oh no. I am done. "

"Come on we were just having fun." It was then he spotted Angel, Buffy and Faith coming in the front door. Spike shook his head and rollied his eyes. "And I think the I hate fun squad is here. ."

Xander turned to the door seeing them in the doorway. "Oh Shit."

Angel made his way over crossing his arms and shooting a look of disapproval. "Out for a drink"

Xander stood up and looked at Angel indignantly. "How do you know I was here."

Willie was cleaning a glass behind the bar. "Hey hey I didn't say nothing."

Spike knew he was lying. "You keep lying your going to get a reputation as a snitch Willie"

Buffy stepped up to him. "So you two are friends now?"

Xander shook his head angry. "I'm not doing this." He turned around "Spike pay Willy. I'm calling it a night."

Spike looked in to his pocket. "Okay Willie I got your payment." He pulled out his hand flipping Willie the bird. "OH wait I should tip you." He threw him the other finger. "You can keep that."

Xander looked at him. "What about that whole needing a place to drink."

Spike rolled his eyes. "I gave him a gold coin. That is plenty good enough"

Angel rubbed his forehead. "Class act as always Spike."

Buffy turned to follow Xander out the door. Spike called to her. "By the way. Congratulations on the little one."

Buffy froze in her tracks. "Little one."

Spike locked eyes with her. "Slayer and mommy."

Before Angel could grab Spike, Faith beat him to it. She pushed him against the bar grabbing the lapels on his coat, "Listen fucker. You have any ideas of looking at her again I will have you begging me to put a stake in your heart but I won't I'll just let you live. I'll make sure you find out what your left nut taste like."

Spike laughed, "Oh I like her. New slayer it kind of sucks that I'm leaving. I feel like we could have had some fun."

Buffy knew the situation was under control She ran out the door after Xander who was already down the ally way walking home. "Xander you stop right now."

Xander kept walking. "Pretty sure if I stop I might puke. So I think I'm going to keep walking."

Buffy ran and stepped in front of him. "You hate me so much that you are selling me out to my enemies."

Xander closed his eyes and ran his hands down the front of his face. "Yep. Buffy that is it. We were plotting a plan to take down the slayer once and for all. Step 1 get really drunk. I think step 2 is going to involve convince the town to end the ban on dancing. Or is that the plot of Footloose."

"Another joke? Really I don't find this funny."

"Yeah well I don't find a lot funny in my life these days." He side stepped Buffy and started walking again.

Buffy walked behind him. "Do you really hate me so much you would drink with my enemy. You hate me so much that you'd tell Spike about the baby."

Xander turned around and looked at her. "You really don't know me at all."

"I guess I don't cause a friend would never do what you did."

Xander gritted his teeth angry but did his best to keep his temper in check. "You want to know why I was out there drinking? 9 months Buffy. 9 months I bought you."

"What?"

"I negotiated a deal. Spike is leaving tomorrow. He is leaving and not coming back for at least 9 months. Do you know what that does? It gives you 9 months with one less vampire who can be a threat to a slayer who is vulnerable. You get 9 months of safety from a vampire who has killed 2 slayers. Your baby is safe for 9 months from him.. That is why I agreed to have a drink with him."

Buffy stood her ground and stared him down. "You still told him everything. You sold me out."

"He knew you were pregnant Buffy. He has that mystical vampire nose. Oh I can smell anything. You know what else he knew. He could smell me. He thought I got you to step out on Angel. I told him the truth. Yeah I gave him the details. Maybe I crossed a line there but I was angry and I was venting. I didn't tell him a thing to hurt you."

"Xander"

"You know what gets me though. You actually had a moment in your head where you thought I was plotting against you. I might be angry at you but do you really believe I am such a total bastard that I would plot against you to get you hurt or killed."

"Of course not I"

""Maybe you just never really knew me at all or you never waned too."

"Xander wait." He walked away angry ignoring her. She just sighed "I'm sorry."