THANK YOU - Zephyr Hearts, Clareandeliforever, Elinfatuated, MrsDibiase-10, TVIsMyDrug4, PullMeIntoTheDark, we-will-not-fall-down, Brittany1022, TheMsedegrassi, Dreamgreen16, brown. eyed. girl. 713, Natsuki Sato, E. K. Rico, and Blaze828 for reviewing (:

I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT INDIVIDUALLY REPLYING TO EACH OF YOUR REVIEWS
I'm honestly sooo tired lately. School has never been this overwhelming, and I truly just want to be able to get the chapters up as soon as I possibly can, and I'm sorry if you guys are bothered by me not responding :( I will next chapter! (:

Song Suggestion -"Be Mine" by Ellie Goulding

Chapter Twenty Three
"And Now You're Gone"

Was I in the wrong? Was I the so-called 'Bad Guy' in this situation? Maybe I had made Fitz out to be this dangerous and vicious monster that he really wasn't. Maybe Fitz was an all around good guy who never meant to do any harm. Maybe Fitz could be my friend..

HA. Good joke. I will never be that guy's friend. He isn't the good guy and he is a dangerous/vicious monster. He is every thing that I've always thought he was; just ten times worse. Fitz was an unforgivable barbarian - who deserved all that came to him.

One thing that I regret out of all of this stuff is.. Losing Clare. One thing that I will admit on being wrong for - is letting Clare leave me, practically giving her permission to go on and move on. I had freedom now - I was free to beat the hell out of any Degrassi student, without Clare giving me the bad eye. I was able to do whatever I wished... But I don't think that is what I really want.

I would much rather be the guy who backed down to Fitz, then the guy who regrets saying goodbye to the greatest thing to ever enter his life. Clare was my life; this war shouldn't have pushed her out of it. I can't believe that I let this war get to my head and control my every last thought.. I can't believe that Clare told me she couldn't be with me today.. and that I walked away from her.

I never would of thought in a million years that I would have been the one to walk away from Clare Edwards. Clare was the angel that I looked up to. Clare was the girl who taught me right from wrong. Clare was the girl who reached her hand out to me when I needed it most. I felt like I was falling through the cracks - I missed Julia and I hated my father.. But then Clare came along.

And she gave me hope.

She gave me a feeling of comfort - like maybe the world wasn't a complete mess. Maybe my life wasn't as bad as I had previously believed.

Now that Clare is gone.. I don't know what to do. Should I try to speak to her? Should I try to get her back? Or is it ending for this time period a good thing?

The thing I fear the most, is that I'll stop talking to her - I'll pretend like we never dated.. And she'll move on.

Even the thought of seeing her with another guy kills me inside. I can't imagine another guy holding her in their arms, giving her few kisses - here and there. I could never even bear the thought of her falling for another guy; who was more simple then me, with less problems and a happier attitude towards life.

I wonder if things were meant to be this way.. Maybe I'm too big of a mess for Saint Clare to repair. Maybe I pushed her away. Maybe my overwhelming thoughts of Julia, my father, and this war with Fitz was too much for Clare to handle.

I can honestly say.. I'm lost without her.

I walked down the streets. I was wearing a black hoodie and black jeans. My hood was up, covering my head and a decent amount of my face. My hands were buried in my sweatshirt pocket. I stared at the ground, watching my feet walk on - one foot after the either. I was across the street from the Dot, just staring at it. I had stopped walking, as I had this weird feeling come over me. I felt like some thing was about to happen.

Butterflies arose in my stomach, as I stood there - waiting and waiting and waiting. Why had I become so nervous? Why did I suddenly feel so insecure? I squinted my eyes as I saw two people exiting the Dot. I wasn't sure exactly who it was. My eye sight wasn't the greatest, to be honest.

I squinted my eyes tightly, as I stared at the two..

KC and Clare?

Anger arose inside of me. I felt like my breath was taken away, as my jaw dropped - I had the meanest stare on my face, as I clenched my teeth as tight as possible. I crossed the street, each step I took was filled with more anger then the one before.

How could KC do this to me? Is this why he had apologized before?- He wanted to get close to me, in order to get close to Clare? I should have never forgiven KC for all the wrong he had done to me. I can't believe that Clare would turn on me like this.. I never thought she would stoop that low.

I felt like I was on the edge of exploding - like my body was over-flowing with anger and frustration. I felt like I was crazy - I felt like I was a ticking time bomb that would set off at any moment. I was so angry; I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I came face to face with Clare and KC..

KC and Clare seemed to be hugging goodbye, neither of the two had noticed me. As I finally reached the sidewalk..

"Hey KC" I yelled his name; KC turned towards me - and with out another second to spare or another world to throw out there - I lifted my fist and I felt my knuckles connect with KC's face. The feeling that lifted off of my hand on to his face was so painful. KC stumbled backwards, falling to the ground. I stood there - having not one emotion to express.

KC's nose began to bleed, I glanced at Clare to see that her jaw was dropped in disbelief - like she wasn't sure what to do next.

"And that's for pretending to be my friend" I stated, before turning to walk away. I only took a few steps, before Clare grabbed my arm, I turned to face her - my hood was still covering a lot of my face - and I'm happy that it was, I'm too scared to allow Clare to see my entire face at this point.

"What is wrong with you?" Clare screamed at the top of her lungs; her voice sounding like she was in pain. I shrugged, not offering a single word to her.. I didn't think she deserved it "Eli, you are honestly ridiculous!"

"I'm ridiculous?" I yelled "We broke up like five hours ago and you're already flirting with your ex-boyfriend that you left for me? If anyone is ridiculous - it's you" I responded, very angry - wanting to express all of the anger I had towards Clare

"I'm not moving on, Eli! KC is the only one here for me right now - I needed to talk to some one. I'm hurting right now!"

"You could of came and talked to me, Clare! I should be the guy that you come to for help - I should be the number one guy that you call.. Not KC"

"Eli, you're impossible to talk to now a days - all you care about is your next plan-of-attack against Fitz, and I'm sick of coming second in your life - when a stupid little high school war is what comes before me"

"Forget it, Clare - forget everything I've ever done for you - forget every last word I've ever said to you.." I paused "I didn't mean any of it"

"I'm happy that you didn't Eli" Clare snapped back "If I had known that you were this much of a violent monster - I wouldn't ever have attempted to get through to you in the first place.. It was all a waste of time.. You want to be broken, Eli - and I'm sick of trying to fix you. Over and over again, I try to push through the barriers and get through to you.. - but it's useless.. It was all a waste of time; because, you like being sad and miserable - you hate being happy.. And I've finally realized all of this" She took a deep breath "There is clearly no way to fix you, Eli.. I give up"

"I wasn't with you so you could fix me.. I'm not some project for you to experiment on"

I stormed away - staring forward, as my feet stomped harshly against the concrete. I wanted to feel pain - I wanted to feel an emotion, rather than betrayal. I wanted my anger to be over-powered with hurt or sadness - I didn't want to feel like the betrayed kid who has no friends at this point.

I felt like I was hanging on by a thread..

And Clare just cut the thread with a knife..

I sat there, blankly staring at the stone in front of me. Julia's name engraved with the prettiest lettering. I traced my fingers along her name- spelling it out; practically tricking myself to believe that my weak fingers were capable of creating the deep lettering on the stone. I let out a deep breath, falling back - so that I was sitting on the ground, instead of on my feet.

"I'm doing this all for you" I murmured, speaking to Julia, as if she was present. "I'm giving up every thing that could make me happy.. Just to make you happy" I paused, grabbing the picture frame up from the side of her grave.

The picture was of Julia and she looked so beautiful. She wasn't smiling, but she was just staring the camera; right in the lens. Her eyes were so powerful - so deep; I almost felt like she was staring directly in to my eyes- in to my soul.

"Clare hates me. KC hates me. The school hates me. My parents don't understand me. I'm lost, Julia.. I'm lost, and it's all because of what happened" I told her "You ruined my life" I felt tears in my eyes, but I refused to allow them out "Do I really have the right to be mad at you though?.. You never let me down; I let you down. All you did to me was love me, and I can't stress that you did all that you could for me.. Back then, when we were dating, I was lost and depressed - but you made me happy. You gave me hope for my future.. Then my dad tore it all away, tearing you from my life, from your family, from the universe.. And I never got to say goodbye.. All I got to do was scream bitter cruel words at you, like you were nothing but the dirt on the ground"

I put her picture back down on her grave, and stood from the ground - "I'm sorry" I spoke, my words sounding just as sad as I was - "I'm sorry, Julia"

VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT

I KNOW;
this chapter sucked and was so so so short.
BUT;
there are only ABOUT four-five more chapters left in this story, but I SWEAR there will be enough drama in the last few chapters then you will be able to handle (:
In the next few chapters - there will be the Degrassi school dance involved; the one that Eli and Clare were SUPPOSED to go to together. And there will be some aftermath of the dance. I promise though; there is SOOOO much drama ahead and I hope that you guys are as excited to read it, as I am to write it (: I'm going to start writing the next chapters as soon as possible- I've been waiting to write these chapters since I first began this story. I've always had the ending planned out, and I'm sooo happy that I finally get to write it! (: