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Chapter 25: I Don't Know Why I Instigate And Say What I Don't Mean

November 9th, 2020: Alice and Rose Fall Out

Maybe it had been brewing since the day they met. Or since the day they chose adjoining beds. Or the day on which, whenever that was, they became friends. In all that time, Alice and Rose did not argue once. It was hard to fight, when one of your pair would constantly hide behind fake laughter and false smiles. It was hard to tire of each other, when both were so grateful for the other's companionship that when irritation did strike, they would simply swallow it or find others to socialise with until the anger had been quashed, and you remembered why you were so close to begin with.

But it did happen once. Only once, in all the years. After that, they would disagree, as friends ought to. They would argue, as friends should. One or the other might even storm out. But neither would say anything designed to hurt, to sting deep in the way only somebody who really knows you, and your deepest fears and most hidden weaknesses, can.

It didn't start over anything important. In fact, they would disagree on what it did start over.

Alice thought it started over her brief relationship with James Potter. Rose thought it started over her carelessly letting out a secret entrusted to her.

This was how it happened….

Rose had been having a really bad day. She'd struggled with her Transfiguration essay, only to have it returned with a mark that was only two points away from being downgraded to an Exceeds Expectations. Hufflepuff had beaten Ravenclaw at Quidditch, and the Hufflepuff Keeper had made more saves than her. To put the rotten cherry on the mouldy cake, she'd heard two boys in her year discussing her and her attractiveness, or lack thereof. At least compared to her best friend, which was, according to one of the boys, 'like putting fruit salad next to double chocolate fudge cake on a dessert bar.' Fruit salad might be better for you, but everyone knew which one was more sexy, enthralling, complex and delicious.

She'd had to give them points for their creativity, even as she'd rushed away. When she'd walked into the Ravenclaw Common Room, not a single person looked up. Nobody smiled, glad to see her. A few people who did glance at her let their glance keep on moving. None of them were interested.

Then Alice came in, and they all seemed to gravitate towards her. Heads turned, greetings were shouted and the entire atmosphere changed. Rose hurried over, hoping for a mood lift. But Alice only smiled briefly, politely, at her before moving to sit down, on the lap of a nearby boy.

It was the last straw and, almost in tears, Rose turned and stalked away, heading for the dormitory.

Alice had been having a really bad day. She'd been accused of copying her essay by Professor Stebbins. The fact that it was one of the few essays she hadn't copied, but had done with Lia and Aisha's help made this all the more irritating. Professor Corner, one of the few Professors with a properly good opinion of her had been ill, meaning that Potions had been covered by Professor Whitby, who had had a bad opinion of Alice ever since she'd caught her painting her nails in History of Magic. Then she'd heard two girls in her year discussing her and her reputation, or lack thereof. The way they put it being 'the school broom, you only ride it when you've got no alternative.'

She'd rushed away, where she'd knocked right into James and a few of his friends. He'd done little more than compliment her and mention how much she'd changed from the little girl who had been Rose's friend as a child, and she'd thrown herself at him. Nothing more than usual, and it hadn't been exactly rebuffed – James had looked both delighted and shocked, whilst his friends had just looked jealous, but Alice couldn't help but feel a little guilt.

She'd come into the Common Room to calm down from the rush of emotions, to absorb a little mindless gossip, only to see Rose watching her. The guilt consumed her again. Alice didn't delude herself, like most teenagers did, that she wasn't interesting enough to be gossiped about by her year-mates. Instead, she welcomed the gossip, expected it and fed it.

But not in this instance. In this case, she wished that people would have stayed silent. Yet she just knew that her luck wasn't good enough that Rose wouldn't have already heard about her and James.

Following her closest friend and confidante, she too climbed the stairs to the dormitory.

"Rose, listen," she began, but paused once she realised that there were others in the room. Kate O'Keefe and Gina Simmons, both watching with wide eyes.

"Yes?" Rose asked, with a voice as brittle and as cold as ice.

Normally the tone would have served as a warning, but maybe Alice's senses weren't firing on all cylinders today.

"Sorry about me and James. I mean I knew it would upset you, but I did it anyway. I am sorry." Maybe, if they'd left it there, it would have been fine. But Alice remembered the audience then and, being who she was, was unable to resist slipping back into her persona. "But, you know. Have you seen him? Those green eyes…Merlin's chest hair, but he is attractive."

The voice, the airy quality, so alike in its tone to all the people who Rose had ever heard whispering unkind things about her, put her back up. "And we all know that you'd have sex with centaur if it got in your way," she snapped. "Or a ghost. Has the Bloody Baron offered to keep you with him if you try to kill yourself?"

Alice's cheeks flushed slightly, one of the few genuine emotions the other girls had ever seen her show. It was considered one of the worst insults, in the wizarding world, to be a ghost-consort. The old superstitions, that a ghost could get you pregnant in your sleep and make you give birth to all sorts of demon creatures, still stood strong.

"Just because none of the ghosts would even give you the time of day," Alice snapped back. She didn't do best in anger. Her usual cutting retorts tended to dissolve into a flush of fury and, if she was really unlucky, a bout of crying.

"No, it's because they're attracted to a lack of sanity. Well shown by how you keep trying to make yourself sick. Something you failed at. How unimpressive. You can't even be a successful bulimic."

"I…I told you that as a friend. As a secret!" Alice gasped.

"So? I'm only obliged to keep the secret if you act like a friend. Which you never do!" Rose turned and stormed out of the dormitory.

Alice fixed the two watching girls with a glare. "Tell a single soul about anything you've heard, and I'll know. And I'll get somebody to make you regret it," she hissed. Being a bulimic wasn't exactly the sort of thing she wanted people to say about her. She attracted guys because she was confident, in control, determined. If they knew that on the inside she was uncertain, insecure and confused....?

They nodded and fled out of the room. Neither had seen such a frightening side to the shallow Alice Longbottom before. Had they stayed, they would have seen another side to her. One that drove her to curl up on her bed, drapes drawn, and sob.

The problem didn't occur just when two people were ridiculously stubborn. Aisha and Lysander counselled both to just say sorry. It wasn't that hard, something Alice had even discussed with Aisha and agreed with. But there was a deeper problem – both were afraid of rejection. Both felt at fault. Both felt frightened of losing their closest friend. And so, they both waited for the other to make the first move.

And meanwhile, their friends had to pick sides. Whilst Alice pretended Rose didn't exist, Rose opted for the injured party tactic. Scorpius and Albus stayed with Rose. Lysander and Lia stayed with Alice – although Lia defended her decision to Rose on the basis that Alice had fewer friends with her. Fewer true friends, anyway.

Lorcan simply hung out with neither, choosing to get as far away from the situation as possible. He found new people to talk to, Lily and other younger years among them. Lily had at last found a few friends in her own year, a Hufflepuff boy who had befriended both Lily and another Slytherin girl who Lily had presumed disdained her - only to discover now that the girl, Serafina, had merely been shy.

Aisha chose to remain neutral. She'd talk to both, she'd talk to either. But she wouldn't pick, if they were both sat there and urging her to come to their table.

It was uncomfortable. Aisha couldn't spend as much time with Lia as she wanted to. Lysander began to miss his Gryffindor friends. Lessons became awkward. Project work was even more so. It lasted a sum total of three weeks, in which Rose and Alice didn't exchange a single word, or even a glance, despite adjoining beds in their dorm.

The first person to give in was Lysander. Then, together with his other friends, he devised a plan to get them talking. The oldest trick in the book. He locked them in a room together. Both were sent a fake note from Professor Corner, and both turned up in a classroom. Into which they were trapped.

It didn't take long for them, two of the brightest minds in Hogwarts, to work out what had happened.

"I cannot believe someone's locked me in a room," Alice fumed.

Rose remained silent.

Alice, not about to give in, fell silent too, and sat at a desk. She pulled out some homework.

Two hours later, both girls had completed their homework and read through all of the notes and textbooks they had with them. Twice.

"We won't let you out until you talk to each other," a disembodied voice called through the room. Something that it had been doing at fifteen minute intervals and eliciting only a scowl from the two girls.

At last, Rose relented. "I have to get to my Ancient Runes lesson," she snapped. "So could you just yell at me and get it out of the way."

True shock coloured Alice's tone, rather than the fake surprise that so often infected it. "Me? Yell at you? Why in Rowena's brain would I do that?"

"Because I told people. About you trying to make yourself sick, and I made it sound worse than it was, and you told me in confidence."

"And I made out with your cousin, and ignored you in front of everyone, and then insulted you."

"So? You're you. And James is James. You were going to make out with him some time, he'd feel left out if you didn't."

"But the bulimia thing would so not be worth this. Not being able to talk to you has had a much worse effect on my reputation than a bit of weight neuroses. I've been snappy, dismissive, awkward-"

"Your real self?"

Both of them laughed.

Rose glanced across at her. "You've really missed me that much? That it's changed your whole mood?"

Alice moved over and took both of Rose's hands. "I missed you like I'd miss an arm. More than that. Like I'd miss my high heels."

"That much? Wow. I guess…I guess I missed you too. A lot. I love Al and Scorpius, but they're no substitute, not really."

"Nobody can be a substitute for me," Alice boasted, smiling. "And to me, nobody could ever be a substitute for you."

The two hugged. Being who they were, they also knew how to get out. Hand on hand, the two of them twisted the door handle together. And it opened.

They didn't fall out in such a massive way again. Now they knew, you see, to talk to each other. As soon as they had fought. In fact, with them, it was best to pretend that they had never fought at all. And although Alice never went after another Weasley, and Rose never betrayed another confidence, they both moved a long way past whatever that argument had been about.

Chapter title from Breaking The Habit, by Linkin Park

This chapter isn't really dedicated to someone - the person I'm talking about has never fought with me, so it can't be. And she's nothing like either character. But I would miss her more than my high heels.

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