I didn't have internet for four days. Hence the double-chapter upload. Enjoy :)

CHP 25 – JACOB AND DRESSES

It was late. Or would this be called early? 3am. Jake still hadn't showed up. The sky transitioned into a deep, ebony black. There were no stars, no moon. The woods were silent. The air stood still. Anxiety was creeping up inside me.

Cooking for Charlie had helped stave off the anxiety for a while. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy the cheesy lasagna I whipped together with one hand.

"You're favoring your arm," he noted, glancing up at me from his plate as I filled his glass with milk with one hand.

I grimaced. "Don't worry about it, Dad. You know I'm always getting hurt."

He nodded. "That's for sure," and went back to eating his meal. I'd been glad when he didn't press for details. I was a horrible liar.

Dinner had been great, but all was quiet now. No howling. No TV. Only silence.

I fingered through Emily's baby shower invitations. They were a pale gold with pretty, elegant ribbons across the top. Angela helped me pick them out. I'd addressed all of them tonight; the invitations totaled twenty. Sighing, laying my head down on the top of my desk, I wondered what I'd gotten myself into. If having one guest over was a social feat in itself, having twenty I viewed as insurmountable.

I still couldn't believe about Jared imprinting. I shut my eyes tight, trying to drown out the memories of today and the onslaught of emotions I'd experienced. What I needed was sleep. And Jacob. My Jacob.

When I next looked at the clock, it was 4am. I picked myself up off the desk and trudged over to bed. Yanking back the covers with one arm, I carefully removed the bracelet Emily had given me and set it on my nightstand table. The last thing I needed was to have to cut it off if my wrist swelled or needed a cast. I prayed it was only bruised as I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up under my chin.

Jake crawled in next to me and pulled me against him. His heart was beating fast – his chest rising and falling irregularly. He smelled differently, too. Flowery, almost. Was his hair wet? Maybe it was raining. Either that or he'd just taken a shower.

I opened my eyes and squinted around his shoulder to see the clock: 6am.

"You're late," I mumbled, scooting closer to him and closing my eyes again.

"I know," he panted, "I know. I'm so sorry, Bella. Patrol took so much longer than I expected. Twenty-two hours. Poor Quil has another nine hours to go. He looks like death. And then Embry and I got in trouble for talking to you-"

Blushing, I mumbled, "Sorry."

Propping up on his elbow, he ran a hand through my tangled hair and tried to slow his rapid breaths. "It's okay. Just promise me you'll never, ever do that again. Just please, no matter what, wait for me. Don't ever come after me like that. Just try and wait." He buried his face in my hair and breathed in slowly. "You have no idea how dangerous that was. You almost gave me a heart-attack."

Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me closer, crushing my injured arm stuck between us..

"Ouch," I said, flinching. Immediately he loosened his grip.

"Oh gah, Bella." Beams of purple moonlight illuminated his apologetic expression. "I'm so sorry. I forgot. I…I can't believe I…"

I shook my head. "It's okay. You were mad."

"That's no excuse," he mumbled. "Charlie would kill me…Billy, too…and Sam, especially after what happened with Emily. Are you sure you're okay? Are you mad?"

"I'm fine, Jake. Really. It was an accident."

He nodded. Gently, he lifted my arm and placed it on his side, moving it out of the way so he could pull me closer again. I buried my face in his chest, breathing in his scent and basking in his invariable warmth. Though at first he'd been out of breath, panting, his breathing slowed and his heart rhythm returned to its normal, drumming self. It was steady and calming.

"Are you still upset about Jared?" he whispered.

I didn't know. His hand pushed my hair off of my face and his thumb stroked my cheek. "Please don't be," he said huskily. "There's no use in worrying."

I nodded.

"Do you really just want me to be normal?"

I didn't answer.

"If you wanted a normal life, I'd understand. I know pack life isn't ideal. I know having a boyfriend that spends half of his life as something else – a monster – off roaming the forest at night isn't what you would've asked for. If you want something different, I would try and understand. You deserve better. I know you do." The words sounded forced, but sincere. He was letting me go. Allowing me to do what I wanted. "I don't have to be your only option."

"I didn't mean what I said, Jake. It never should have come out. I don't want normal." I kissed his collar bone. "I never have. You are perfect for me. You're good for me." I cuddled up against him. "I want to be with you, even if you are a wolf at heart."

He brought his lips down to mine and kissed me softly, just as he always did. Usually, he was cautious of my fragile state and didn't want to push me too far. Even though I knew my Jacob to be rash and impulsive, he always kept his distance – respectfully – in a self-controlled manner. Exhaustion had withered away at his resolve tonight, though, and our kiss progressed.

He scooted closer towards me and the hand on my face drew me in. Our lips moved more rapidly, pressing against each other's with more fervency. His lips parted, almost imperceptibly, and he pushed forward with one final kiss.

"If you're sure," he whispered. I could feel him smiling against my forehead as he brushed his lips against me. My face rested in the curve of his next.

I was.

"…You smell differently," I said after a few moments. "Like…a flower."

He froze. "You smell that?"

My forehead creased. "I don't know what I smell. You just smell sweet."

"Oh. I showered at Emily's. It must be her soap."

I shrugged. "I guess. At any rate, you smell like a garden. It's kind of feminine."

He didn't laugh like I expected. I looked up into his face, hoping to see a hint of a smile, but found a stone cold imitation of the Jake I'd seen just moments before.

"Lighten up," I said, trying to ease the sudden, unexpected tension. "Don't be offended."

His shoulders relaxed. "I'm not offended." I could tell the weak smile on his face was forced. "I am exhausted, though. Can I sleep?"

"It's almost daylight."

"I feel like I haven't slept in weeks." He moaned, closing his eyes and letting his head fall into bed. "My whole body aches."

Feeling pity and compassion for the boy – or man – I loved, I kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "Goodnight, Jake. I love you."

He was out before he could respond.

It was 2pm. Jacob had been sleeping a solid eight hours. I wasn't sure when I was supposed to wake him up, but I knew I wouldn't be on Sam's good side if he missed the start of his patrol.

My conscience wouldn't allow me to wake him. In the daylight I could see shadows etched in the skin under his eyes. They were a permanent part of his features these days, and I tried not to let those dark circles remind me of anything.

Charlie was home from work today. After taking a shower, I'd gone down to fix Charlie and I breakfasts at a reasonable hour – leaving Jake sleeping in my bed. I had thought the aroma of fried eggs and sizzling ham might stir Jake, but I'd prayed that he'd use enough common sense not to come trouncing down the stairs for the world to see. For these instances, when Jake used my bedroom as his own personal crash-zone, I thought it best to keep Charlie in the dark.

My story to Charlie had been I was cleaning my room – deep cleaning – and that it would be unwise to try to come in. Briefly, I mentioned cleaning out a drawer full of old bras and toiletries. It was embarrassing to mention, even in its falsehood, but I knew my room was now a safe zone for several hours if not days.

Sitting at my desk, listening to Jake snore, I scribbled down some chemical equations in my science notebook, which – I had to admit – had not gathered much of my attention this year. With all the excitement of the pack, I was falling behind. My chemistry grade had absolutely flown out the window. A few weeks ago I'd tried to bring my schoolwork to Emily's, but it was impossible to balance equations with Jared pulling the paper out from underneath my pen every few minutes. I had to give him credit for at least trying to help. He just wasn't a very good teacher. Frankly, he was awful. Half the time he had no idea what he was doing. But I started to think he might actually miss school, even though I knew he would never admit it.

The only grade I'd been able to uphold was English. It was my favorite, so that made it a bit easier, but I had the advantage of having already read more than half the assigned material. The classics: Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Wuthering Heights, I'd all but memorized the last one. Plus, reading was the only thing that passed the time when I was up at night waiting for Jacob.

I'd invited Angela to Emily's baby shower. I knew Emily and Angela hadn't officially met – I'd mentioned Emily to Angela for the first time last week – but I felt like having a house full of strangers was an occasion for me to call in some moral support. And by moral support I meant not Jessica, though I couldn't avoid inviting her when she was the one that had helped coordinate everything. Angela had been understanding and kindly accepted the invitation, saying she'd "love to be there." I could always count on Angela. Reluctantly, I accepted the fact that Jessica was bound to show up as well.

Thinking about Angela and Jessica made me think more about graduation. Two and a half weeks. The thought was mind-boggling. I remembered moving to Forks my junior year. March, middle of the semester. Now, I was a senior – though in some ways I felt like I was so…beyond high school. Like I was part of a world that was so much more significant. Graduation seemed trivial considering everything else in my life. Werewolves. Vampires. The constant threat of death or injury. I'd rather someone just mail me my diploma.

When I'd mentioned that, Jessica had flipped.

"Mail your diploma?" she'd gawked. "Bella – graduation is a rite of passage. Sometimes I don't even know why I put up with you! You're so not even from the century. Or this planet. You have to walk! Speaking of walking – I changed which shoes I was going to wear. Inside of nude, I think I'm gonna be a little more daring. What do you think about-"

"I feel the same way," Angela had whispered encouragingly, "But we can suffer through it together, right?"

I'd nodded. Suffer through it.

I'd applied and had been accepted to a few local colleges – all close to the reservation, all ridiculously small. In keeping my job at the Newton's sporting goods store, I saw no hurry in rapidly furthering my education to advance a career of some sort. I had other things I wanted to focus on first. I'd considered taking a year off, though I hadn't talked about it with Charlie. The universities here were so under crowded that it could be a last minute decision – and it would be.

Like Angela said, I'd suffer through it. I was pretty sure half the pack was living vicariously though me, anyway. Graduating. If none of them could go to their own ceremonies – they were all coming to mine, invited or not. I sighed. The last thing I needed was a pack of noisy, obnoxious wolves at my graduation.

Regardless of my distaste for the whole ritual, I needed to pick out something to wear before Jessica could ask me again if I'd picked an outfit. I walked over to my closet and started shifting through the darkests depths of it. Dresses. They would be in the very, very back – assuming I still had any. Dresses were not my forte. Forks weather never allowed for them anyway.

Surprisingly, I found three I thought might still fit. Navy. Red. Black. The basics. All of them were simple, solid prints. Not much variety. I had no summer dresses. No florals, no whites, no pinks. Just these. And they would have to do. I wasn't sure what the big deal was. We were all going to be wearing matching gowns on top.

I glanced over my shoulder when I heard Jake moving behind me.

"What time is it?" he grunted, rubbing his eyes and squinting in the sunlight from the window. The beams bounced off his chest and accented his defined muscles. His black hair, still short from the last time he'd shorn it, had dried in a humorous array. After rubbing his eyes, his hands moved to his hair and instinctively tried to flatten it down with little avail. His skin was a deep, reddish tan I envied. My whiteness paled in comparison.

"2:30," I answered, turning back to my closet.

"Wow. I slept a long time."

"I didn't want to wake you." I said apologetically. "I hope you didn't miss anything."

"I don't have to go back until 7." He said, pushing up to lean back on his arms. "What're you doing?"

"I have to pick out a dress for graduation," I muttered. I heard him get out of bed and turned to see him standing right behind me.

"You graduate in two weeks, don't you?"

"Two and a half." I said defiantly. I wasn't going to let him cut me short a solid three days.

"I can help you pick one if you'd like," he offered. Then his stomach let

"Are you hungry?" I asked, looking away from the hanging dresses and up to his face.

"Always," he said, smirking. "I can run and eat at Emily's and come back…"

"I can get you something," I said. "Stay here."

Jacob watched me incredulously as I slid on one of my heavier plaid jackets and his eyebrows rose when I zipped it up and smiled. "Just trust me, I'll be right back."

Charlie's eyes remained glued to the television when I came downstairs. I tried my hardest to remain discreet.

Opening up the pantry, I grabbed two boxes of pop tarts, strawberry and brown sugar, three nutty granola bars, a box of saltine crackers and a can of Pringles. From the fridge, I lifted a block of cheese and a carton of orange juice. Carefully, without spilling or dropping anything, I shoved the pantry items down the front of my jacket, cinching up the bottom so they wouldn't fall out. I looked like I'd gained a hundred pounds. I'd have to go to the grocery store later, before Charlie noticed the sizeable gap in our food supply.

Carrying the cold cheese and juice in my arms, I walked carefully up the stairs. Charlie's eyes never left the TV screen. I was so relieved I wasn't living with Renee at this moment. She might've been spacey, but she rarely missed anything concerning me.

Sliding back into my room, I watched a grin spread across Jake's face as I unloaded the content onto my bed.

"So it's not exactly a five star meal…" I said, second guessing my random, hasty choices.

He was still grinning as he reached for the crackers. "Wolves aren't picky when it comes to food." He ripped open the cheese and the crackers with his teeth and plopped down on the bed. "Show me the dresses."

Awkwardly, I picked up the blue one on the hanger and held it out at arm's length. "This is the blue one." I did the same with the second and third. "This one is black and this one is red."

He shook his head, swallowed a mouthful of cracker and laughed. "I know what color they are. Put them on or something so I can see how they look on you."

I blushed. "Like...model them?"

"Yeah!" he said, finishing off the crackers and moving on to the pop tarts. "I used to help Rachel pick out things all the time. Just slip them on so I can pick one."

"Okay…" I said uncomfortably.

"Here," he said, laying back on the bed and looking straight up at the ceiling. "I won't look. Promise."

I stood there a few seconds, wondering if he was serious, and decided he was. "Close your eyes," I mumbled, reaching out for the black dress.

"They're closed," he said, throwing his arm over his eyes for good measure, but leaving his mouth open for the endless stream of poptarts he was feeding himself. I might have to make another food run.

Clumsily, I threw off my sweats and t-shirt and hastily slid into the black dress, keeping my eye on Jake the whole time to make sure he wasn't looking. He stayed still and never turned his head, but the paranoid part of me wondered if he'd even need to with all his crazy wolf-senses.

"Okay." I said, holding out my arms so he could behold the averageness that was this dress. Cap sleeves, normal rounded neckline, knee-length. Nothing special.

He sat up, took another three bites, and tilted his head. I squirmed. Scrutiny always made me uncomfortable.

"It's nice," he commented, "But I don't think it's really graduation appropriate. I mean, black is more for funerals, right?"

I shrugged. I didn't really know. Come to think of it, the last place I might've worn this dress was to a funeral two years ago. The black accentuated my fair skin in an unflattering way.

"Next," he said, leaning back onto my bed and starting on the granola bars.

"Don't get crumbs in my bed," I murmured.

He chuckled.

Hastily, I wiggled my way out of the black one and into the navy one. It had a zipper down the back I wasn't too sure about, but I managed to get it up by myself, though I know I looked awkward doing it. The neck of this one was squared and it was sleeveless. It came a little above my knee and I self-consciously tried to pull it down. Sighing, I turned towards Jake. " 'Kay."

Jake sat up again and smiled. "I like this one. Do you?"

I turned to look at myself in the full length mirror Renee had sent with me. "Charlie's a man. You'll be lucky if you can find a mirror in that house."

I tilted my head and pulled at the hem. "It's a little short."

Jacob shook his head in disagreement. "I don't think it's too short. Nothing compared to what my sisters used to wear." He scrunched up his face. "But if it makes you uncomfortable…"

"It does."

"Then next," and he lay back down. My bed was littered with empty boxes and wrappers. The Pringles and the juice were the only remaining items, and I knew they wouldn't be there long.

This third one I was not sure about. I had definitely never worn it and had a hard time remembering why it was in my closet or if it was even mine. I figured it was one of those things Renee had found in the back of my closet and shoved in a box of mine unawares "just in case." Just in case what, Renee? I shook my head, not wanting to know.

The back had buttons half way down. It was red – bright red – and a v-neck. Not a dangerous, street-walker type v-neck, but a v-neck nonetheless. I didn't do v-necks. But then again I didn't do dresses either.

I slipped it on, not looking in the mirror until it was, for the most part, on. I couldn't do the buttons by myself. Standing awkwardly, holding the back closed, I debated whether or not to call it quits and claim it was an absolute no-go when Jake chimed in. "Ready?"

"Umm…" I said awkwardly. "I can't button the back."

"Can I open my eyes?" he asked.

I looked in the mirror. Everything was covered. "I guess."

Sitting up for the final time, he set down the Pringles and slowly walked over to me. Jake stood behind me and peered over my head into the mirror.

It didn't look so bad. It was longer than the blue one, which I liked, but it was still considered knee-length. The v-neck wasn't as bad as I envisioned, though it did showcase my extreme paleness. Jake motioned to the buttons and I nodded, moving my hair out of the way so he could get to them. His fingers brushed lightly across my back as he fastened the buttons. Smiling to myself, I wondered if he was taking longer the necessary or if his fingers were too big to work with.

When he was finished, he quickly kissed the back of my neck and let his fingers slid down my arms. "do you like it?" he asked.

I scrutinized myself in the mirror. It was flattering, though I was a little self-conscious about the color. "Red isn't really…me." I said, unsure.

"It's adventurous." He said. "Perfect for an adventurous day, right? For the step into a new phase of life." He chuckled.

I shrugged. "Do you like it?"

A huge grin spread across his face – the genuine, happy one I loved. "This is my pick. I think you look beautiful."

I felt my face flush and I fingered the fabric of the dress with embarrassment. "Thanks." The red one it is. Jessica would be proud.

I changed back in to comfortable clothes while Jake cleaned all the wrappings off my bed and downed the carton of orange juice.

"Hey," he said, and the rustling of wrappers stopped. "Is this the bracelet Emily gave you?"

"Yeah," I answered, hanging the dresses back into the depths of my closet.

"Why did you take it off?" he asked, picking it up gingerly and inspecting it. "It didn't break, did it?" His voice sounded a little frantic.

"No," I said. "I took it off in case my arm swelled up. I didn't want-"

"Here," he interrupted, grabbing my good arm and fastening it back quickly. "Wear it on this arm, then. Emily's feelings would be hurt if you didn't wear it."

"You think so?" I asked, not thinking it would be a big deal.

"Yeah," he answered fervently. "Don't take it off."

He was acting strangely, but I agreed. It was a gorgeous bracelet. The beads were meticulously interwoven with the fragile, tan threads.

"Don't take it off, okay?" He said, brow furrowed.

"Okay, okay." I insisted. "I won't."

He smiled gently and pulled me into a hug, smothering me in his warmth. "I love you," he spoke tenderly.

I smiled in response and wrapped my arms around his massive body. "I love you, too."

For the remainder of the day – we still had about four hours together – we spent a relaxing afternoon in and around my house. We flipped through my pathetic excuse for a scrapbook and vowed to fill it with better pictures. He asked about the progress of the baby shower planning and I groaned. When he asked about college, I tried to shrug it off, but he pressed for details. Reluctantly, I admitted to not having a solid plan. As I should have expected, he took this to be no big deal. That's one thing I loved about Jake. He never made a fuss over things.

"You'll figure it out," he said nonchalantly. "There's no rush. You've got the rest of your life."

"I just hate deciding," I griped.

"At least you have a choice." He spat bitterly, chuckling shallowly at the end to hide the sharp edge of his comment. "What I mean is I've got the forest forever. You can choose to leave. I don't have that choice. Not anymore."

"It won't always be like this," I remarked. "Once Victoria and her friend leave-"

"It'll get worse before it gets better. We're beginning to think she's a lot more powerful than we thought."

I tried not to let this notion get to me. "But it'll be okay, right?"

He slung his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder in encouragement. "Of course it will." I tried not to let on that I saw the look of doubt etched out clearly throughout his features. He gazed thoughtfully out the window while I gathered up the remains of my scrapbook and slid them back in my desk drawer.

"Time for me to go," he said as the sun started to fall. As I cleared the bed, he moved over to the window and unlatched the sides, sliding it up enough for him to fit through. I wish time would stop – I wasn't ready to hand Jacob back over to the trees just yet. "Why don't you bring your camera over to Emily's? Quil's off. You could get some pictures for your scrapbook."

"It's getting late," I said, tugging my jacket closer around my sides as I stood by the window to say goodbye. "Maybe tomorrow after work."

"Whatever you want. If you're staying here, try not to leave the house, okay? We're running rampant out there."

I smiled. "I'm staying here for now. But I might have to run to the grocery store tomorrow. You put a sizeable dent in our food supply."

His sweet mouth twisted into a grimace. "Sorry."

I laughed but my eyes were sad because I knew he was about to leave. "It's fine."

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then slid off his tennis shoes. "Do you mind keeping these here? I know it's weird, but if I leave them in the forest Paul will steal them and claim them for his own. It's a new habit he's picked up."

I picked them up with my good arm. "That sounds like Paul." He smiled.

Looking over his shoulder out into the night sky, he made an irritated clicking sound with his mouth. "I'm gonna be late."

I rested my hand on the top of his arm, slowly stroking across the lines of his tattoo. "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

Planting a swift kiss on my lips, he turned and made the perilous jump from my window to the moist, grassy earth. Setting down his worn shoes on my desk, I watched the miniscule light from the slivered moon play across his back and he ran for the forest edge, fingering the mysterious bracelet Emily had given me. As he disappeared, I sighed. I already missed him.