DISCLAIMER: Based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling
The Neville Trilogy thunders towards its cataclysmic conclusion at breakneck pace
NEVILLE FALSUS
chapter nine
the power of lurve
The Death Eaters managed to round up their intruders fairly quickly. Sirius and Remus were caught indulging in some heavy drinking in the wine cellar. The Death Eaters had not been previously aware of the wine cellar, but were lured there by drunken singing. There they found not only Sirius and Remus but also a rather large Jewish family who asked if the war was over and they could go outside yet. As they were Muggles they were promptly tortured, killed and forgotten about.
Neville and Lavender put up a hell of a fight, and Neville easily managed to fell twenty Death Eaters and slay a giant, but in the end weight of numbers was their downfall.
Truly, Ginny put up the best fight of all. Even when they thought they had her stunned and in custody she still managed to break out and the Death Eaters chased her three times around the whole castle before they managed to catch her. Even then, she kicked and screamed.
"Just you wait!" she shrieked. "When my Neville finds out I've been captured you're going to be very sorry!"
When she found Neville had also been captured she puffed out her cheeks in anger.
"You are utterly useless at this rescuing me thing! The last time you even managed to get yourself killed. When Harry rescued me from the basilisk he was barely even mortally wounded. Maybe you should take a leaf out of his book!"
Neville felt quite annoyed that Ginny was shouting at him, but even more annoyed that she was suggesting he take hints from that idiot who (let's face it) had just got in lucky swing with the sword.
The Death Eaters took their wands and led them to the throne room, which including a rather tacky-looking throne constructed entirely of human skulls. Lord Voldemort obviously wouldn't be winning any points for originality.
The group was roughly shoved by the Death Eaters to stand at the base of the Throne of Skulls. They stared quizzically for a moment at the empty throne.
"What, is he too busy to deal with us or something?" Harry asked. "I'm only the greatest threat to his plan for global domination, but I can wait, if he has to talk to his mum on the phone or something."
"Harry, contrary to popular belief, when surrounded by an army of Death Eaters is not a good time to make sarcastic remarks about their leader's mother," Hermione said.
"Although, should you wish to make any remarks about Weasley's mother I'm sure they would be very well received," Snape added helpfully.
At last the Dark Lord made his entrance through a small door off to the left of the throne. Following behind him was Wormtail, who never wandered too far from his Master in case he got bored and needed something within range that he could torture for a while.
Lord Voldemort did not look at them at first, but took his place up on the throne before turning to face the group.
"Yes, I have you at last," Voldemort hissed. "And every one of your friends as well: Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age and three times winner of Little Miss Jailbait; Severus Snape, Potions Master and expert in the Dark Arts; Sirius Black, the master criminal who became the only man ever to escape Azkaban (that is, the only man to do it without my help); Remus Lupin, the wild wolf; Lavender Brown, gossip hen extraordinaire and buxom blonde; and Neville Longbottom." He took a deep breath. "Perhaps the most powerful of all Harry's friends. We shall see if he lasts longer than the others."
There was a brief moment while Voldemort regarded Ginny.
"You're not one of mine are you?" Voldemort asked. Ginny swelled in anger.
"I AM SICK OF THIS!" she shrieked. "I'm Ginny Weasley, the girl you seduced in my first year with promise of sweeties and having an actual friend, but you really just wanted to get me into a dark room so you could show me your big snake!"
Lord Voldemort chuckled. Perhaps that had been a mistake.
"And more than that!" Ginny stormed up to the throne to stand over the Dark Lord. "I'm Head Cheerleader of the Gryffindor Team, and since I've got breasts - fantastic breasts I might add – I think I've finally started to come into my own. And I'm the smartest witch in my year, never mind Hermione, who is the smartest in a year that includes Ron and Goyle!"
One Death Eater gave a helpful wave, before remembering that he wasn't Goyle; he was Crabbe.
"So I'll have no more of this pretending not to know who I am! Frankly it's gotten a bit old!"
Neville had to admit he was quite impressed. Voldemort looked a bit impressed as well. Unfortunately he showed this the same way he showed just about every other emotion...
"Crucio!"
Once Voldemort was satisfied that Ginny had done enough shrieking and wailing for mercy he lifted the curse and instead went to harass someone important.
"Miss Granger, why in Merlin's name have you raised your hand?" Voldemort asked.
"I just want to know one thing," she said. "How did you know we were coming? The only way your Death Eaters would have been able to catch us is if they had plenty of advance warning."
"Ah, yes!" Voldemort exclaimed. He turned around and strode over to the wall in perhaps an ill conceived attempt to look dramatic. "Little did you know that the whole time you were travelling you had a spy planted in your very midst."
"Ron was right about you!" Harry shouted, punching Snape square in the jaw.
"No, it was not Severus," Voldemort said smugly, spinning around to face them again with an overly-dramatic sweep of the cloak. "Step forward, my faithful spy!"
From the Death Eater ranks someone stepped forward. Hermione gave a shriek of surprise. Everyone else, including Harry, looked totally unsurprised. Lavender even managed to look a little bored.
"Can I just say that I knew it was him all along," Harry said.
"Then why did you punch me in the face?" Snape demanded.
"Er... for the lolz?"
"That's right, I have betrayed you!" Malfoy drawled. "I managed to become a Gryffindor and gain your trust, albeit I didn't exactly want either at the time, and betrayed you to avenge my father's death!"
"But Draco, we trusted you!" Hermione sobbed. "And your father was horrible to you! He beat you and raped you and murdered your beloved pet falcon."
Malfoy took a moment to process this. "Yes, but he also fed me, clothed me, taught me Quidditch and duelling, and showed me affection for sixteen years. And what bloody falcon?"
"B – b – but what of the love we shared, that was pure like that of a brother and sister?" Hermione pleaded.
Briefly Harry's face contorted to show nothing but purest fury, but he calmed down slightly when he saw that Malfoy looked almost as disgusted as him.
"Enough of this," Voldemort said. "Is this all of them?"
"My Lord, we found everyone," Malfoy said. He hesitated for a moment. "Well, except Weasley, but he's too much of an idiot to be any sort of threat."
With an uncharacteristic show of brilliant timing Ron suddenly arrived at the door of the throne room wielding an uzi in each hand.
"Hasta la vista, baby!" Ron bellowed. He pointed the two guns at the room and proceeded to empty the clip into the unsuspecting Death Eaters. Neville found he could not move, and could only close his eyes and pray that none of the bullets hit him or his friends.
There was a long period where the loud bang bang bang of the gun was quiet. Ron did an awful lot of cursing during this time as he struggled to reload two guns at once. But eventually he managed to get it right and gunned down the remaining Death Eaters who had been cowering in fear at what they perceived to be demonic weapons.
One poor Death Eater slumped against the wall, clutching his bloody chest. "Damn, I was only two days away from retirement."
Neville slowly opened his eyes. To his amazement, he was totally unharmed. Looking around he saw that all of his friends were also miraculously unscathed, though every single Death Eater appeared to have been minced.
"Aw drat," Malfoy muttered when he saw the devastation around them.
"What happened?" Neville asked. "How could we all possibly survive that?"
Hermione started jumping up and down and waving her hand in the air. For a moment Malfoy looked like he might smile again, but the sight of all his dead comrades changed his mind.
"Okay, Miss Granger," Snape said.
"It must have been Harry and Neville's wizarc powers," she said breathlessly. "They activated to help protect themselves and everyone they cared about."
"What's a wizarc?" Ron asked.
"Honestly, Ron!" Hermione said hotly. "It's a... well, I suppose it's a wizard thing."
"I'd totally forgotten we were wizarcs," Harry said. "It's nice that that finally came in handy. Up until now our powers seemed pretty irrelevant and useless."
"Voldemort and Pettigrew must have escaped," Snape said. "Their bodies aren't in the pile of blood and assorted human parts. There's a door. They must have gone through there. If we don't hurry they'll escape."
"It's a dead end," Malfoy said glumly. "That's the Dark Lord's personal chambers. No way in or out." He looked like he was about to cry.
"So, the powers only worked on those of us that Neville and Harry actually cared about?" Ron asked.
"Yes, Ron, that's right!" Hermione exclaimed with glee. "I'm so proud of you! That's the fastest you've ever caught on to something like this." Ron still looked a bit confused, but he shook it off.
"I guess that sort of explains why Ginny got riddled to bits. It's a shame. I was just starting to get used to having her about."
Neville suddenly gave a cry of anguish. How could he have failed to notice his beloved Ginny? Her body lay a few feet away from him. He dropped down to his knees and cradled her body to him.
"Oh, Ginny. You can't die!" Neville pleaded, feeling like completely denying reality was the way to go here. Somehow her perfect, beautiful, overly-freckled face was undamaged. Even more amazingly, her perfect, beautiful, wonderfully freckled cleavage was also totally undamaged.
"I'm so sorry, Ginny," Neville wept. "I should have thrown myself in front of you to save you. I wanted to tell you, I really don't mind having you about... I sort of like the attention." Lavender suddenly gave a rather loud false cough. "Okay, I never told you, but I love you, completely and utterly. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you following me around like deranged lunatic. Please wake up."
"She won't wake up man, she's taken thirty seven bullets in the stomach," Sirius slurred. Apparently he and Remus had found a supply of whiskey behind Voldemort's throne and were helping themselves.
"Can't we try that CPR thing on her, like you did with me?" Neville asked. Harry shook his head.
"Doesn't work for bullet wounds."
"THEN WHAT'S THE POINT OF IT?"
Neville took a moment to think. "What about you, Hermione? Can't you help Death get his rocks off again?"
"It won't work. Death said it would only work once," Hermione said. Neville pulled Ginny closer to him. How could this happen? It wasn't fair.
"Is there nothing we can try?" Neville pleaded. "Anything. Please. Any half-baked, utterly ridiculous ideas that might work?"
For a while no one seemed to be able to say anything. Then Lavender said something.
"I have an idea."
"What is it?" Neville asked. Lavender seemed to hesitate.
"Bearing in mind it's a totally half-baked, utterly ridiculous idea that's pretty much certain to fail."
"So are most of the plans we come up with. I don't care," Neville replied. "I'll try anything."
"Well, I read this book once. It was about a beautiful princess who died. And the handsome prince managed to resurrect her with the power of one perfect kiss that showed all his love for her."
"Oh, I've read that one!" Hermione squealed. "And then he bent her over the dead body of the evil knight that had slain her and took her roughly from behind!"
"Oh, wasn't it soooooooo romantic?" Lavender said.
"So, you're saying that I have to kiss her and the power of love will bring her back to life?" Neville asked.
"Neville," Ron began. "We live in a world where witches and wizards perform magic spells, ride around on broomsticks and have whole streets filled with wizarding goods hidden from Muggle view. We've managed to keep dragons, giants and trolls secret from the Muggles for centuries, despite the fact that dozens of Muggles go missing every week because of them. Our gold is protected by Goblins, and our coins are four times the size of any Muggle currency and totally impractical. We go to school in a castle which, despite being in the Scottish Highlands, is somehow warm all year round. You can deflect bullets with your mind, Lavender, Sirius and Remus can all transform into animals, and we regard a silly little boy who never washes as our saviour because he managed to fluke it past a Dark Lord when he was a baby. Hermione is the smartest witch of her age, and yet still can't seem to work a simple hair-straightening spell that they teach little four year old witches. Despite only having a dozen members of staff and eight people in each class, Hogwarts apparently has hundreds of students. We have Hagrid, three headed dogs, unicorns, magic potions of immortality, enchanted diaries that try to kill people, a magic clock that tells you were people are rather than the time, giant snakes living under our school, a secret island prison guarded by what are pretty much Ringwraiths, flying horses, boats that can be sailed underwater, several schools hidden across Europe, massive solid gold stadiums that seat ten thousand that Muggles still can't see, a bunch of terrorists dressed as members of the Klan, magical glass eyes that can see through walls and people's clothes (which we then give a pervy old man), cloaks of invisibility, mirrors that show us what our enemies are up to, crystal balls, basins that hold our thoughts and Trevor the toad, who somehow manages to constantly escape captivity no matter what we try. In fact, I'm nearly sure that's him sitting on the throne right now. Living in such a world, is the power of love bringing someone back from the dead really such a stretch of the imagination?"
Everyone looked totally taken aback by Ron's sudden outburst.
"Well, I guess I could give it a try," Neville said. "After all, I was sort of dead the first time she kissed me. Looks like I ought to return to favour."
Neville lowered his head to kiss Ginny, but pulled away suddenly when he felt everyone's eyes on him. He gave them a pointed look. They all turned away to give Neville a moment of privacy. Remus did so with a bit more protest than everyone else.
"What? I never get to see any action. At least Snape got to ride the rat when we were at school. I still don't even know what's supposed to go where!"
Hermione slapped him and he shut up.
"Well, it's now or never," Neville whispered. "I love you, Ginny."
Holding her in his arms he used one hand to prop her head up slightly. He gently lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers, as delicately as he could. She was still warm, and her lips tasted of strawberries, for some reason.
"Not like that!" Ron snapped. Neville jerked his head back suddenly, just in time for Ron to proclaim, "Let me show you a real kiss!"
He then grabbed Malfoy, who had no power as Ron suddenly grabbed him in his vice-grip and gave him as kiss he'd probably have nightmares about for years to come. Malfoy made the mistake of trying to open his mouth to scream, which gave Ron the opening he needed to insert the tongue. Neville managed somehow not to vomit, but Harry was not so lucky. Whilst he was trying to catch his breath after vomiting up what looked like everything he'd ever eaten Sirius tried to offer him the whiskey to help calm his nerves.
Once Ron's dramatic display of affection was over Malfoy curled up into a ball to cry, and the others all looked at Neville.
"Okay, here it goes, again," he said. He leant forward and kissed her again, being more forceful this time. Her lips were still unyielding and unresponsive, and Neville was about to pull back for air when suddenly two small hands clamped at the back of his head.
Suddenly Ginny's lips parted and Neville's own mouths was under assault as Ginny gave him the most mind blowing, unbelievable kiss any man had or probably ever would experience. In fact, he was certain he could hear the chorus of angels ringing in his ears (in fact it was just a bit of selective hearing kicking in, and he didn't hear Hermione telling Ron off for farting either).
Eventually air became a necessity and Ginny pulled back for air.
"I love you too, Neville," she gasped. Neville felt the tears suddenly start to flow. For one, he could never have imagined even a year ago that anyone, let alone himself, would care so much about Ginny's life. Love was funny like that.